I don't really know what to feel. 

One moment I am 
HIGH.

The next moment I am
LOW.

Sometimes I feel too much of everything.

And then the next moment I feel nothing at all.

It's really funny at times when I think about it
At a glance. 

Then it's not so funny anymore when I think about it
In depth.

I feel horrible when I'm high in spirits.

I feel the same way when I'm blank.

I guess my mind and heart
Loves being opposites.

Or perhaps that's just me
As a person in general.

Contrasts

Yet the same.

Could this be a bad thing?
Lukewarmness?

Or am I at war
With the girl I see the mirror?

Sometimes I want to scream and break something

But I settle for keeping things in.

Keeping it to myself
And pray that goodness wins the fight.

Ignore the things that play hopscotch in my head
And ask God for forgiveness for them.

I do not mean to be...

But I guess it's something I need to except...

Confess it all to the Lord
Just what a paradox I am.

Ask forgiveness for the way I turned out to be.
Pray for guidance to be less of me and more like him. 

Then accept what I am, what makes me need him.

I'm a paradox.