Mum has bashed me so brutally that I don't think I would ever think about returning nor do I feel anybody wants to ever see me again. To be honest,I don't want them if they don't want me. I hate how they are humiliating us every single minute. This is not a sin but we are doing everything to call on repentance.

I see Burhan,sad and lost. He doesn't smile,he doesn't talk and he sighs more than he breathes. I feel so bad for him,if only we did confess earlier this wouldn't happen.

Uncle has called all of us in the study room. Uncle Umar and Mum sat on the right extreme corner,I entered white and scared, Burhan held my waist and tilted his head to me before he leaded my way inside. I was quickly grasping the air,it was enraged. I could feel everybody's questions even they were quite. Once in the room, all of them settled.

I looked at Mehreen,she looked the most angered and the most devastated but I cared less. Now like my emotions have dispersed in the air,I don't care at all!

Uncle asked me "Whatever happened was wrong,now you see all this is shameful for us. What do you decide?"

I captured my voice from dissolving in me "I wish to stay with Burhan and I don't have anything against anybody,I never did. I was just in love with Burhan I saw nothing else,it was impulsive but we have did it. We're sorry....please now reckon your final statement"

"You don't sorry at all" Mawra grunted.

"That's not your matter to speak" I thought to myself.

"Mehreen,what have you decided?" Uncle now turned towards her.

"I need time" she said passing her tears through everyone's sight.

"If you want I can take here away for some days" mum whispered to Uncle.

I'm not going anywhere. Not with her at least.

"I don't know what sins have ended up into this situation in front of us! Alas! How petty is one sister bringing down the household of another!" Aunt taunted.

"Mahnoor I don't understand, what grave impulse!?" Aafiah shot at me.

"I doing know how to manage the people outside,what would I tell them? My son has married two girls who are sisters and they don't understand polygamy! I don't know how I would tackle all these questions. Even though in our community if they do allow these marriages they ultimately shun you,they never see you as a good man!" Uncle murmured.

"What can we do,these two have brought down all the name and honour in an instance. No words I have to console you." Uncle umar said looking away.

My blood was boiling,my strength regained. I hated how they were shaming us. Like every other person out there was more important than us.

"I would rather have chosen to be dead than see it all" Uncle lastly stated.

"Perhaps would've been better! Your son's character was just an act,his actuality has stunned! We've been greatly fooled!" Mehreen's dad bitterly said.

"You don't love him" I heard Aabish stating this from aside in a low voice.

"If you did love him,you wouldn't marry to see him so" He whispered as I looked over at Burhan covering his face and sobbing with his hands holding his tearful visage.

"All of him is gone Noor,everyone is asha-" he was ruining my state but I stood up. My anger knew no bounds,they have stamped over us and now they need know they are the wrong ones!

All sights turned to me,I'm tired of being loathed day and night!
I despise this irrational behavior!

I screamed "what is wrong with everybody! Islam states :if you love someone, you are free to marry them without violating attached certain bands. We haven't done anything wrong! This stupid society is not bigger to me than my religion! You people are vicious! You loathe us for marrying before we sinned! Oh perhaps you would've loved us to sin first than loathe us for not marrying! Oh lord I'm tired! That man did nothing wrong,you call him in a corner and humiliate him and curse his existence. He has done nothing wrong. Fear the lord! He is better than half of you sitting wrapped in false righteousness. Nothing for was more right than we did,why degrade our love if it happened beforehand, why hate us for we married,why do you bring us here to insult us just because we have confessed! Was that our sin?! That we have confessed!Should we have it hidden and did it behind your backs?! You come for us because we came to you all"

I turned to Aabish,my rage was flowing with tears not decreasing it's value a bit. I looked at his Dad.

"You talk about fooling,you talk about his character! You only have this right for we have given you so! What about your son,he goes away unnoticed!? Why? He is a sinner! He is the real sinner! oh lord! He the one that's got away without a single stain on him! And you all loathe us! We should have taken lessons from your son on how to hide a sin. For if we haven't loved, we have sinned. So know that he has sinned too,he hadn't loved. Aabish you haven't loved too,you too have sinned. You shouldn't escape so easily,pay with us. Sinners to sinners,right?! He dated a man,Imran...oh suchlike sin and no meetings? No problem? No callings? And sir your wife asks for my hand for him! We were to fool? I guess so! Like Burhan has fooled your daughter, your wife came to fool my mum! But YOU ALL DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT HIM! YOU All FORGIVE HIM!! then why is our sin,if it is;is not forgiven? Why?" I cried and released it all.

The room was echoing with my cries as everybody was now silent. I feel defeated and now I don't want to fight no more,why are these people not realizing that we have done a mistake and we are humans and Burhan cannot take this....

Everybody left and Burhan hugged me. "I cannot do this anymore Burhan" I sobbed over his shoulders.

The evening fastened and now I felt numb again.

I went into Aunt's room,I was called there.

"You should not stay with him" Aafiah was suggesting Mehreen.

I sighed sitting in a room full of people who treat you like a villain.

"Why would she leave Burhan! You shouldn't Mehreen! Fight if you have to but don't leave him at the hands of evil" Mawra
Interjected gesturing over my new identity.

"No. Leave him Mehreen,it's a too much a pricey life to deal for. Leave him,take my advice. I'm through it,please leave him sister" Zara said slowly.

"What is my mistake Noor? Could've told me,I would have given him up for you...such a way?" Mehreen cried to me.

"Mehreen,I have repeated it too many times to make everyone understand that what happened was impulsive reaction. It was our fate,I don't hate you Mehreen...please don't accuse me so negatively" I left these words.

My mum was agitated to take me home now. I didn't wanted to leave. The next day I was hoping for Mehreen to leave but nothing was working to my favor, my lord never hears me!

The morning bought a new life for me. I was told that Mehreen decided not to leave and she had accepted Burhan,has given him and have forgiven,somewhere inside I knew she would do so. It was bad for me because I had not forgiven me,nor I wanted to share Burhan. How do you share a man? How o you share love? I didn't knew and I wanted to never discover this out.

Later in the day I saw Burhan when he came seeing off uncle Umar and Mehreen's family. My family was to leave in an hour by train. He sat and now still his face hasn't lightened from the gloom. I could say we were always to be grieved of what happened these past days,these sounds would never heal.

"I'm so sorry Mahnoor" he sighed putting his head on my shoulder.

"Don't be Burhan. Now all has passed,we should forward to our coming life" I stated otherwise.

"How would we? I don't know how live like this.....I wanted you" he said sadly.

"You have me" I gazed in his eyes.

"I wanted only you" he said breathing heavily.

Tears passages from both our eyes,we were now forced this life on and we have nowhere to go now, I screened down the coming blur vision from these tearful eyes,I wiped my tears but the blurriness did not go away. My head begin to spin and I felt a sudden ache in my lower region. I moaned in pain unable to breath from this heavy attack. I grabbed his collar in pain,he was baffled to see me. I screamed in his arms,my hands and legs stiffening. The pain was crucially pulling me apart. I knew what was happening but he didn't.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=

I opened my eyes in the hospital. Mum was sitting beside me with hands closed in hers. A smile flourished on my face but it quickly came over with a sudden shudder as I realized what I've done. I'm skeptical! Impulsive! But this was the worst of me! Now I grieve for the act I did! I killed my child!

There was silence around and I pretended to sleep in the armor. I was terribly guilty. I cried hiding from the staff while my mum was asleep. I shouldn't have! I was crazy!!

I took the tablet the day I came here,I was sweating and dying inside with pain and cramps all while now while they stuck up their opinions on my face. I feared all this and so I did not wanted my child to witness their partial grudges over.

When I was done crying,I repented. I hope my lord forgives me! But if I kept this child,they would rake us over the edge and accuse us of infidelity! They would assume and believe that I was pregnant and so have Burhan married me. I did not want anybody to point out our characters and call our tale false. Sorry baby but your mother bears a hard esteem and father's steel honor couldn't be kept as bait for people to catch our faults and expand their sulking views on our marriage. This needed to be done. I'm sorry.

I did it for Burhan,he is already too naive to bear another blow but now I'm frightened as he mustn't ever have known of it but amidst this drama I totally slipped the chance to see the doctor.

At last my mum left and the Doctor named Irene visited. She was thankfully alone. Now all know of this miscarriage but have anybody found out this as a abortion?

I asked her desperately "why did you tell my family about the miscarriage?"

"I haven't said what you seem to be hiding as we first consult mothers before informing the family. If you do not wish them to be told this is an abortion, we wouldn't" she said sympathetically.

I sighed a deep breath. Half of the family has left. I did not wanted my child to be least the point of pity for me to be handed Burhan as a charity. Now with half of the family this miscarriage is just a miscarriage,the whole melodrama is done now they can think what they want to in the luxury of their house away from my face.

I was discharged home. Burhan came to me and sat now even more sadly. He didn't say anything, the pain was too Mich for him. He didn't even looked at me.

I caught his hand and kissed him as his other hand covered his face and I saw him crying pithily.

"I'm sorry Mahnoor" he cried embracing me.

My tears too left me with guilty loathsome rise,
I hate myself Burhan but I am sorry I had to do this.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"I don't now,it was all to--"before I could say anything he again threw himself in my arms and weeping he said "I'm sorry Mahnoor,it is all my fault! That is why you wanted to come here! That is why you ran away from your home! I don't deserve you Mahnoor! I love you so much"

I felt bad but I felt a sudden pleasure in his words,after days he felt this close to me. After months have he embraced me strongly. I could feel the passion rising in his voice again,the passion that went dull with all these accusations placed on him these past days. I tightened my grip on him. Perhaps everything happens for a reason.