It keeps happening God; 

Up and down.
Left and Right.

My heart sores then it aches.

Bleeds,
Mends,

I feel so many things all at once,
Then nothing at all and it confuses me.

I want to stop limiting You but once more I start that dance again.

I fall.
My ankle seems to sprain.

I ask what is happening? 

Am I doing something wrong?
Am I falling away?!

I believe and I know YOU exist,
But then I question and shamefully doubt...don't make me say it.

My heart feels fine but is that ok?

I feel selfish.
I know I'm selfish.

I pray for help for my problems but forget others.

I try to learn
But I get confused.

Jesus!
It's all in Your hands.

I gave You my heart because I know You are the Son of GOD.

I was scared back into Your arms,
Afraid of hell.

But before my baptism, You opened my eyes and showed me my brokenness.

I realized just how dirty I was.
Running away from You.

I believe You died for me and rose again,

I still believe
I do and I know it's wrong to doubt.

To have disbelief
To question everything.

Lord...Jesus...sometimes I fear, I feel like I'm going to be written off.

I'm going to be left behind
Because either I'm going to fall away, turn

Or Fail to follow You and Your will.

It's a growing process, I know
And I'm proving the opposite of my trust, beliefs in You

Because I freak out.
But Lord...

Even though I feel so confused and keep doing and thinking such stupid things...

Use me Lord.
Use me to build others up.

Use me for good God, not bad.

Convict me Lord
Lead me back in YOUR WAY,

Not mine.
Convict me back.