HEAVY heart and tears falling from her eyes. The disappointment was overwhelming. She knew that she messed up knowing that she is the center. At her puffy eyes, she fell asleep.

She knew that when she woke up, she'll still blame herself for what happened. Despite that people cheered for her, she was still disappointed. Heartaches from performing are more unbearable than heartaches from a relationship.

Little by little she can hear her co-dancers chattering. They were happy, unlike her, most likely grieving from her utterly unattractive performance.

As time passed by, she decided to go outside and stroll around the campus. She then realizes, instead of cheering herself, she was once again crying. She headed to her class adviser at her faculty.

She saw the boy who helped her with her shoes. He saw her crying and shifted his all attention to her. "Aife, why are you crying?" She smiled weakly, "I messed up my performance." Her tears are continuously falling.

He held her arms, "No. You did great. My eyes were just looking at you. My classmates are amused by how you dance. We think you are amazing." He smiled at her and it also made her smiled.

She still went to her class adviser, "Mama? Are you here?" She asked as she knocked and opened the door. "Yes, Dear. I'm here." Her adviser replied. She then started to cry again. "Mama, I messed up my performance. I made mistakes. I ruined the performance."

Her puffy eyes were once again red. Her adviser looked at her and sighed. "My dear, you did great. I'm impressed with your performance. I'm very proud of you. You know, no one said anything about "your mistake" because we didn't see anything. You know what's your mistake that's why you think you ruined your performance, but you didn't, My dear. You did great."

She was touched by her adviser's sweet words. She hugged her tightly and kissed her head. "Thank you, Mama."

SHE woke up from her slumber and released a deep sigh. This is her second time dancing that piece after a year. She stood up and fixed herself.

Closed eyes, she then stretches. Meditating as she stretches and remembers her past performance. "I will make a difference." Smiles as she cheers herself up.

When she was finished, she set up her camera and music. She will be sending a video for their groups' performance. Her bedroom doesn't have a huge space which pushed her to rearrange some of her furniture. She took her time just to make a presentable set.

She dances with pride and joy. Happily performing in front of the camera. Numerous videos were taken, she was already tired but that never stopped her from dancing. When she was satisfied with the dance, she once again rearranges her furniture to its original position. She moves to another place and set up again for her performance. She even prayed just to finish her dance because of her exhaustion.

And when the day comes, showing their performance, you can barely see her. They only used one of the two videos she sent. She felt weak and heartbroken. It's like her first love doesn't love her anymore. She chooses to be frustrated quietly. She knew it won't change the fact that she was barely seen in the video performance.

Bitter tears and bitter heart.

RAPID breathing and falls of sweats, yet she smiles. She's already tired but she continuously dances through her night. It was her time for herself and dance. Practicing every night until she is satisfied. Cheers herself until she's happy and enjoying while dancing.

She knew dance strengthens her body and improves her endurance. Little she didn't know, it was the reason her dance life changes. She kept on practicing even if she can't breathe properly. She kept dancing even if she's already having a hard time.

The next day, she once again practiced a different choreography. She hasn't been dancing for a long time but she feels weak. She can't dance properly. She can't breathe properly. She stopped and drank water but it made her harder to breathe than before.

"This can't be happening, I need to dance. I need to be better than before. I need to practice." Holding her chest and catching her breath. Her cognitive ability is still fictional but why can't she see that she needs to rest?

"You'll be forgotten once you stop dancing. They'll be choosing someone else because you are not good enough. All of your hard work will go to waste. No one will remember you or your talent."

Yes, she is hard on herself. Why? Because people that are close to her say she wasn't good enough. When she was teaching herself to dance, no one cares. They are mad at her because all she does is dancing. When she got better, they praise her. They love what she has become and thought that they helped her.

They changed her mindset. She wanted to be better for herself, but it turns out that she wants to be better than her dance partner and her friends who are also dancers. She's now competitive in the wrong way. They changed her for the worse.

BITTERLY smiled amid her break. She's now having a break from practicing, back to being competitive. She now exercises and does yoga, trying it every day to improve herself. A competition between herself, her old self, and her partner. She wants to be better. That's her ultimate goal.

Yes, she is having a break. She also has musculoskeletal pain in her chest. If she wasn't able to have a break, she would need a week without dancing. She barely dances every day but trying her best to do it again.

She got back at dancing and some of it she can't grasp the steps. She groans and complains, "why can I do it correctly?" She hits her thighs and face to go back into her senses. With her long patience, she manages to make her muscles remember the dance.

"I shouldn't stress myself out with dancing, this is my therapy. Besides, I've been stressing myself with loads of homework and negative thoughts. I should be happy. Sweat missed me, you know? For almost a year, I wasn't able to dance. I don't know why, but it feels like I lost it. I don't have the feels anymore. I don't have my style anymore. I started to hate sweat! My gosh, sweat is my best friend. Imagine, dancing without a sweat. It's like jumping off the cliff but not falling.

" Sometimes, I remember my first dance competition. I hate it so much. I was overconfident with my talent and that made me realize that I was the one who messed up the whole performance. I blamed myself for two whole years but I still found myself dancing despite having trouble. I kept on dancing and dancing until I got an important role. We have this dance competition and had a theme, Disney Movie Theme. We had Moana, I got the role but I was too preoccupied with my fear. I remembered what happened before and it made me trembled when they got back after the parade. I started deep breathing and stretching to calm myself, but I just can't. I burst into tears with fear of losing. They made me realize how good I was and how much I improved. They said that I was the only one who fits perfectly for the role. It made me feel at ease, but fear was too overwhelming.

"When I stepped inside the stage, fear was gone. I feel good. I was excited and calm. I can smile and breathe easily. I felt at home inside the stage. I felt so loved. I realize that no matter how scared I am and no matter how many times I stopped dancing, it will always be part of me." Sitting beside her mirror, talking to herself feels comforting. She reminded her where she started and what happened to her. It did change her life, for the better.

Dancing is part of her, she's part of dancing.

Tears fall to her cheeks. Sweet tears, happiness, and comfort are present in her heart.