Sorry this isn't an update but I need help

ATTENTION TO MY TRUE FANS: SUPER IMPORTANT . . . TO ME AT LEAST!

I AM A TEENAGER AND THEREFOR I'M ADDICTED TO MY PHONE!

SOO, TODAY I GOT OUT OF MY CAR WITH A LOT OF THINGS IN MY HANDS, AND I DROPPED MY PHONE SMACK DOWN ON THE FRONT.

THE SCREEN IS ALL BLACK BUT I CAN STILL HEAR IT MAKING NOISE AND IT WON'T STOP EFFING VIBRATING OMG

AND I'VE BEEN TEXTING MY CRUSH ALL NIGHT AND OMFFFFFFFFFFFFF PLEASE HOW DO I GET THIS THING TO WORK?!?!?!? I NEED MY PHONE FOR OTHER STUFF TOO!

I HAVE A HUGE PROJECT I NEED TO WORK ON AND I HAVE TO RECORD STUFF ON MY PHONE TO MAKE A COMMERCIAL FOR TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD OMG I'M GOING TO DIE

PLEASE HELP ME IF YOU ARE A TRUE FAN