I was wearing what I normal would wear.  Gray sweats, black Nike sweatshirt, hair pulled back in a low pony tail.  

It was just the pills.  The pills made me relived.  I took one to many, but it helped.

Sorta.

I mean at the end of the day, John was still dead. 

Maybe I was just better off dead with him.  

Maybe...

But Laf and Herc, I couldn't just leave them.  They were already in a state of grief.  They weren't as deep as I was though.  

They didn't know John as well as I did.

But how well did I really even know John.  

He kept a secret diary with entry's about how he really feels.  He never told anyone.  Never!

Well, actually that is not fully true.

There was one person who he whole-heatedly trusted with his feelings.

Eliza Schuyler.

As if on cue she tapped my shoulder.

We were in the hallway going to our next class.

"Hey, can we talk after school?" She asked.  She couldn't make eye contact.  

"Yes, of course." I dragged on my words.  I know that it was rude, but I just turned and walked away without saying anything else.

I don't think she took this to heart though.  

We sat on a bench together in the park.  

"John..."  She started.  "he, well, I didn't want to bring this up to early after his death, but he liked you.  No I think that he actually loved you, Alex."

Old news.  I though to myself.  Of course Eliza didn't know this but it was old news.

I feel my eyes fall to the ground wanting to look at anything other then Eliza's eyes.

"Now, I know this might shock you, but I had to tell you.  Its like John wanted me to tell you."  She shifted uncomfortable in her seat.

"I know," I still wasn't making eye contact.  I didn't intend to through out this entire conversation.  I break my gaze away from a tiny pebble on the ground and look up.

He was standing there again.  I saw him better then the first time.  He was there again...

I felt the urge to get up, to scream, cry, laugh all at the same time.  To scream at him for leaving me to slowly die.  To cry because he was there, actually there.  To laugh because all he had put me through I just wanted to be with him.  I just wanted it to be like old times.

I see the faint outline of his face.  He looked somber and had tears in his eyes.

It wasn't hard to see that.  

"John..."  I dig my nails into the stone of the bench.  They go numb and I can't feel them anymore.  "Not again,"

"Alex?" Eliza had heard what I said, she was looking where I was looking.

She saw nothing though.

The tears fall turning my gray sweats a darker shade.

It hurts.  It hurts like nothing I had ever felt before.  Not even the time I cut myself accidentally with a pocket knife when I was being an idiot kid, and that hurt.

"John isn't there Alex,"

Thanks for reading!  Hope you liked it!  (Sorry this chapter is so short!)

~Author