Ella stormed out of the dance studio, with no idea where she was going. The bus stop was about a mile away, and she had no money at any rate. She wanted to collapse onto the steps and cry with frustration - why had everything suddenly become so complicated? Then she heard the door behind her open, and turned around to see Ryan. She moved her head back immediately, not wanting to talk to him. He walked slowly over to the steps and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry Ella."

That was it?!

"I'm not the one you should be apologising to." She said as calmly as she could.

"I know Ells. I just...I don't know why I did it. My friends, they thought it would be a laugh. I don't know why I went along I guess I just wanted to...you know, fit in."

Ella sighed and looked at him. He saw the tears brimming in her eyes, and the look of pain on his face made Ella's heart leap. Maybe he really is sorry? She lost herself to her turmoiled emotions and let herself bury her head in his chest. The feel of his strong arms around her was the best feeling she could have imagined at that moment, and she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back.

"Oh Ella." He said simply, his face in her hair. "Let me take you home, it's the least I can do?" Ella pulled away from him and nodded, the tears still running down her cheeks. All her anger had gone somewhere else. All she felt now was frustration at herself for letting her feelings confuse her like this. Ryan held her hand all the way to his car, and she clung back gladly. After he'd sat her in the passenger seat and gotten into the drivers seat himself, they set off and continued the journey in silence. Ella turned her back on him and curled up in the seat, letting her eyes close and the tears stream. When the car stopped she didn't open them until her door was opened by Ryan, who stroked her face and gave her a look she'd always wanted to see.

She knew what Ryan wanted to do right now, and she knew that wanted it to. But not now, not when she was like this. She sat up before he leaned in, and composed herself a little. Ryan insisted on helping her to her door, where she once again hugged him tight. She was strong enough to let go though.

"Please text me later Ells. I hate to leave you like this." He reluctantly let go of her hand and stepped back.

"I just need some time to think and rest. Thankyou for driving me home."

"It's honestly fine, I'm just glad I could help. You still want to come bowling tomorrow?" Oh gee. She'd forgotten about that.

"Yeah I do, it'll take my mind off of things."

"I'll drive then, I'll pick up you first then Carys and Chris. Will two o'clock be ok?" Ella nodded silently, trying to take the information in as her eyes finally stopped producing tears.

"I'll see you then. Text me when you feel like it."

"I will." She waved once then opened her door, dragged herself up her stairs, and threw herself onto her bed.

----

She awoke a couple of hours later, when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Umm Hi, it's Josh." She could tell by the umm.

"Hey" She breathed.

"Look I know today was a bit...weird but I was wondering whether you still wanted to go to the library with me and August? I'm not expecting you to drive of course, we can get the bus, I'll pay for you and..." but Ella cut him off.

"I made you a promise Josh, and I don't tend to break those. I'll drive, and don't even think about paying me." She was glad to get out and distract herself. She really needed to work out how she was feeling about Josh, especially after what happened with Ryan earlier.

"Oh, ok, great, thankyou so much. I'll meet you at the end of Locke Road in an hour if that's ok? A's really excited." He sounded nervous, even more so than normal. Ella agreed and hung up. She looked in her mirror at her face full of smudged makeup and shook herself. She was stronger than this, and she could make it through a few confused feelings.

She didn't take much time choosing an outfit, but it felt good to get out of her skin tight leotard and into a pair of shorts and her favourite feel good t-shirt - red with the Gryffindor crest. Brave and Bold. That was the description of her favourite Hogwarts House, and with her t-shirt on she felt just a little closer to it. Carys would die if she saw her in this, and god knows what Ryan would think! Ella was seen as 'popular' at school, but secretly she was a nerd at heart, not just about Harry Potter but other things too. But it wasn't Carys or Ryan she was seeing, it was Josh, and she didn't feel the need to impress. She made herself smile in the mirror, and was surprised that she didn't need to fake it too much. Maybe today was going to brighten up.

----

Ten minutes later she was parked at the end of Locke Road, and saw two figures hurrying towards her. She recognised the awkward shuffle of Josh, and alongside him was the confident stride of a six year old who thinks she owns the world. Ella smiled at her grin, it was infectious. August opened the car door, jumped in the back and  stuck her head between the two front seats.

"Hi I'm August and thankyou for taking me to the library Ella!" She saw Josh just about to get into the passenger seat, and quickly whispered "Josh told me to say that!" before sitting in the middle back seat and strapping herself in. Ella giggled as Josh opened the door.

"What's she said?" He asked, half paranoid.

"She said Hello and thankyou, she's a very polite little sister." Ella said smiling. She started up the car, and saw Josh turn around the August and mouth 'thankyou'.

Most of the ten minute journey was taken up by August's incessent chatting. Ella listened intently, fascinated that a girl so little could talk so much, but Josh kept apologising and telling her to be quiet.

"Ella doesn't want to listen to your stories about unicorns A." Ella laughed.

"It's fine Josh, honestly. Maybe we can find a book about unicorns in the library August?" Ella said as they pulled up outside.

"YEAAH!" She breathed enthusiastically. Josh rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. They walked into the library together, and August dragged Josh off to the children's section.

"See you in a bit then I guess!" He smiled at Ella, who nodded and went towards the non-fiction section. She found the books she needed for her summer Biology project, and read them quietly, books open around her and in front of her. Every now and then she scribbled something in her notepad.

"A's just round the corner reading about fifty books, she loves it here!" Ella jumped at the sound of Josh's voice. But smiled up at him. He looked nervously down at her. She couldn't bare seeing him looking so forlorn. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down next to her, laughing when his knees buckled and nearly sent him flying.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't actually mean to hurt you!" But Josh laughed too. "It's fine, you couldn't" Ella blushed behind her hair, but surprisingly it wasn't out of pity and embarassment for him. When she felt her cheeks stop glowing, she turned her head back towards him and decided it was time to talk.

"I'm sorry I was so weird earlier. I've just been under alot of stress recently."

"I'd be surprised if you didn't feel like that with what you've been through. You're so strong Ella, you know that right?" Ella smiled.

"Thanks. I try" Now Josh knew it was his time to talk.

"I'm sorry I was so weird for four years, you must think I'm a right creep."

"Well, I did." Ella replied, looking into his honest face. "But I had no right to judge you, I didn't know you."

"I'm so embarassed about how I've acted. All those flowers and stuff when you were in hospital, it was a joke really, I know that now. I thought you were the best thing in the world, I really did, infact I still do but, not in a creepy stalker way, promise." He smiled at her, and for once he kept eye contact and didn't look away. "I understand that you're just a person now. I know that sounds crazy, but honestly you're just a person, still a pretty special one though." Now his smile looked more cheeky, and Ella appreciated this moment even more. She knew it was the first time he'd smiled like that at anyone. Ever.

Then a pair of running feet told them that August was back. She was holding a pile of books, which she dumped on Josh's lap. Ella laughed, she really was a little bookworm. Ella gathered the books she wanted and they chatted about unicorns all the way to the checkout desk.

----

Between the book cases a figure hid, breathing heavily but as quietly as they could. Ella and Josh? They'd thought Ryan was her weakness but now...

This made things interesting.

----

"Library Card please." Said the old lady holding the scanner.

"She doesn't have one yet, we'd like to get one please." Said Josh nervously. Ella wished he'd have more confidence around other people, not just her. But it did make her feel...special in some way. The old lady frowned at them both.

"You're not her parents are you?" Ella looked at her in shock.

"No! God no!" She said trying not to laugh. Josh had turned very red.

"I'm her older brother." He said quietly.

"Right. Are you eighteen?" said the librarian.

"Umm, no not for a few months." Josh said, growing redder and redder.

"Then I'm afraid you can't get her one. We need details of a parent or carer over the age of eighteen." Josh looked at Ella and then August, hopelessly.

"She can get them out on my card for now, then maybe your Mum can come and get her one another day?"

August looked at her solemnly. "Mummy's very poorly at the moment because she misses Daddy. But she'll be better when he comes home, she can come and do it then." then she smiled at Ella, her blue eyes twinkling. Ella could have cried. Josh did. She watched him walk out quietly, and told August to stay with her. She took her own books and August's books out on her card, then took her by the hand and walked her outside and to the car, which was just a few feet away. Ella calmly told her to go and read in the car for a minute. August's face was a picture when Ella handed over her car key. She beamed and unlocked it gleefully, before piling herself and the books into the back seat. Ella gave her a quick wave, then walked a few step to where Josh was sitting on a bench, his head in his hands.

"She can't see me can she?" He asked. "No, she's reading in the car." Ella replied softly. Josh took his hands away from his face, and Ella saw the tears streaming, just like hers had been earlier. She couldn't stop herself this time, she burst into tears and held him tight, gripping his skin through his shirt.

"Don't cry for me Ella, please. I couldn't be responsible for that." Josh whispered through his tears. And now Ella wasn't confused. She knew exactly what she was feeling. Guilt. Guilt for crying over something so pathetic as confusing feelings about guys. Guilt that she still had two parents who loved her and would do anything for her. Guilt that the only person she had to look after was herself, when Josh had the opposite of this. She managed to stop crying, but wouldn't let go of Josh. It was surprising that he was clearly holding back, not hugging her too. She loosened her grip, but still kept a hold of him.

"I'm just so sorry about everything. I can't imagine what it must be like for your family, trying to explain your Dad to August." She spoke half into his shoulder, but he understood. She felt him pull away, and they looked into eachothers tear stained faces. A smile broke Josh's lips, and he squeezed Ella's hand, then let go quickly.

"She just doesn't get that he's never coming back. It's been nearly four years, and every day I try and tell her. But she see's other families, she see's her friends Mum's and Dad's collecting them from school and thinks that she must have that too. Mum hasn't picked her up from school in a year, ever since I've started college it's been my responsibility. Some days I finish later and have to put August into after school activities. It's not...It's not fair on her. Oh god I'm sorry Ella, I'm just ranting at you." He ran his hands through his hair and looked away from her.

"It's fine, you need to. It's been inside for years Josh you need to talk about it. You know I'm here for you ok?" She wanted to reach out and grab him again, but the way he'd dropped her hand had told her not to.

"Thankyou Ella. You're my best friend." Ella's heart wrenched, but her face smiled. She walked with him to the car, and found August totally emersed in her new books. She saw welcome smile pass on Josh's face, and as they sat down in the car he warned her "Don't read when we're moving August, you'll get travel sick." He sounded like a parent, and Ella realised that he practically was. It was so sad, and she tried not to look at him as she drove them home.

It was a long ten minutes before she pulled up outside their house.

"This is so far from the end of the road Josh, why didn't you make me pick you up from here?"

"Oh it was hard to explain on the phone. I didn't want to, you know, inconvenience you. You've done us both a massive favour today." Said Josh as he got out of the car. Ella got out too and opened the door for August, who hugged her round the middle. Ella looked surprised, then smiled and hugged her back.

"Thankyou for being Josh's friend Ella. Can we see you again soon?"

"Of course! Anytime you want A."

"You called me A! We're certainly best friends now!" She squealed and beamed at her. Josh shook his head. "How do you just make people love you like that?" He asked half laughing as he came over to them. August ran to their front door, and there was an awkward moment as Ella and Josh looked at eachother, torn between hugging and stepping away. It was the same awkward feeling she'd had around Ryan at college yesterday. In the end she squeezed his shoulder, and said simply "Bye Josh." He smiled at her, and nodded quickly, before walking in his normal, hunched up way towards his house.

Ella smiled inside and out all the way home. She didn't know why, because she wasn't beaming with glee. Today had been full of so many feelings, that she just couldn't take anymore. She remembered her 'date' with Ryan tomorrow. The thought of those cool brown eyes made her smile grow more, but the thought of Josh's watery blue ones was still there too, as she went home, closed her eyes and dreamed.

----

Author's Note:

Who are you rooting for? Ella and Josh or Ella and Ryan? Would be interested to know :)

Will upload soon!

Ceri xo