I stared up at him as his eyes pierced through mine. I let out another sob. God I'm such a pathetic rogue. I then wiped my eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at him.

"Tyler, not everyone chooses to be . . .a r-rogue." I said I held in a sob. He said nothing as he situated himself on the bed, ready to listen to the secrets in which I've hidden for years.

"In fact, some are born into it, some are kicked out, some even choose that life for themselves." I sighed and took a deep breath before wiping my last tear.

"I was born into it. I had a family. My two loving parents and my older brother, Brent. He meant the world to me, along with his mate that he met along the way named Katie." I smiled at the soft memories. Before I had to ruin everything.

"Go on." Tyler urged gently as he placed a hand on my thigh. I bit my lip.

"Me and my dad, we . . . we never really got along. He mainly mooned over my brother. Brent was the golden boy. The one that had a promising future - although we were rogues. But anyway, since we're rogues, we often travel and never stay in one place for too long. And eventually I got tired of not settling. The family saw me as the rebellious child. They thought I'd grow out of that stage and keep moving on with them from place to place. They were never more wrong." I said as I stared at my hands.

Again, I took a deep breath before I could continue. Tyler rubbed small circles on my thigh, giving me assurance, but I was anything but sure at the moment.

"I had finally turned 16. It was my birthday and my dad knew how much I wanted to go and see the town. We were always cooped up inside, and I wanted to break free. Of course I could only leave with Brent but that was ok. I didn't mind him because he actually listened to me. He wasn't like my mom or dad that thought my ideas were silly and childish. He was the one who believed in me.

So we went into town for a little and stopped by to see my brothers mate, Katie. She invited us to a party at her friends house, and I mean . . . I had just gotten my first taste of freedom, so I obviously wanted more. I told her we'd definitely be there." I took a couple more deep breaths.

"I went home and somehow, my dad found out from a friend of some sort that I was planning on going. We got into a huge fight. I told him I hated him, and I hated this family. They were awful things to say to someone who loved me so much. He said things too, but we both know we were each out of line." I said with a little chuckle, remembering how we'd often fight over small things.

"I ran to my room, resentful and angry. I was able to sneak out, along with Brent. He knew how much it meant to me that I get to be a teenager for once. So we went to the party, and I met a friend. I was having a hell of a time. It was my first time drinking, dancing, partying . . . I hadn't ever experienced something so fun in my life. For rogues, it's always go go go, run run run. Stay out of pack territory, avoid all life forms involving packs."

"How'd you convince your brother to let you go?" Tyler then asked. I chuckeled at the memory.

"I told him Katie was there, and that there'd be plenty of guys to hit on her if he was gone. Granted I took advantage of him." I smiled at the memories from so long ago. When Brent and I were super close and used to do everything together.

"Anyway, as I was saying - I was having the time of my life. Suddenly . . . BAM! My dad walks through the door and basically announces to the whole world that I was in trouble. Everyone thought I was a complete loser. I was just making friends, and he ruined it for me. I told him horrible things as he forced me and Brent into the car." I said. The tears were rushing back.

"What did you say to him?" Tyler pondered. I blinked hard. I couldn't form words anymore. This was hard for me to let out. It was something I'd kept bottled inside for a lot of my life. It was becoming harder and harder to let out the truth. Yet I knew I had to reveal it all. So far it feels like half a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"I said I hated him, which wasn't news to him. While we were driving home, my dad was screaming his head off at me, and my mom wasn't doing much to stop him. Brent was just sitting quietly next to me - obviously not in trouble like how I was. I called her . . . I called her a bi . . " I trailed off and couldn't form words. thinking about the way I treated my own mother was horrible. The way I treated my own father. The way I would always scream at them although they were just trying to protect. They'd hate the person I've become. Just as they hated me before.

"I called her names, and then that's when my dad lost it. He told me I was a . . nasty and unappreciative bitch. He said I didn't deserve love . . . or that I shoudn't even start to dream about it. He said I was incapable. Brent stood up for me, of course he tried. But my dad only shot him down. We were all screaming for a while in the car. It was like I declared an all out war." I paused.

I had to tell him. I had to. I guess I'm going to lose Tyler now.

"We drove over a bridge. Bains Bridge. It was cold that night and there was a thin layer of frost on the road as we slowly drove to the other side. My dad said something that day, and it was enough to trigger my wolf. He said he refused to have me as a daughter because I'm not worth it." I said as I remembered the cruel words. I let out a humorless laugh.

"After that, I attacked him as we continued to drive across the bridge. I took his hands off the wheel, and before I knew it, we swayed off the bridge. The small lake beneath us had frozen. Immediately, I was aware of all that I'd done. We all crashed into the water, plummeting through the ice. At first the car was floating and we figured we could easily get outta there. I mean, we have super human strength so why not? But not all the ice had broken. We tried to smash the windows to get through, but my brother broke his hand. We continued to sink. The doors wouldn't open past the ice. We were stuck..." I said before I remembered the feeling of complete and utter loss of hope.

I heard Tyler slightly growl. I let out a laugh, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because I had cried out all of my tears, and then all my laughs were the ones I needed to let go of. Either way, I sounded like a physcopath.

"As we sunk lower and lower, allowing not only water but ice to come into the car through the windows, one hit my father in the head. He lost concsciousness. My mother never looked so terrified in her whole life. She stopped trying to get out. I could tell she had lost all hope of surviving. She spent her last breaths trying to get my father back from his mini coma. More and more water filled the car and by then we were all exhausted. Brent couldn't kick the doors open, and although he tried his best, it wasn't enough.

"As my family allowed death to sink in along with the water, I refused to go. I wouldn't give up my life, at least not like that. I was determined to die a proud death. Not one in which a car crashed.

" Slowly, water filled up the car, and I sat there. I watched as my mother's hair was floating about in the freezing water. And then I glanced at my dad. Blood oozed from his wounds and aimlessly floated about in the piercing water, creating a sloppy trail behind. His arms weren't at his sides, but they were measily floating around. I still remember the feeling as water filled my lungs, and air was deprived from them." I took one more pause.

"Raven . . . you don't have to finish." Tyler said gently.

"No, no I do. I've been holding in my ugly past for too long Tyler. There's still more you need to know. " I said in a much harsher tone that I'd have thought. He subtly nodded.

"My brother . . . he was the last to go. We stared at each other for the longest time. Then his eyes closed, and his arms flowed in the deep waters. I was ready to die then. I figured if Brent was gone along with my family, I had no purpose. I closed my eyes, ready to give up, but then . . . I had my first conversation with my wolf.

"She told me this isn't how we are going to die. She told me not to give up because that's not who we are. I listened to her. I found it in me to break my window. It was hard, but I had no choice. Swimming out was hard. We had gone down quite a ways. I tried to drag out Brent but inside I knew it was too late. He was gone." I said as tears streaked down my cheeks.

"Raven you tried. There was nothing you could really do." he added. I said nothing as I got my breathing out of control.

"I swam to the top, freezing. I had survived and watched them all drown. I single handedly killed my family..." I whispered.

I was then pulled into a warm chest. "No you didn't. You can't blame yourself for this. Your going to destroy yourself if you keep feeling so guilty." he soothed. I said nothing.

Tyler's POV***

I can't believe all I had heard. This was why Raven was so guarded with me, or anyone for that matter.

For one I was actually pissed. I was mad at the things her father told her.

Raven had been carrying such a heavy burden for years.

"There's more..." my broken mate whimpered. I simply waited for her to keep going. If she wanted to get this out then who am I to get in the way.

"Immediately, I searched for Katie. She was all I had. I ran to the party, still drenched in my clothes. Yet when I was running through the forest, Katie was running in my direction.

"She said she felt her bond with my brother die. She looked horrible. Pale face, bags under her eyes. It was a dramatic transition. She took one look at me before crying helplessly on the ground. I couldn't believe what I had done. I tore apart my sister figure. I ripped away her other half. All on my own. "

"Raven-"

"No, let me finish. She took me home with her. We were both numb. Our tears had fallen, and we found there was no more. So we went home and she warmed me up.

Ravens POV***

"I was still traumatized. Even as I ran to find her, I thought this was all a bad dream. I spent a couple days at her place but I couldn't take it anymore. All I had felt was guilt. So I packed up and left. I wasn't the same after that. I promised myself that I wouldn't let anyone get close. I didn't want the pain I had felt with Katie and my family. I pushed them all to the back of my head, and then I had my first shift. I was alone when it happened. But when it did, it wasn't pretty." I revealed.

I could tell Tyler had more questions but I cut him off.

"I grew angry over time. I became the essential rogue. I terrorized packs, hurt people and I ... I.. I slaughtered a village that consisted of mostly women and children. My wolf was in control that time, and when we shifted, our first emotion was hate. So she used that against innocent people. No WE used it against innocent people. I was like that for years. I avoided others, and soon I learned how to control my wolf. It got a little better after that. I wasn't famous for the reason I was now." I said as the nasty memories haunted me.

I used to be in a dark mode. I killed like it was a daily task. It was. I didn't feel remorse. I did what I had to in order to satisfy my anger.

Tyler hasn't said anything yet, causing my heart to clench. I was a

monster.

"My original nick name was Red Wine. There was a rumor that after I slaughtered, I would save their bodies and drink their cold blood in a wine glass. Sick I know. But back then I took it as a complement. As I got more and more control over my wolf, I stopped hurting people. I just messed with packs. It's no excuse for what I've done. And there you have it." I said hopelessly.

He knew. He knew it all. I've never told anyone this. He knew now. He hasn't said anything and hasn't even looked at me. He was looking at the opposite wall. My heart was clenching tighter now. He knew I was a monster. He needs someone who is pure and good. Not me. I'm not good enough for him.

"I need to think." he suddenly announced in a hard tone before leaving the room. I sat there. Staring at the door in which he'd slammed before leaving.

By then, my wolf was howling in complete agony. She too felt horrid after our blood thirsty times. But we deserved this. We brought this upon ourselves.

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