I thought about pulling away. I thought about all of the confusing emotions that had whirled through me when he had looked so pained the last time I had kissed him. I didn't want to put myself through that again.

But his mouth felt so good against mine. His taste was discrete and minty but so deeply enticing. And the gentle way that he was holding me to him made me melt and caused all of those concerns to drift away. I was certain that the alcohol helped a little as well.

"Come on." Alistair whispered, pulling away ever so slightly. His voice was low and encouraging.

I didn't have to open my eyes to know what he wanted. I pressed my lips back against his briefly, grabbing the arms of his chair, and slowly pulled myself into his lap. The movement was so bold when considering that he was the first man I had kissed in years. I worried that I had pushed him or myself beyond my sober limits. But one of his hands slid around my waist- easing my hips down so I was straddling him- and the other slipped through my knotted hair. When I settled onto his lap and cautiously kissed him again he let out a little noise of satisfaction that made my heart pound faster in my chest. My doubts fell away.

This was perfect.

This was where I needed to be.

Ever so slowly Alistair pulled away and I leaned back instantly, ready for an aggressive rebuttal to my brash actions. A lecture about how I was a criminal and he was the golden child of the Canadian government. Maybe the alcohol was making my head spin as much as the kisses and I had read his signs all wrong.

But his fingers carefully brushed my long hair back, away from my neck. His hand held my jaw, turning my head away. A muted gasp trickled out of my lips when I felt the open mouthed kisses on the sensitive, exposed skin. My hands unknowingly reached for him, pressing against his back. For the first time I felt the muscles of his strong back move beneath my hands. And when his teeth nibbled on the skin between my collarbone and my throat I instinctively clutched at his incredibly dark hair, my moaning now louder than before.

Alistair eased back again and my grey eyes met his green ones. His chest was rising and falling just as fast as mine was and his hands dripped down to rest on my hips. I could barely move, scarcely letting my hands drop.

The handsome stranger who had danced all night with me at my charity gala, the one who had made me giddy and excited when no man had in years, had kissed me. But he wasn't the same man anymore. He wasn't just someone who filled out a suit well and danced wonderfully.

Now I saw the tattoo that curled around his bicep that spoke to his rougher edge despite his refined exterior. I knew the kindness that was buried underneath all the seriousness that his eyes held. The broad shoulders, the unreadable expression, the cocky attitude would fall away to reveal the sweet, attentive man that I had come to adore.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly.

His voice sounded hesitant but his hands remained on my body. He looked like he wouldn't let me go for anything.

"About you." I breathed back.

"Are you okay with this? Are you okay with me?" he pushed.

His question made my mind begin to whirl, but I didn't want to know the answer just yet. I didn't want my realistic thoughts to drag me down into fear, making my heart clench and race with panic. It was too soon and everything he was doing, the way he was paying attention to what I wanted, it felt so good.

So I did something I never thought I would do. With the bottle of wine back in my hand I gave him a coy smile and rolled my hips slowly, then took a deep drink of the sweet liquid.

Alistair's head tipped back, his eyes closed and he let out a low sound at the pressure of my core pressing down on his lap.

But I should've known by now that Alistair was smarter than that. Though his hands gripped my hips and moved with my motion he straightened up and opened his eyes. For a brief moment I thought I could see intense desire, but I couldn't be sure because it was chased away by strength. My bold little trick had barely stalled him for more than a few seconds.

"I need to know that you're okay with this before it goes any further, Camila." He whispered.

I understood the words he was saying and I knew that I was beyond buzzed. I was intoxicated and though I deeply wanted him now it could be a very different reality when I woke up sober. But he was so handsome. His gentle touches felt so good. The things he whispered under his breath and the soft groans that tumbled out made me weak. And for once in my life someone was paying attention to what I wanted.

"I'm more than okay with this." I whispered.

I watched Alistair try to assess what I had said. His eyes were moving over my face intently. I could see that he was trying very hard to dip into his agent self and read me as best as he could but his own alcohol consumption was getting in the way. It was softening his fine focus, his eyes unable to find what he was looking for.

With gentle hands he guided me off his lap and onto my feet. Once I was up and stable he rose as well.

"What are we doing?" I asked carefully.

"I think I'm going to make some food. Get something into my system other than beer before I start pushing you into things you don't want."

"Alistair I want this." I blurted before I could stop myself, following him into the European kitchen. Then in a quieter voice, I added, "I want you."

Alistair paused as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Ever so slowly he turned around to face me, his green eyes bright with something that I had never seen before. It made him look powerful and sexy. The hands that had removed me from his lap were back on the soft skin of my face, cupping my cheeks tenderly as he searched my expression deeply.

Then, when he found what he was looking for, the hands darted to the backs of my thighs and I was placed on the countertop in one swift movement.

I barely had time to suck in a breath of surprise before he was kissing me.

My arms wrapped around his neck, my palms against his strong back to ground myself as he pressed into me roughly. He kissed me once. Twice. Three times. His insistent mouth parted my lips and with each tasted, with each shot of intensity, I realized that I could never have enough. His hands gripped the top of my thighs tightly, keeping me flush against him as the world around me began to spin with my dizziness, but it wasn't from the alcohol. It was from the sweet and strong taste of him that filled my head, making all rational thinking impossible.

It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The rough and raw heat that was rolling off of him made me feel empowered and wanted. Beautiful and unshackled. But delicate and precious all at once.

I was safe and strong with Alistair.

He shifted back for a split second and a feeble whimper left my mouth as I tried to kiss him once more. His grip left my thighs. A moment later his shirt was left in a heap on the floor. Our eyes met very briefly in the dark, both of us panting hard.

I was unable to force myself to do anything. I could only marvel at the smoothness of his skin, the way his abdominal and chest muscles moved as he assessed me. And there was an undeniable vulnerability that he let leak through.

Then, desperate for more passion, I grabbed his now bare shoulders and pulled him back into me.

I thought that I would want to stay in that moment forever. I thought that there was no possible way that Alistair could give me enough. He tasted so good. The unrefined way his lips and tongue moved with mine made my heart throb in my chest and allowed my body to experience sensations I had never encountered. I thought it was incredible, that nothing could break this moment.

But his hands drifted off my body, clearly done exploring, and I heard the metal sound of his belt buckle being undone.

Terror hit me so suddenly I had no way of controlling it.

Very abruptly I wanted everything to stop.

I wanted to say no. I wanted to pull away. I didn't want my body to be used again.

My head started to swirl with thoughts of my blond ex-fiancé. The force. The violence. The blood. It all filled my mind and made me feel sick instantly. Tears filled my shut eyes at the thought of what was to come now.

But I didn't dare pull away, terrified of the consequences that would arise from my defiance. This could be the breaking point. He could finally snap. My grip loosened and my trembling lips slowed as I tried to force my mind elsewhere. Anywhere but here.

Josh felt the tension that flooded my body as the enthusiasm left. He pulled away, giving me a second of relief.

When I opened my eyes it was Alistair standing in front of me, not my vile ex fiancé. And the pensive and wary expression on Alistair's face told me that he had felt my disgusting memories through the tension in my muscles and the way I withdrew from him.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

"It's fine." Alistair rumbled out, scooping his shirt off the floor, "I should've known better."

*****Sorry for the long wait! I gave up on Canadian winter and went to Disneyland before I froze to death. Between meeting princesses and screaming my lungs out on rides I didnt have much time to write. Who is your favorite disney character? I personally love Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Dumbo.*****