Prologue

It's normal to go through loss and pain when we love someone. It's okay to break our own heart over and over again because not experiencing love was still far worst than any other sufferings.

I am brave enough to love him. Siguro nga makapal lang talaga ang mukha ko at matigas ang loob kong makipagmaiba-taya sa kanya para lang simulan ang pakikipag-patintero sa laro ng pag-ibig even though I knew I was going to lose anyway. Simula pa lang ay alam kong dehado na ako sa larong iyon pero nagawa kong magpatuloy. Kahit nga hindi naman kami tuluyang naging opisyal at mabilis iyong natapos, alam kong mayroon pa.

I knew in my heart there was still a big space reserved for him. I knew I will cherish it and will carry it in me even though we won't have a connection in the future, but that was too impossible now that I found out I was pregnant with his baby.

Sa kabila nang panginginig ng mga tuhod ko ay nagawa kong maglakad palapit sa lalaking nasa poste at tahimik na hinihipat ang yosi na kanyang hawak.

I was so scared of being near him. Matagal niya akong sinuyo. Matagal niya akong hinabol, pero matagal ko rin siyang pilit na ipinagtulakan palayo and now, the tables have turned. I am the one who needed to chase him. Ako naman ang dapat maghabol...

"Nico..." I knew he heard me, but he kept himself busy with his cigarette.

Tingin ko ay lasing na naman siya. EDM are celebrating tonight after our dance competition. Hindi ako sumama dahil sa curfew ko, pero kailangan na niyang malaman.

"Nicolaus..." Ulit ko sabay lapit pa sa kanya.

Tamad niyang hininto ang paghipat sa yosi pagkatapos ay pumihit paharap sa akin. His hair wasn't tied up. Ibinuga niya ang usok upang mawala ang takas ng hanggang pangang buhok sa kanyang mukha at matitigan ako.

My heart got punched when his cold dark eyes bore into mine. Ang mga matang noon ay ako lang ang gustong makita, ngayon ay tila ayaw na akong masilayan.

"We need to talk—"

"I'm tired and drunk Zab and I told you I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm pregnant..." I said weakly, kahit ang sarili ko ay halos hindi iyon marinig.

Nangunot ang kanyang noo at nag-isang linya ang kanyang makakapal na kilay, hindi ko alam kung narinig ba ako o nababaliwan na ngayon dahil sa aking sinabi.

Pinilit kong lumapit pa. Unti-unti kong nakita sa mga mata niya ang pagkalito and that made me scared so I shouted the same words.

"I'm pregnant, Nicolaus!" Halos maputol ang ilang ugat sa leeg ko sa lakas no'n. That made him stop puffing his cigarette.

His dark eyes turned colder. His face went pale and for a moment, I watched his chest almost stopped moving.

"W-what?" nabibingi't nalilitong tanong niya, hindi makapaniwala sa mga sinabi ko.

I held back my tears. There was no point of showing him my weakness. Ikinuyom ko ang aking mga kamay at buong tapang na nagpatuloy bago pa ako mabigo sa mga sasabihin niya.

"Binuntis mo ako, Nicolaus! You are the only one who fucked me so there's no way this baby isn't yours! Sa 'yo ang dinadala ko! I'm pregnant with your baby!"

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P.S

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