Life is perfect.

What am I saying... I can't lie to myself like that.

John was dead.

Dead.

Gone from this Earth.

Not living anymore.

I would never, ever be able to see him again.

Never be able to feel his soft curly hair.

Never be able to feel his embrace.

Never be able to hear his sweet voice.

Never be able to look into his eyes.  Those pretty chocolate brow eyes.  The ones that let me know that I was safe, the ones that let me feel that helped me get back up on my feet after my father left and my cousin committed suicide.

I still have my mother of course, and she still is so far away from my collage, and has never been the same since my dad left.

They were never married but you could tell how much he meant to his mom, but he just snapped his fingers and left.  It's like that, yeah.

But after a while you do get used to the way of living.

Now the apartment, even though I roomed with Laf and Herc, seemed so lonely.  We were all silent.  It wasn't normal for us, usually we would get knocks on our door asking us to be more quiet but instead the other day we got a knock on the door asking why we were so quiet.

We all didn't show up to school for two weeks until my mom finally called and convinced me to go.

Laf and Herc came with me and everyone looked at us all differently.  

Everyone saw us as the best-friends-of-the-kid-who-died.  Most of the school went to the wake for him to pay there respects.  He was pretty well know through the school.  He wasn't the most popular kid but people knew him.

Surprisingly Thomas Jefferson and James Madison both showed up.

They both even came over to Laf, Herc, and I (we were standing all alone in the corner tears stinging all of our eyes staring at the ground) and said that they were sorry that we lost someone so close to us.

See the thing with Thomas Jefferson and James Madison; we never got along.  Our relationship-much like my relationship Aaron Burr-was kinda like anything-you-do-I-can-do-better-then-you.

***

Classes had ended for the day but Laf and Herc were staying after for after school stuff.  I was walking home and shivered inside my jacket.  I shoved my hands as far as they could go in my pockets.  I wasn't satisfied until I heard the strings pop.

I just felt so alone lately.  I rarely left Herc of Laf's side, but even with them I felt like I didn't have anyone.

John was like my safe person. The one person I could share anything with.  The one person that knew I was Bi. 

And now that he was gone of course I actually understood my feelings towards him, but I don't.  I mean I think I like him as more then a friend but was that because he was my best friend.  I know a ton of girls who say "I love you" to there best friends and they are not in love love with each other.

The closer I get to our apartment the faster I seem to walk. 

I didn't know how I was going to go on without him. 

I felt the tears pushing at the back of my eyes wanting to be let out.  But not out here on the street.  I was way to valuable.  

I make it to our apartment complex and when I make it inside I run as fast as I can.  I fidget with the keys drooping them.

I know it sounds stupid but I just started to cry.  I had enough.  This was a stupid thing to cry over, something that I shouldn't be crying over.

I have both of my hands hanging on to our door handle, my knees pressed into the ground, and my face resting on the door crying.

"Alex, everything is going to be alright.  I'm here for you when you need me."

I stop.  Everything stops.  That voice, it was so familiar to me.  But I haven't head it in so long.  It was the voice that I was longing to hear.

The one that I wouldn't be able to hear.

I turn around and see him.

There he was standing there; John Laurens.

I stand up and run for him but before I can reach him he is gone.

Again.

Another chapter out.  I am really proud of this chapter actually, I think that personally this is starting to get good!

If you are reading this in the future thanks for reading.  I hope you like it!

Thanks for reading!

~Author