My knees hit the soft rug but it felt like I just kept falling.

He was there!  He was right there in front of me!  He talked to me!  

"Why!  Why did you leave me again!" I yell horse from crying.

More tears fall and I do nothing, there it nothing I can do.  He left me all over again. 

By the time I summon enough strength-mentally and physically-I pick up the keys that I left on the ground and open up the door.

The apartment was a mess; the sink was lined with dishes that spread out across the counter, there were dirty clothes scattered all around.  There was an awful stench too that we would need to take care of.  If John were here he would be so mad, he always like it clean.

He was the one to make sure it stayed clean and that we actually cleaned up after ourselves.  Without him this is what happens.  Like a domino effect.  

I used to share a room with John, we would be up all night talking about random stuff, stuff that didn't even matter.  I walk into my room.  His side was completely untouched.  He had his book shelf lined with books that he needed for school, his desk with his-now dead-computer.  His turtle cage along with his turtle. 

He loved his turtle so much... 

I lay down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling.  I hadn't had a good nights sleep in a long time, I had always been waking up from nightmares of seeing John get shot over and over again.  I actually was starting to fear sleeping.

It was hard, I guess you could say, to see you best friend-maybe more-die over and over again.

Laf and Herc also weren't getting the sleep they needed.  A couple of nights ago I woke to Laf screaming.  Out teachers were starting to get annoyed that we were always so tiered during class.  They understand what were going through, although they expect us to get over in the near future.  It didn't seem possible though.

I close my eyes hoping to escape the real world for just a little while...

***

I wake up in a room, but its not the classroom or the hospital this time.  There is no masked man that is secretly Charles Lee.  There isn't anything really actually; it was a dark room, it seemed dimly lit by a candle on a table in the center of everything.  There was nothing else except the table though, darkness took over  everything else.

There was a book on the table.  I pick it up.  On the cover it reads: The Life of John Laurens

I open to the first page, it starts on the day that John was born, I flip a couple of pages and I see a part about me.

It was about the first day he met me.  I started reading.  It talked about the first day we met and how he wanted to be friends.  I smile at this, I remember this day.  He dropped all of his stuff in the hallway and I helped him.  He was new to the school and I invited him to sit with us at lunch.  He accepted of course.  I turn the page and it goes on to the next day.  

I wanted to see what it said about me when we were the age I was now.

I found the page the day before he died.  I slammed the book shut though when I read the first line.  He couldn't love me! No he meant it like as a best friend,  Not like a boyfriend.  He couldn't.  He was straight as far a I knew...

I want to ignore what he though, but I can't.

I shouldn't be going through this, what if it has something I shouldn't see... 

I place the book down on the table and just as I do, I feel someone slip there arms around me.  I am startled but then I recognized the smell; pine.

I turn around without the need of him having to pull his arms away.  I don't even have to see his face I already know; its John.

I hug him so tightly thinking that If I do he won't leave me again.  I won't let go...

"John why did you leave me!  You left me, and... and..." I let my voice trail off as he wraps his arms around me tighter.

I start to cry, and I hear John sniff.

"I wish I could tell you this on earth..." John says forcing my eyes on his.

"What..." My eyes become wide, "Your not going to leave me again are you!" I panic, but he chuckles.

"I love you..." He kissed me on the cheek.

He... loved... me...

I wake up screaming for him.

Thanks for reading!  I hope you like this chapter!  I may release another chapter today, it really depends on how busy I am!

~Author