Dear myself;

I don't know if you remember me or even have a vague image of who I am - who you use to be. It's kind of funny isn't it? How the past comes back but at the same time I'm no longer the past you but now the present you. You are becoming the past and yet I notice you are fighting to stay in control...

You are still struggling to get out of that waltz you were stuck in for so long. You remember the dance. The vicious cycle of dancing with the devil. Listening to him tells you lies, make you feel worthless and unloved but everyone.

Made you feel like God would never forgive you.
And also making you hate what you are.

Yet like a drug you couldn't escape him.
He had you by the throat.

More lies. More hate, More distractions got thrown your way. The pain and the anger you allowed to grow. A weed killing all the life you once had...yet you couldn't see it. A blind was on your eyes but now they are off. You were set free by the grace of God. He came and took you back from the devil. He brought you home and restored you...

But now you struggle with your recovering.
You were saved but that cycle is still stuck in your mind.

Trauma that you keep trying to beat on your own.

You pray, ask God to take these sin away from you
Yet you keep trying to fight on your own.

You're broken, why do you keep trying to stand tall when on the inside you're crying for your Abbi Father to take the nightmares away. You grit through the pain, wanting to make the Lord see that you are strong but you're not. You're weak. Look at you:

You are a mangled mess trying to still seem human.
And that is alright.

It's ok to feel broken. Useless. Sad and that the weight of the world is too much because then you lean on God and you know...you know he will always love you. He acknowledges you even though you keep trying to ignore both sides of yourself.

The dark and the light.

Stop it.
Don't listen to the devil's twisted lies.

Don't let his whispers of the past pull you in again, haunting you in your dreams.. Hold tight and cling to God and when you feel your grip slipping away, Cry out and just know God will always catch you.

Smile.
Ignore the thoughts.

Walk in Love.
For God is love!

Stop being like Martha. Stressing yourself out and trying to be the goody-two-shoes host. Doing everything you can to please yet missing the most important part of yourself. The part that made you new. Washed away your sins and the reason you're holding on.

Jesus!

Smile, let God guide you with his spirit. Ignore the devil's brutal jibes and those unwanted thoughts he puts in your way. Keep going to the Lord and thank him for always being kind to you especially when he corrects you and disciplines you. He wants you to do better. Learn and apply it to your life.

Listen to him.
Listen to God.

And let him shine through you.

Dear myself...it's alright. We'll learn together and continue to look to God. We will be alright. We will recover and through Christ...

We will come out strong.

Love,A child of God Almighty.