Sunday Drive
The following morning burst into existence as the sound of trucks, tanks, and singing filled the forest. Levi bolted up and looked around in paranoia. Eren was already awake, stomping out the last embers of the fire.
"Verdammt! I hope they didn't see the smoke."
"Americans or Germans?" Levi asked, his throat clenched.
"I can't hear the words, but it's not a march I know."
"The doctor told me, Americans are heading to Saint-Avold."
"Then why are they here?" Eren hissed, glaring into the dark dawn forest.
"They're probably heading to the Maginot Line. There are forts nearby: Bambesch, Ouvrage du Buchwald, Teting, Laudrefang ... they're probably heading to Bambesch. I think that's on the other end of these woods." He glanced at Eren, looking up and down at his Wehrmacht uniform. "We won't get far with you wearing swastikas all over you like a giant target sign for every sniper in a hundred kilometers."
Eren understood the danger. He immediately removed his hat, shoved it into a bag, and took off the uniform tunic. He began to shiver in the icy morning chill.
Levi brought his blanket over and wrapped it around Eren's shoulders. Eren looked over to thank him, only to gasp and pull away. He looked at Levi's face in horror.
"What?" Levi asked, and he reached up. "Do I have mud on me?"
Eren turned aside, breathing hard. He shook his head. "I must still be dreaming."
Levi felt around until he realized his eye patch was off. "Ah. You haven't seen it yet. It's okay to look, you know."
Gulping hard, Eren braced himself and turned back around to gaze at him.
With the eye patch off, what greeted him was not the hollow, gory abyss of an eye socket he had witnessed when he broke Levi out of Feste Göben. Instead, it was a blue eye.
"How?" he breathed.
"We need to pack up and get out of here. I'll explain on the road." Levi walked back over to where he had been sleeping, picked up his fallen eye patch, and pulled it back on.
"But you don't need that!"
"Actually, I do. Pack up. If the army is heading east, we'll head west. We'll stick to the woods for as long as we can."
They packed away what few things they brought out and trekked onward through the early morning mist. Their feet sounded suddenly loud to them, and to their right they sometimes heard the noise of the army on the move.
"I lost my entire eye," Levi explained as they hiked.
"I know," he whispered. Eren felt a surge in his stomach as he recalled Magath delivering Levi's severed eyeball to him in a pouch.
"When I was at the hospital, they managed to salvage what little they could and inserted a prosthetic. Do you know what that is?"
"Ein Glasauge?"
"Sure. Basically, it's just a giant ball shoved into the socket and covered with—I don't know the English word, but the doctor called it tissu oculaire. Basically, that pink part around your eye."
"Augengewebe," Eren muttered. "My father was a doctor, remember?" Then he scoffed and grumbled, "A Jewish doctor."
Levi decided not to make any comments about the animosity in Eren's voice. He hoped it was more an issue of being angry about his father lying to him, and not the fact that he was Jewish.
"Anyway, the glass part goes on top. It sort of fits in to protect the delicate skin." Levi paused in his walking and turned to Eren. He raised his eye patch. "Look again."
Eren did, looking down into his face. Indeed, the eye did not exactly match. The skin around the eye had less structure and shape. Not only that, as the sun began to spill into the forest, he realized that the colors did not match. The glass eye was pale blue, not Levi's stormy gray-blue. The glass eye also did not precisely match his gaze as he looked up at Eren, instead staying straight forward.
"The doctor took it off a dead man. A German, obviously. It doesn't fit exactly right, and the wound is still healing. That's why I need the eye patch, to keep out the dirt. Plus if we're traveling, there's more chance of the glass getting scratched. Considering I can't simply go get it polished, that would be bad. Even if it doesn't fit exactly, still, wearing a prosthetic protects the eye while it heals. Once I'm settled down somewhere, I could get one made properly, although that's a problem. Most glass eyes are made in Germany."
"Does it hurt?" Eren whispered, his lower lip trembling.
"I wouldn't say it's comfortable, but it's not painful."
Eren cupped both of Levi's cheeks in his hands. One had a scar running down it, with that eye that looked realistic, yet not quite right. It was less bloodshot, much lighter blue, like a summer sky rather than a winter storm. He leaned over and gently kissed Levi's brow, first over the good eye, then over the fake one. A single tear slipped down his cheek.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him."
"No one could have. Only God, and He didn't bother. Maybe there's a reason why."
Eren gulped hard and nodded. He had to trust in his faith. God meant for things to happen, even if humans never learned the reason why. Maybe the lesson was for someone else.
"Would you prefer if I didn't wear the eye patch?"
"If it's safer, then that's okay." He awkwardly admitted, "I'm not sure what I think about it yet."
"Same here, and I don't have to look at it all the time." He reached up, cupped Eren's cheek in return, and whispered in adoration, "I'd much rather look at you." Then he pinched the beard hairs and gave them a pull.
"Oww!"
"Except the beard. I hate the beard. Let's get to a town so I can buy you a razor."
* * *
They cut through the woods heading due west. When the noise from the army got louder, they pulled back deeper into the woods. Still, they knew they were eventually going to face leaving the trees. Although Eren had removed his cap and tunic, he still wore German military trousers and boots. It was a risk to be seen.
On their journey, Eren kept coughing. It sounded raspy, and Levi worried. After all, Eren had been in a cellar for weeks, and the nights were getting frigid. Was he sick? That was the last thing they needed. He hoped Eren just needed some warmer clothes and medicine he could buy in a store.
After a few kilometers, Levi raised his fist to call for a halt. He waved for Eren to get low. Up ahead, the forest was about to end, and he saw dust being kicked up from military trucks. Eren hid within a clump of bushes and a tangled copse of trees. Levi passed the backpack over to him, taking only a pouch of money.
"If I'm not back by midday, go ahead on your own."
"Levi, no!" he hissed.
Levi pressed a finger to Eren's lips, silencing him. Then he leaned over and kissed his forehead. "This area will be a battleground by tomorrow. Neither one of us should be here when that happens. If we ever get separated at any point in this journey, head to Luxembourg City. You better not get separated from me though, brat."
Eren looked out at the trees that had begun to thin. "Be safe. Do what you must to get back."
Levi had a cocky smirk. "You know I'd slit a thousand throats to make it back to you."
He turned and loped ahead, walking in a casual gait rather than the military stiffness he usually had. Eren was reminded again about how Levi had been a spy, able to blend in. He felt confident that he would be fine.
He suddenly broke into coughs again, and felt something break apart in his lungs. He hoarsely coughed it out and spit the gunk out onto the grass. It was black and thick, and he sneered. He had been coughing up globs like that for a week.
It wasn't blood, but he knew it wasn't good.
He began to tap his fingers on the dirt, drumming out some random song. He hated just sitting there. Bored and hungry from having skipped breakfast, Eren opened the backpack and dug around inside. He found some dried apples, pulled those out, and began to snack on them. At least they eased the boredom and restlessness.
* * *
They cut through the woods heading due west. When the noise from the army got louder, they pulled back deeper into the woods. Still, they knew they were eventually going to face leaving the trees. Although Eren had removed his cap and tunic, he still wore German military trousers and boots. It was a risk to be seen.
On their journey, Eren kept coughing. It sounded raspy, and Levi worried. After all, Eren had been in a cellar for weeks, and the nights were getting frigid. Was he sick? That was the last thing they needed. He hoped Eren just needed some warmer clothes and medicine he could buy in a store.
After a few kilometers, Levi raised his fist to call for a halt. He waved for Eren to get low. Up ahead, the forest was about to end, and he saw dust being kicked up from military trucks. Eren hid within a clump of bushes and a tangled copse of trees. Levi passed the backpack over to him, taking only a pouch of money.
"If I'm not back by midday, go ahead on your own."
"Levi, no!" he hissed.
Levi pressed a finger to Eren's lips, silencing him. Then he leaned over and kissed his forehead. "This area will be a battleground by tomorrow. Neither one of us should be here when that happens. If we ever get separated at any point in this journey, head to Luxembourg City. You better not get separated from me though, brat."
Eren looked out at the trees that had begun to thin. "Be safe. Do what you must to get back."
Levi had a cocky smirk. "You know I'd slit a thousand throats to make it back to you."
He turned and loped ahead, walking in a casual gait rather than the military stiffness he usually had. Eren was reminded again about how Levi had been a spy, able to blend in. He felt confident that he would be fine.
He suddenly broke into coughs again, and felt something break apart in his lungs. He hoarsely coughed it out and spit the gunk out onto the grass. It was black and thick, and he sneered. He had been coughing up globs like that for a week.
It wasn't blood, but he knew it wasn't good.
He began to tap his fingers on the dirt, drumming out some random song. He hated just sitting there. Bored and hungry from having skipped breakfast, Eren opened the backpack and dug around inside. He found some dried apples, pulled those out, and began to snack on them. At least they eased the boredom and restlessness.
* * *
Hours passed. As the sun got higher, Eren began to worry. He realized that Levi took the pocket watch, so he had no idea just how long he sat out there. Long enough for the army to fully march by, with only a few straggler trucks loaded with supplies heading up the wooded hill toward the fort.
Still, there was no sign of Levi.
Had something happened?
He firmed up his resolve and began to walk forward. Forget waiting for Levi in another city! He would go in there and fight anyone who dared to touch him.
He paused sharply as he caught a glimpse of his clothes. Even without the tunic with its Parteiadler and swastikas, the boots and trousers were clearly military issued. Armin had brought him his spare uniform during the prison breakout, but Levi was right. If Germans saw him like this, they would demand to see his identification, which he did not have. If Americans saw him, they would simply shoot him. If locals saw him, they would either shoot or alert authorities.
He gritted his teeth and forced himself back down into hiding. If there was trouble, him suddenly showing up would only make things worse.
Still...
A million nightmares swirled in his mind.
A million horrors.
Visions of blood and bombs and above it all, a stormy blue eye gazing down at him.
Eren squeezed his eyes shut and tore at his hair as he began to shake.
"Es ist nur ein Traum, es ist nicht Realität. Es ist nicht echt. Es ist nur eine Halluzination. Wach auf, das ist nur ein Traum, es ist nicht echt ... nicht echt." It's just a dream, it's not reality. It's not real. It's just a hallucination. Wake up, this is just a dream, it's not real ... not real.
"Eren?"
He gasped so sharply, he began to choke, feeling like he may have swallowed his tongue. Right in front of him was Levi, gazing down hesitantly.
After Levi left the village and began to hike up the hill into the woods, he heard a pathetic whimpering sound that would have passed as a wounded animal. Yet as he walked closer to where he left Eren, he realized the noise was getting louder. He saw the young man curled into a ball, like he was trying to hide away from monsters, whimpering and muttering something to himself, like a litany of protection.
He had stood there, watching, for many minutes, yet Eren seemed to be lost in the nightmare.
His poor, shattered takhshet!
Levi wanted to reach out and hug him, but he knew how dangerous a man can be when he was lost in dark memories like that. So he kept a few paces away, waiting, and when Eren's voice began to get louder, he finally called out to him.
The wide-eyed horror in Eren's face crushed Levi's heart.
How could he take away all the pain?
How could he invade all the nightmares and battle the demons for Eren?
Levi was used to leaping into fights and slashing his way out, but this was a battlefield he could not enter.
He could not fight, but he could support.
He approached slowly, watching for any sudden moves that might show Eren was not fully out of the nightmare. Instead, as he drew closer, Eren looked more and more heartbroken with each step. Levi stopped, not wanting to make things worse and not sure how to make it better.
He tossed a bag over. Eren flinched as the bag landed with a soft thump. He let out a barely-suppressed whine of terror. For a moment, all he could see was Magath's bag that had held Levi's eyeball.
No! That was in the past!
He looked up at Levi again, breathing hard with the lingering fear.
"This ... is for me? From you?"
"Open it."
"No!" he shrieked, only to slap his hands over his mouth, muffling himself as screams sounded like they wanted to burst out.
"Eren?"
He slammed his eyes shut and shook his head, making a noise now that sounded like he was about the throw up.
Levi was confused. What was wrong with him? Why was he so intensely scared of a bag? He walked over and opened the bag for Eren. The young man cringed and turned away, still smothering tiny, hurt noises.
"Look. It's clothing."
Eren's breaths came rapidly, punctuated by sickly noises of near-vomiting. He looked up at Levi first, then slowly down to the bag.
He saw a shirt, trousers, and socks. No blood, no body parts.
"Put them on. If you need help, let me know."
Levi stood up and turned away, too heartbroken to keep looking at Eren. It was hard not to blame himself for the young man's tormented state.
Eren pulled the shirt out of the bag. Focus! Focus on the clothes, on getting dressed. His orders were to put on these clothes.
Orders must be obeyed!
"Jawohl."
"Don't say that anymore. If at all possible, try not to speak German."
As Eren removed his boots and trousers, he silently thought about many things that had happened to him in just a month. First, learning that he was not Aryan, then leaving the military, removing his uniform, and now no longer being allowed to speak his language.
He was losing his entire identity, piece by piece, layers peeled away like an onion.
He feared what might lie at the center.
The eye stared down at him again, and Eren cringed with a shiver.
"Gute Soldaten folgen Befehlen." Good soldiers follow orders.
Levi heard the whisper and looked back around. "Do you need help?"
"NO!" Eren slammed his eyes shut tighter. "Maybe ... with the cast on, the sleeve will be hard."
Levi approached cautiously, but Eren seemed to have calmed down.
As Levi helped Eren to pull on the shirt, he explained, "We need to hurry back into town. There's a family who can give us a ride north. We'll pay them with the rabbit fur." He smiled and added, "I told you, everything is useful."
Eren smiled as well, although it was weak and exhausted. He tried to button up the shirt, but his broken arm struggled. Levi stood in front of him and buttoned the shirt for him. Eren's smile slowly grew warmer, flushing his cheeks.
He remembered that time when they were in Belgium, all alone ahead of the German Army, and Levi had undressed him with the same dexterous fingers.
Only, as he looked closer, he realized Levi could only use the index and thumb of his right hand. The warmth froze away into horror all over again. He turned his head away, but then he got a closer whiff of the fabric.
"It smells funny."
"I bought the shirt off a shopkeeper. He's a large man, and I figured his sleeves would be loose enough for your cast to fit through. I stole the trousers."
Eren looked at Levi in surprise. "You stole it?"
"When you're desperate, you do what you have to in order to survive. I couldn't find shoes, but if anyone happens to notice, we can tell them we took them off a dead soldier. It's not uncommon to loot bodies."
Eren's lip curled, and he asked, "Have you ever stolen things from a dead Wehrmacht soldier?"
Levi looked up at him and said coldly, "Where do you think I got the pocket watch?"
Eren sneered and turned away sharply. He stubbornly got the rest of the shirt himself.
Levi sighed. "These are the realities of survival."
Eren shouted, "Then maybe you should kill me and loot my body!"
"Eren!"
He flinched and struggled to calm himself. "Sorry," he whispered.
Levi scowled, but he could not blame the poor young man. He reached into his shopping bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
"I hate the smell, but I know they help you to relax. Use them sparingly, though. We can't afford to keep buying you cigarettes. Smoke one while we walk into town. I need you to be sane and calm for the next few hours."
Eren took the pack. He had run out of his cigarettes two weeks ago and suffered terrible withdrawals in the cellar. He knew that some of his anxiety was also from withdrawals, after briefly quitting by necessity in Maizières-lès-Metz and going through the same symptoms.
He pulled out a single cigarette, lit a match, and inhaled. Within seconds, it was like all the anxiety, depression, and brain fog was gone, and a soothing clarity poured in. Eren smiled at the sudden relief.
Levi, though, had a deep frown. He really did hate the smell, and he knew that, as an addict, Eren would have a rough time quitting. He had seen addicts his whole life, growing up in the slums of Paris with all sorts of drugs, from nicotine to heroin. He grew up hating addicts, but as he got older he pitied them. After all, they were just trying to escape a miserable life, and once hooked, they suffered, sometimes for the rest of their lives. It made them even more miserable, which made them want to escape even more, and the cycle was vicious.
"Let's go," he said, and he stomped across the leaf-carpeted ground.
Eren followed, already feeling better. "Thank you for this."
Levi pouted, not feeling proud about getting Eren his drug, but right then, he needed Eren to be sane. First they needed to survive, then they could worry about lifelong health problems.
"So here's the plan," he said as they walked along the road toward a gathering of houses. "It's Sunday, and there's a family of six heading to Boulay-Moselle for church."
"Where?"
"It's eleven kilometers north."
"That far just for a church? There's one in town, I can see it."
"They said they were going to Église protestante réformée. They're Protestants."
"Protestanten? Ah, in France, most are Catholics, ja?"
"Exactly. Apparently they have family in this church. We're heading more or less in that direction anyway, and they said we could hitch a ride on their wagon. The further away we can get from the battle coming up, the better."
"So, we've got a ride? That's good!"
"There's a catch. We have to sit with them through the service."
Eren hummed and nodded. "I haven't been to a church in ages. It might help me."
Levi glanced over to him. Maybe Eren was right. It was why Levi did not turn down the family, and why he tried to pretend that they would love to go to their church. He had forgotten that Eren was a Lutheran. Maybe what his shattered soul needed was some spiritual balm.
They reached the town, but first Levi took Eren to a barber. No one in this small town sold shaving equipment, and they had told him, for something that special, he would have to go into the city ... which meant Saint-Avold. This was a splurge, but Eren needed to look presentable if they were going to church. He watched with a tiny smile as the beard came off.
"Vous voulez une coupe?"
"He's asking if you want your haircut as well."
Eren looked in the barber's mirror at the long strands. He knew that long hair for men was frowned upon in Germany, but he also liked how it changed his appearance.
"What do you think?"
Levi shrugged and admitted, "I like it." He could barely wait for Eren to be comfortable enough to let him play with that long hair. "It also changes your appearance."
"Exactly," Eren said with a nod. This was now his disguise, a part he had to play. "Are we done then?"
Levi thanked the barber and paid him. Then they walked through the town to a house. They saw children already out by a wagon, playing around. They ran up to Levi when he approached.
"Monsieur Cache-Oeil!" Mister Eye-patch!
Levi nodded silently to the children, but Eren caught sight of the corners of his lips tweaking upward. He looked at the children, then at Levi patting their heads.
Did Levi like kids? Eren was painfully reminded, he would never be able to give Levi children like this. A life with him was a life without marriage or a family.
Levi whispered, "Don't talk. I told them you lost most of your hearing in a bombing raid." He glanced up at Eren. "It's not really a lie. It also means, if you don't understand them, just point to your ear. I'll do the talking."
Eren nodded firmly. Levi had been a spy, and he was accustomed to playing a role to gain trust. Now Eren had to learn this skill.
He watched as Levi went up to the husband of this large family and greeted the wife politely. With what little French Eren had learned in his months of study, he worked out that they had waited around but really needed to go. The wife tried to talk to Eren, but the most he could do was smile politely, while Levi jumped in to remind her that Eren was mostly deaf.
They loaded onto the wagon. The children jumped around, dressed nicely for church. Eren sat on the back edge of the wagon and looked down at his new clothes.
Not really church attire. He didn't even have a hat!
Suddenly, something plopped on his head. He reached up to it and pulled down a flat cap.
"I've been calling you. You really are deaf," Levi whispered.
Eren turned his good ear over. "What?"
Levi huffed, "I'm sitting on the wrong side." He crawled over Eren to sit on his right-hand side. "Scoot over." Eren shifted and made room. "At the very least, you need a hat. This is the farmer's. He said we could keep it. It belonged to his brother who died in the war."
Eren's face tensed up. It was likely Germans who killed this man's brother, and now he was wearing his hat. "Is he sure? If it's his brother's..."
"I got the impression that he wanted to get rid of the bad reminder, but also wanted it to go to someone in need." Levi glanced back at the father. "They seem like good people."
He and Eren stayed quiet through the ride, being rocked along down muddy roads. It took a little over an hour to reach Boulay-Moselle, and the wagon pulled up to a church with a tall, majestic steeple topped with a cross.
Eren hopped off the wagon, but Levi moved slower, gritting in pain. Eren stepped up close and gave him a hand.
He leaned into Levi's ear. "Are you okay?"
Levi sneered, "I'll be fine."
Eren bit his lip. He thought the ride was pleasant. Had this been painful for Levi? Just how much was he still healing from his injuries?
Levi took a deep breath to shove down his pain. He looked up at the stone church. "The ride cut a few hours off our walk, but now we have to sit through a sermon."
Eren's face was brighter as he looked at the church. "It might be nice to rest. I won't understand a word they're saying, though."
They followed the family, who enthusiastically introduced them to some friends and family. Levi managed to be polite, while Eren held back. When someone tried to speak to him, he took Levi's suggestion and pointed to his ear.
"Pardon," he said, trying to mimic a French accent. He was sure it was terrible, but no one seemed to mind.
Glancing around, he saw others wounded from the war: a teenager on crutches with his leg removed at the knee, a woman with burn scars, men with faces harrowed by whatever Hell they had experienced. All were here for some solace. Eren did not understand their language, but he knew the feeling.
Finally, everyone took their seats. They started with a song played on an organ, with the whole congregation singing. Eren did not know it, but he moved his lips along, glancing around. Music brought smiles even to the faces of those who had looked the most traumatized.
That was the power of music!
Then came the sermon. Levi and Eren sat upright. Levi at least seemed to be listening with some interest. Eren lowered his gaze.
He had enjoyed slipping into the Metz Cathedral whenever he had free time, just to look at the stained glass windows. He wondered if they survived the American bombardment. He had gone to a service at Neue evangelische Kirche with his platoon a few times. He remembered someone—was it Holger?—telling him that Metz had a Lutheran church, but he never bothered to find it.
Ironically, he had lost touch with his Christian side while fighting for a Christian movement like the Nazis. Not just lost touch ... he had been told to put that religious side away, to ditch the church and seek salvation in Hitler.
How sickening!
He closed his eyes and said a prayer. He prayed for each man he lost. He carved their names into his soul, to carry on their memory, even if he no longer believed in their cause. They were still young men with hopes for a bright future, dreams of starting families, barely out of a childhood that had been filled with the screams of a hateful but popular politician.
He prayed for the families they left behind: parents, siblings, spouses, children.
He prayed for those who died heroes, men like Floch who just wanted to make sure Eren survived, no matter the price.
Live, no matter the price.
Still, that price was becoming too high.
There were times when he felt like he was drowning in the blood spilled by everyone who tried to protect him. The first was the blood of his mother, screaming to the very end for Hannes to protect him. "He at least is Aryan!"
That was a lie. Did his mother know?
Then the blood of men who followed him into battle. Anzio, Maizières-lès-Metz, the men who came to rescue him from the Gestapo.
A sea of blood!
And Levi's blood was in that pool as well.
Hardly thinking, Eren reached over and squeezed Levi's hand.
Levi glanced over, shocked by the touch, but he saw pain in Eren's closed eyes. A single tear tumbled down his cheek. Levi held his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Perhaps agreeing to attend church with this family was a good idea.
As the church stood and prayed again, Eren rose, clasped his hands—as well as he could with the cast—and prayed, hoping the souls of the men who followed him into battle found peace, hoping the lives of those still left would be peaceful soon, and praying that this war would end swiftly for everyone's sake.
Finally, the service was done. People began to mingle, talking, hugging, and laughing. The family they came with brought Levi and Eren over to another family. Eren watched the exchanges, catching a few words here and there. He frowned, trying to make sense of the language.
He really wished he could have mastered French, just so he could be useful to Levi now.
Levi soon shifted over to this new family, speaking politely to them. There was a handshake, and then Levi turned to Eren. He waved him down, cupped his hands around Eren's ear, and whispered in English.
"This family is heading north to Charleville-sous-Bois. They'll give us a ride."
Eren nodded in understanding, looked at the family with an army of children from teens down to toddlers, and bowed his head. "Merci."
They stepped outside, only to see that a picnic was being set up in the park surrounding the church. Although it meant standing around with a bunch of people they did not know, it was free food for Eren and Levi. They thanked the families who had brought little dishes: many types of cheeses, sausages, fresh bread, jams, endives, potato dishes, carrots that had been simmered in honey, and some creamy bean dip that made Eren's eyes go wide, like all the hunger of the past few weeks surged up all at once.
Levi was worried that Eren's voracious appetite might be seen as rude, but far from it. These people saw his gaunt features, Levi's eye patch, and rumors spread that these two were survivors of a massacre—he had no idea how his story changed so much—so the families were more than happy to help.
Then a teen girl came up to Eren, smiling bashfully, and offered him her handkerchief. He used it to wipe some food off his face and tried to hand it back, but she shook her head.
Levi whispered in his ear, "She says, please take it. Be charming."
Eren was stunned at the order, but he supposed Levi knew how to play up this role they were in. Eren gave the girl his most charming smile.
"Merci beaucoup."
The poor girl looked ready to faint and ran away with her face bright red. Instantly, a dozen more young ladies raced up, each offering Eren things. Some encouraged him to try their baked desserts, some gave him pouches of money, one draped her scarf around his neck, another threw her own scarf around him, insisting it was warmer.
Eren looked back to Levi in a panic, but he nodded firmly.
Yes, play up the role of the charming young man, perhaps even a hero. They needed as much charity as they could get.
He called out to them, "Il m'a sauvé la vie." He saved my life.
Now it was not just squealing girls. Grown men came up. One offered Eren a folding pocket knife. Someone else offered to take his flask full of alcohol, insisting he keep it. One offered Eren a cigarette, and when he accepted it, men began to come up, offering him more, until someone handed over a wooden box that Eren could collect the cigarettes in.
One man, realizing Eren did not have a coat, pulled off his own and helped Eren to pull it on, He could not get his cast through, so a woman came up, smiling and chatting non-stop as she used her broach to pin the coat to his shirt so he could drape it around the cast.
Levi sneakily began to take the items out of Eren's hands and slip them into their bag. Yes, it was charity, but if they saw his arms were full, they might stop being so generous. He was quite surprised at the hospitality.
Then again, these were Reformed Protestants living in France. They must be used to being rejected by society. While not treated quite as badly as Jews, there was still a dark and bloody history between Huguenots and Catholics. People still recalled the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre. These men and women were descendants of the survivors from those dark times.
At last, it was time to go. The family heading to Charleville-sous-Bois pulled out their horses and wagon, the kids filled the back, and Eren and Levi climbed on.
One boy with a missing front tooth leaned up close to Eren, spooking him.
"Qu'est-il arrivé à votre bras?" What happened to your arm?
Levi leaped to Eren's aid. "Il est sourd et muet." He's deaf and mute.
"Vous lui parliez plus tôt." You were talking to him earlier.
An older sister nodded. "Il a dit 'merci' à Maria." He said 'thank you' to Maria.
Levi snapped, "Hé, les enfants, ne le dérangez pas." Hey, kids, don't bother him.
Eren hunched his shoulders, wishing he could pull away from this group. The children lost interest and began to sing a song together while playing a clapping game. Eren still felt like they were all watching, waiting. At any minute, someone from that church would realize he was German, and police would leap out of the bushes.
Levi wanted to reassure Eren, but now he could not speak to him without drawing attention. He could not pat his hand or console him in any way, or one of these children would see and question it.
While it was nice to have many hours cut off from their journey, it was also a risk.
The children lost interest in their game, and the boy with a missing tooth returned, only this time he leaned uncomfortably close into Levi's face.
"What happened to your eye?"
Now, the oldest sister made a move and pulled him back. "Stop being nosy."
The boy's curiosity did not stop. "Did you lose it in the war? Have you seen battles? I bet you've seen a lot. You have a lot of ugly scars."
"Étienne!" The oldest sister slapped him over the head. "That's rude!"
"Don't hit me, Celina." The boy pointed to Eren's holster. "He has a gun. Are you two old soldiers?"
Levi looked around at the group of children, each curious even if not quite so open about it. He hesitated, not sure which way politically this family fell. This far east, there was surely many pro-German families.
"Yes, we've seen battles. It's how he lost his hearing."
"And you?"
Cautiously, Levi chose his words. "I had friends who were in the Resistance."
The children all began to squeal in excitement and crowd around them.
"Do you also fight for France?"
"Are you with the Free France Forces?"
Levi surmises that they are anti-Nazi. That was good for him, bad for Eren. "I believe France should be free. All people deserve to have the right to their own culture, to speak their own language..." He looked around at the children. "...to worship in their own way."
One of the middle children looked sad. "The kids at school tease me for being Protestant."
The oldest boy, a young teen, added, "I was fired from my first job when they found out I wasn't Catholic. They said Protestants were all Nazi supporters. Yet look at England. They're not Catholic. Look at Italy. They are! It's not fair."
Celina agreed, "France wasn't letting us be free before all of this. Will they in the future?"
Levi felt conflicted by the question. "I don't know. I hope so."
One of the young girls asked, "Are you Protestant, mister?"
Celina scolded in a sharp whisper, "You shouldn't ask!"
Levi thumbed over to Eren. "He is. I'm ... not either one."
"Not Protestant but not Catholic?"
Étienne cried out in joy, "Are you a Jew?"
Celina grabbed the boy around the mouth. "Don't ever say that."
Étienne squirmed out of her hold. "Why not? We helped that other Jew."
"And if the wrong people find out, Mother and Father could be taken away." She looked terrified as she turned her eyes to Levi. "Please forget what he said."
Levi pitied that this girl was old enough to understand the dangers. What an awful childhood she was having! "If you did help a Jew, then on behalf of my people, I thank you." He shot a glare at the boy. "But you, brat! Never say anything to get your family into trouble."
"But why? What Mama and Papa did was brave."
"It was," he agreed, glad there were still such people in this world teaching the next generation to be helpful. "But you need to wait until after the war. Once all the bad guys are gone, brag about it. Tell everyone." He looked around at all the children. "You should all be proud of them."
Celina struggled to hold back a smile and tears. "We are."
Étienne blurted out, "Can you say something in Jewish?"
"Étienne!"
"I'll teach you all a word. Mishpacha. It means family, and you have quite the large family!"
"Mish ... pah ... khkhkhaaaah."
The rest of the ride involved the children trying to pronounce the ח Het sound while joking around. At last, they pulled the wagon off the main road and down a bumpy path. Levi flinched hard as the wagon bumps pained his rear, but he held back even a small moan that might bring that nosy boy back over to ask him what was wrong.
The wagon pulled up to a farmhouse, and the children began to pile out, the older ones rushing to the horses to get them put away, the younger ones racing out to the dogs barking excitedly at their return. Eren and Levi slid off the wagon and looked around.
"Is everything all right?" Eren whispered. He saw Levi's silent pain and was worried if these wagon rides were a bad idea.
"The children are curious but harmless. You shouldn't speak."
"I mean about you. How is your..."
"Don't speak!" Levi whispered sharply.
Eren held back with a scowl. Then he looked at the coat. "They were nice people."
Levi nodded. "They know what it's like. One of these days, I'll tell you about the history of the Huguenots. For now, we need to figure out which way is north and try to find a new route." He stopped as he saw the mother coming up.
She said with joy, "J'insiste pour que vous restiez dîner." I insist that you stay for dinner.
Levi tried to look as congenial as possible. "Non, je ne veux pas m'imposer à vous ou à votre famille." No, I wouldn't want to be a burden on you or your family.
The husband came up beside her, smiling kindly. "Nous serions honorés si vous voulez vous joindre à nous à notre table, vous pouvez même passer la nuit, parce que notre maison est votre maison." We would be honored if you would like to join us at our table, you can even stay the night, because our home is your home.
A place to sleep! Likely with a real bed. Levi glanced over at Eren, who was looking straight ahead at the road, ignoring the conversation.
"Un instant s'il vous plaît, je vais essayer de lui demander ce qu'il pense." One moment please, I'll try to ask him what he thinks.
He pulled Eren away from the family. He could see anxiety building up in the young man, like Eren was ready to dive for cover from an incoming enemy.
"Eren, they are offering to house us for the night."
"No!" he hissed through tightly gritted teeth. "Too many people. Too many people."
"They're a good family. They even helped a Jew to escape."
Eren suddenly looked over at him sharply. "Then you stay here." He slammed his eyes shut, hunched down, covered his face, and whimpered, "Don't leave me."
"Eren!" Levi cried out in worry. What was happening to him now? "This really would be a good place to rest, a sympathetic family..."
"I don't want to be around them. Please, don't make me. Please! What's happening? Scheiße!" Eren fell to his knees, struggling to breathe. He felt like he was choking on poison gas.
Levi bit his lip. Eren was clearly breaking apart. He looked back over to the farmhouse.
With all those children around ... if Eren truly lost his senses...
No. He would not put those children in danger.
"All right, we'll leave. I'll tell them goodbye. Stay here."
"Don't leave me!" Eren whispered in terror.
"I'll be right back. You can watch me the whole time. Stay here."
Levi turned to go, and he sighed heavily as he walked back. He thought the church might help Eren, but perhaps the poison was merely brought to the surface and the wound still needed to drain.
He thanked the family as politely as he could and tried to explain that his traveling companion was still too shell-shocked to be around children. They understood, and the mother ran inside to fix up some food for them to take on the road.
Meanwhile, Eren pulled out another cigarette, shaking as he lit it, and tried to smoke, desperate for any type of release from whatever was taking hold of his mind. A tiny, lucid part of him knew Levi was right, they needed to find as many kind and helpful people as they could. However, all those children around, asking so many questions, had pushed his fear of getting found out to its limit. The idea of staying, of what this sort of family might do if they worked out that he was German, flooded his brain with nightmares.
What would they do to Levi if they knew he was sheltering a German officer?
He was not ready to trust humanity.
Levi returned, and Eren saw the disappointment in his face.
All because of him.
Levi was better off without him!
"Let's go..."
"Stay here," he said, sounding breathless. "I'll find a place, sleep in a barn, or another cellar."
"I'm not splitting up."
Eren suddenly yelled. "They would be better for you than I am!"
"Eren!"
Levi suddenly heard Étienne shout, "Voir! Je t'ai dit qu'il n'était pas muet." See! I told you he wasn't mute.
Levi glanced back, then he grabbed Eren by the arm and began to drag him away. "Now we really do have to go."
"No..."
"I told them you were mute, and now you just yelled in another language. If I lied about that, they'll think I lied about more. Merde! Let's just go."
Eren numbly followed where Levi pulled him. "I'm sorry. I ruined it all."
"I'm not staying there if you're not going. Someone needs to keep an eye on you, and I've only got one. Obviously, I need to keep you near me, but if the only way we can get around the language barrier is to say you're mute, then don't fucking speak. Don't say bonjour, don't say merci, and sure as fuck don't suddenly yell. If you get us into trouble, I will kick your arse."
"How you are?" Eren said with doubt.
"I can still kick your arse with one eye. I doubt you could beat me with only one arm."
Eren lifted his cast. "I dunno, I think this plaster counts as a weapon now." He suddenly burst into a single, piercing laugh, like a tiny bubble of happiness popping out of the mire of darkness. "I could never beat you in a fight, even with both of my arms and you blindfolded." He glanced down at Levi with an endearing smile. "What you want, I have no choice but to do. It's useless to fight against you."
"I'll get my way eventually," Levi said with a smirk. "Come on! We can get a few kilometers in before sunset."
# # #
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This chapter ended up so long, it's getting split into two. Wooo that was a lot of writing!
EDITORIAL NOTE: Years ago when I outlined this story, I wrote that Eren went deaf in his right ear. Since then, my husband has gone deaf in his left ear. (Talk about life imitating art!) I kept getting confused in this chapter, so I changed which ear was injured. This makes it easier for me to remember. Ironically, it puts a personal spin for me. I know how frustrating it is to make sure I sit on the right side so my hubby can hear me. It's little things that make a more realistic story. After years of stubbornly refusing to get hearing aids, saying, "I'm too young for those!" I'm happy to say he finally got them earlier this month. Now he loves them; they have Bluetooth so he can secretly listen to music at work, haha!
https://youtu.be/AHTXfYLMXbg
Levi's Glass Eye – Thanks to Hollywood, I thought a glass eye was the entire globe. Instead, an orbital implant is used. The patient's own tissue covers the implant, sometimes with the muscles attached to provide movement. The glass with a painted iris goes on top. It's a bit similar to my own scleral contact lenses, only much bigger. Still, the "plunger" used to pull the prosthetic out is the exact same as my scleral lens plunger. This helped me to get an idea of how Levi would deal with this, as I know how weird that whole process is. Unlike my contacts which explicitly CANNOT be worn to bed, it's recommended that an eye prosthetic be left in the socket as much as possible.
(Bambesch hilltop fortress at Longeville-lès-Saint-Avold)
Army movement – This chapter takes place on November 26, 1944, a Sunday. Early that morning, the U.S. Army began their advance on Saint-Avold, taking the high ground at Longeville-lès-Saint-Avold, a hill northwest of the city, where there were military defense structures that were once part of the Maginot Line.
Locations in this chapter:
Marange-Zondrange – I don't name it, but this is the town they go to after leaving the forest. Made up of the main city Marange and the farming village of Zondrange, along with the ancient Henning Farm, this commune had 215 residents in the 1946 census. While it is the home of Église paroissiale Saint-Martin—which houses one of the best preserved organs in the world—I couldn't find a Protestant church.
(Aerial photo of the Boulay Le temple protestant réformé, or Reformed Protestant Church, shortly after the war.)
Boulay-Moselle – Before WWII, with a population of 2200, Boulay was a religiously diverse town. They had seven churches: 5 for Catholics, one for Reformed Protestants, and a Jewish synagogue.
(A postcard from 1910. "Bolchen-Boulay" was part of the German Empire, so the names of the churches are in German. The synagogue is bottom left, the Protestant church is bottom right.)
Before WWII, around 200 Jews lived in Boulay. The Nazis destroyed the old synagogue, and the Jews were sent to concentration camps. A new one was built in 1955, but only 30 Jews returned home. Sadly, membership kept declining as Jews either moved into bigger cities, or fled from modern Jewish persecution in France. In January 2023, the synagogue had a ceremony of desacralization, a rare and symbolic event to make a synagogue no longer "sacred" and thus can be sold. It was the end of an era for the town, a sad loss of its once thriving diversity.
Huguenot Hate – Levi makes a point about the bloody history between Huguenots and Catholics. Huguenots were Reformed Protestants (or Calvinist). So indeed, this Reformed Church congregation are the survivors of those bloody times. In the 1940s, the descendants of Huguenots helped Jews to escape France by guiding them over the same paths their ancestors had used to cross the Alps.
SIDE NOTE: My first family member in America was a Huguenot escaping religious persecution by coming to the New World. Even more fascinating, he was from the House of Guise, a zealously Catholic noble house that played a prominent role in the Huguenot massacres. So, my ancestor was escaping not just religious hate, but very likely (can't be confirmed) fleeing from his extremely powerful and bloodthirsty family's attempts to wipe him out before he dishonored their House. (Little bit of ancient family history about me.)
St. Bartholomew's Day massacre – Occurring in 1572, it is considered to be "the worst of the century's religious massacres." (1500s France had MANY massacres against non-Catholics.) Up to 30,000 Huguenots were slaughtered. The next largest religious genocide in France was the Holocaust, ending the lives of 72,500 French Jews.
Nicotine Withdrawal – A lot of Eren's behavior over the last two chapters has been due to nicotine withdrawal. The snappiness, anxiety, depression, coughing, fidgeting: all of these can be symptoms.
Breaking a drug addiction can be a painful experience without medication to help. Quitting cigarettes, with such an addictive drug like nicotine, can cause withdrawals that are so brutal, many who try to quit give up. The first 3-5 days are the worst, but the symptoms go away in about a month.
(In this story, Eren rationed his cigarettes—which he stole off a dead German, so he has no reason to be mad at Levi for stealing a pocket watch—so he has not had a smoke in two weeks.)
DAY 1 — As the nicotine leaves the body, many smokers feel restless and crave another cigarette after merely 10 hours. Irritability, depression, and brain fog hit after 24 hours.
DAY 2 — Headaches and dizziness begin, although they taper off quickly. The addict may have an increase in appetite. Nicotine suppresses appetite, so many addicts gain weight in their first two weeks, which in turn causes constipation.
DAY 3 — The nicotine has fully left the body and cravings stop, just as anxiety skyrockets. Brain fog can last for weeks.
WEEK 1 — The addict may develop a raspy cough as the body attempts to clear the lungs. The human respiratory system can't clean itself when nicotine is present, and depending on how long an addict has been smoking, they may have a buildup of tar in their lungs. The cough can last for weeks. I've known decades-old smokers who quit but have "smoker's cough" for the rest of their lives.
WEEK 2 — Energy is low, but the appetite should level out. The addict may be fatigued yet feel too restless to sleep. The brain fog starts to clear. There might be a cough, depression, and anxiety for up to a month
WEEK 4 — Brain fog clears, energy returns, depression and anxiety improve, appetite returns to normal. The key now is to avoid triggers and stay strong.
Your boyfriend offering you a pack of cigarettes to keep you calm so you can travel across the country and not snap or wallow in depression ... is definitely a trigger to go back into smoking. Then again, quitting cold turkey while dealing with intense PTSD is a horrible idea. Eren needs to be weaned off slowly with time to deal with his depression and anxiety, not have it compounded with withdrawal symptoms. His mental health is just as important as his physical health. (He really needs to quit smoking, though.)
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