I walked out the shop, losing my appetite for the coffee that I was previously looking forward to. I couldn't believe Ashley's still not over what happened all those years ago. I mean how could she throw away our friendship like that? Our friendship that we've had for ages, the friendship that survived so much.

Of course I still remember how our friendship fell apart as well as it happened yesterday. How much I wish I could go back and change everything that happened. In fact I was being a little selfish for blaming it all on her, after all I was partially at fault, even though I was drunk and made a stupid mistake I still screwed up.

But I guess karma just gave me what I deserved, because in the end she ended up being happy with Jesse whilst I'm still completely heartbroken over Nate; unable to move on. Even though it's been five years I still can't get over him, still can't get over his gorgeous brown eyes, soft brown hair, and of course his million dollar smile which made every girl around him melt. I still remember what it was like to have his strong arms around me, his fingers in my hair, his soft lips on mine and what it was like to sleep with his arms draped around me.

So much has happened in my life it's not even funny. I swear my whole life story could be into one of those drama series. Expect without the happy ending because we all know I'm not going to have that, because let's face it, how could I possibly have a happy ending? I've lost my best friend who meant the world to me, I lost my grandfather at a very young age, I lost my innocence to a sick bastard, I lost another best friend because of a stupid thing called feelings, I lost the one man that I truly loved and my brother's barely breathing because of the worst fucking disease ever. My life's too fucked up to get a happy ending.

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my thoughts away as I reached the front porch to Natasha's house. I opened the door walked in and went straight to the room I was staying in. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

****

I peeked my eyes open only to be blinded by the sunshine streaming from the window. Looks like no one's been in here since I fell asleep.

I looked at the digital clock on the pedestal and seen that it was 7:06 am. I groaned, it was still too early for me to get up in the summer.

After fruitless attempts at getting sleep again, I got out of bed and decided to shower.

After my shower I headed downstairs to the kitchen to see that no was there yet. Feeling bored and wanting to get my mind off things, I decided to help Natasha out and cook breakfast.

I opened the fridge, grabbed a pack of bacon and a couple of eggs and proceeded to the stove. After making two plates of scrambled eggs and bacon, i made two slices of toast along with two pork bangers each, some grilled mushrooms and tomato.

I was about to keep it in the fridge until Natasha and Daniel got up but as soon as I opened the fridge door I seen them walking down.

"Something smells good," I heard Natasha comment.

"I made breakfast," I told her and laid the two plates of food on the kitchen nook.

"Wow you should come stay here more often." She said and chuckled.

"This actually tastes good." Daniel commented after tasting it.

"You expected it to taste bad?" I raised a brow.

"Well yeah, you don't look like you can actually cook."

I was about to retort until I heard my phone ring. I looked at the caller ID and seen that it was Ethan.

"What?" I answered, cutting out the unnecessary hellos.

"So nice to hear your polite greeting." He said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked impatiently.

"To see how you're doing of course." He said in a matter of fact tone.

I rolled my eyes again. "What do you really want?"

"You know what I want, Victoria."

I frowned. I really was confused here.

"Why can't you just be straight with me?" I said frustratedly. He was seriously so damn annoying.

He sighed. "You haven't paid me this month, you know."

I slapped my forehead at my stupidity. "Shit! I completely forgot. Is it okay if I transfer it later?"

"Yeah okay, don't forget though." He said.

Without answering him I ended the call. There was no need for more conversation when he told me what he wanted to. It's not like he actually cared about me and actually called to see how I was.

After I locked my phone and kept it back on the counter I looked up to see Natasha looking at me with a curious look on her face.

"What?" I asked with a questioning look.

"What are you doing with your life, Victoria?" She asked, with her arms crossed against her chest.

I frowned, a little taken aback by her question. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "You know what I mean."

I knew this was going to come some time or the other. She was going to ask where Ethan suddenly came from in my life and what happened to Nate. Of course I couldn't tell her the truth so I needed to get out of her quick.

"Did you enjoy your breakfast?" I asked, trying lamely to change the subject.

"Do you even love Ethan?" She asked, ignoring my previous question.

"You know what, I'm going to check on the baby." I said and started to walk away but she held my arm and stopped me.

"Daniel's gone to check on him already."

Crap!

"Victoria answer my question!" She demanded.

"I think I'd rather not." I said.

She sighed. "Victoria, I'm trying here. I'm trying to help you go down the right path and be happy. I honestly do not want you being with someone like Ethan. He is a complete ass, he's irresponsible, immature, a hobo and most importantly you don't love him."

She wants me to go down the right path? Are you kidding me? Since when did she actually ever care about my happiness; she always hated everything that made me happy but now she wants me to be happy? That doesn't even make sense.

"Since when do you actually want me to be happy? The last I checked my happiness pissed you off." I regretted saying that as soon as the words slipped my mouth. I honestly didn't wanna have a fight with her now; while I was staying at her house.

"I was younger then, I didn't realise how much you actually went through since a child. From mom and dad fighting with you, from me fighting and putting you down; with what happened to you when you were 15, to Michael being horrible to you, you losing Gerald and Nate right up to what happened with you and Ashley. You've been through a lot of pain in your life and it only hit me recently how much you've been through and I, as your older sister, didn't make things any better for you. I only made it worst. I honestly can't imagine the amount of times that you must of sat alone in your room and cried your eyes out and the thought of that actually hurts me because I wasn't there to hug you and make it better. I'm so sorry for that, I really am." She finished off with a deep breath.y

I honestly didn't know what to tell her, I don't know if she actually meant that, or even if she does that she'll always mean it and not just go back to being the bitch she was to me before.

I sighed. "You want the truth about Ethan and I?"

"Yes, because I don't believe that you truly love him for a second."

"Well you're right, I don't even have the least amount of affection towards him." I told her, having decided to go with the truth.

She frowned at me. "Then why are you dating him if you don't like him?"

I let out a breath. I guess I should go with the truth here too, lying isn't gonna get me anywhere in this situation.

"I'm not actually dating him," I told her. "I pay him money every month to pretend and be my boyfriend."

Her jaw dropped open and the shock was clear in her expression.

"You what?!" She exclaimed, still looking shocked as hell.

"I just told you, I paid him to be my boyfriend. Shouldn't be too difficult to understand." I said with a shrug, trying to play it cool.

"But why?! Why would you pay someone to be your boyfriend?" She asked me, still looking pretty shocked.

"I have my reasons."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't give me that crap, tell me the truth."

"I alr-" I started but she cut me off.

"The whole truth, Victoria."

I sighed in defeat. "Remember how the only reason Michael said that he was happy that I had Nate in my life so that if he isn't there anymore Nate will still be there for me?" I asked and she nodded. "Well Nate's gone, he's no more here for me and that just added to Michael's stress which was worsening his condition. So of course I had to come up with something to convince him that I'd still be okay without him; that I won't be alone. So one day when I bumped into Ethan at campus I had an idea, I was desperate and that seemed like the best option, so I cornered him and asked him how he felt to pretend to be my boyfriend for $500 a month and naturally he accepted. I mean who wouldn't? $500 is a lot of money."

She looked at me for a moment and I swore that I'd seen a glint of guilt Flash in her eyes but it quickly disappeared.

It took her a while but she finally said something.

"I'm gonna ask you something and please don't snap at me, but what happened with with you and Nate? You two were both in love with each."

I chuckled bitterly. "It was a one sided love and I was too stupid and foolish to notice that earlier."

Even though my tone sounded bitter when I said that my heart did ache a little thinking about it, but I did what I did best and pushed it away.

Natasha frowned. "One sided? It really didn't look like that to me, Nate seemed madly in love with you."

"Exactly, he just seemed madly in love with me when in reality he really wasn't. He was a good actor, Tasha." I said, still ignoring that bugging, aching feeling.

"But...but what makes you say that? He must be a hell of an actor to have pretended to love you all those years. What made you really believe that he doesn't love you?"

I sighed. I haven't told anyone what really happened between Nate and I after he left but I guess now was the time, it might make me feel better; help me forget him.

"Well, when he left he promised me that no matter what he would always remain in contact with me and eventually he'd come back to me and we could get back together, but that never happened. I continuously texted him and called him again and again only to get no response back. And I know what you're thinking, maybe he lost his phone or something? But no he was reading all the texts and posting on social media. Eventually I got really concerned about him and flew to New York for the weekend and that's when I knew he didn't actually love me. That it was all a lie."

Natasha's mouth was slightly agape.

"But I don't understand, what actually happened in New York?! What happened that made you so confident that the man who was madly in love with you didn't love you anymore?!"

"I wasn't done yet, Tasha," I told her and rolled my eyes. "That same night I reached New York I went to get dinner...

*Flashback*

I smiled at the waiter as he handed me the menu and walked away, giving me time to decide what I wanted to eat. I opened the menu, looking at the pasta section, deciding which one I wanted.

Just as I was about to call the waiter to order, my heart froze. That laugh. I knew it and I could probably hear it from a hundred kilometres away. I dropped my menu down and there sitting opposite me, still handsome as ever, was Nate. The Nate I came here just to look for.

I was about to get off my chair and run over to him until I seen who his company was. Sitting opposite him was a girl with long, sleek blonde hair. Even though I could only see her back, I'm sure she was beautiful.

My heart sank a little at seeing him with another girl, but I wasn't gonna be narrow mined, it was possibly just a friend.

I got out my chair and just as I was about to walk over to him I saw him lean over the table and place his lips against hers, kissing her. My heart felt like it stopped beating for a second. There he was, the man I loved, the only who I came to the city I absolutely hate just to see him kissing another woman when he assured me that he loved me. 

I stood there and watched him kiss her; kiss her with those same, beautiful soft plump lips that used to once kiss me with love and passion. The way he used to gently cup my cheek and kiss me. Or the times when he used to crash his lips onto mine and kiss me so passionately that I would forget about the world around me.

Suddenly as I thought that the pain I felt a few seconds ago disappeared and was replaced with anger. I stormed over to his table, ignoring the waiter calling at me in the background, and pushed him hardly so that his lips parted with hers.

"YOU LYING, CHEATING, BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU?!" I yelled at him and threw a punch at his face.

"What the fu-" he started but I cut him off.

"Don't you dare try and defend yourself!" I said and pulled him up from his chair by his collar.

He grabbed my wrists and roughly pulled it away from his collar; he looked just as pissed as I felt.

"I wasn't gonna try and defend myself because I have nothing to fucking defend myself for." He said through gritted teeth, his grip still tight on my wrist.

"Babe, what's going on? Who is this psychotic girl?" I heard the girl who he was here with ask.

He ignored her and started at me, his eyes which was usually a soft brown, looked almost black with rage.

I turned my gaze to her and looked at her face for the first time. Saying she was pretty was an understatement, she was absolutely gorgeous. She had thick long, blonde hair with a heart shaped face, striking blue eyes, plump lips which was stained with red lipstick and from what I could see she seemed to have the most perfect body; I honestly looked like shit next to her. I didn't care about her though, looking at her just made me even more furious.

"Who am I?" I said and laughed bitterly. "I think the real question should be who the fuck you are, bimbo." She looked taken aback by my words but before she could retort Nate dragged me outside through my wrists, hurting it a little. I tried to let go but his grip was too tight.

Once we were outside he took to the back of the restaurant and pushed me against the wall, finally letting go of my wrists. He pressed his body against mine, making it impossible for me to exit.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Victoria? I thought you hated this city so what the fuck are you doing at a fucking restaurant here?!" He said, his tone laced with anger.

For a second I felt hurt because it seemed like he didn't want me here; like he didn't want to see me.

"I thought you were smarter than that? What could be the only reason I'd come to the city I hate? What would make me go out of my way because I thought that thing would do the same for me? I'm pretty damn well sure you know what made me come to this fucking city!"

He chuckled bitterly. "You came for me? I thought I made it clear that I never wanted anything to do with you once I left and stopped communicating with you. You mean nothing to me anymore."

As soon as those words left his mouth all the previous anger I had drained away. He never wanted to do anything with me? But why? Just before he left he promised he'd still be there for me but now? Just the day before he left he told me he loved me, that he'd never fall in love with another girl because I was the only one he loved? What happened to me being his sunshine? What the fuck happened?

My head was spinning with questions but it felt like my mouth couldn't form any words.

"But...Nate...why?"

He didn't answer me and instead just stared into my eyes, his being cold, hard and emotionless and mine probably showing the hurt and confusion that I was feeling.

He opened his mouth, let out a deep breath and then closed it again. My heart was pounding against my chest so loud I'm sure Nate could hear it too.

I can't believe I actually thought that they was a valid reason for him not replying to me. I was so so stupid for flying all the way from my home to the most horrible city I've ever been in; the city whose alleyways gave me nightmares, just to come and see someone who I meant nothing to.

"I'm such a fucking fool," I said and laughed coldly. "I can't believe how foolish I was! To fly out here just to see you with another girl and let you rip my heart out. I feel so stupid now that I thought that maybe, maybe there was a reason for you being distant. That maybe you would've explained and everything would've been okay, that maybe you would've comforted me with all the stress that's been building up on me, that maybe, just maybe you actually still cared about me. I was being a fool though, I should've known that you don't give a fuck about me and at least I would've saved myself a useless trip and all the useless heartache."

His eyes softened a little at me and he brought his hand up to my cheek but dropped it before he could touch me. I tried to move away from him but he had me locked in, so instead I just closed my eyes because just looking at him hurt even more.

As I felt the tears starting to build up I felt his lips touch mine. Instead of opening my eyes and trying to push him away, I savoured the moment and kissed him back. I felt his hand wrap around my waist, leaving tingles all over my body. I tangled my fingers in his hair and brought him closer to me, wanting to feel more of him; wanting more from his passionate kiss.

Once his lips left mine I opened my eyes to stare back at his emotionless ones.

"You mean nothing to me anymore, Victoria. Nothing."

*End of flashback*