I'm going on a date with him... How could you do that to yourself Amanda? That is torture for both of you. You're giving him hope. I love him, but it's just not the right time to give him hope. I think we hurried into this the last time. We should take it slow this time and make sure it works out for both of us.

I enter my apartment and Theo is immediately at my side. "Hello baby... Who is a good boy? Yeah, right you are!" I say and he licks my face as soon as I bend down to pet him. I walk into my bedroom and see the mess he made.

"Oh Theo... The bed sheets were brand new," I say and he looks ashamed to the side. I get into the shower to get rid of the scent of Simon on my skin so I don't have to think about him all the time.

As I get out I hear my front door open and Phil appears in the bathroom. "You're back," he says happily. "And how did it go?" he asks and I turn off the shower. I grab my towel and wrap it around myself.

"Well, I am getting ready for a date with Simon so way better than imagined," I say and pull the curtain back, stepping out of the shower. "You're going on a date? Well, that's amazing!" he says and I can't get my excitment to show up...

"No, it's not. I'm giving him hope. I am not ready for a second try. I am afraid it will end like the last time. Another heart break and I'd be broken..." I say and he nods, but then shakes his head. "I think you're worrying way too much Amanda. Well, the last time you lived together it didn't quite work the way you wanted, but that's no reason to give up. I think if you give the whole thing a chance it will work out just fine. You also need to be able to fight in a healthy relationship," he says and I begin to blow dry my hair.

"Yes, but I'm not ready for it. He was my first serious boyfriend and we were taking things way too far. I'm just not like other girls. I need time to adjust to all of this and he didn't really give me the time I needed. I moved in with him before we even got together..." I say and Phil just shakes his head.

"Amanda... We're best friends for such a long time now and how often did you tell me to just go along with it? Even if I already lost hope you told me to keep going and that made some incredible memories... Think about that baby of yours. Would you like it to grow up without Simon around?" he says yells over the loud noise of the blow dryer.

"No, I don't want that... But I am not ready," I say and he shakes his head. "All you say is that you're not ready... How can you know that without even trying," he says and walks away, leaving me with my thoughts alone.

He is right... I can't know that without trying, but still... We shouldn't jump right into it like last time. A bit more time won't kill us.

...

I dress up nicely and get my makeup done while watching Phil play with Theo. "You know... Since you have gotten together with Simon you have improved on makeup," he says and I laugh. "Maybe because I go out a lot more?" I ask and he joins my laughter.

"Could be a reason... Or you're trying to impress Mr. Cowell," he says and I just shake my head. "Have you ever seen me wearing makeup because of a man?" I ask and raise an eyebrow. "Nope... That's unlike you," he says and I thank him for not lying.

"Well how is he doing?" he suddenly asks and I sigh. "You know... It's hard on him. He really loved his mum and now she is gone.It's important for me to be there for him now," I say and he nods.

"He really needs you right now," he says and I put on lipstick to finish the look. "I know... That's why I'll be there for him every step of the way," I say and smile at him. He sure knows how to make me feel guilty even though I haven't done anything wrong.

Hearing him say that makes me feel bad for not moving back in with him... I hear the door bell ring the moment I put on my shoes and grab for my purse. "I think that's Simon... So you two. Behave yourselves and don't do anything too stupid! I don't want to come back to a burned down house," I say and Phil laughs at me.

"Have fun!" he says and I close the door behind me. I run down the stairs and Simon stands in front of the main door.

"Hey," he says and smiles at me. 

"Hey," I say and smile back at him.

"You look beautiful," he says and I feel the urge to kiss him, but resist for good reasons. "Thank you..." I say and blush slightly. "So are you ready?" he asks and I nod as I follow him towards his car.

...

I have no clue if peopel still read that shit, but I still have that chapter on my computer so yeah. I think about deleting this, because I don't know. People don't even read it so why keep it on here?