Taka: You guys worried about Hiroko?
Takaaki: Yes.
Yasuhiro: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Taka: And what'd you say?
Hiro: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Takaaki: ...
Taka: They're lucky to have you as a son.

---------

Hiro: *sees Hiroko and Takaaki together*
Hiro: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Taka: You mean... you ship them?

---------

Taka: *Gasp*
Yasuhiro: wHAT??
Taka: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Yasuhiro: *inhales*
Takaaki, in another room with Hiroko: Why can I hear screeching?

---------

Yasuhiro: I just want someone to take me out.
Taka: On a date?
Takaaki: With a sniper gun?
Hiroko: Both if you're not a coward.

---------

Hiroko: ARE YOU-
Takaaki: Fucking.
Hiroko: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Takaaki Fucking.
Hiroko: IDIOT!
Yasuhiro: ...What was that?
Takaaki: Taka banned Hiroko from swearing, so I'm helping them out.

---------

Yasuhiro: Made you all playlists!
Yasuhiro: Dad, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
Yasuhiro: Taka, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
Yasuhiro: And Ma has the ABBA Gold album.

---------

Hiroko: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Taka: *crouches down*
Yasuhiro: *kneels down*
Takaaki: *sits on the floor*
Hiroko: ...
Hiroko: I hate all of you.

el em mayo thats what hiroko gets for being 5'6 *walks away in 5'1*

---------

Taka: Where's Dad?
Yasuhiro: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Yasuhiro, shouting: Hiroko sucks!
Takaaki, distantly: Hiroko is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Yasuhiro: Found them.

---------

Takaaki: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...
Hiroko: Yeah, well, you're stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

---------

*Yasuhiro is crying after a breakup*
Takaaki: There there, Yasuhiro.
Yasuhiro, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Takaaki: Great question—

---------

(this is platonic yall, just takaaki trying to let taka know
how much he loves him while trying to keep his bad cop rep)

Takaaki: Hi.
Yasuhiro: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you finally show vulnerability?
Takaaki: I did.
Yasuhiro: And what did they say?
Takaaki: "Thank you."
Yasuhiro: You're totally welcome. What'd they say?
Takaaki: They said, "Thank you." I said "I love you" and Taka said, "Thank you."

---------

Takaaki: Guys, my son here is bilingual.
Taka: Yes.
Takaaki: Which means they like both boys and girls.
Taka: Ye- wait, what-
Yasuhiro: Takaaki, that's not what bilingual means-
Takaaki: Shhh, it's okay Taka. I still love you.
Taka & Yasuhiro: ...

---------

Takaaki: I asked Hiroko out.
Yasuhiro: Oh, I'm sorry.
Takaaki: Why?
Yasuhiro: Well, I assume they said no.
Takaaki: No, they said yes.
Yasuhiro: Really? Then I'm sorry for them.

---------

Yasuhiro: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people?
Taka: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause.
Yasuhiro: Won't people think it's weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though?
Taka: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

---------

Yasuhiro: Are you ready to commit?
Taka: Like, a crime or suicide?

---------

Yasuhiro: *shatters a window and climbs through it*
Yasuhiro: *turns around and helps Taka through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Taka.
Taka: Okay.

---------

Hiroko: Do you take constructive criticism?
Takaaki: No, only cash or credit.

---------

Takaaki: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated meme references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this?
Hiroko, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

---------

Hiroko: If I run and leap at Takaaki, they will most certainly catch me in their arms.
Hiroko, running towards Takaaki: Coming in!
Takaaki: No! I'm holding coffee!
Takaaki: *Drops coffee and catches Hiroko*

---------

Taka: Remember what I told you.
Hiroko: Don't be a cunt.

---------

Hiroko: But what about Taka?
Takaaki: Don't worry about them.
Takaaki: I once watched them fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating their cereal like nothing happened.

---------

Hiro: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.
Hiroko: "If"
Takaaki: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

---------

Hiro: I'm not that stupid!
Takaaki: Hiro, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.
Hiro: MA TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

---------

Takaaki: Okay, can we all stop saying stupid shit for a moment, please?!
Hiroko: Alright.
Hiro: Hey, I-
Takaaki: SHUT UP!
Hiro: I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY SENTENCE!!
Hiroko: It was bound to be stupid.

---------

Takaaki: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.
Hiro: Actually, Hiroko is my favourite.
Takaaki: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

---------

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*
Hiro: Rude.
Taka: That's fair.
Takaaki: Not again.
Hiroko: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

---------

Taka: I'm so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.
Hiroko: Uh, Takaaki and Hiro are not getting along.
Taka: They're not trying to kill each other.
Hiroko: You may have a point.

---------

Hiroko: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Hiroko: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Taka: Bonjour.
Takaaki: Le growl.
Hiro: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

---------

*In a horror movie situation*
Hiroko: I've got no service in my phone here.
Hiro: Shoot, my battery just died.
Takaaki: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.
Taka: Guys, my phone is a book.

---------

Hiroko: How late were you up last night?
Hiro & Takaaki, in tandem: Me?
Hiroko: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.
Hiroko, to Taka: You.

---------

*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Taka: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Hiroko: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Hiro: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
Takaaki: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Hiro: *flips the board*

---------

Hiro: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Taka: Hey, spaghetti, we're having Hiro for dinner.
Hiroko: What is wrong with you people?
Takaaki: Shut up, strawberry.

---------

Takaaki: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Taka: That's deep.
Hiro: That means that ketchup is a smoothie.
Taka: That's deeper.
Hiroko: ...You guys are idiots.

---------

Taka, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
Takaaki: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
Hiroko: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
Hiro: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
Taka: I hate all of you.

---------

Takaaki: Why is Hiroko crying on the floor?
Hiro: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.
Takaaki: And?
Hiro: They got Taka.

---------

Hiro: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Hiro: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Hiroko: Uh... what's up with them?
Takaaki: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Hiro: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!
Taka, crying: It's working.

---------

Hiro: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Hiroko: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Taka: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Hiroko: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Takaaki: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Hiroko: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

---------

Hiroko, watching Hiro & Taka panic : What's going on?
Takaaki: Hiro is having a midlife crisis and Taka is just having a crisis.

---------

Hiroko: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Takaaki: You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Hiro: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Taka: True, you can be really difficult at times.

this made me realise the nicknames of Kiyotaka and Yasuhiro can also be nicknames for Takaaki and Hiroko.

---------

Takaaki, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-
Hiro, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?
Taka, also singing:The taste of his cherry chapstick.
Hiroko, appalled: Call the exorcist.

Takaaki and Taka bonding time, with a side of exorcism!

---------

*The gang when they drop food on the floor*
Takaaki: Aw man. *Throws it away*
Taka: Five second rule!
Hiro: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*
Hiroko: *Sobs on the floor*

---------

Taka: Oh god, they texted you 'hi.'' punctuation only means one thing, Hiro. They're mad at you.
Hiro: No, it's Hiroko. They're just being gramatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Hiroko: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Takaaki: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Hiroko: I stand by my choice.

---------

Taka: What's your biggest fear?
Hiroko: That I'll never be good enough for anyone.
Hiro: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Takaaki: Zombies.
Hiroko: ...
Hiro: ...
Takaaki: BUT they can open doors.

---------

Takaaki: *points at Taka* A human turtleneck, *points at Hiroko* a narcissistic monster, *points at Hiro* and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Hiro: And who am I? Describe me now.

---------

Takaaki: We need to distract these guys.
Taka: Leave it to me.
Taka: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Hiroko & Hiro: *immediately begin arguing*

---------

Hiro: What is love?
Hiroko: An emotional minefield.
Takaaki: A neurochemical reaction.
Taka: Baby don't hurt me.

---------

Takaaki: You know you can die from that, right?
Hiroko: *smoking a cigarette* That's the point.
Hiro: *drinking alcohol* We're trying to speed this up.
Taka: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

---------

Takaaki: Where is Taka?
Hiroko: I'll do you one better, who is Taka??
Hiro: Here's a better question, why is Taka?

---------

Taka, pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Takaaki: Gray.
Hiroko: Grey.
Taka, turning to Hiro: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Hiro: Dark white.

---------

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread*
Hiro: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
Taka: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
Takaaki: if you want information it is
Hiroko: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

---------

Hiro: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

---------

Taka: *writing a letter*
Taka: Dear Santa,
I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...
And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

---------

Takaaki: *cocks gun, pointing it at Taka* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

---------

Hiroko, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..
Taka: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

---------

*Hiroko and Takaaki are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*
Hiroko: oh my god, Takaaki, backwards!
Takaaki: Really, Hiroko? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

---------

Hiroko: Are you a masochist or a sadist?
Takaaki, deadpan: I'm a Taurus.

---------

Takaaki: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it.
Takaaki: Everything will be fine. You have no choice.
Taka: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?
Takaaki: Ominous positivity.

---------

Hiro: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.
Hiroko, patting them on the back: Well, don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

---------

Takaaki: I've never been in a snowball fight before. I don't know the rules.
Hiro: What?
Takaaki: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

---------

Taka: "Taka, is that legal?" He says, "I don't think this is a good idea!" He says.
Taka: Well, when there's no cops around, anything's legal!

---------

Hiroko: So I was just having a conversation with Takaaki about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!
Takaaki: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.
Hiroko: Like... who the fuck put this hole here???? And why????
Takaaki: Exhaust?
Hiroko: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA.
Takaaki: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole...
Hiroko: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.
Takaaki: We're onto something here!
Hiroko: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.
Takaaki: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
Hiroko: His lightsaber does though.
*Takaaki thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*
Hiroko: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.
Takaaki: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.
Hiroko: Fair point.

---------

Hiroko: Are you laughing at that video of Takaaki and Hiro fighting?
Taka: No.
Taka: I'm laughing at the comments.

---------

Hiro: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Hiroko: Strong.
Takaaki: Weak.
Taka: An idiot, is what you are.

---------

Taka: *is hugging Takaaki*
Hiro: Hey! It's my turn to hug Takaaki!
Hiro: *grabs Takaaki*
Hiroko: *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!
Taka: No, It's still my turn!
Takaaki: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but that doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!
Hiro: But we need the moral support!
Taka: And you're my dad! I need to the dad support!
Hiroko: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.
Takaaki: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.

---------

*Hiro drunkenly wanders around the house and Hiroko is drunkenly giggling*
Takaaki, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Taka.
Taka, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

---------

Takaaki: Die.
Hiro: Please don't die!
Takaaki: DIE!
Hiro: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Taka, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Hiroko, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Hiro wants Takaaki to accept it as their kid.

---------

Takaaki: Ducks are better than rabbits.
Taka: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.
Hiroko: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.
Taka: We're not talking about flavour, Hiroko!
Hiroko: Flavour counts!
Taka: Who carries around a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?
Hiro: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I'll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who's cozier?
Taka: Okay, but-
Hiro: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO'S COZIER?
Hiroko: Then why don't we take a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!
Taka: BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL, HIROKO!
Hiroko: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, TAKA!
Takaaki: I- Jesus-

---------

Hiro: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Hiroko: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Taka: A realist sees a freight train.
Takaaki: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

---------

Hiro: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake?
Hiro & Hiroko: One, two, three-
Hiro & Hiroko: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks!
Taka: Our turn, Takaaki! One, two, three-
Taka: Vanilla!
Takaaki: I've never had cake before. What is cake?

---------

Taka: Blue M&Ms are the best.
Hiro: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?
Taka: What about it? They are.
Hiro: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!
Hiro: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!
Taka: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!
Hiro: WE HAVE THE SAME MOM!
Hiroko: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything.
Takaaki: I like the yellow ones.
Taka and Hiro: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

---------

Hiroko, Hiro & Taka: *screaming*
Takaaki: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Taka?!
Hiroko: Wait, why are you asking Taka that when Hiro and I are also here?
Takaaki: Because Taka wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

---------

Hiroko: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Taka, Hiro, & Takaaki: Okay.
Hiroko: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Takaaki: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Taka: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Hiro: Bold of you to assume I can die.

---------

Hiroko: Where the devil is Hiro?
Takaaki: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe they melted?
Taka: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

---------

Takaaki: Which country has the most birds?
Takaaki: Portu-geese!
Hiroko: That's a language.
Takaaki: Portu-gull?
Hiroko: Good recovery.
Hiro: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Taka: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

---------

Takaaki: *tapping fingers on table*
Taka: *taps fingers back furiously*
Hiro: ...What's going on?
Hiroko: Morse code. They're talking.
Takaaki: -.-- ..- .-. / - .... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -
Taka: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

---------

Hiro: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Taka: The cow??
Hiro: What?
Hiroko: Taka, WHY?

---------

Hiroko: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Takaaki: You left me, Hiro, and Taka in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.
Hiroko: I did that on purpose, try again.

---------

Taka: Count me in!
Hiroko: Who the hell are you?!
Taka: Oh, you know my sibling! They worked at Wendy's.
Hiroko: Oh yeah, Hiro! How are they doing?
Taka: Oh yeah, not too good. They've been dead for the past month.
Takaaki: What the hell, they didn't tell us!

---------

i think i overdone it

2721 words.