25. only so far
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A/N
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• MAKUA •
"Cheers Everyone!" Donna yelled over the loud chatter in the studio apartment. Our whole team gathered around, plates of food and wine glasses filled with expensive champagne and our smiles broadened at the success of my first sponsorship.
Part of it though was due to Tonya's absence at the little after-party Melissa, my ever-talented stylist, had put together last minute. Everyone was evidently relaxed and actually smiling. You'd think it was a common thing amongst us but since Tonya's reign of terror began, it became scarce during work hours to see people crack as much as a side smile.
Of course, she'd denied the invite that Melissa probably prayed she had. She'd held up her pointed nose with a smile that let anyone know that she was above such "trivial parties". But it was a blessing in disguise. Or not, it was quite obvious.
Anyway, I found myself sashaying through the little crowd, hugging and thanking everyone for their efforts. We'd been up since dawn, trying outfits, fixing sets, and working on my creative appearance as we made our rounds with the sponsors. I wasn't an ambassador for any yet but a single campaign with fashion brands like Versace and Dior went a long way for someone at my level.
I took a sip from my glass of sparkling water — I did not need a repeat of the past — and leaned against the kitchen island, smiling as a few people gathered in a corner to play a game of Monopoly.
"Congratulations, Makkie!" A voice said from beside me, settling and nudging my shoulders. My eyes widened when they honed in on Kaden, a wider smile plastered on his face.
"No way, what are you doing here?" I threw my hands around him without much thought, the liquid from my glass spilling to the sides. "I thought you weren't in town?"
"Don't be angry with Donna but I told her not to tell you. We finished the shoot early so I came back as early as last night."
"You!" My forefinger stabbed at his chest as his laughter filled my ears. It's been what? Almost two weeks since we'd set our eyes on each other? Some big shot boy group — that he'd refused to reveal — had asked him to be on a remix for their hit song and flew him out to LA for it. To say that I was soaked in jealousy was an understatement but I was more sad for his absence. We'd barely texted and with the way things had been left, there was no surprise there. "Tell me you took pictures and brought souvenirs enough to fill the fucking plane!"
He held up a large decorated bag in his grasp and I couldn't help the squeal I let out, "Tada!"
"I see you like your life peaceful," my hands went straight for the straps, looking through the bag in a beat. Inside was a large hoodie with Los Angeles printed on it, a few t-shirts, and some chocolates. But when I dipped my hands further, my hands retrieved a white mini Polaroid camera.
My mouth fell open and I lifted my head to meet his already grinning face. "You did not."
"I sure did, I know you'd been musing about the one you lost this summer, so I thought, why not? I was worried you'd get one before I got ba—"
My hands encircled him once more and when I pulled back, I reveled in the shy smile that blossomed on his face. "You are amazing!"
"I know, I know." He dusted the imaginary specs of dust on his shoulder, earning a light punch to his arm. He laughed, looking around. "Now, would you mind filling me in on the things I missed already?"
With that, I spent a good thirty minutes to an hour, ranting on about Tonya, the bad press I was apparently getting from my label, the new pressures mounting in Gian Ent., Sienna's arrival, and most importantly, moving in with Damian. By this time, Kaden had a beer drawn to his lips, sipping and nodding attentively. He paused at that last part, furrowing his brows.
"You moved in with... him?"
"Yes, it was kind of impulsive," I said, biting back the information about what really led to it.
"Impulsive is an understatement." He deadpanned, taking a slow gulp as his lips formed into a thin line. "Do you even know how he really is? I mean you've already seen a part of him that impulsively hits people without asking questions. Do you think he won't hurt you?"
I froze, my brows drawing closely together. "He would never hurt me."
"Says anyone that's in the honeymoon stage with a dangerous person, Makkie." He leaned to the side, turning slightly on the side stool we'd perched on. "Men like him, they have power. They run through girls and guys alike and dispose of them when they're done. Physically or emotionally. Makes no difference. You can't tell that he's different just yet. As your friend, I really hope you slow down with things. I mean, he's the reason we were even able to meet in the first place but that's exactly why you should be careful."
I blew out a breath. "Way to kill the mood, Kaden."
He shrugged. "I'm just just looking out for the only person I can call a real friend right now. It means a lot to me that you're okay. This industry is a dangerous ball game altogether, and you're one of a kind."
"One of a kind?" I laughed, running a finger over the rim of my glass. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to flirt."
He held up his hands so quickly, I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips. "No, no, no way. In case this is being recorded, I do not and will not have any romantic interest towards you, Makua Amadi, I swear it."
By the time I could catch my breath, I nudged him with a light punch to his chest. "You're good, you're good. Nothing's being recorded."
"That's what you think until you see my face on the tmz homepage: "Does D-list musician, Kaden, want to steal his boss' girlfriend? Stay tuned for more as we uncover this breaking story — and the next thing I know, I've gone missing."
I bit down on my bottom lip because, for one part, he was not lying, Damian would probably make him go missing, and on another no— wait, speaking of Damian, what time is it?
Sitting up, I pulled my phone out to check the time: 10 p.m. Shit. I'd told him I'd be home between 6/7, what if he'd been waiting? He was always privy to my work time and never called unless it was way past my usual time out. But he hadn't called or left a message. Which made me all the more worried. Was he pissed?
"Hey, is everything okay?" Kaden's voice interrupted my train of thought, I brought my eyes to meet his and offered a slight smile.
"Yup, I might have to leave now."
He rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, your man is calling you home."
"No, he's not, and don't say it like that!"
"Mhmm sure he isn't."
He followed my movements as I got up and I went to say goodbye to Donna, Melissa, and every other person still around. "Do you need a ride?"
"Thank you, but I have one."
He nodded as if to say, 'Of course you do.'
I wrapped my hand around him once we hit the street, Mirko already making his way out of the driver's seat to get to my door. He was too meticulous sometimes. I wondered if he tracked my movement and knew when I was coming back at all times. "I hope we get to see often, like this. I know you're still pissed from what happened that night but it would mean a lot to me if you came around sometime, to bury the hatchet?"
He squinted playfully, kissing his teeth. "Um, hanging out more, yes. Coming to your brute boyfriend's house willingly to get my ass handed to me, probably not."
I drew back and shoved him. "You are impossible."
"Yeah yeah, tell me something I don't know." We laughed for a brief while and then a question popped into my head, one I'd been dying to ask.
"If you don't mind me asking? How is that guy from the other night? Still in touch?"
His eyes widened, his jaw tightening as he took a step back. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"The club? The time we went out with Chi—"
"Please." His eyes darted around quickly. "Let's just keep that out of our line of conversation for good. Okay?"
I pursued my lips but nodded despite myself. He looked visibly shaken from the mere mention of it and I didn't want to piss him off by pushing. "Alright, agreed."
"Good." With that, he waved me off and I got in, dreading the traffic and the time it took to reach the estate. By the time I slipped into the house, it was eerily quiet, albeit from the subtle night lights Damian insisted on leaving on despite my worries about the light cost — you can imagine how he reacted to that.
I slipped out of my pumps, holding them in my hands and tiptoeing my way up the spiraling stairs. By the time I made my way down the hallway, I almost breezed past his study to our room when I found the door slightly creaked open.
Dropping my shoes to the side, I pushed open the door slowly. Peeking inside to find Damian reclined on his seat at the end of the vast room, light from the side lamp at his desk, the only source illuminating his beautiful face.
I moved till I was beside him, watching as he slept. Hand tightly holding on to an empty glass, a half-empty decanter of whiskey nestled beside it. The pungent scent of alcohol grew stronger as I leaned close to him, a frown taking over my face.
Had he drank himself to sleep? Was he really that pissed?
On another note, he looked beautiful in his sleep, his full lashes glistening under the lamp light; every line, spec of hair, and the smooth skin of his face perfectly outlined. How was it possible for someone to look even more beautiful in their sleep? It was seldom people referred to men as beautiful but in his case, beautiful might be too little to describe just how perfect he is.
I dragged my fingers subtly along the side of his face, making my way to the outline of his full lips. I felt the pain first before my mind even registered his strong grip snagging my wrist in his and drawing me closer. His eyes were shut and the words he uttered brought on a new wave of fear over me.
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot you where you stand." his voice was distant and hollow. I blinked a few times to be sure I wasn't dreaming. His grip was firm and I couldn't wriggle my way out. The more I did, the tighter it became. "Answer." He probed and I felt the cold metal barrel of a gun graze my side.
"Damian, please." I tried to utter the words calmly but my shaking voice betrayed me. Shit, my body was trembling in his hold. "You're hurting me."
He jolted upright, almost colliding our heads together. Throwing the gun to the side and releasing his grip on my wrist in a split second. When his eyes opened, I almost took a visible step back at how bloodshot and hollow they looked. "Jesus, bambina. I'm so sorry. I didn't...Fuck, I didn't think you were home yet, I thought someone was sneaking up on me."
I rubbed the circle of my wrist, hissing back at the pain shooting up from it. It was definitely going to leave a bruise. Fucking hell.
"I'm the only one who lives here, Damian. There's a fleet of fucking soldiers manning every corner of this place. Who in their right mind would sneak up on you?!"
He got up from his seat and moved closer. I took a step back instinctively, my heart beating erratically in my chest. "I'm sorry, Makua, please. I'm sorry. I-it's the way I'm wired, I'm always alert. I-I have to be alert, it's the way he trained me... you have to be alert at all times, there are enemies around, they-they're everywhere and I-We have to be ready..."
I let my eyes roam over his body, the stench of alcohol reeking from him, more intense than when he was asleep. Just how much did he drink? I knew he had a high tolerance so I could only imagine how much he'd taken to get to this point. He was mumbling about, the sleeves of his white dress shirt pulled up to his forearms, his hair fell at all sides, shadows of imminent dark circles underneath his eyes.
"What's going on with you, Damian?" I asked, his lips shutting at the words. He perched on his desk, holding on to the edge tightly as his head swayed to the sides.
His hands drew back his dark brown curls back, giving an unintrusive view of his face. "I don't know what to do.... I thought I was in control. I'm supposed to be in control. H-he taught me to be in control at all times, I mastered all his teachings, I made sure to ace all his tests, I need to be in control of something, but I'm not."
"What is it?" I closed the distance between us, concern filling up my headspace now as I looked into his eyes. He searched mine, his lips trembling slightly.
"H-he's going to die soon. I don't know what to do, there's no solution. If he can't do this, if he can't beat this I.... We're all doomed. He knows everything. He has always, always overcomes his problems... But he can't now. I don't know what to do about it. I'm supposed to be happy, I think. I don't know how to feel, Bambina, I thought I was above it, I thought I would be celebrating, so why do I feel hopeless?"
My hands cradled the side of his cheeks, holding them tightly. I pecked his lips, ignoring the taste of whiskey that clung to them. And placed another on his forehead. "Calm down, my love. Talk to me, who's dying?"
"My dad." He swallowed, looking straight ahead like there was something ahead of him. "He deserves to, trust me. More than anyone else but.... At the same time, I can't wrap my head around it."
"You don't have to," I said, blinking back tears as memories from my past dredged up at his words. "There are honestly some things in life that we just have to face head-on. It can never be okay. No matter how we try to tell ourselves that they were evil or deserved some form of retribution. In the end, he's still your dad. There's still something good that you're inner child will forever hold on to, despite what you know now. And it's okay."
He threw his hands around me and pulled me closer, his head nestled gently between my chest. He buried his face in, his breathing deep and slow as I held onto him. "Does it ever get better?"
I swallowed down the sob that lodged in my throat, feeling the band-aids rip off in my mind as I thought back to the time of my experience. "Never. But what matters is the people you have beside you when it does. You have your family. No matter how your dynamic is... You have them. And they have you. That's all that matters."
He peered up at me, glistening eyes staring deep into my soul. "And you too. I have you. You matter to me."
I let a small smile pull at my lips as a stray tear fell. "Yes. And you matter to me, much more than you know."
He smiled and leaned back in my arms. We stood there longer than we could count. Holding on to ourselves and hoping maybe... that we'd share more moments like this in the days to come.... that we'd always matter to each other.
But there was only so far hope could take us. Only so far.
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