Leon: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Taka: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

---------

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Taka: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

---------

Leon: Don't go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.
Taka, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life.

---------

Taka: I wanna die.
Leon: We all do, you aren't special!

---------

Leon: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.
Taka: Actually Leon, it's salt.
Leon: That's what I said, sodium chloride.
Taka: Uh Leon, that would be salt.
Taka: *takes salt packer from Leon* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

---------

Taka: I think I'm falling for you.
Leon: Then get up.

---------

Taka: I'm in love with you.
Leon: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Taka: I know.
Leon: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

---------

Leon: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!
Taka: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
Leon: Stop.

---------

Leon: We both look very handsome tonight.
Taka: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Leon: I couldn't take that chance.

---------

Leon: Do you want to know your gay name?
Taka: My... my gay name?
Leon: Yeah, it's your first name-
Taka: Haha. Very funny Leon-
Leon: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Taka: Oh- oh my god.

---------

Taka: I'm proud to identify as morosexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
Leon: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
Taka, already taking off their clothes: God, Leon, you're so fucking stupid.

---------

Taka: I love you.
Leon, not paying attention: What was that?
Taka: I said I'm selling you to the zOo-

---------

Taka: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Leon: I wrote you a poem.
Taka, already crying: You did?

---------

Taka, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea?
Leon: Tea.
Taka: Wrong. It's coffee.

---------

Taka, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out?
Leon: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

---------

Taka: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Leon periodically send me texts saying 'we need to talk.'
Taka: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

---------

Leon: I would never say that my partner is a uptight arse and I don't don't like them. That's not true... My partner is a uptight arse and I like them so much!

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Leon: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

---------

Taka: Please! Pretend I'm useful!

---------

Leon: Taka, fuck off.
Leon: And by "fuck off" I mean "fuck off right back here and listen", you insufferable prick.

---------

Taka: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Leon: Which one? I can't do both.

---------

Leon: That was a joke. Say ha.
Taka: Ha.
Leon: Now do it again.
Taka: Ha.
Leon: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

---------

Taka: Do you even know what an amulet is?
Leon: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions!
Taka: Leon, those are omelettes.
Leon: Oh. Then I've got nothing.

---------

Leon: Okay, two person huddle.
Taka: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug!

---------

Leon: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Taka: But ya' didn't!

---------

Taka: If I may interject...
Leon: Oh, awesome, Taka was eavesdropping.

---------

Taka: Hey, what's the name of the guy who lives down the hall? The one who always breaks the rules?
Leon: His dogs' names are Chuck II and Rose.
Taka: That's not what I asked.
Leon: That is all the information I have.

---------

Taka: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?
Leon: I only like dark humor.
Taka, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?
Leon:
Taka: An IMPASTA! 

---------

Taka: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
Leon: What did you do?!
Taka: NOBODY DIED!
Leon: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

---------

Leon: You're giving me a sticker?
Taka: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow!"
Leon: I'm not a preschooler.
Taka: Fine, I'll take it back-
Leon: I earned this, back off!

---------

Leon: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Taka: Even better!
Leon: What the fuck did you-
Taka: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Crocodile.

---------

Taka: So, Leon, do you have a crush on anyone?
Leon: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

---------

Leon: I got an idea!
Taka: Does it involve breaking the law?
Leon: By now don't you think that's a given?
Taka: I was just trying to be optimistic.
Leon: Don't bother.

---------

Leon: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.
Taka, patting them on the back: Well, don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

---------

Leon: Do we have any orange juice left?
Taka: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*
Taka: Sorry, we're all out.

---------

Leon: Taka, this morning, I called you uptight and stubborn, and I'd like to withdraw that statement-
Taka: Aww, thanks-
Leon: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

---------

Leon: I have a new hoodie.
Taka: Wrong.
Taka: We have a new hoodie.

---------

Leon: Though I admit I don't know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck.
Taka: Who told you my secret?

---------

Leon: *holds a gun out to Taka*
Taka: I-I don't believe in guns.
Leon: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

---------

Taka: Watcha got there..?
Leon: *petting a ostrich* A smoothie.

---------

Leon: You have Crayons?
Taka: Yes, I have—
Leon: You're— how old are you?
Taka: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

---------

Leon: Taka, you risked your life to save me!
Taka: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

---------

Leon: Taka, we tried things your way.
Taka: No, we didn't.
Leon: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

---------

Leon: Can I bother you for a second?
Taka: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

---------

Leon: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Taka: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Leon: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Taka: Somehow that's worse.

---------

Taka: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Leon: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

---------

Leon: Who hurt you?
Taka: *snorting* What, do you want a list?
Leon: ...Yes, actually.

---------

Taka: I'll offer you some friendly advice-
Leon: I don't want your advice.
Taka: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

---------

Leon: What? I'm not aggressive!
Taka: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
Leon: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

---------

Taka: Guys, there's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly.
Leon, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

---------

Leon walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Taka, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.
Taka, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

---------

Leon: That was so hot, Taka.
Taka: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Leon: I'm so in love with you.

---------

Taka: I want to kiss you.
Leon, not paying attention: What?
Taka: I said if you dIE, I WONT MISS YOU-

---------

Leon: Relationships should be 50/50. Taka cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

---------

Taka: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...
Leon: Yeah, well, you're stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

---------

Leon: *angrily presses Taka against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!
Taka: ...
Taka: Are we about to kiss-

---------

Taka: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Leon: I know. Whenever I'm near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Taka: But you're always acting stupid?
Leon: ...
Leon: Yeah, don't think about that too hard.

---------

Taka: Can you cut me some slack, Leon? I'm sort of in love.
Leon: I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.
Taka: I'm in love with you.
Leon: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

---------

Taka: I owe you one.
Leon: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.

---------

Taka: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Leon: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.
Taka: ...
Taka: You mean ring bearER, right?
Leon: ...
Taka: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

---------

Taka: Did it hurt when you fell-
Leon: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Taka: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Leon: ...
Taka: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

---------

Taka: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.
Leon: Aren't you forgetting something?
Taka: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Leon's forehead before running out.*
Leon: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

---------

incoming chi content along with ishileon!

---------

Taka, holding a rock: Leon just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".
Chi: If you don't marry them, I will.

---------

Taka: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Leon: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Taka: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Chi, on a walkie talkie: This is Chi, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

---------

Chi: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Leon: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Taka walks in*
Leon: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.

---------

Chi: H-how do you ask someone out?
Taka: Well, first-
Leon: Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.
Chi: ...And you said yes?

---------

Chi: So, are you two dating now?
Leon & Taka: Yes.
Chi: Why?
Leon: I happen to find Taka very appealing.
Chi: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Taka.

---------

Leon: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.
Chi: Did Taka say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?
Leon: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

---------

Taka: I'm this close to falling in love with Leon.
Chi: Your fingertips are touching.
Taka: Exactly.

---------

Chi: Hey, Taka? Can I get some dating advice?
Taka: Just because I'm with Leon doesn't mean I know how I did it.

---------

Taka: If I say I love you, will you say it back?
Leon: Yes.
Taka: I love you.
Leon: It back.
*Later*
Chi: Why is Taka crying face-down on the floor?

---------

Chi: So... I've seen you've been spending a lot of time with Taka recently.
Leon: No, Chi, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Chi: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Leon: No! You're the only one for me.
Chi: Is that so?
Leon: I promise! Taka and I are just dating, okay? They're my partner.
Chi: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Leon: You are still my one and only best friend! They're just the love of my life, nothing more!
Chi: But I'm still the platonic love of your life, right?
Leon: Of course bro!
Chi: Bro...
Taka: What the-

---------

Leon: Did Taka just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Chi: Yeah, they did.
Leon: And did I just do finger guns back?
Chi: Yeah, you did.

---------

Leon: Taka annoyed me today so I told them that I can't wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.
Chi: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Leon: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

---------

*playing twister*
Chi: Right hand red.
Leon: *ends up on top of Taka*
Taka: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Chi: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

---------

Chi: Did you take out Leon as I requested?
Taka: Leon has been taken out, yes.
Chi: You have my grat-
Taka: It was a great restaurant.
Taka: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.
Taka: Leon proposed afterwards- we're filing the wedding papers.

---------

Chi: Hey, Taka, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Taka: Yeah.
Chi: And you, Leon?
Leon: Umm... yes?
Chi: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Leon: Did they just-

---------

Taka: Leon and I got married!!
Chi: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

---------

Chi: Is this your plan B?
Leon: Technically, this is plan P.
Chi: Plan P? Is there a plan M?
Leon: Yes, but I marry Taka in plan M.
Taka: I like plan M.

---------

Chi: So, what is Taka to you?
Leon: The reason I wake up every morning.
Chi: ...That's adorable.
Taka earlier that morning, barging into Leon′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

---------

Taka: Well, remember when Leon made a romantic dinner for me?
Chi: Taka, they microwaved you a pizza.

---------

Chi: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Taka. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Taka!
Leon: Nope.
Chi: In that case, as the archbishop of Leon's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Taka right on the lips!!!

---------

Taka: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Leon a little bit.
Chi, holding Taka's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Taka: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Chi: My mistake.

---------

Leon: Is there anyone here who's actually straight?
Taka: *raises hand*
Chi: *puts their hand down*

---------

Chi: That shirt looks great, Leon.
Leon: Thanks.
Chi: But I bet it would look even better on Taka's floor.
Taka: Are you hitting on Leon... for me?

---------

ishileon deserves more love.

2246 words!