I was kissing him.  For the first time in a long time I felt happy.  Or at least that's what I thought I felt.  His lips were warm, soft, kissable.  No one was around.  We were alone, kissing. Nothing else was able to be heard.  Nothing but us.

But then the strange noise that came from Alex.

He was . . . crying?  

Why was he crying?!  He pulled away from me and walked towards a bench.

I was just . . . dead.  How could I be so stupid?  He couldn't love something that was dead.  I wasn't even human anymore.

I was just a made up hallucination that he saw in his nightmares.

I was a . . . nightmare to him.

I was nothing but a nightmare.  I was nothing to him.  He wasn't really in love with me.  He was confused, and I was dead.

I wanted to scream, to run, to smash my fist into a tree, to break something.  But I didn't do anything.  I didn't move, I didn't speak.  Nothing.

Alex was seated at the bench.  He had his head in between his knees like he was about to pass out.

I didn't know what I felt in that moment.  Anger?  Sadness?   Something?

But that's the thing.  I just couldn't seem to feel anything, I knew that I loved him.  That was always there.  But feeling in this moment left me.

"I-I'm sorry. . ." Alex breathed out.  He dragged in another breath.  He was scared?  Worried?  Did he think he did something wrong?  He didn't do anything wrong at all.  It was all me.  I did it, not him. I dragged him out here in the first place.  I said 'I love you,' to him.

I furrowed my eyebrows.  There were tears in his eyes.

He tried to hide it, but clearly wasn't good at it.

"W-where am I?" He asked.

I didn't, and couldn't form an answer.  I didn't know where we were.  "In a park?" I responded.

"No, no, no!"  He yelled at me crying. "Were not.  You're here.  You're freaking here.  You freaking kissed me!  I can freaking touch you!"  He stood up, waving his hands in the air.  His eyes were still spilling tears.  I wasn't a mind reader but I could tell that he was so worried that I wasn't actually there, or that I was going to leave him.  I had left him so many times.  So many damn times its almost like he can't trust me anymore.

I didn't say anything.  Did I do something wrong.  I tried not to cry.  I tried hard, as hard as I could.  They fought to be release from my eyes, I fought back.

"You're here!  You aren't my imagination!  You are freaking here!"  he was screaming now.  His screams came out as ragged cries for help.  I wanted to help him, I just didn't know how.

  "You're supposed to be dead!"  His voice depleted into a whisper.  He brought his hands to his cheeks wiping away the tears.

I opened my mouth to talk, feeling the words I wanted to say on the tip of my tongue.  But how was I supposed to say what I wanted to say to him.  Oh, by the way I'm your angel and I am watching over you and that's how you can see me, touch me, everything.  Yeah, not a practical conversation.

See, I figured that out a little while ago.  At first I was just an illusion.  Just a figment of his imagination.  But then as his feeling grew stronger, deeper, I was really there.  I wasn't just as illusion.  

Then, a couple of nights ago I really was turned to an angel.  God, he came to me.  He talked to me.  I didn't think that it really was him at first.  But, then when I saw him.  He came to me, talked to me, told me that I was supposed to watch over Alex.  I was his guardian angel.  I wasn't supposed to let him know.  I wasn't really supposed to talk to him.  But what would he think if he saw me following him on the streets.  He wouldn't think something like 'Oh, hey that's my dead bestie!  OMG how has it been John.  I haven't seen you in so long!'.  Yeah again, not the most practical conversation.

Alex was shaking bad.  His eyes had dark bags under them, and his hair was still greasy.  He was always handsome, but this wasn't a good look on him.

I couldn't lie to him.  But how was I supposed to tell him?

"Alex. . ." I started.

"No!"  he screamed, tears filling his eyes up again.  "Don't say my name till you tell me!  Where am I?  Am I dead?"  His eyes widened as he said that.  He just had that sudden though of dead.  He could actually be dead right now and not even know it.  But he wasn't.

"Your not dead," I whispered.  It- was hard keeping eye contact with him.  My brain was telling my eyes to dart anywhere else.  Find something more interesting, but I could't bring myself to do that.

"Tell me now!"  His voice was deep, scary.  But not scary like a monster that you would see at a haunted house.   

"I . . . your. . ."

"I'm what."  He demanded.

"I'M YOUR FREAKING ANGEL.  OKAY."

Silence.

Alex POV

The anger was bubbling inside of me.  I felt it in my stomach.  I wanted answers and he wasn't providing me with anything.

"I. . . your. . ."

"I'm what." I said, trying to sound stern but by the way that I heard my voice come out I didn't think I was doing a good job.

He took a big deep breath.  I was waiting for him.

He was so handsome it took me my better judgement to pull away from him.  It took everything I had.

But I knew he was dead, so either I was dead with him, or I was in some sort of nightmare.

Either one was as true as there other.  There was no right or wrong answer.  I mean if my dead, I don't even know what he was to me at this point, was alive then literally anything was possible.

"I'M YOUR FREAKING ANGEL. OKAY." He yelled, balling his hands into fists, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

I said nothing.  There was nothing to say.

He was an angel?  How is that even possible?

He . . . was joking.  Right?

I looked him square in the eye.  He wasn't even good at lying.  He could hide things, but he couldn't lie.

I felt my face go pale.  "H-how?" I asked after a while of silence.  He looked down at his feet pausing.

"I don't really know.  One second I was dead, the next I see you, then you see me, the I come to you in your dream, then you find the journal, then you saw me again, then you went and talked to . . . Charles Lee."  he paused.  I knew that he was probably flashing back to what happened that summer.  Flashing back to Charles shooting him.

"So then what?  What happened when you became an, well, angel?"

"Well God spoke to me.  He told me to protect you.  It was almost like he was giving me a second chance at life.  But more as a guardian than a human."

"Wait, so you're here to stay?" He asked me.

"I think so," He replied.  He finally looked up from the ground.  I didn't catch a hint of a lie on his face, I just prayed that this wasn't a dream.

I slapped myself.

Nothing.  I didn't wake up, I didn't leave the park, and I felt pain.

This was real.

John was real.

John was back.

I didn't even wait for him to register the fact that I just slapped myself.  I leaned up kissing him harshly.

I didn't care that he was a freaking angel, or that he was technically a human anymore.  Or that he was dead and everyone else knew him to be dead. (That would be a fun story to tell at school) I would find a way.  John was back, and I was going to make sure that it stayed that way.

Alex woke up one more time.

Thanks for reading, I've said that a lot...

But honestly though, thank you!

~Author