Chapter 20: What if I do?
If she had to choose between evading the crocodiles of the swamp or attending this picnic, Rhiannon wasn't sure which was the worst option. Possibly the picnic. Not that her companions were rude, or tried to eat her like crocodiles inevitably would, but rather the opposite. She didn't really want to like Princess Braithe and Sir Aurelian. And yet she did. Very much so.
They were funny and charming in a way she could never be, making her smile more than she remembered smiling in years. The princess had arranged for a large blanket out on the lawn of the castle gardens, just before the evergreens of the massive hedge maze. Easy to pick food was available from a wicker basket, together with a bottle of wine and another of water for the princess.
Rhiannon was just handed a glass when Baudwin joined the three of them, his council meeting finished.
"I'm so glad you could join us," Braithe said as her brother put his cane away and awkwardly sat down.
He raised a dark eyebrow. "It's not as if I had much choice after you and Aurelian claimed you had to leave the meeting."
"Oh?" His sister gave him an innocent look, her silver-grey eyes twinkling. "Were we not done?"
"Not even close," he muttered, but accepted a glass of wine from Aurelian.
"You must admit, this is much more fun than stuffy meetings, anyway."
He grunted, but there was a twitch at the corner of his mouth. Rhiannon looked down at the glass in her hand, swirling the red liquid around slightly. This was the first time she'd seen him since their wedding night, and he wasn't even looking at her. She knew she'd hurt him, but it had been necessary for her to keep him at arm's length. Even now, she cared too much about him. She couldn't allow for her feelings to grow deeper. Something she sensed they could do much too easily, seeing as her new husband was one of the best men she'd ever met. She would never deserve him.
"Tell me more about the swamp," Aurelian suddenly said, while offering his wife some cheese. "I've been to Lyndor, but I never visited the swamps."
"There's not much to tell, really." Rhiannon shrugged. "It's a swamp."
If the Envoy had noticed her evasive reply, he didn't show it. Nor did it seem to deter his continued questions. "What made you settle down there?"
It was the same question Baudwin had asked her during their first night travelling. She'd not answered then, and she wasn't sure if she should now, but surprised herself, "The lack of people."
Aurelian chuckled. "I suppose that's fair enough. Few people live in the swamps. I guess not many visitors either."
"No, only the locals when they wanted my help. Suited me perfectly."
"Rhiannon prefers solitude," Baudwin said, his voice cool. "If her father hadn't threatened rebellion, she never would have agreed to marry me."
Glaring at him, Rhiannon dug her nails into the soft tissue of her hand. "I'll remind you that you'd not have chosen me as a wife either, had that not been the case."
He looked down at the wine in his glass, his forehead furrowing. "I suppose it's true that I may not have met you if not for this. I rarely travel to the swamps." Raising his gaze, he met her eyes and the sincerity in them was spellbinding. "But I will admit that now that I have, you have quite captured my interest. I care for you."
What was he saying? This shouldn't happen. She had not planned for this. The last thing either of them needed was for him to have any sort of feelings for her. Suddenly her mouth felt dry, and she wasn't sure what to say. Part of her wanted to stand up and flee. To run away and never look back.
Braithe cleared her throat, looking somewhat uncomfortable. "Should we... Eh, should we make ourselves scarce?"
"No." Baudwin smiled grimly. "I've said all I needed to say. Could you pass me some cheese, please?"
As his sister handed him a few cheese cubes, Aurelian smiled at Rhiannon. "So... I've commissioned the painting. The artist will be over in the next few days to begin."
Thankful for the change of topic, Rhiannon nodded. Then, grasping at other possible topics, she turned to the princess. "How are you feeling? Any more fainting?"
"Oh, much better, thank you!" Braithe smiled. "As long as I don't stand up too quickly, I seem to be fine. I'm awfully tired though, but they have reassured me it's normal."
"It is. It takes a lot of energy for your body to grow a new life." Rhiannon grabbed a few grapes from a bowl and stood up. "Please excuse me, I'd like to explore this beautiful maze."
"Oh, go ahead. It's lovely. Baudwin and I used to race through it as children. I usually won."
Baudwin scoffed. "You did not."
"I bet I would now," Braithe said, nudging his bad leg.
"That's a low blow, sister." His tone was admonishing, but his face showed no anger. "Give it a few months, and I might stand a chance again."
The princess looked horrified. "Oh no! I really won't be able to do everything I want to anymore, will I?"
"Only for a little while," Aurelian promised, placing a kiss on her hand. "As soon as you're ready after our child is born, you can run down the castle garden and knock over all the training dummies you want."
Rhiannon left them, their obvious love for one another making her feel wistful, and she wanted to get away. Entering the maze, she walked down its paths, enjoying her moment of solitude. No husband, no new in-laws, and definitely no lady's maid pressuring her for information. The dark leaves of the evergreens calmed her nearly as much as being out in the wild. Taking one leaf in her hand, she examined it, smiling as she recognised the bush.
Continuing down between the tall hedges she took whichever turns she felt like, not too bothered about where she ended up. Eventually, she reached a clearing with a gazebo of rare white stone with vines of ivy climbing up its pillars, covering the roof. Underneath its arched ceiling stood two benches of the same material. It was a lovely maze, and she could easily imagine a young prince and princess running around, racing each other to the heart.
The snapping of a twig made her whip around, frowning when she found Baudwin coming towards her, leaning heavily on his cane. He hadn't shaved in the two days since their wedding, a dark shadow covering his jaw and cheeks, and she found that she much preferred him like this. She hoped he'd grow his beard again. Maybe she could forget that he was the same person as the young man who had been injured in Messina. Her gaze fell to his leg. Maybe not.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she waited for him to get closer. "What do you want?"
He sighed. "I don't want to fight. I had hoped we could talk."
"I don't see what we have to talk about." She was being unreasonably antagonistic, and she knew it.
A muscle twitched in his jaw. "How about the terms of our marriage? We never discussed them in detail."
"No sleeping together." Even as she said it, it sounded like a lie. She had enjoyed their one time together, and she wasn't immune to her husband's charm. Maybe she could revise her rule. No! It wasn't about whether she would enjoy it. It was whether she could keep her feelings separate, and she wasn't sure she could. If only Baudwin could stop looking so handsome. And being so kind. Was it really too much to ask?
"For now," he amended. "I will need an heir, eventually. We already discussed this. What of other things. Will you join me when I travel?"
"I don't see why I would."
"Will you pretend to be my loving wife during public outings?"
"Your loving wife?" She almost smiled at the choice of words and he grunted.
"You know what I mean. It would help our cause if we present a facade of everything being well outwardly."
"Fine. I can pretend to love you." Pretend. Another lie added to her pile. May the Gods have mercy. How had she gotten herself into this position?
"Don't strain yourself too much."
The sardonic comment nearly made her laugh. If he only knew. But he could never know. She had to keep him safe. Safe from the truth. Safe from the Son of Deva. Safe from her.
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