~3 weeks Later~

I was finally laughing at the TV shows,walking out with Ameena and teaching at my school as a substitute for Mrs.Jane,my ex-teacher who was at present at a Maternal leave.

I had 4th grade student's to amuse me,to enrage me and then all together laugh at me or with me. I enjoyed this. I was eating,my health was finally restoring back,my physical well being was seen as my cheeks returned to their supple form and my eyes revived it's youth and glitz.

I would be teaching from morning to Noon,after Dhur I would leave and see Ameena at her house or have coffee or tea at cafés. By evening I would return home and spend most my time either in the kitchen or watching something with my Dad,mostly some disturbing news because nothing else would suite my state now.

By hour by hour I would fear the night,eventually the dark would set in and inside me,the cold flashes of disdain and pure dejection would rise up.

At nights I couldn't be at ease. I would twist and turn but I wouldn't sleep for my head would spin and thoughts of Burhan wouldn't leave my burning agony.

But I would fight these wars with Tahjjud and sometimes at relief and sometimes with discomfort I would slip into sleep.

I was miserable and cold when I returned home,I conquered hypothermia in the hospital and was admitted for three days. I was recklessly posing danger for days before at Firdous by sitting at the terrace and balcony.

I am still sinking in the engagement and trying to be content with I have but I'm a failure.

By Allah's grace,day by day this wound is healing and I'm restoring my emotions back of being happy and smiling.

Ameena is getting married,we are planning for her trousseau and D-Day nowadays over meeting at cafés. When she's ideal she comes to my house and we sit and plan everything over.
I told her everything but not in a way it happened,pressuring the parts which were the hardest as it was okay but it hurts. But words are just words and my reactions were out of the world. She doesn't take opportunity to welcome those thoughts again in my head my I sometimes wish she did,maybe if I'd talk of it,I'll escape from it.

Mum had to return from the vacation in two after mine,I needed her. The rest of the family was amazed by the courage I possessed and 'sacrifice' I made to leave the house happy and by solemnly bearing my sickness away from the celebrations. But that wasn't true,I didn't even knew I was Ill. It posed to be a great excused ,I was only admired for it.

I wasn't ready to speak to anyone yet so everyday I act to be sleeping or being on call with my staff to avoid them.
But today I felt bad for putting down their calls.
So I skyped Aabish,who has been trying to do the same for two weeks since he had returned to his place.

I sat down with my legs folded on the chair and anxiously waited for him to pick up,he was the only pleasant thing that happened throughout.

He immediately picked up and the screen now showcased him,his grey eyes popped in surprise and his finger on his lip. At once he exclaimed "oh it is you! Noooor!"

"Aabissshhhhh" I greeted loud.

"Did you die with your dead people Mahi!" He mumbled.

"I am sorry,I wasn't well. How are you? Is that your room? I want to see it" I said trying to peek at his room.

It is unbelievable that for so many years we have never have been close,now suddenly we are closer than ever,I've never been to his room. I've been to. Aunt's place but it has been years.

He stood from his chair and lifted a small picture of his childhood and slammed it to the screen,then he picked his lamp and did the same and with every object he had in the table he kept slamming it to the webcam.

"Stop it Aabish" no wonder I was laughing hysterically.

"What else do you want to see?" He asked. Then he smiled and sighed "how are you Noor?"

"I'm good,I missed you" I stated adoring this precious moment

"I'll call mum,she's being crazy,I'm tired of hearing your name at least a thousand and ten times a day. She's worried about you "oh mahnoor is so sick,she isn't even speaking to me and I know my sister's hiding something about her health from me blah blah blah" argghh! I'm done with discussing sick people over my breakfast. Tell her how healthy you are in a two paragraph long speech"
He so mumbled and called aunt.

"I should Mawra if she's not licking Douglas Booth's photograph,she'll see you too in a minute" he continued.

Mawra instantly came in with a call and exclaimed at seeing me. "Oh my lord Mahnoor!"

"You really don't have a single work,lazy fatso" Aabish grunted at her.

She told how I shouldn't have left because it was so fun in after party. Now I was partly sad and partly unaffected. I listened inattentively.

"Mahnoor!" Mehreen exclaimed looking through The screen at me "how are you?"

I greeted her,told her all lies I had to,congratulated her. She looked happy,happier than I've ever seen her and it was breaking my heart with ever smile she presented with he thought and love of Burhan.

I wanted to discontinue the call but Aunt came in,all conversations happened with me now flapping to leave inside.
Mehreen lastly said "The wedding will be the end of this year Inshaallah and I want all my sisters there when I pick my wedding dress,so you are coming with Aunt in September"

"Better obey her,my sister's every single wish these days is my command" Aabish said smiling and kissing Mehreen's cheek.

How happy they look...why can't I be a part of this blissful blessed relationship. I don't even have the guts to bless the couple,I have none.

"Oh yes! I'll show Mawra's collection of Douglas Booth's posters,she even collects his sweat in a bottle and drink each drop each day!" Aabish said in excited spirits as Mawra and Mehreen both pulled him away in disgust.

I was too gloomy again to recover to smile. "Bye Aabish take care" I said and signed out.

My breath started getting heavier and my chest pains returned. Will I ever be normal again? When will the time come when this would not affect me anymore?

I told myself over and over that I still had eights months. I started training myself to smile when I wanted to cry,I started to stock my emotions aside and rather laugh when I wanted to cry. All this went alright.

Ameena got married in three months,my biggest support now was away,she left for Paris for her honeymoon, she returned after 3weeks but now I couldn't have her to my needs.
She had her own life,she was now someone else's and I wasn't selfish enough to steal away my best friend's time for my condolences.

I was unaffected,reached almost my goal. I wasn't ever crying,I slept well. Burhan became history and the laughter was genuine now.

Eight months weren't that away. Before I had inhaled the freshness,the picture wounds to remind me of pain came presently in a face of September.

I didn't wanted to go but Aabish,he was going crazy,he wanted me to come to his place and buy Mehreen's dress.

"She's going to wear green top,red pants and yellow muffler and orange earrings if you won't consult her! Mawra would assist her then we know what's gonna happen Noor!" He shouted so loudly on the phone that I knew my right ear was damaged forever.

I resisted a lot! But I gave up. Aabish came all the way from his town to pick me up. He bought his Dad's car according to him,he took a huge risk for just me but he came to pick us all but he insisted he came just for me. Which was very sweet of him.

"He's the younger one" my Aunt asked in a loud whisper.
My replied positively.

"Ah! You told me about him,is he the one his dad keeps hiding" she asked again,I was uncomfortable. She is offending him,I don't want anybody to hurt him.

"Yes,it's me. Oh if he displays me to the public eye we would have huge crowds outside our house with proposals you know" Aabish said whispering to Aunt scrunching his nose.
I laughed,he's a sweetheart.

Once we were in my room,I offered him snacks.

"God! Love your cookies Noir!!" He mumbled with his mouth full.

"Aabishhh" I was too excited to see him.

"Your aunt is so weird,she's like he's so handsome. She has suspicion on Aunty that she's purposely hiding me from her so she cannot get her daughter married to me" he softly spoke. I laughed.

"Hurry up! Nor we gotta go! Mehreen hasn't yet picked her dress and she won't if she doesn't have you there"
He said dusting himself and stuffing his pockets with the rest of the cookie.

"So your here for Mehreen,I thought you were here for me" I spoke in grudge.

"Of course I came for you so that I can see your room and eat you cookies and you but mainly cookies"

I smiled. Can't be mad at this boy.

We went by car but my brother instead drove it. He sat with me and the way was long but my company was too pleasant to find boredom throughout.

We arrived at Aunt's late at night. We greeted,hugged and it so warm and welcoming there that I forgot why I was so worried about visiting.

The next day we had a fun breakfast which Aabish and Mawra had presented.

All bad things were named to Mawra and good dishes were claimed by Aabish,by noon we set off to a local bridal boutique.

Brother Bareek,Aunt and Enaya with Anya joined us there. Mehreen and us,all together critique the dresses harshly but then we went mute as we finalized four dresses. 2 ivory and one Pink and one mahogany.

We sat there and waited for Mehreen to make the final choice,I couldn't at times feel neutral,it was jealousy and disdain contaminating my heart with discontent of the decision that my lord has taken for us,I believed there was no good in it,there was no better future I could see. I was weary and looking up to Aunt and Enaya showering all the love and affection to Mehreen,it was making me fall of a cliff in my core, they were admiring Burhan's bride in her,I wanted to be Burhan's bride so badly.

Now I realized not a bit in me has healed,all sounds were fresh,the pain now came to the surface in the disguise of tears but I was lucky as said; I was named sad and emotional for sister than rather being tested on why? For I wanted again for everyone to know that the deepest sympathies for myself in me was because I was a rejected lover of Burhan.

She kept moving from the Ivory silver gown to the pink one,it wasn't a hard guess that the ivory dress of a grand regal couture but she couldn't fix herself to it,she seemed to peek at the tag and nervously shunned it.

The pink one was a plain,simplistic and flowy,nothing about it was 'bride'.

She said "this one"

Aabid said "we'll but the ivory one" and Aabish pulled out some tender change with a few crumple currency at her "I did a job this whole semester to gift your Wedding dress to you"
Aabish fanning the currency hugged Mehreen.

It was so adorable and precious, Aabid also insisted that he would like her sister to wear what she liked at a first sight than settle at her second option. Mehreen leaned at his shoulder, Mawra joined down and Aunt also couldn't contain herself and everybody had a little emotional moment.

We returned back with the dress. And now I had to prepare myself to bear the wedding......