-16- A name

After Zhan informed his parents that the grandmother was well, he spent another hour with her and the shaman before he went home again.

And even after he got home and washed all those greasy pastes on his face, he couldn't see the lost soul. The shaman had told him that it might take several hours. Maybe even a day. But Zhan was very impatient and couldn't wait to finally talk to the handsome man again.

But even when he had gone to bed around midnight, he couldn't see him. He closed his eyes and thought about that day and everything he had experienced and relived. Until recently he had had a normal life. He went to work, met with friends and just lived his quiet life. But from one moment to the next everything was different and his whole life was turned upside down. But instead of worrying about it, he was even happy about it.

And while Zhan was still thinking about the lost soul, he finally fell asleep and suddenly found himself in a chaotic dream world. He saw a young man without a face driving along a lonely country road at night and someone with a car that had hit him. The faceless man tried to limp away. The next moment he saw many different shamans performing some rituals and again a moment later he saw himself in the club dancing with the lost soul and they kissed. And then he was on the lonely country road again and saw a mother sitting desperately next to a motorcycle and crying.

When Zhan woke up in the morning, he felt tired and dull. He felt like he hadn't slept at all. Though he knew, of course, that he did sleep. Tired, he rubbed his eyes, stretched and expanded extensively in bed, staring at the ceiling. His eyes fell on a dark spot and he quietly asked himself, "Was the spot there last night?"

"It's a little spider." Someone beside him answered. Zhan was so startled, he tried to jump up. Instead, he fell off the bed and stared incredulously at his bed, where the lost soul, this handsome man, looked at him and beamed all over his face.

"Damn, my heart almost stopped." Zhan hissed and still couldn't believe he could finally see him and even talk to him.

Zhan crawled from the cold floor back into the bed and stretched out his index finger to the young man. But when he should have felt the touch, there was nothing but emptiness. He slipped right through, through the shoulder of the handsome stranger. "Wow, that's really scary." Said Zhan, trying once again to touch the young man's shoulder with his whole hand.

"Are you done? Or do you want to test other body parts? The result will always be the same." He explained to Zhan.

For a moment, Zhan thought about what he could ask his handsome stranger. But then he remembered that he can't remember anything. Not even his own name. And so he thought about how he should address the young man in the future so that he wouldn't always have to say Hey or You. "You need a name." Zhan finally said, without responding to the previous remark of the lost soul.

"Can you give me a name?" He asked Zhan.

"I don't know. I can't think of one. Do you have any ideas?" Asked Zhan.

"You can call me Wangji. Like the one on that series you like so much."

"Wangji? You mean Lan Wangji? Lan Zhan? The Untamed?"

"Yes, the Untamed. I watched almost every episode with you."

"Ah haha. So you were really always with me?"

"Yes, of course. So can I call myself Wangji until I remember my real name?"

"If that's what you want, then yes. Then I'll call you Wangji from now on."

"When are we going to the Wang's? I'm also interested why they didn't tell you what really happened between them and their son."

"I was planning to go there this afternoon. If you were with me the whole time, did you notice anything I couldn't see?"

"Like what?" Wangji asked.

"I don't know. Maybe the lost soul of their son was there somewhere. By the river or in the village."

"No, nothing. I don't think he'll go there. If he's still alive, as you say, he might not even be a lost soul. Or he' s wandering around in Beijing like thousands of others."

"Did you just say thousands of others?"

"Mmm. They' re wandering through the streets, searching for their identities."

"Like you?"

"Yeah, I was like that too. I was wandering aimlessly and didn't know where to go. And then I saw you and I just followed you. You seemed interesting to me, and at first I just wanted to follow you for a day or two. But then I wanted to stay by your side because I didn't feel so lonely and lost with you." Wangji explained.

Wangji told Zhan much more about his unsuccessful search for his identity and the many others in this city who wander around lost and don't know who they are.

After lunch, Zhan was alone in the shared flat, Zhan got dressed and together with Wangji made his way to the Wang's. Surprisingly, Wangji was, Zhan thought the name didn't really fit him, but he was better than Soul or Hey, most of the time very quiet on the car ride. Had he told a lot about his adventures with Zhan before, which Zhan didn't know about, he was now quiet and seemed almost thoughtful.

As they were driving along the country road and came to the place where the accident happened, Wangji looked out the window from the passenger seat and asked Zhan if he could stop for a moment. Both men were standing right at the spot where the motorcycle was found and Wangji asked, "Was he very scared? If I stand here and imagine this accident, then I'm so scared."

Zhan looked at him thoughtfully and somehow his pale face looked even paler now. Why was it like that? "I think he was afraid. Besides, I'm sure he was in pain too."

"Mmm, I'm sure he was." Wangji replied. He walked slowly to the river where the waterfall could be heard from far away. He stood there listening to the sound of the water. And at that moment, Zhan could well imagine Wang Yibo standing there listening. He and Wangji must both be the same age, Zhan thought as he looked at Wangji.

After ten minutes, the two of them went back to the car and then drove on to Wang's.

When Zhan rang the doorbell, it was opened immediately. As if they were expecting his visit. Mrs. Wang invited Zhan into the house and for the first time it wasn't dark like the night. Curtains and windows were open everywhere. "My husband is in hospital. He'll have another operation." Mrs. Wang explained

And now, in the daylight, Zhan could see the house was in a bad state. Wallpaper was peeling off the walls here and there. Two cupboard doors from the living room cupboard hung down a little. The boards from the shelf on the wall bent suspiciously downwards in the middle and the seating furniture had its best times long ago. Here it was clear how great the family's financial shortage was.

When Zhan and Mrs. Wang sat down, Wangji sat very close to Zhan and was chalk-white in the face. Zhan explained to Mrs. Wang what he had found out but not from whom. And her face also became increasingly pale the more Zhan told her what he knew.

Mrs. Wang cleared her throat and began to explain: "It's true that we had great problems accepting that Yibo is homosexual, not only in the beginning. We didn't know how to deal with it and the idea that my son was sleeping with another man made me sick. And when my husband got sick at the eyes and couldn't go to work anymore, we had found the best excuse to get rid of Yibo. We told him he had to move in with relatives because we could no longer take care of him. But Yibo remained stubborn and even looked for a job. Everything he earned, he gave to me and instead of being grateful, it just made me angry. I wanted him to leave because I just couldn't accept the fact that my little boy is a gay man. We deliberately made his life difficult and always hoped that he would go voluntarily. And when we got him to the point where he wanted to leave, the relatives found out about his homosexuality and refused to take him in. They even broke off contact with us. We were so blinded by rage that we took it all out on Yibo. And he tried so hard to please us. Still, we were adamant. We even allied ourselves with the police chief. But when Yibo decided to quit the university because of us and also took a second job so that he could support us financially, we got a bad conscience. And finally, Hai Kuan had once again thoroughly talked us into our conscience and finally managed to change our way of thinking. We finally accepted that Yibo is gay and even apologized to him. Everything went well between us again. We even told the police chief to leave Yibo alone. But he didn't. Again and again he harassed Yibo, threatened him or persecuted him. Until finally, Yibo had the accident and disappeared."

"Apart from your cruel and inhuman behaviour towards your own son, I understand, at least in part, that you were shocked when he outed himself. Still, I don't understand it. And I feel very sorry for your son. He was so young when he confessed to you and you trampled on his feelings. You tortured him for two years with the intention of hurting him because you couldn't handle the fact that he is gay. But I'm not here to blame you, I'm here because I wanted to know the truth." Zhan said.

"Ask her about the plan with the police chief." Said Wangji.

"What was the plan you plotted with the Chief of Police?" Ask Zhan.

"It was to scare Yibo a bit, so that Yibo would leave the village out of fear." Ms. Wang replied.

"Where should he go? Where do you think he should have lived? Without a home, no work and without work, no home. He'd end up on the street where who knows what might happen to him And after you accepted Yibo back as a family member, what was the chief of police doing?"

"He still wanted Yibo out of his village."

"Could he have had something to do with Yibo's accident?

"Well, I don't think so. He's an old man and I just don't think he would have gone this far."

"And yet you were lied to by him. He said he was looking for Yibo. When he called for the police search team, as well as the helicopter that was supposed to search for him from the air, he said a seven-year-old child had disappeared. Your son was never mentioned. So it seems reasonable to assume that he may have had something to do with it after all, and wants to hide it. Because the motorcycle never arrived in Beijing either. So the accident was never investigated." Zhan said.

But from that moment on, Mrs. Wang shut up and said nothing. Wangji told Zhan that it doesn't make sense anymore and he wants to get out of there.

In the car, Zhan asked him why he wanted to leave so suddenly. And Wangji said, the more she told about it, the less he could breathe. He got a headache and felt sick. He just wanted to get away.

Zhan was very thoughtful. Why did Wangji react that way to what Mrs. Wang told him? Hadn't his grandmother told him that lost souls can even suffer pain when they are reminded about their past or even find their body?

Had Wangji suffered a similar fate as Wang Yibo? Or, and Zhan actually thought it was absurd, is Wangji actually Wang Yibo? And did Wangji suddenly feel so bad because he was reminded of something from his past?

Is Wangji actually Wang Yibo? And if so, how can Zhan find it out? And could the old police chief really have caused Wang Yibo's accident?