There's one truth in this life, that you will find someone you love, and they will break you into pieces. You will become what you hate. You will suffer. And they will act as though you've never existed. That is certain.

What isn't certain is how you will live your life.

Nothing is light and dark.

There is always gray between.

These are the thoughts that ran through her head whenever she thought of the young boy named Ben Solo. Staring out at the wasteland in front of her, she sighed, running her fingers through her auburn hair. Yes, she knew Ben Solo. She knew him quite well.

Her parents disappeared when she was very young. Strong with the force, and such a confused child, no one could leave her to fend for herself, and everyone knew her parents wouldn't leave her by choice. General Leia took her in, being the closest thing to family she had left.

She had known Ben since she was two, not that she could remember any of that. Her real memories of him started much later. On her tenth year, she was told by Leia that Luke wanted to train her to be a Jedi, and would train others strong in the force. This included Ben.

"Tasha!"

She was brought back to reality by a young man grabbing her arm. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Varin Vari! Next time I'll cut you with my saber."

The man had a small smile before it turned to a frown, letting go of her arm. "We need to go, the first order is coming."

"Oh c'mon, since when are you scared of them?" She joked lightly, trying not to show her own fear of the first order.

He was right to be scared.

Never before had we encountered so many storm troopers on one planet before. They were looking for something -- or someone. Tasha's hair flew behind her as she ran alongside Varin. "We need to destroy all the data in the base -- if they find any one if, it'll lead them straight to the resistance."

Varin nodded, halting his steps as he looked across the courtyard. He could hear the yells and scream of the innocents — those who chose to fight with the rebellion rather than the first order. He looked over st Tasha, a determined look on his face. "Go to the base." He held the data card out to her. "Destroy everything. Meet me at the flighter."

Tasha shook her head at him, but took the data card from his hands. She knew he wouldn't listen to her, no matter how hard she'd try. "If there's too many, you get out. I can't fly that thing by myself." She mumbled as began running towards the base. Even with it being covered by the trees, there was no doubt in her mind that the stormtroopers would find the base, if they hadn't already.

Tasha sighed in relief when she reached the bunker, her eyes scanning over the metal door for a moment. She reached her slim fingers forward, pressing the passcode into the scanner.

This has to work. If the first order gets any of the info, the entire resistance will fall.

Tasha slammed the door behind her, rushing down the empty hallway to the security room. She plugged the data card into the file database, waiting impatiently as it began loading the corrupt file. She allowed her fingers to run across the scar that was painted along her arm, a cold feeling washing upon her heart. Her eyes glanced towards the security footage, a horrified look on her face. She walked over to the pad, pressing buttons and bringing up a full screen image.

Varin and the other resistance fighters were being rounded up by the stormtroppers. No. How could they be so reckless?! She grabbed her radio. "Varin! You need to get out of there-- it's too late to help them!" She pleaded, finding him on the security camera. Her heart sank when she saw the stormtroopers surround him ."Take the ship and go, Tash. Get the hell out of here---" The signal cut out as he was knocked down by a trooper.

Before Tasha could react, her thoughts paused as she felt a cold air wash over her. Her eyes fell towards the door, hearing the searing of the base door being burnt through. Tasha rushed back over to the control panel, pressing in the pass code to corrupt all the data. If she was going to die, she wouldn't let any of the first order capture the information. It would die with her.

"You underestimate us."

The cold voice stopped her dead in her tracks, her finger ghosting the final button.  Her heart beat slowed as the air around her turned cold, slowly willing herself to turn and face the voice. Her face paled as she stared up at the dark mask, her hands shaking at her sides. He was a full room length away from her, yet she couldn't feel more suffocated than in that moment.

"So its true." The cold warped voice spoke, emotionless. "You're alive."

Tasha's eyes turned dark as anger rose into her chest, replacing the pain and anguish. "What, surprised you didn't actually kill me?" The sarcasm dripped from her lips like venom as she thought to the scar on her arm. She reached her finger back, and in a single moment pressed the button on the machine, corrupting all information in the facility. "You and your First Order aren't getting a damn thing from this facility."

He let out a mechanical chuckle, taking a step towards her. The sound made her uneasy, her hand moving down to her lightsaber that hung on her waist. "I didn't come for the facility." Another step towards her, causing Tasha to take a step back, her back flush against the wall. In a moment he was hovering over her, his dominant figure making her feel like the smallest, most vulnerable creature in the universe.

"I came here for you."

She spat at his face, grabbing her saber from her waist. Before she could ignite the weapon, her hand was crushed against the wall by his gloved hand.

"Resistance will get you nowhere, Tasha." Even through the mask she could hear his true voice, and it nearly killed her to hear it.

Her eyes bored into the mask. "You'll get nothing from me, Ren. I don't care what you do. Just kill me and get it over with."

Ren brought his other gloved hand towards her face, causing her to flinch. When the cold leather touched her face, she felt tears well up in her eyes. No. I won't let him see me cry. Tasha refused to look at him, keeping her eyes towards the ground. He didn't like that. He grabbed her chin harshly, forcing her to look into the mask. "I didn't say you had a choice."

He turned his head, looking at the security footage. She could feel his smirk as he saw the stormtroopers line up the rebels. He removed his hand from her face, grabbing her lightsaber from her as he walked towards the door. He stopped when she didn't follow, his voice void of any emotion. "Either you follow, or I'll make you follow."

With that, she knew she had no choice. Tasha stepped slowly behind him as they walked through the long corridor. She had imagined meeting him for years, but never did the occasion go like this. Usually any dreams lead to Ren murdering her, or worse. She shook her head at the thought, knowing fully well her thoughts were not her own anymore.

Once away from the facility, Ren's paced slowed to match Tasha's, walking in sync with her, causing her to glare over at him. "For someone as powerful as you are, it's pretty pathetic that you hide behind that mask." She mumbled, wanting to rile him up. Ren knew what she was doing, and yet her words caused his control to falter. He grabbed her wrist, yanking her back towards him. She yelped, attempting to pull her arm out of his grasp. "You know I can hear everything you think." She continued to glare up at him. "I can take whatever I want." His voice was like silk, but it was so cold, void of any emotion. Tasha wasn't sure if it terrified her more or less. With his free hand he grabbed the back of her neck. "You know that if I took this mask off nothing would change."

She allowed herself to look up at him, for the first time without glaring. Ren watched her, and for a moment he saw the pain in her eyes. He knew it was his fault, but this all needed to be done. Eventually she'd see he was doing the right thing, for both of them. Tasha looked away slowly, letting a tear fall down her face. "You're right. It would change nothing."

With that they continued their walk to the rebels. The silence cut through both of them, Ren would glance over at her but she wouldn't look at him, her eyes fixed ahead. He mentally slapped himself for caring.

When they reached the rebels, tears welled up in Tasha's eyes. She watched as the stormtroopers killed most of her companions, the rest already dead on the ground. She stopped dead in her tracked when she saw Varin being held down on the ground by two Stormtroopers. Ren watched her intently, reading her as easy as a book.

When Varin saw her, he struggled against the Troopers. "Tasha! I told you to get out-" One of the troopers punched him in the stomach, causing him to fall on the ground.

"Stop!" She pleaded, turning to face Ren. "You don't have to do this! I'll do whatever you say."

He pondered her for a moment, before letting the anger swell through his body. How dare she care for a man as low as him. Rebel scum, all of them. I'll make her see. Ren walked past her, towards Varin and signaled the troopers to lift him to his feet.

"Tell me where the rebel base is." His voice was cold, anger flooding through every word. Varin glared at the man, spitting st him. "I'm not scared of a boy behind a mask."

Ren grabbed his lightsaber from his waist, igniting the weapon as he held it to the rebels neck. "I won't ask again."

Stormtroopers held Tasha in place as she stared at the scene in front of her. Without any hesitation, Kylo Ren cut Varin down, slicing through his chest with his bright red lightsaber. Tasha sobbed, falling to the ground. She stared at the singed corpse of her friend. The only person like family she had left, gone. Just like everyone else. "How could you?" Her voice was barely audible as she stood to her feet, staring at the man in the mask. He put his lightsaber on his belt as he walked towards her. She didn't look away as he reached his hand towards her face. He ran his long fingers up to the side of her head.

"You're not going anywhere."

And with that, no matter how hard she fought against him, Tasha was consumed by darkness.

A/N: I started writing this after I saw the last Jedi in theatres and found it in my notes today so thought I'd post it. Y'all know how many fanfics I've started in my life 🤣