Floating.

Floating.

Is there something to do besides always floating?

In this sea of life, waves crashes down,

Not like the waves others have to ride.

Sometime God...

I think there's something very wrong with me.

I feel very different than others.

Like perhaps my brain is switched differently.

People complain about things of this world.

Physical, things that I would prefer to go through for them.

Not going to complain.

Or say which is worse because all of our human pains

Are the same. 

Yaweh....

Others can fall but they can get back up.

Sorry Lord. Jesus...

I feel that if I fall, the penalty would be much too big to pay.

You paid my price,

Of my transgressions.

Past, present, and future.

It was enough. 

Your blood, Jesus, was enough to overpay my debt.

You said that my heart was good soil,

That You love my heart

And seeds will be planted.

I felt Your warm embrace,

Your spirit hugging mine and filling these cold bones.

David's psalms are accurate God.

I think "What if I lose You?"

Did I commit the unforgivable sin?

Is God mad at me,

Did I hurt You Lord?

I...do not know what to pray for.

Your word says God, that the spirit prays for us

When we have no clue what to say.

You say to trust God, and trust You as well Jesus.

You are a good God and loving God.

Blessed are those who believe without seeing.

Where is your faith?

Surely he will rescue me from the fowler's trap

And deadly pestilence.

Jesus is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

You tell me to conquer evil God,

By doing what is good.

To love You God and others how Your Son

Loves us.

Your word says You are a good judge.

David pleaded for Your vindication.

How accurate...David's feelings are close to mine.

Knowing that the enemy's words are not us

Yet wanting to be cleared of it.

Be blameless in Your sight.

To be like a clean dish.

shinning and pleasing to the eye,

I have nothing to go by that I'm even doing a decent job,

God, nothing my blind eyes can see.

But I know that You are my judge.

The one that will bring me vindication,

Because You know me Father.

You know my motives,

My sins,

My thoughts,

My fears,

My desires.

I am an open book

That You are writing.

My ending is not known to me,

That is for Your eyes alone.

You know what thoughts are mine and what are not.

You see what the enemy tries pouring in me

And I have the hope that when You come back Jesus,

And take my family and I home God,

You will repay the devil back for everything he's ever done.

Every tear he caused,

Every panic he instilled,

Every mind he twisted,

Every heart he tried to take.

You will pay him back Jesus.

Your Father God put everything under Your feet.

I have nothing to see where I stand...

But I'm believing Jesus that You have me,

That what You say God is all true.

Please Jesus, I ask You God for a sound mind.

For Your Spirit of courage,

Not fear.

To continue on in genuine faith

And refuse the urge to scatter and be 

A flight-case.

To stand guard and remain Loyal

Even when it hurts.

God, Jesus,

Don't let me be like the pharisees.

Too full of myself;

Cut me down God,

Humble me and convict me Jesus,

I don't care if I hurt;

As long as I know You love me,

You convict and discipline those You love -

It means returning to Your Jesus.

Don't let the enemy's lies

Affect or lead my mind,

God, I know You can calm the seas,

Make the storm hush up.

Jesus, I know You are here with me on this boat,

Sailing life as it rocks and thrashes.

I'm trying to walk on water,

To You Jesus

Without looking at the storm.

Trying to keep focused

And not lose sight of You God.

I don't want to keep going to You just in my panic.

I want to seek You earnestly

Even on my brightest days.

Only going to You for benefits,

It makes me fear that I am just using You for 

Selfish gain.

To abuse Your grave God that You gave through 

Your Son Jesus Christ

On that cross,

I shake my head.

To be used,

Then tossed away until another time,

Who wants that?!

I remember a question asked to groups,

It went something like this:

If you were to die today and stood before God,
what would you say if asked 'why should you be let into heaven?'

It was an interesting question indeed.

Many that replied "Because I'm good."

Jesus, I'm not good at all.

We humans love to boast and bring out our good side

But I can't even be put into the category 'good.'

I have no reason why I should be let into heaven.

No reason except that You died for me Jesus.

You shed Your blood for me,

Covered me

And gave me a heart

Because mine was too cold.

Please...Jesus, don't leave me.

Without You, I have no good thing.

Nothing but pain and bitterness,

Hatred brewing and itching to be released.

A darkness I'm unable to get rid of Jesus,

Not without Your strength.

Not without You.

You are the one that banish the bad in me

And pours in me all Good. 

Let me always remember that.

Amen.