Levi woke up flinching in stiffness and pain. He used to joke that he was "getting old," but he had never really felt it until after his injury and being bed-bound for two weeks straight. Now he shifted around in bed, cracked out a few bones, and slowly sat up. He stretched his neck from side to side, but then he paused and looked down.

Eren was peacefully sleeping. With his eyes closed and face relaxed, he looked like the teen he still was.

A nineteen year old who had seen far too much of this world!

Levi realized, since reuniting, he and Eren had barely had any intimacy. Some reunion kisses, then last night in the shower came close, but nothing more. He had imagined their reunion and journey would be so different.

He stroked his fingers through Eren's long hair. The young man seems to like that, smiling in his sleep. It brought warmth to Levi's heart. He simply needed to touch Eren. His heart ached with thoughts of the reunion he had dreamed about through all those weeks in the Saint-Avold Hospital, visions of tenderness that got him through pain, surgeries, and nightmares.

Kissing Eren again had been his one reason to stay alive, to fight the raging infection that left him feverish and delirious, to put up with the pain of surgical recovery, his weapon against the phantom horrors that haunted him late at night.

Here he was, right in front of him... yet still so far away.

Eren's eyes began to flutter, blinded at first by the morning light casting the room in glowing pink. Small fingers combed his hair and sent shivers from his scalp to his whole spine.

Levi?

Maybe this was another hallucination, slowly going mad in that wine cellar as phantoms replayed the worst moments of his life over and over again to mentally torture him in ceaseless tyranny.

But no. If those were cold, dark horrors, then this was warm, bright, and comforting.

He looked through the blurry light and saw a silhouette sitting beside him.

Levi!

He was really here. Eren smiled in relief. This was no illusion, no nightmare. Levi was back!

Then he blinked a few times, the blur cleared up, and he saw one dark gray Jewish eye and one sky blue German eye. He saw the scar running down Levi's face, and then saw the hand with missing fingers. He flinched back hard and screamed.

Instantly, Eren was lost in memories.

The sickening pain of a gunshot wound to his shoulder.

The Fort Queuleu prison.

Listening helplessly to Levi's shrieks of agony.

Hearing his own screams as Levi's severed eyeball stared back at him.

Levi naked on the ground in a pool of blood.

"You'll be the death of me, takhshet."

"Eren!"

He pulled away from the ghosts, screaming over and over until his throat hurt. Hands reached out to him, but he smacked them away as he howled. He leaped out of the bed, determined to jump out the window and run away from all the monsters. Someone grabbed around him, yanking him back.

"We are on the second floor. You'll break your leg doing that."

Eren still thrashed around. "Lass mich los! Ich werde euch töten, ich töte euch alle." Let me go! I'll kill you, I'll kill you all.

"You cannot speak German, do you understand? For God's sake, don't make me knock you unconscious!"

Eren keeps pulling away from Levi, who kept a tight hold on him. Suddenly, Levi wrapped his hand around Eren's eyes.

"Listen to my voice. It's me. I'm right here with you. You need to calm down. Listen to my voice, Eren. Listen and calm down."

It worked. The shock of suddenly not being able to see banished all the shadowy ghosts wearing Gestapo uniforms. Instead, he heard that deep, soothing voice, and his body began to sink.

"There you go. Calm down. It's me. You're safe here. I swear, you're safe. We're the only two people in this room. It's just you and me, and I'm here to protect you."

Eren's voice trembled as he whispered, "Levi?"

"I'm right here. Whatever you're seeing, it isn't real. We're in a nice room in a safe church in the middle of a forest. It's just the two of us here. Look straight ahead." He slowly lowered his hand. "What do you see?"

Eren still faced the window he had tried to leap out of, and he kept his eyes forward. "Ich sehe... einen Kirchturm... und Bäume. Den Wald."

"Whatever the hell you just said, good. Keep looking out there. Take a deep breath. Smell the trees."

Eren inhaled slowly, the scent of pine and rain in the air. The arms around him loosened, but he felt calmer already.

Levi backed up and rubbed his cheek. In his thrashing, Eren had hit him across the face. Not hard, but it still stung. He figured it was payback for the times he had panicked early on in their relationship and lashed out with violence.

He walked over to the small table and picked up his eye patch. This might not be enough to make everything better, but Eren had said that it helped.

"I'm sorry," Eren whispered wearily from the window.

"I swear, if you react like that again, I will blindfold you first thing in the morning."

Eren walked over to the bed, sat down heavily, pulled his knees up, and covered his head with his arms, like he could take shelter from the missiles of past pain exploding around him. Levi sat beside him, rubbed his back, but he had no idea what to say. He was not used to comforting others. He tried to think about what Eren would do in this situation. He would probably come up with something adorable, something to make him laugh and break the dark spell.

His mother used to get him to laugh when Levi was sick, and it cheered him up. He focused back to those early childhood memories. What had she told him?

"So, there are two potatoes out for a walk," he said awkwardly. "One of them gets run over, and the other say, 'Oh purée!'" He smiled forcefully, hoping that might get Eren to laugh. Instead, Eren raised his head and looked over in confusion. "Get it? Oh purée! It means... I don't know... something like 'oh my goodness' or 'oh my God,' but purée can also mean mashed potatoes, and... and the potato gets run over. He's purée. 'Oh my goodness, he's mashed potatoes.'" He cringed as he realized, if he had to explain the translation, the pun could never work.

"Are... Are you trying to cheer me up with a joke?"

"Oh, shut up! I don't know any jokes in English."

Eren finally did break into a stiff but endearing laugh. He then reached down and rested his hand on top of Levi's. "You're adorable."

"Tais toi!"

"Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I'm okay."

"Like hell you are."

"I'm with you, so I know I'll be okay." He gave his hand a squeeze. "How about we eat and continue onward."

"Are you sure you're up for more traveling? We could stay here for a few days. At least they have showers."

Eren shook his head. "We're probably still close to the front lines. We should move west."

They dressed and left the room. Far down the hall, a man in dark robes was waiting. Eren's eyes narrowed. Had this man heard his outburst? Had he heard them speaking in English?

They were first led to the chapel, where others were giving their morning prayers. The monk told them where to go for food before leaving. Eren took the opportunity to pray, while Levi went through the motions of crossing himself, only to keep a sharp eye all around him.

They eventually left, and Levi managed to find a dining room. To his surprise, one of the church workers had a radio turned on and was playing the news. Levi took a seat nearby and listened in.

The Allies had crossed the Saar River into Germany just north of Saarbrücken. That much, he heard about just before leaving the hospital in Saint-Avold. The French 2nd Division had taken Strasbourg. Levi could not help but smile at that. He had been born in that city, after all. It was nice to know it was back in French hands.

Further south, French troops captured Belfort. Forces of US 1st Army, to the southeast of Aachen, advanced beyond Hürtgen Forest, although there was still fighting all through that area. There were also reports from London about more V-2 rockets hitting the city, including a crowded Woolworth's department store, causing one of the highest civilian casualty losses on British soil so far.

What also caught Levi's attention was that the Americans had entered Saint-Avold. He felt a leap of shock. He really had gotten out of there just in time. Not only that, but the news reported that there had hardly been any fighting at all, as the Germans fled the city under the cover of darkness. The radio spoke of the Germans as cowards, but Levi knew why they would retreat without a fight. That city was impossible to defend! Strategically, it was the right move to make.

He decided not to tell Eren about all these Allied victories and the Germans getting pushed steadily back. His emotions were already a powder keg. No need to light the fuse.

A nun came up to them, smiling serenely. Although Eren bristled, even he could see that she meant no harm. She spoke to Levi, who greeted her with overwhelming kindness. Such politeness coming from a normally surly man surprised Eren, until he realized that Levi was once again acting a part. Perhaps, after years as a spy, this came naturally to him when he knew he was in a strange place full of potential danger.

After he and the lady both bowed their heads in a farewell and blessing, Levi finished his drink.

"We need to prepare to go."

"Why?" Eren whispered. Was there danger coming?

"I'll tell you in the room."

All the anxiety and alertness spiked again. As they returned to their room, Eren's eyes shifted all around, glaring at everyone they passed. Finally, they reached their quarters, went in, and Levi shut the door behind him.

"Well, good news."

"Good?" Eren asked in shock. He really thought they were in immediate danger.

"That nun who came over to us, she's driving to Aboncourt this morning. It's only five kilometers away, but it'll put us back on a main road instead of wandering in the middle of a forest, and at least it's a ride that isn't on a wagon teeming with brats."

Levi walked over to his bag and pulled out a map.

"I also figured out where we are," he said, spreading the map out across the desk.

Eren went right up beside him. When Levi looked over, elated by the closeness, he saw Eren's eyes were somehow different: the eyes of a military officer. The coldness of those eyes disappointed him, so Levi decided to focus on the map.

"We went much further north than I thought we would. We're around here," he said, pointing to a forest barely twenty kilometers east of Maizières-lès-Metz. "Aboncourt is here," he said, tapping on the name on the map due north of them, "and Kœnigsmacker—"

"Is here," Eren cut in. "Between them is..." He used his finger to measure out the distance. "Seventeen or eighteen kilometers."

"Right," Levi muttered, still not liking that militant voice. "At this rate, we can reach Kœnigsmacker tonight if we push it, or tomorrow morning if we need to travel slowly."

Eren said nothing more. He stared at the map, numbed and blank. Levi glanced back at him and frowned.

"What is it?"

"From Kœnigsmacker," Eren whispered, gazing wistfully, "we'd be only twelve kilometers from Germany. Who holds the city?"

"Last I heard, the Allies do."

"It's dangerous," he said immediately.

"It'd be more dangerous if it was in German hands. They're more likely to shoot first, ask questions later."

"We could walk to Germany..."

"Are you insane?"

"I could protect you there. I can't do anything here."

"Protect me? Against the entire Nazi Party?"

"If we could reach Cuxhaven..."

"Cuxhaven? Isn't that your hometown on the North Sea? We're not heading into the heart of Germany." He grumbled as he added, "We barely escaped the Germans the last time."

"If we could reach my parents' house, we would be safe..."

"The same town that killed your mother for being just part Jewish?" Levi said, raising his voice. "Do you really think you could protect me there?"

Eren's thoughts came to a screeching halt. Levi was right. He had been thinking, if he could reach their estate, he could protect Levi better. No one there knew about his father. He could tell them he had been wounded and sent home. His family lived outside of town, and it was a small fishing village.

But the Gestapo knew about him. They would be watching his house. Although he felt useless to protect Levi here, there was also no reason to worry. Levi was French, and they were on French soil.

"You're worried about me. I get it," Levi said, his voice dropping to a soft tone. "How many times have I thought that the French Resistance could protect you, and you probably thought I was insane. But the difference is that, at least in Metz, I was in charge of those men, whereas you would have to become chancellor to protect me in Germany. As much as I would love for someone to overthrow that toothbrush-mustachioed dickhead, until that happens, I'm not setting foot inside your country."

"I understand," Eren whispered. "I'm sorry for saying anything."

"Your heart is in the right place. Your head has a long way to go. We should focus on packing. Don't keep the nice nun waiting."

* * *

Half an hour later, Levi sat up front with a nun in a simple car, nothing glamorous, just a way for the monks and nuns to get to the surrounding villages. Eren sat in the back with a basket of bread and cheese the abbey had put together for them. Levi spoke in French to the nun and learned that she was heading to check on a sick child in Aboncourt, about five kilometers away. She could take them only that far, but Levi figured at least it was something.

After arriving, the nun pointed out the main road north and let the two men off with blessings for their journey. Levi was overly polite, but his gentle smile fell as soon as the nun drove off.

Eren quietly teased, "I think that's the longest I've ever seen you smile. Your face muscles must hurt."

Levi did not want to admit, they did!

After Levi checked his compass to verify which way was north, they began their walk down the road. They spent the morning walking to the sounds of birds and the wind in the trees as it blew across vast farms.

After a couple of hours, Levi began to flinch in pain. Although he tried to hide it, Eren noticed right away.

"Let's stop," Eren blurted out.

"It's an hour until noon."

"I'm hungry now. This bread smells good."

Levi knew this was an excuse. Still, they were near a cluster of trees, and he had to relieve nature. Here was as good a place as any.

They stepped off the road and closer to the trees so they could run in there to hide if anyone suspicious came driving along. Levi went into the trees while Eren got started on the bread. Levi took a surprisingly long time, until Eren grew worried.

"Are you okay?" he shouted out toward the copse of trees.

"I'm fine," Levi snapped back. He sounded anything but fine, but Eren was worried about asking too much. Levi had taken a long time before. He surely was still healing from his ghastly internal injuries. Eren worried if pooping was painful for him.

Deep in the trees, Levi had his hand covering his mouth to hold back screams. There was the pain, but... there was more. Something worse than pain. The burn was only a trigger that reminded him. He gulped back vomit, refusing to throw up. Eren would surely hear it and get even more worried.

After a few minutes to compose himself, Levi stepped out, doing his best to look normal. Eren immediately saw Levi's face was paler, and there was a sheen of sweat. He grew fearful for him, but what could he do?

Levi sat on the ground, but he again flinched, pushed himself up, and tried again, easing his body down. Not sure what he could possibly do, Eren handed him a muffin. He kept a close eye on Levi, but neither said anything.

Eren placed his hand flat on the dirt, trying to think of something to say... anything! As he leaned heavily, suddenly his hand felt a tremble deep in the earth. He jolted, startled by the feel, and looked around.

Levi looked over sharply. "What is it?"

"Did you feel that? The earth shook."

Levi glanced around, but the road was completely empty. "Maybe there's a tank somewhere nearby"

"If it was a tank, I'd still feel it. This was... short. Like a bomb."

"I didn't hear any explosions."

"No... a big bomb. Big enough to be felt but not heard. Maybe the battle is surging west again."

"Or you're imagining things."

Eren's eyes darted at him with a narrow glare. "Are you saying I'm lying?"

"No, I'm saying that you might have felt nothing more than a mole digging around underground and your brain leaps to bombing attacks. War can do that to you, trust me."

Eren lifted his hand off the ground. "Perhaps. Still, I'd rather keep going." He leaped up to his feet.

"Already? I just sat down."

"We should go..."

"I need... to sit," he said sternly.

Eren was about to argue, but he stopped. Levi was recovering from multiple surgeries after all. He was pale, and who knew just how much pain he really was in after the cart rides yesterday. Eren sat back down and silently bit into his bread.

"If it's a bomb, it's far away," Levi said confidently. "We're a long way from the front."

"Do you know where it is now?"

He was about to mention the radio report, Allies crossing into Germany, but he held back the details. "In the abbey, the radio said that the fighting is further to the east."

"How far?"

"Far enough," Levi said, hoping to leave it at that.

Eren decided not to push for more information. Levi must be remaining vague on purpose, and with the war going poorly for Germany, maybe he really did not want to know.

Levi scooted closer to Eren as he saw the worries play out openly on his face. His hand landed on Eren's leg, only for the young man to yank back.

"It'll be okay."

Eren shot him a caustic glare. "That's easy for you to say when your side is winning."

Levi pulled his hand back and stared down at the ground. "When Germany invaded France, and every day your army marched forward like a relentless machine, Petra would tell me, 'It'll be okay.'"

"It wasn't though. Not for you." Eren looked aside and muttered, "Not for her."

That hurt Levi, and he was surprised Eren would aim his words so harshly. "She was trying to be optimistic, to keep our hopes alive."

"I don't want you to lie just so I feel better," Eren snapped, and he glared at Levi. "Don't lie like she did."

Outrage surged up in Levi, and briefly his fist drew up tightly. "If you were any other man, I would punch you."

"Go ahead," Eren whispered.

"Petra didn't lie. It was her hope, her wish, her prayer. Do you know what the last words she ever said to me were?"

"Live, no matter the price." He recalled Levi telling him this at some point.

"More than that. She told me, 'It's okay. Be strong. Live, no matter the price.' And then she told me, 'I love you.'"

Eren looked over at Levi, yet his eyes were lost in sadness.

Ambivalently, he went on, "She knew it wasn't okay, not for her. Yet to her, if she died so I would live, she was okay with that. She knew I would be broken by her death, so she told me to be strong. I wasn't strong, though." Levi smiled faintly at Eren. "Not until I met you."

Levi's hand reached over and rested on Eren's arm.

"If I can give some of that strength back to you, I would. I want to. So when I say it'll be okay if Germany loses this war, what I'm really saying is that, no matter what, I'll be here for you. We just need to be strong."

"And if Germany wins?"

"Then you better as hell protect me from that monster in Berlin."

Eren coughed out a laugh. Yes, if his side won, things would be far worse for both of them, yet there was still a tiny spark in his heart that did not want the German people to suffer the humiliation of yet another defeat.

Levi saw Eren's mood calm down. When Eren decided to walk back toward the road and light up another cigarette, Levi said nothing, enjoying the chance to rest all the aches in his body.

Then they heard the distant noise of a truck. Eren backed away from the road, the cigarette in his hand trembling. Levi sat up sharply and decided to pack up their gear, shoving it randomly into bags. As a farmer's truck rumbled up, Levi jogged up to the side of the road and waved to the truck.

"What are you doing?" Eren hissed.

"Seeing if we can get a ride."

"Levi!" he cried out softly, but just then the truck slowed down and pulled over toward them.

A grizzled man called out, and Levi spoke to him, asking if they could get a ride to the next town. The man told them to jump in the back. There was a massive rusty colored dog chained up between the barrels in the flatbed, but it looked sleepy, hardly menacing at all. Levi and Eren tossed their bags up onto the truck and sat on the back. The engine roared back to life; the dog briefly looked up, saw the newcomers, huffed, and went back to sleep.

They passed through rolling farmlands with forested hills, the occasional stream, and small dirt roads leading off, only to be hidden by trees. A soft drizzle started up briefly, only to pass just before it could be too annoying.

Sitting on the back, Levi reached over to Eren's hand, but he pulled away sharply. Levi looked over at him, then through the back window at the driver.

"He can't see us," Levi whispered, and he moved his hand to touch Eren's leg instead.

Eren swatted his hand away. "Someone could still see," he hissed.

"Who, the dog?"

"Someone on the road, or a car passing by. I'm not risking it."

Levi sighed heavily. Maybe Eren had a point. Still, this separation while still being close was driving him crazy.

Then they came to a major road veering off to the east, and the truck driver pulled over.

"Buding?"

"Nous allons vers le nord." We're going north.

"Oui, direction Buding." Yes, head toward Buding.

Levi turned around and saw a street sign with arrows. The farmer had said he was heading to Veckring. The sign pointed east to that town. Pointing north was Kœnigsmacker and Buding.

Levi waved to Eren. "Allons-y." Let's go.

Eren had learned that word, and he grabbed up their bags. The two of them jumped off the back, thanking the farmer and waving him farewell as he continued east.

The first few buildings of the commune of Buding were already visible ahead of them. They walked into town, past houses that looked worn and rough, like the exhausting war around them had aged everything. Not many people were out with the foul weather, and many who were either ignored them while flicking distrustful glances, or got up and went back inside before they got too close. This was a town that had learned not to trust strangers too easily.

The sign that had promised Kœnigsmacker coming up soon inspired them to press onward. The houses trickled away, and the rolling hills lined with dark trees returned. Their feet plodded onward, while their minds were numb with their own thoughts. The road ran mostly straight, hardly even any curves to make the journey interesting, only dirt roads presumably leading to farms veered off, and as the hours dragged on, they walked through a few more tiny communes.

The rain started up again, an icy drizzle driven in by the wind. They pulled their hats down low and turned their collars up as the gray mist hid the land.

Eren finally asked in a peevish tone, "Are we sure we're going the right way?"

Levi heard more than mere crankiness in his words. They stepped off the road and decided to rest behind a nearby copse of thick, tangled trees, trying to get some shelter from the rain. Levi did not mind sitting again, hissing in pain, and Eren pulled out the canteen for a drink. Then they looked at the map.

"We passed a town with a sign that said Elzange." Levi pointed to the name on the map. "We've been heading northwest, which means this is the road we should be on. Kœnigsmacker should be coming right up."

"What happens when we get there? Can we cross the river?"

"I don't know," Levi admitted. "I'd be surprised if the bridge still stands. Even if it does, it's likely a military checkpoint."

He snapped, "Then why are we heading there?"

"Because it's the crossing your man Armin recommended. He must have had his reasons."

"He recommended it months ago."

"Do you have a better plan?"

Eren didn't. He had no idea what the situation along the Moselle was like anymore. In Metz, they heard about all the fighting as the Allies tried desperately to cross the Moselle, creating bridgeheads. He trusted Armin to have had a reason for picking Kœnigsmacker in particular.

The memory of his friend sank heavily on his heart. A vision of those wide, innocent, blue eyes and excited smile on a round, youthful face returned to Eren as a warm, comforting memory. The vision was dashed away by a scene of Armin in the hospital, his head bandaged, his face pale and weak, still smiling, but with a hint of sadness. Then their last meeting in Saint-Avold, a final farewell between two war buddies who had shared a lifetime together in only a year.

He wondered if Armin made it out of France and back to Germany for surgery. He wondered if he could even make a full recovery after such a traumatic injury. He would have a heck of a scar to show off after the war. Perhaps it would make him look heroic for the ladies.

Suddenly, a hand rested on his. Eren panicked for a moment and jolted away, but the hand gripped his fingers tightly.

"We're alone here," Levi whispered.

Eren still looked all around him. If anyone saw, anyone at all...

But they were alone, not even the sound of birds or insects anymore, only the soft pattering of the rain dripping from leaves high above.

Levi softened his grip and rubbed Eren's knuckles. "You look sad. You're thinking about your friends." He watched as Eren's face drew up in pain. "They're strong and brave. I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Armin will," Eren said with certainty. If anyone could outsmart this war, it was Armin. "And Jean, he's a fighter. Connie, I worry about. If he had been in any other platoon, he would have been shot for insubordination. Reiner..." Eren laughed as he thought about his childhood friend from Napola. "Nothing will stop Reiner. He's like a bull: you could shoot him fifty times and he'll survive."

As for the rest, it was up to fate. You simply never knew who lived and who died in war. The strongest fighter could be taken down in a split second by a sniper's bullet, and the most incompetent could end up surviving from pure dumb luck.

Levi watched his face sinking away into memories, his jaw going slack, and his eyes glazing over. He had not meant to bring up Armin only to trigger some bad emotions. He squeezed Eren's hand sharply, jolting him out of it, and rested his head on Eren's shoulder. He felt the man's whole body stiffen.

Okay, maybe that was too much for now. Instead, he sat up and simply scooted closer. He reached up to Eren's face and caressed his cheek. His skin was so chilly.

"You're freezing," he said in worry.

"I'm wet and cold. What do you expect?"

Levi smirked flirtatiously. "I could warm you up."

Eren's mouth dropped in shock before turning away as his cheeks burned bright pink. How adorable! Levi gently stroked Eren's face, pulling it back over to him. He loved that boyish bashfulness.

"May I kiss you?"

Eren again looked around in paranoia.

"We're alone. No one can see."

Eren's face wavered, but then firmed up. "Okay."

Levi's fingers cradled his cheek, hoping to ease him out of any fears, but he felt Eren tense up even more at the touch. Levi leaned in and let his lips linger on Eren's mouth.

As he gently tugged on Eren's lower lip, he realized that Eren was not kissing him back. Not only that, he had stopped breathing, holding as still as stone. Levi pulled back, only to see Eren's eyes still open. Then Eren nodded curtly, like he had just obeyed an order, and turned aside. Levi's jaw dropped as he realized what had just happened.

"You can tell me no!"

Eren's throat was tight. "It's just a kiss."

"Eren..."

Eren yanked away, stomped over to the overstuffed pack, and yanked it up onto his shoulders. "We should get going."

Levi bolted up and grabbed his arm. "Wait."

"Don't touch me!" It came out half a snarl, half a terrified whisper.

"No. Not this time. Otherwise, you'll just run away."

"I'm not running away," he growled, sounding ready to break into tears. "I'm trying to prevent you from running away."

Levi cried out, "Why would I run away?"

A tear slipped down Eren's cheek. He breathed, "Because you should."

Levi shook his head stubbornly. "Not happening."

"When you're around me, you keep getting hurt. Everyone keeps getting hurt. Armin, Floch... I whipped you!" he shouted, and tears ran down his face as he added quietly, "I will never forgive myself for that. And shooting Abel. And standing there silently as they forced you into having sex. How could you still love me after all that?"

"Takhshet," he sighed. "You did it to keep me alive. How could I hate you for wanting me to live?"

Eren's face looked bitter. "Because I hate myself. It'd be easier if you hated me too."

Levi's mouth dropped as Eren turned and stomped away. A memory flashed through his mind.

* * *

"Levi, wait!"

"You shouldn't follow me around, little girl."

"I'm not a little girl. I turn twenty next week."

"You're a child."

"Then why did you kiss me?"

"It was a mistake, one I don't intend to repeat."

"Even if I want you to?"

"You're too young to know what you want. Now leave me alone."

* * *

"Levi, stop."

"Don't make me get a broom and sweep you away like a naughty cat."

"Why do you keep running away from me?"

"If you stay around me, you'll get hurt."

"I don't believe you. You'd never hurt anyone."

"Listen to me, Petra Ral, for I shall say this only once. I've hurt people. I've killed people. You're young, so full of joy and life. You don't want a man like me. Go home."

* * *

"Levi..."

"Why are you back?"

"Why are you trying to scare me away?"

"Because I scare myself. If you knew any better, you'd be scared of me too."

"Well, I'm not. You'll have to do worse than kill a man to make me scared of you."

"You are far too innocent and naive. Don't speak to me until you're older."

"Then come to my twentieth birthday party."

"No."

"I'll keep coming over here and inviting you every day."

"Stubborn girl! Fine. We'll see."

"Wonderful! I'll see you there."

"Wait a minute, I didn't say yes, you... you... dammit, she's gone. You silly child. You don't know what you're asking for."

* * *

He had not gone to her party. Instead, she came over to his broom shop later that evening and brought him some cake. She sat with him and lamented about how dull the whole party was. He ate the cake and gazed at her as she prattled on about how restrictive her parents were, using her birthday party as an excuse to host their business partners.

She glowed when she talked. Like an angel, she was full of light, and it blinded Levi to his own fears. They stayed late into the night, and she slowly began to melt his heart. When she tried to kiss him, he stopped her. Instead, he walked her home, only to have her father threaten him for getting too close to his daughter.

Despite her parents' disapproval, Petra was relentless. She came over the very next day, stayed with him for hours, and again tried to kiss him, only for Levi to turn away and insist on walking her home. After a week of this, she got sneaky and darted in to kiss him while he was laughing. It shocked him that she was so fast and sneaky, and he had to admit, he admired her bravery. Cursing himself for being weak to her brilliant charm, he finally gave her a kiss, only their second kiss since they had gone on a picnic earlier that autumn.

Through the last days of autumn and into winter, she stayed whole days at Levi's shop, arriving in the morning and not leaving until sunset, until it almost felt like they were living together. Sometimes, they simply talked, or she helped him out around the house, realizing he knew little about basic housekeeping. Sometimes, a kiss became more, and they lost themselves to gentle delights.

Gradually, he wanted more, but she warned that she was saving her virginity for marriage. How innocent of her! Levi knew he would never find a woman like her, so on New Year's Eve, he finally accepted her offer to come to her parents' party. At midnight, in front of half the town and important business partners, Levi proposed, and Petra excitedly accepted before her parents could say anything.

By June, they were married.

He ended up regretting that choice to this very day.

* * *

"You may hate yourself," Levi told Eren thoughtfully. "You may die hating yourself. But I will never hate you. You'll have to do worse than give me a few scars to make me hate you."

"Don't worry," Eren said quietly, looking out toward the rolling hills just past the trees. "I hate myself enough for the both of us."

"Eren..." He reached out to his shoulder again, but Eren stepped away.

"Don't!" he seethed, but the anger drained out into sadness. Eren shook his head, hung it in exhaustion, and stepped out of the protection of the trees, back out into the rain.

# # #

# #

#

Hey everyone, Rhov here.

I know I haven't posted anything in a while. I decided to take the chapter I was working on and split it in half. It got long anyway, so I don't mind splitting it up.

On Sept. 5th, my husband came home from work feeling sick, tested positive for Covid the next morning, and two days later I had it as well. It's the first time for both of us.

While my husband recovered in a few days, I went downhill rapidly. It got really scary at one point as my lungs tried to drown themselves in mucus, and I was coughing up—or more like throwing up—mouthfuls of phlegm out of my lungs.

Then there's the fatigue. I slept 16 hours a day for almost a solid week. Even now, standing in the kitchen long enough to make a cup of tea leaves me collapsed onto the couch panting like I ran a marathon.

I don't know how long this will last. No one knows. I'm on a new medication, so I'm hoping this helps.

I'm sorry for no new updates. I'm sorry people have been trying to message me, worried if I'm okay, only for silence. It must have worried you all.

Those who have reached out to me are so sweet. Thank you!

Please continue to be safe, and do all you can to stay healthy. If not for yourself, then for those around you. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Take care. Miss you all!

~ Rhov

* * *

News Stories from the Radio — These would be events that happened over the past day or two as reports from around the world filtered in. Being a French radio station, stories of French cities being liberated, like Strasbourg, might remain in the news cycle even longer, while news about the Eastern Front or Pacific Front—like the first B-29 bombing raid against Tokyo—might not even get a mention.

(To be fair, I found no stories from the Eastern Front between the 24th and 26th, besides Himmler ordering the destruction of the crematoria at Auschwitz-Birkenau Concentration Camp to hide evidence of mass killings, something the Allies would not know about for many months.)

(anti-tank "teeth," part of the Saar Offensive)

Friday, November 24, 1944

As part of the Saar Offensive, General Patton led the US 3rd Army to capture crossings over the Saar River, about 40km north of Saarbrücken, breaking the seemingly impenetrable Westwall (AKA the Siegfried Line).

To the south, the French 2nd Division (an element of US 7th Army) liberated Strasbourg.

https://youtu.be/z0PyujRcm-0

(French troops raising the Tricolour over Belfort Castle)

Saturday, November 25, 1944

French troops captured Belfort, France.

(Americans marching through Hürtgen Forest)

Forces of U.S. 1st Army, southeast of Aachen, advance beyond Hürtgen in part of the long and horrifying Battle of Hürtgen Forest. When terms like "forest of death," "meatgrinder," "bloodletting," "death factory," "horror," "tactical nightmare," and "hell in the forest" are used to describe a battle, you would think that it should be mentioned as often as the Battle of Normandy or Battle of the Bulge, which can take up whole chapters in an American history book. Yet because the Battle of Hürtgen Forest was a German defensive victory, it was almost completely unknown to Americans until it was included in Call of Duty World War II.

This battle has gone down in American history as the longest single battle the U.S. Army has ever fought (September16 to December16,1944) with the second highest casualty count in American history. 24,000dead and 9,000wounded are the low estimates; high estimates are 55,000 casualties out of the 120,000 U. soldiers who stepped into the "meatgrinder."

The battle was so costly that it has been described as an Allied "defeat of the first magnitude." Even British commanders were horrified at how poorly the whole thing was managed by generals who saw only a goal (bust into Germany) with no care for how suicidal the attack was. I read one article that pointed out "for every yard of ground gained, a man died."

The Germans, led by Generalfeldmarschall Walter Model, fiercely defended the forest because, unbeknown to the Allies, it was a staging ground for the upcoming Wacht am Rhein (known in English as Ardennes Offensive or Battle of the Bulge). The launch into the Ardennes on December 16th marked the end of the Battle of Hürtgen Forest and the start of the Battle of the Bulge.

(Woolworth's devastation)

A German V-2 rocket hits a crowded Woolworth's department store on New Cross High Street, east London, killing 168 civilians and injuring 123. Among the casualties were 33 children, including babies in prams. It was one of the worst losses of civilian life on British soil during the Second World War.

(US 1st Army enters Weisweiler)

Sunday, November 26, 1944

The US 1st Army captures Weisweiler to the west of Cologne. The US 8th Air Force attacks Hanover (nominally the Misburg oil plant), Hamm (nominally the marshalling yards) and Bielefeld (nominally the railway viaduct). The Americans claim to have destroyed 138 German fighters for the loss of 36 bombers and 7 fighters.

# # #

(bombs being stored at one of the tunnels at Fauld)

The Day the Earth Shook

When Eren says "Maybe a big bomb," what he felt was actually the RAF Fauld Explosion, one of the largest non-nuclear explosions in human history.

During the war, the Royal Air Force (RAF) kept their bombs, munitions, and weapons stored underground, often in abandoned mines, to hide them from German spy planes and protect them from the barrage of V-2 rockets hitting across the isles. The ammunition site at Hanbury, Staffordshire, England, contained 4,000tons of ordnance, 500 million rounds of rifle ammunition, and a variety of other weapons. Due to labor shortages, Italian prisoners-of-war and hastily trained locals worked at such sites alongside military personnel.

On 27 November 1944, an armorer was witnessed entering the mine. Bombs were constantly being taken out of store, primed for use, and replaced with the detonators still installed when unused. This was a delicate task, as these were live bombs. To prevent any sparks that might cause a catastrophic explosion, workers were supposed to use wooden tools; however, workers at the site had been scolded for breaking safety precautions, including using the same metal tools they used on the surface rather than changing to the safer tools. On that day, the armorer entered the mine carrying a brass chisel rather than a wooden batten.

At 11:11, it is believed that the armorer's brass chisel created a spark while removing a detonator and triggered a massive explosion, setting off 4,000 tons of bombs all at once.

Everything within a kilometer of the mine was obliterated as a mushroom cloud curled up into the sky. Debris rained down on villages located 10 km away, damaging houses and churches. The forty people in the mine were killed, either instantly in the blast or moments later as the mine caved in. Tremors were felt as far away as Geneva and Casablanca. A nearby water reservoir was obliterated, and 22.7 million liters (6 million gallons) of water poured down into the bomb dump, drowning another 27 men working in the offices on the surface.

As horrific as the Fauld Explosion was, it represented only 10% of the bombs located at the site. If they had all gone off, it would have caused a bigger explosion than the atomic bombs dropped on Japan!

The blast left a crater 307 meters wide and 30 meters deep. For Americans, that's wider than three football fields including the end-zones, and deeper than a 10 story building.

This massive hole is still there today, called the Hanbury Crater. The entire area is cordoned off because of the unexploded bombs still lying buried under debris. Dangerous to leave there but even more dangerous to dig up, the best the military could do was fence off the area and hope nothing triggers the rest of the bomb cache.

So, could Eren really have felt the RAF Fauld Explosion? Realistically, probably not. However, his hand was on the ground when it happened, and it's true that seismographs picked up the quaking as far away as Casablanca in Africa. If he was super sensitive, maybe he could have felt a faint vibration. Mostly, I added it because I went down a massive rabbit hole into the Fauld Explosion and wanted to write about it.