Same warnings apply.

Phil shut the front door behind him, letting out a gentle sigh. It was good to be home. It was nice to hang out with old friends but it tired him out since he wasn't exactly the best at social interactions. "Dan?" He called out but the name just echoed around the house. Curious, Phil headed upstairs, gently pushing Dan's door open in case he had had an early night. His bed was empty and still perfectly made from when it had been done that morning. "Dan..?" He repeated, growing more concerned. The door had been unlocked so he had to be in the house somewhere.

The bathroom not even crossing his mind, he wandered into his own room. Eyes casting down to the piece of paper, he picked it up. His eyebrows were furrowed as he read the first line. A sob arose in his throat as the realisation hit him. "Dan!" He yelled, so much more frantic and afraid than before. He went straight to the bathroom, shoving the door open. His heart was pounding fast in his chest and his breathing was erratic as everything started to move in slow motion.

Dan. He was lying on the tiled floor, his eyes tightly shut and a container that was once filled with pills at his side. Phil was sobbing as he reached his fingers up to Dan's neck, frantically attempting to feel a pulse. It was faded but, surely enough, it was there. After fumbling for his phone that had a mere 5% battery, he dialled 999. "999 what's your emer-" He didn't even think before cutting the lady off, speaking faster than lightning.

"My friend. He tried to overdose and fuck he's barely breathing! Please- I need help-"

"Sir, what's the address?"

Before Phil could even process everything that was going on, a group of paramedics were rushing into the room. He backed up against the wall, barely taking the time to blink because he was so shocked and he couldn't comprehend that his friend had just attempted suicide.

It didn't make sense. He thought Dan was getting better.

It was all his fault wasn't it? If he had noticed his friend's deterioration, he could have saved his life. He could have prevented it.

-

"I need to see him!" Phil yelled but a nurse forced him to stop.

"Sir, he needs to be examined. He's in a critical condition and cannot take any visitors at this time. We will update you as soon as we can, okay? Please go sit in the waiting room." The nurse had sympathy laced in her tone but Phil barely noticed as he stormed over to the chairs.

He sobbed constantly for the entire two hours (or was it longer than that? He didn't know) he was waiting. He couldn't help but blame himself. If he had been a better friend-

"Daniel Howell?" The nurse questioned. Phil's head perked up and he nodded rapidly, following the nurse into an empty room. "I'm sorry but-"

"No." Phil interrupted. He knew what was coming but he didn't want to believe it. If she didn't say it, maybe it wouldn't be true. Yeah! Dan was sitting in the room next to them and he was completely okay.

"We did everything we could."

-

Phil barely made it home before collapsing onto his bed. He finally took his time to properly read the letter, taking in Dan's final words. He hugged his knees against his chest, an emptiness enveloping him and pulling him underwater.

"Dan, you idiot," He choked out into the air. No one was listening but Phil just hoped the other man was watching from wherever he was. "I loved you too..." His voice cracked as he let out a loud wail. "I loved you too and... and I always will."

From that day onwards, Phil felt like a broken shell of the man he once was. He had lost his best friend and, in the process, he lost a part of him too. Waking up to an empty, silent house hurt his heart, especially when he could literally imagine his roommates footsteps... or his loud music... or his beautiful laugh...

But it was always silent.

Phil couldn't live without his best friend. He missed him too much.

Dan didn't think he'd be missed but he was. Phil's heart would forever yearn for his best friend but he was never going to get him back.

People would miss you too.

Okay now for a deep, meaningful speech from the author.

Lately I haven't been feeling good. School's stressing me out, especially when I can't concentrate on anything or motivate myself to do any work; I don't have many friends at school either which means I barely talk for like 6 hours of my day. As well as that, I've been worrying about coming out to my parents and feeling really lonely. So yeah, I'm not doing all that great.

I have to admit, my mind wanders to things I shouldn't do sometimes. I have done something I never want to admit and maybe some of you can jump to the conclusion of what it was. I've also been thinking a lot... about giving up.

There are a few reasons why I haven't. My family are one, especially my sister. She's really awesome and she never fails to make me laugh! I don't want to upset them, even if there's that part of me that's saying they wouldn't be upset. They would. Another reason is this account. I've had it for two years I think? Just over? And seeing people comment and vote on my stuff gives me so much hope... You all care about me and my terrible writing! YouTube is the last reason. Certain YouTubers (Dan, Phil, Jack and Mark but mainly Ethan) are always there to make me laugh when I want to cry.

"Where the heck is this going?" You ask. Well I just wanted to tell you not to give up. Please. There are some people who do care about you, even if you don't know it. YouTubers (or the majority of them) care about their subscribers, don't they? Your family care about you. So do your friends. I care about you.

There are so many reasons you should stay alive. I posted a chapter in my Randomness book titled '50 Reasons Not To Give Up' and I highly recommend you read it if you're feeling down. This isn't a spon at all. You don't need to read it but it's just me pointing out the little things that make me want to stay alive. I wrote it the other night when I wasn't at my happiest and I was close to doing something bad (I wasn't going to kill myself. Just hurt myself). It really helped me.

It's just like.. yeah, there are terrible things going on in the world. Yeah, you might feel alone. Yeah, you might be feeling anxious a lot. But the world is a beautiful place and there are so many positive things in it. Focus on the positive things that happen and appreciate them. Like, watching the sunset. It's so beautiful. You don't want to miss it, do you?

Please don't give up. Reach out to someone because I'm sure there is someone who'll be willing to help you out. You'll be okay one day, I promise. Maybe I lose hope sometimes but I try my best to get it back by doing things I love. I write, I watch YouTube. I draw... it helps keep me grounded and realise things aren't all that bad.

Recently I've started to meditate as well? I know it sounds stupid but it helps calm me down. I've only done it a few times but those times it has helped me relax and become less tense. Being a restless and generally fidget-y person, I wasn't sure I'd benefit from it but it helped make me feel calmer. It's useful and you should definitely try it if you feel anxious!

I'm not claiming I have anxiety or depression or any mental disorder at all. I'm just saying I've been feeling down and these things have helped me. I'm not saying I'm some sort of professional either so you can't just rely on me to help you. I can be there to support you but if you are really suffering with suicidal thoughts or have thoughts of harming yourself or others, please reach out.

Here are some helplines. If your country's isn't there, a quick google search should assist you.

Please stay safe. For me, for your friends, for your family. People will miss you, I promise.

I'm sorry that you're going through what you're going through. I know I've been feeling really under the weather lately but I haven't been and never have been diagnosed with depression. This may mean I don't actually know what it feels like. I mean, I've had bad thoughts and stuff but I'm sure I haven't had it that bad.

You'll be okay. Here's a hug because sometimes that's all you need. *hugs*

If you need to talk, I'm here, okay? I'll try and reply as quick as I can but, because of time zones, that might be hard. I'll still try my best to be there for you though.

So stay safe. Make sure you eat, drink and take your medication today. Look after yourself... for me.

(Sorry I wrote so much. It's just an issue that's very close to my heart.)

...I love you <3