It's so hard living thankful for everything when everything around us seemed so opaque.

Lifeless.
Dim.
Heartbreaking.

Guess that's why we get so ticked off when the finger is pointed at us - the depressed - and told we are depressed because it's our fault.

But isn't it true?
We didn't allow others to hurt us
That's true

But we allowed what their actions and words threw at us to take away the joy in our hearts. The devil lies and yet we still find ourselves listening to his siren song. Unknowingly that the closer we get and the more we listen to his music he's opening his mouth and unleashing his claws.

Now we are stuck.
Trapped.
Dug a hole for ourselves

And there seem no way to get out of. How foolish! How absurd are we! We have the most powerful God almighty on our side and yet somehow we....me....I still find myself listening to the sirens.

Worrying and panicking over every little thing.
Coming up with things that God says aren't true unless I chose to believe them.

I'm done. Just done. Each day is a battle and I refuse to let the devil win. I refuse to listen to his songs that blinds and the hated and pain he so freely gives. I'm done crying and whining every single time I fall. I chose God!

I going to chose to be thankful.
Praise God when I'm down.
When I'm attacked and punched all over the little cage I call my brain.

That will be my challenge. Not to live a life in grief chasing the world, but to chase after God and live a life of gratitude.