I am really, really sorry that I didn't get a chapter out yesterday.  I was just in a spot where I couldn't post and all that jazz.  I'll come out with another chapter later today to make up for that I guess.  I don't really know.  Or tomorrow, which ever one works better for me.

~Author

I was on my way home from school.  I wished that that conversation with Eliza never happened.  I wished she never talked to me.  But I wanted her to tell me everything.  Everything about John that I didn't know.  The good, the bad.  The semi-good bad.  I wanted to know, know John.  Not just the closed off John.

How little I actually knew about John though was scary.  I knew the basics, nothing else though.  And what, we had been best friends for forever!

Like, I knew that we were best friends.  I knew he had a weird obsession with turtles, although I didn't mind that.  It was kinda cute.  I knew that he cared about me, I knew that he felt lonely sometimes.  I couldn't really think of anything else.  Then there was all of the stuff I didn't know.

John was gay, he liked me, he kept a secret journal.  What else could he be hiding?  

Funny 'cause Charles Lee was the one that shot and killed him.

I should go and talk to him...

I held my own hand.  The cold wind rushed up my back as I shivered in my sweatshirt.  

I hated late fall.  Almost winter.

I hated walking on the street on my way home.

I hated stupid Thomas Jefferson and James Madison and stupid Burr.

I hated my stupid teachers not giving me time to heal.  

I hated Eliza.

I hated that I couldn't let John go.  

I hated I new that I needed to let John go.

I hated that I wasn't going to let John go.

I hated John.  I hated him so much, to the point where I loved him so much.

I hated how he left me.  But I guess he wasn't ever coming back.

I hated how I got him killed.  If I wasn't an freaking idiot and went to go face stupid Charles Lee he wouldn't of gotten killed.

I hated myself.

I hated how cruel the world was.

I guess I just hated everything.

If only there was somewhere I could go and forget about everything.  But only the pills could give me that satisfaction of feeling better.

Was he even there though when I saw him?

He couldn't of been.  He is dead.  There is no way that he actually could be there.  I was just seeing things.  It was my brain playing tricks on me.

So sorry that this chapter is so short I will make sure that the next chapter will be longer, today is just really busy for me!

Hope you liked it!

~Author