TW of suicide, SA

Rikari POV

Well... Eli's gone. Not dead, just passed out. And probably dead. I check the pulse. Whew, still there, thank god.

Valen's already in tears, so I just hide this from them. Instead, I give a signal to Clove. She knows some pretty major first aid.

"Oh. Of course. He passed out from the pain, didn't he?"

I nod, "It seemed pretty bad."

"Well yeah. He's bullet legged. It's safer to not take the bullet out for now, it's not blocking his breathing so we do not take it out. I think we need to take him to a hospital."

"During this war," I ask, "Will they take us?"

"God, I hope so," says Clove, who's now suddenly crying, "This war's so stressful.. I never wanted this to happen... I wanted to stand up for what I believe in but not like this..."

"I.. I'm sorry, Clove," I say, "I know this war's been hard on you. Go take a rest, okay?"

"No, I want to help," says Clove.

"You're stubborn," says Layla, leaning on the door.

"Am not."

"Anyway," Layla says, "Valen's in there. If you wanna go get their help, you'd have to go, like, now."

"Alright, let's go," I say, slinging her over my shoulder.

"Rikari Thompson! You can't see!"

"Okay, mom," I say, rolling my eyes at Clove. She was right, of course, but it was out of one eye, not both.

"I'll go. No matter what you do, DON'T TELL VALEN."

"Valen already knows," Valen says, "I was with him when he got shot."

"Ahhhh right."

And so we walked, looking for any possible nurse office or anything to help Eli's leg. Valen's carrying him—they're strong and can run.

Valen POV

I wouldn't be in this situation right now if it weren't for my stupid heart. If I didn't already throw myself, basically, at Eli, I wouldn't be so squirmy and weird about all of this. This is the most emotional capacity I've shown—to anyone. And I don't like it in the slightest. Love is dumb as hell.

Eli was still passed out—I gaslighted my brain into thinking he was just sleeping. He was the oldest and the tallest of us, our leader. Having him like this worried me. He was too vulnerable, too weak. It was terrifying.

We all needed the medic, hell, even I needed it, with the injuries we'd all gained just from walking. I'm not sure how the war got here so fast, but they'd probably been butting heads for a while, considering this camp was never a popular good opinion. I didn't know any non-redheads who agreed with them, to be honest. Another reason men, in my opinion, shouldn't be in power.

And now everyone was just .. ghosts of themselves, essentially. Nobody knew what to say. Nobody knew what to do. I don't even know if there is a medic anymore or if they quit to go to the fight, but either way, we couldn't have stayed there.

Finally, Eli woke up. His face was stretched in pain, but other than that, he seemed fine and unaffected.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Glowy POV

I haven't said a word all day. Nobody's noticed, in true stress fashion, even I only notice it now. Valen looks like they haven't slept in a week. Layla just looks worried constantly. Eli still looks in pain. Rikari even is serious.

I don't even want to talk about Clove.

Everyone's so badly worried and injured that I'm scared to say anything, or scared to think that there's no medic. Scared to think, scared to breathed, scared to be.

So when we go into the medic area, the last thing I expect to see is the medic looking disapprovingly at Eli. And shaking her head.

"I don't heal prisoners. Especially not ones that were charged with two counts of murder," says the medic, "Is anyone else injured?"

Silence. Complete, utter, silence. Eli committed murder? And why wasn't she healing him anyway?

"We all are, but seriously? We came here for him," says Rikari, "And you're just going to say no?"

"That I am. Next?"

"I'm not standing for this," says Valen, ready to fight, "That's cruel and unfair. You and I both know that. Considering the amount of times I've been here and you've helped me through worse than that."

"Valen- no. I'll be fine," Eli tries to cut in, "I'll see myself out. Apologies.."

"You're a human, too."

"Yeah. A human who murdered other humans. I'm sure you've all wondered it, huh?! How did Eli get in prison? There's your fucking answer," Eli yells before walking.. or well, hobbling, to the point of falling over, out.

"You're a bitch," yells Valen to the doctor, "It doesn't matter about his past, do your job for once in your sad little life! We're in a war right now, in case you couldn't tell, and you're so fucking small brained and close minded that you can't even help someone who needs it? That's a violation of several laws that I will be reporting if you don't do anything about his condition, GOT IT?"

"But-"

"Yes or no."

"Yes."

Eli POV

Homeless on the streets—not an easy life for me and Amalia. Especially because she was merely ten years old, and I was only seven. I wasn't pretty, or smart, or approachable, but she was, and she even looked older, and more like a girl than I liked to look. Sixteen, seventeen, maybe. She was older than my seven year old self, but based on maturity, you'd never be able to tell.

People tried to take advantage of her because she looked older than she was, though. They'd try to sexually assault her, make her do things that were flat out inappropriate for any child, let alone a ten year old. I was immediately determined to make people stop wanting to ever come near us again, because it seemed to be their only intention, to hurt her.

Two old men walked up to us. They seemed kind enough, and we were starving. Our last meal was in a run-down McDonalds, and that was how we wasted ten dollars. It was weeks ago and we still hadn't made up that money. The streets were hard and it was getting so, so cold. So we let them feed us and give us money.

But then they tried to take advantage of and sexually assault Amalia. Like.. actually tried. So I whipped out my knife and I killed them both. But I was stupid, and it was in public, and the cops were called instantly. I couldn't even run. I felt instant shame for protecting my sister.

I was thrown into the back of a cop car almost instantly. I didn't have red hair—I had blonde hair, but they didn't really care. Sent to a camp instantly, and it was the middle of Winter, past camp season.

From there I was sentenced to prison. For life. I would've stayed there until I got old or until I'd tried to kill myself. The second option sounded way more fucking likely.

A lot of the lifers did kill themselves. But I stayed. All eight or nine years. I was used to starving, and since the meals were more consistent than the outside, I even gained weight and got stronger, somehow.

I still don't have a clue where Amalia is, but I mainly escaped for her. Otherwise, I'd totally be in a grave right now. I have grown to love someone the same, though. Hopefully that story ends a little better, or maybe I just might kill myself. I'm so close, God, help me please.

Clove POV

Valen fucking destroyed that doctor. I was internally cheering, even with my crippling anxiety about everything.

Something is different in everyone's eyes, though. Valen's are softer, Rikari's are more sharp.. and Eli's, now that he's returned, are just glassed over. He's gone from reality, clearly stuck in his brain.

None of this is making any sense. Eli's apparently a murder convict, Valen's way too protective, Rikari isn't laughing anymore, I don't feel an ounce of bravery, and Glowy swears now.

Layla is the only one who hasn't changed, and it almost makes me concerned. Is she used to war? I feel like she would have to be. She grew up in this place, and from the start was indoctrinated with her parents' views. She can't ever be happy at her own house. The rest of us, I presume, have someone who loves us and supports us.

Layla has nobody.

Layla POV

As Eli's getting healed, I think about things I didn't want to think about. How this was probably all my fault. I started this war—and there was now no safety for everyone, not just no safety for me. I know Eli's story—a murder convict for self defense. He was only eight when he did it but they didn't care and threw him in the jail.

But nobody else knows, and now nobody else can stay here. I've ruined Eli's only home.

Did some force take this upon me because I didn't pray hard enough in church? Was it because I didn't pray the gay away? Was it because I actually wanted to live my own life in this cruel world?

I hate the way that made me feel, asking myself that question. But it probably was because I didn't pray. I didn't ever believe in God, but I was forced to from the youngest age I could've been.

What God could possibly let all this sorrow into our lives? Clove's lost her sister. Glowy's, at least I presume, lost her parents. Valen's lost their emotions. Rikari's lost her smile. I've lost my safety. And Eli.. he's lost everything.

I know we can't stay here anymore. It's not safe, and as we all get fixed up now and Eli's bullet wound merely becomes a stitch on the leg, I know we have to get out and try to migrate to either another camp or a different place. A peaceful place.

"We have to get out," I say, finding the words after we finally leave.

"Well, yeah," Clove says.

"It's the best."

"We have to."

"I don't want to," I hear Eli mutter, which causes a head turn from Valen.

Valen POV

Well that got tense. Eli apparently didn't want to leave. And the only one with a understanding expression on her face is Layla. Eli was the oldest, though. Should we stay? Did he think it was smarter?

"Why don't you want to?"

Silence. Utter silence.

"Nothing. Let's just keep going. I think there's a bus that goes to the city. We just have to walk far enough."

This was dismissive; but nobody cared. Tension wasn't what we needed. We were going to get out of there, even if it cost us our lives.

Eli POV

There's nowhere left for me.

I am going to die soon. I can feel the life draining out of me.

Three days, four hours. That's how long it'll take for us to get to the bus.

And that's how long it'll take for them to figure out why I didn't want to go.

Because.. after all.. I'm just another convict.

My life ended the moment I got imprisoned. God, should I have died in that cell?

Glowy POV

I feel selfish for being excited to go home. We walked and walked for forever but I never tired. I got to go home and live a normal life. Maybe I could even go to an actual school and go on the school bus. I was hopeful, dreaming all day.

Not only that, but I made it out alive with some friends! I expected to be deemed worthless eventually or wait until I was sixty years old to be free and die lonely. I imagined all these scenarios that would happen with my new friends. Yes, we could go to school together and just be close.

But of course, I shouldn't get too ahead of myself with my dreams.

Anything can happen. And anything can be bad.