[A/N] I'm kinda trash at comedy. I don't consider myself a very funny person. But I tried. Thanks to ChocoboRacer702 for helping me come up with the idea! I hope you all enjoy!

"Kazuichi, you can't just ignore us and pretend you haven't heard it," Fuyuhiko scolded, rolling his eyes at the pink-haired boy.

"Sorry, did you say something?" he asked defiantly. There would be no chance ANYONE could convince him to get in that fucking haunted house tomorrow. No way, no how. As if. Over his dead body. Pigs would fly before he set one foot into it.

Hajime sighed, fully aware of his gameplan. "Really, dude? Sonia was so excited to design it. She was even talking about how she hoped the whole class would check it out at some point."

"Wellllll... I guess I could give it a try! Hehehe!"

"You're hopeless," Fuyuhiko glared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was shaking so wildly that it was as though he was getting electrocuted. The others— Hajime, Fuyuhiko, and Mahiru— could merely stare, unimpressed and in disbelief. The only one with any sort of sympathy was Nekomaru, by far the least snarky of the bunch. Somehow, they managed to urge him inside, but not without Kazuichi clutching onto the back of Hajime's shirt like his life depended on it.

The dark red lights flickered menacingly. Robotic spiders crawled along the floor. The room was deathly quiet, aside from the soft creaking of the floorboards under their feet. Then the lights shut off. There was a horrid scratching sound and a muffled scream which was drowned out by the screams of the party. And when the lights returned, there were bloody scratch marks on the floor and the lowest part of the wall.

"I'm gonna shiiiiiiiit!!!" Nekomaru bellowed in terror.

Kazuichi Souda felt as though his lungs would implode. Hajime Hinata felt as though he would also be bloody, if his friend held on any harder. The former panted and stopped, holding back the latter.

"Wh-What are you waiting around for? You're a man, right?" Mahiru urged, though her typical scathing remarks carried less weight when she was clearly nervous herself. Regardless, she grabbed his wrist and started to drag him further in as he screeched. The chain was now comprised of Mahiru, Kazuichi, and Hajime, who was still getting pulled along, but was now facing backwards.

Thrashing noises echoed from farther up. The robotic spiders were only getting more plentiful, gathering and migrating in thick clumps. Giant strands of web hung from wall to wall, making the hallway feel more claustrophobic. The lights cut once again. "HELP! Mmmmph! MMMMMMPH!" came from not far ahead of them. The lights returned and there was a long trail of blood coating the path.

"I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!"

"Chill! It's fucking fake, you moron!" Fuyuhiko said, trying to reassure him but of course coming across as menacing. The boy whimpered in response, holding up not only Hajime, but Mahiru. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" The short blonde took Mahiru's arm— both of her hands were attempting to drag Kazuichi— and tugged with all his power. The combined strength of the two was enough to keep the chain moving. Hajime was nonplussed; it's hard to be scared if you're forced not to look, and his back was feeling numb now anyway.

As the four plus Nekomaru trudged on, it appeared as though everything was clogged with spiders. The webs were so thick and heavy that the group had to duck in some spots. It felt like the room was only just barely wide enough for Nekomaru. There were groans of exhaustion. Somehow, despite not having this power normally, Kazuichi had stopped the chain again. His shark teeth were chattering manically.

"Up you go!" Nekomaru called simply, swiping up the boy into his arms bridal-style.

"HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!!! NO! WHY?!"

And at last, the chain was free.

The room began to widen again and the room was flooded with an eerie light. There, at the heart of the haunted house, was the spider's nest. Students were entangled in webs, looking emaciated and bloodied, seemingly a step from Death's door. And a giant spider with eight glowing eyes and terrifying fuzzy feelers greeted them.

A silence fell over the group as the atrocity set in. And then they screamed.

Once the panic had ceased and they realized that they weren't in any immediate danger, the room quieted, and the normal lights came to life. The experience was over.

"Huh? He's fallen unconscious!!" Nekomaru cried suddenly at the limp boy he had been cradling.

"What the fuck?! It doesn't look like he's breathing, either!" Fuyuhiko pointed out, alarmed. Nekomaru put his ear to Kazuichi's chest and gasped.

"Are you serious?!" Mahiru screeched, in equal parts distressed and confused. Hajime didn't know what to do. He had been through so much in such a short amount of time, and apparently his friend was now dead.

Sonia climbed gracefully out of the spider costume and dropped gently onto the floor. "My, what a pity. I hope I will not suffer a lawsuit."

"I can fix this!" Nekomaru gritted his teeth in determination. He set down the boy and immediately commenced CPR, palpitating Kazuichi's heart with his Ultimate Masseuse hands. When that seemed like it wouldn't be enough, he began mouth to mouth without hesitation. Even when his shark teeth broke Nekomaru's lip (the first actual blood in this cursed place), he fought on. It was inspiring to witness.

When Kazuichi shifted slightly, they all exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Aww... Miss Sonia... you give the best kisses," he murmured blissfully, not quite conscious enough to understand what was happening. "Huh? Why do I taste blood? Did I bite my own lip again?" His eyes suddenly opened, and he witnessed the glory of his savior, bloodied but majestic, kneeling over him. It was... it was...!

He screamed louder than he had the entire day.