I was moving along with Masirah. She gave me a brief look and walked ahead in a frown. She's mad because I hadn't talk to her at all but I talked to Aabish.

I entered and saw at the right a decorated car,must be of Burhan. I detested these coming back feelings of anger and loss. I told myself it's all done and now I have to be strong.

I headed inside and greeted Granna. I was informed by Aunt that Mehreen and Mom were with Aunt,who would come in about an hour. I wasn't waiting for anyone anyways.

I washed my face and sat in my mum's room as I did not wanted to talk out with Masirah or Mawra.

I stayed numb,I picked a book but was unable to read. I was anxious and nostalgic inside to shun it I ventures towards the second floor,on my way I met with the maid who approached me with her problem,she said "Miss Basheera gave me this Camera,she has ordered, I have to click pictures from the balcony when the bride comes in but I dont know how to operate this. There is another camera but they are using it downstairs, I can operate that one,this one seems complicated to me" she handed me the camera,it was Burhan's

"I myself don't know how to use this one,I'll give it to Tufayl. You go and help Aunt with something else and send Tufayl upstairs" I sent her down and walked up the stairs examining the camera's switch on feature,with a flash the camera was on. I sat at the end of the stairs and with a little effort figured out the workings. I went to the storage and opened the pictures. I saw a picture of Burhan. He was at the back lawn in the firdous. I moved forward,I saw a few more pictures of him,then after a couple of pictures I got stuck when I saw a picture of myself. I was standing at the balcony adoring the sunlight as I remember. I moved forward,another picture of me playing with Anya. I was perplexed. I pressed the button and here was another candid of myself talking to Abraam. When did he take all these?

Finally after a few of the kids and his own pictures with Granna and Aunt,my pictures returned. It was at the pond side. I pressed the button repeatedly. I was surprised,my hands shaking. One hundred and twenty eight pictures of myself alone. All shots,cropping the rest out of the group pictures and some of myself alone at the pond side.

I am sure as I recall that there was no one but Burhan who had the camera all night. I remember him clicking pictures very clearly but I was unaware that he was only clicking pictures of me. There were hundreds of more candids and one as I particularly remember it , was of the day I had picked his scribbled writing from the back lawn. He saw me but he didn't revealed himself?

My mind was in frenzy,what is all this? Why didn't he tell me....if he liked me? If he loved me?

I walked the isolated second floor's passage, this place isn't always open,nor is it used. I was in angst and in trauma,why didn't you tell me Burhan. I walked and walked till a soft moan seized my steps. It came from the left of the passage,that place is dark and solemn.

I breathed in and out. My heart beating in a brutal speed. I entered the darkness and the voice could be heard more clearly.

I saw a dull and vague shadow of a man standing at the balcony,half supported yet weak to be by himself. The full moon was out today and firdous's only light is the moon. The moon's silver lines casted the light over his face and it was Burhan. I stood still and then I walked in quick steps and threw his camera at him " what is all this Burhan!?" I yelled.

He was sobbing,his veins all shining blue under the moonlight,his eyes circled around with grief and sadness but I was losing my sane.

"Why didn't you tell me!!" I screamed.

"Mahnoor--Mah--" he sobbed.

"Why....why? Why...why Burhan? Why! Why! Why!" I yelled facing him,he couldn't stand.

"I love you Mahnoor,I can't do this.." He spoke between his breath.

I was so angry and so devastated to hear those words from him,the words I longed to hear that it was like a moving dragger in my heart,he was mutilating the wounds in me.

"I can't do this Mahnoor...I can't even tell them" he said.

He was falling down, I held him.

"It hurts Mahnoor" he spoke as his words half buried in his sob.

"It does " I said without the voice breaking from me.

"I don't want to go,I can't do this" he said again. I didn't knew if what I was felt could ever be more or equivalent to what he was feeling now. I saw him the most helpless and ruined.

I didn't knew what to say....

He was on the ground and he was crying,he couldn't get up,he was worse than I ever was.

"Why didn't you tell me...." It was all I said and all I felt,a regret more larger than the universe. It grieved me,no life's mistake could subside more than this.

"Mahnoor I really love you....I can never love her....I l.....lov....love.." He couldn't make it. He was only breaking more brutally and the harrowing scenario was withering me away.

"Please...please hold on Burhan, please stop" I stood up and wiped away his tears and I wanted to anyhow get him back to his feet. He was too naive,his hands were cold,his lips were trembling. I feared he would lose his concise.

I heard the sounds of the cars parking in,it was Mehreen's entrance with the loudest sounds of cheer and joy that shot him more incapable than before. My tears wouldn't stop,his helplessness and vain was killing me.

"Please please stop Burhan,please" I pleaded,

"But it won't make you love me" he spoke in exasperation.

"I do.....I do love you Burhan...I love you more than anything in this world! I said softly.

"You're lying!" He said bewildered.

"I'm not lying,I've been,I've been depressed of your marriage,I wasn't sick!" "I love you Burhan!" I said embracing him.

When I went closer to him,I could feel his heart beating so fast that it worried me. I grabbed him tighter, why is he so scared? So cared of losing me?

In his arms,I closed my eyes. "Shhh Burhan please" I kept pleading. Please breath normally Burhan. I was afraid of his state,what if something happens to him.

He held him tighter as his body begin to tremble. "Noo,please... Please Burhan shhh" I buried my head in his chest,please stop Burhan.

"I would die Burhan,please...stop. I love you" I kept repeating.

Finally his body recovered. I could hear his heart still beating fast but I moved away.

"Please don't cry,I'll get someone" I said,my head was spinning.

I heard footsteps approaching,my heart raced,I was frightened. Masirah came from the passage and I took a deep breath.

"Masirah,take care of Burhan. Please" I said as I headed downstairs. My head was yet heavy and I was dropping a few steps and holding on.

I would go through that all again and again but never would wish to see him so even for a single minute. I love him too intensely.

I managed a glass of water and swiftly walked upstairs,I saw only Masirah sitting there alone.

"Where is Burhan?" I questioned looking around.

"He went downstairs, he's alright Mahnoor" she said sniffing and wiping her tears away.

"Why are you crying Masirah?" I held her closer and hugged her tightly.

"Because it's all my fault! I should've told you Noor, Brother Burhan confined in me and I failed you both--" she confessed and bursted into tears again.

.......so everything,everything I was thinking was twisted. It was Masirah,my sister who Burhan had been trying to convince and it me,he was in love with me all the way along and I took it all in the negative light.

"Don't cry Masirah,it's all right. It was meant to be,we all were confused,we all were blinded but why didn't you tell me earlier,all these past months baby you should've told me" My words were filled with intense,if only even one of us acted firm and confessed we all wouldn't be suffering.

"Brother Burhan use to talk about you a lot to me,he asked of you likes and dislikes and all about what you do and think of. I was puzzled at first,why was brother so interested in you. I felt uncomfortable sometimes,I didn't tell you because I thought you would feel uncomfortable of him too. I held back,one day he asked if Baba has any proposal
for you in mind,I answered him about Said and said you didn't liked him. He didn't took a minute to tell me that he desired to marry you and if I could ask for your permission.... He wanted to ask you before asking Baba..."
She told me everything in disdain and loss of the rueful demise.

She held my hand and apologized,I couldn't believe so much had happened and I didn't knew a bit. She then resumed "I thought that I should tell you about his proposal but I didn't know why it lagged behind. One day brother called me and he was extremely anxious and worried,he desperately wanted me to ask your consent,it was the day before Mehreen's birthday. He told he had been trying to talk to you but you were avoiding him"

I was avoiding him,he called me,he came to me but I rejected him because I was in the false thought of him being in love with Mawra!

"Mahnoor I tried to come to you,Mawra had an affair with a village boy here,he wasn't a good man,he was cheating on her and that same day we saw his disgusting act break. I was guilty of already not telling you all about Mawra.I was scared you would angry,I helped her have a relationship with a complete stranger. thought I would somehow confess both about Brother Burhan and Mawra to you. So I came in the kitchen to tell you but Enaya interrupted us and I couldn't complete our talk,do you remember?" She said as she pressed my arms,of course I remember the way she said all that confirmed my misconceptions of Mawra and Burhan being together....how can everything go so wrong?

"Why didn't you tell me later on?" I asked.....

"To be honest,I never realized you were in love with brother Burhan,I thought you were in love with Aabish" she stated,I stumped my feet. Why?! Why!

"Why!! Aabish is....he is my brother!" I said growing angry, the loss was heavier than these few words can describe.

"You got sick after the engagement, I somewhere felt you were in lobe with brother but then I would see with Aabish,I didn't knew if you loved Abish or Brother Burhan. However that was clear to me later that you loved brother Burhan but I thought it was too late and too dangerous as he was engaged now and he got engaged to Mehreen,I thought he no longer loved you. Of I told you about his feelings and you would ask him and now that he was engaged he would deny,you would be devastated.... So I didn't told you" she explained,she cried but I walked away now.

I went to my room. I buried myself in the covers,I cried. Why is My lord testing me with these cruel situations!? I have never done a thing wrong,I have done everything in my power to stay true to him,why is my lord testing me so brutally!?

All these voices,these cheers,giggles and laughs here,I hate them,I hate to listen to these sounds! Why did everything go so perfectly wrong!?

I couldn't sleep,I saw the moon and it made cry harder,I hate myself for not trusting my instincts about Burhan,I should've have myself asked him. I shouldn't have doubted him,I'm the massive idiot here,my loss cannot be repaired now.

What should do now?

I know I cannot be a strong person here,I can't even be the weak one. I need to fix this even if it keeps falling down,pieces to pieces I will to repair the damage done,in my heart,in his heart.

The entire night in the dark I walked in a circle in the garden alone,my thoughts racing and I was thinking every possible thing to save myself. It was cold,it was deary but I've said I'm mad,I'll repeat I'm mad.

The morning rose in the sky,I'm the moonlight named after the moon's glow and Mehreen's the sunlight named after the sun's glow. Perhaps we were destined to be after each other,perhaps we were destined to be against each other.

After the morning breakfast,I called Masirah. I told her to do I said without asking any questions. She agreed easily. I then asked her to bring Burhan at the balcony at noon.

I sat in my room and Mehreen entered with all the girls, they sat beside,she smiled to me and I smiled to her hardly.

"Tell us everything" Mawra said. "Is Burhan sweet? Did he tell you he loves you?"

Mehreen was shy and that pierced my heart,why is she smiling and jovial. Have Burhan changed his mind about her?

"I'm not telling you all thing ! Please stop" Mehreen covered her face to hide her blush.

A monster rose in me,I shot in my heart of venom spread deeply.

"Okay,we won't ask anything but be quick and make me an Aunt before the summer. Don't stay this shy I the bedroom" Basheera's statement stabbed my heart,touch her..Burhan would touch her....? Love her?

I bolted in the passage and ran upstairs,my hair in the wind and my tears dropping in the air.

Burhan was there," I apologize Mah--"

"Marry me! Burhan marry me!" I said jumping in his arms.

This time he did not held me,instead he caught my arms and moved away.

"Mahnoor,I apologize for all that I said and after yesterday. I am heartily sorry --"

"Shut up! You are sorry! Sorry?just a single sorry? For this whole ear,every single night,every single hour and every single moment,every single tear and every thought that I should rather die than live without you,you say sorry? I should forgive you? So easily? That's it?" I slammed away.

He stood there ashamed and sighed "Mahnoor you should forget me"

"Tell me how do I do that!" I asked walking closer and standing right before him. "Tell me because I've tried everything, I've tried crying,I've tried being numb,I've tried stuffing thses scarves in my mouth to hold my moans that comes from the pain from being away from you! What do I do! What do the hell I do!!! How do I forget you!?" I reeked aloud.

His tears appeared "I'm ready to do anything you ask,I am the case for your pain,for your tears....punish if you want to"

"Marry me,marry me now" I said.

"You know I can't do that,I've already married" he said stroking away his tears.

"I will end my life if you don't,that's my last decision" I firmly stated.

"Suicide is a sin" he said looking at me bewildered.

"Well I believe I'm going to suffer hell anyways"

"Please don't do this Mahnoor,you know we can't do this" he softly said moving closer to me.

"I don't care,I either have you or I'll have death,take this as my last wish to live or my last decision to die" I said putting my hand on his chest,I feel bad. But I'm sorry Burhan,I'm too crazy to lose you,I would die if I don't get you and I have been losing you too many a times,I just can't do this anymore.

"I can't marry you,I cannot do this...we would never be happy" he said running his hand on my cheek.

"We aren't going to be happy anyways" I said losing all my strength on him now.

"I am not scared for myself,I am scared for you. They won't accept you. I don't care about anything it would do to me but you,you would stay at home,I can't let you suffer. Don't you think I haven't given this thought a chance?"
He said embracing me tighter.

"I don't care just marry me,I don't care about none. I will suffer everything with you by my side" I said burying myself in his warmth.

"I cannot,I cannot wrong Mehreen.I fear my Lord Mahnoor,he doesn't like the one's who wrong others,god forbids if he shuns us,we would be doomed for life here and hereafter" he said in his voice trembling with fright.

"Our lord doesn't forbids love, he would forbid us to be in lobe with someone else and desire them while we hold somebody else. I would convince Mehreen but you promise me that you marry me!"
I said and looked at him.

"But if she denies? " he questioned.

"She wouldn't, that's my responsibility to get everyone's permission ,you just marry me now" I said with my fingers crossing begin back.

"No!don't go around asking,everybody would get mad at you" he said worriedly. He loves me.....he loves me.....

"Please marry me Burhan" I said now tired.

"Now!!?" He exclaimed. I nodded.

"But what about Mehreen and mum and--"I interrupted his tense words with my finger sealing hip lips.

"I would take care of everything,just marry now for my assurance" I said timidly.

"You don't trust me?" He asked in a frown.

"Of course I do,but I need this to keep me sane. Just this one thing please" I assured him. But yes I do not trust him. I know the sympathies in his heart for Mehreen would win his love, even If I wait a few days. So the sooner I tie this knot would secure it's surety.

"Oh I don't know Mahnoor....what ab--"

"Please Burhan I do not wish to be more tested" I cried. He nodded and walked downstairs.

Will I do this? Will I marry him? I would. But would he marry me? I don't know......