Re-admit in the psyche ward.

Re-admit in the psyche ward.

The lines kept repeating in my head like a mantra. I had settled for a warm bath in hopes of relieving the stress which only increased and ended up thinking more than I usually did otherwise. The gash on my palm had begun to fill in again. A good twenty minutes later, I dried myself and pulled on a cute peach gown. I was ready to knock Claire's door since my sleeping buddy options were limited, and Rowan had taken over almost the entire king sized bed. I was kind of disappointed, but I really didn't want to wake him up when he was so obviously exhausted.

Some weekend trip, I tell you.

When I stepped out of the warm bathroom, I noticed Rowan to be wide awake, sitting in a straight posture, the comforter that I'd pulled over him was lying on the side.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I was," he ran a hand through his messed up hair, which was so darn cute, "but Mary-Ann woke me up with all the chair pulling and the glass clanking noises."

Of course. The cleaning lady Mary-Ann, who'd insisted upon cleaning the room a while ago, had disturbed Rowan's beauty sleep.

"Go back to sleep." I told him.

"So you're not sleeping here..with me?" he sounded hopeful. Those baby boy melt-my-heart expressions were hard to turn down.

"You were sleeping like a baby and I didn't want to disturb you."

"But I'm awake now."

Why doesn't he still speak his mind to me? Why did I need to do mind-reading all the time?

"Do you want me to sleep here with you?"

He smiled almost mischievously, nodding his head.

"Then why didn't you say so?"

Rowan offered me his hand, which I took willingly. He pulled me closer by the waist, stranding me between his legs so my face was almost leveled with his. I stood a little taller. His eyes bore into mine, as he caressed my cheek with his knuckles, "I love the way you do that. How you always know what I want. What I need."

He kissed the corner of my mouth.

"What if someday I don't get what's going on in that broody head of yours, what am I supposed to do then?" I asked him.

"I'll make sure you do." he whispered in his husky voice, bringing his face so close to me that I smelled the familiar mint cologne on him. I gave into the sweet temptation as he pulled my lower lip in his gently, sucking it slowly. I pressed myself closer, kissing him back with an even wider passion, delving my tongue in his mouth. He was taking it slow and letting me set the pace which was nice.

I loosened the buttons on his shirt, and kissed the bare skin. There was a light trail of hair on his chest. I ran my hand through it which gave me goosebumps all over my body.

Like a horny teenager who couldn't control her teenage hormones, I touched his crotch. My fingers fumbled, trying to unzip his pants.

Rowan seized my wrist before I could go any further. "Whoa! Slow down, Tiger. What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

He chuckled which embarrassed me further.

I noticed a smile play along his lips, "What were you trying to do?"

"You're my boyfriend."

"And your professor." he added.

"Ex-professor." I corrected him. "I was doing what every girlfriend does. Was I not supposed to?" I folded my arms across my chest.

He laughed again. I should be angry, but those dimples were irresistible. I couldn't hold it against him if I tried.

"What's so funny?"

Rowan dragged me in his lap, "Hey, don't get so pouty." His breath sent shivers through my body. He brushed the hair away from my back, kissing the sensitive area. "You're cute when you get like that."

I pretended to be mad at him for teasing me; he nuzzled close to my ear, biting softly at it, making me moan, "Rowan.."

His fingers trailed a path from my ankle towards the top of my thigh, exploring. "What do you want me to do?"

I was taken aback by his question, I was sure a lot of men wouldn't let an opportunity like this to slip away but Rowan was asking me what I needed from him and he wasn't taking advantage of the situation like any guy would. "I want to touch you."

He stared at me for a good ten seconds, after which he said. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

I began slipping my hands out of his grasp but he caught it, "Answer me, Alana."

I bit my lip, and looked away. I wasn't ashamed, just embarrassed. He lifted my chin up, "Baby, you haven't done this before with anyone else?"

I shook my head.

He pulled me closer and tucked a loose strand behind my ear. He was acting like a parent consoling his kid. "You should be proud, not embarrassed. You have a right to decide who it should be."

"And I know I want it to be you." I blurted out.

Rowan sighed, kissing me full on the lips once. "We can't go that far, Alana. I'm sorry."

A feeling of rejection washed over me like a high tide wave.

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Because what? Because, I'm not pretty enough? Or is it because I'm not experienced?"

Rowan shook his head, caressing my cheek. "It doesn't feel right. I think we should wait some more time."

"Like until when?"

"At least until you graduate."

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, don't be like that." Rowan said, and pulled his shirt and discarded it to the floor. Then, he began reaching for the hem of my nightgown.

"You just said we weren't doing it." I giggled.

"Of course we aren't going all the way. But, there are still some things I could teach you. Trust me, I can teach this better than economics."

"I will take your word for it."

He pushed me onto the bed, and his body hovered above me, pressing his body lightly over mine, he began kissing me roughly—pouring all his emotions in it, there wasn't anything lustful about it. It was pure love.

Rowan's eyes lit up, that dimple kissed smile turned cocky. He brought his face close to my ear, "Just don't talk about this private class with anyone, alright?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because they are booked exclusively for you." He winked.

I laughed. My laugher died down the minute he unbuckled my bra.

"You're in good hands. I promise. Just relax, and the moment you tell me to stop. I will stop, okay?"

That put me at ease. I was grateful I hadn't hooked up with just a random someone from school back home. Rowan made it all seem special; he didn't seem like the horny teenager just wanting to get off with his girlfriend somehow. And, he was so much mature in a good way.

"I love you so much, Alana. I'll make this special for you."

****

It had to be past mid-night when I heard a soft knock at the door, but before I could respond to the knock, the door opened on its own. I squinted in the darkness for better vision.

Minnie stood at the entrance, holding a stuffed bunny, "Daddy."

I noticed Rowan sleeping face down in the covers, snoring softly.

"Daddy." Minnie called out loudly this time, which grabbed Rowan's attention and he sat up at once.

His tousled hair gave him an entirely different look; he could walk out of that bed and still make a great cover model. Was I drooling?

"Minnie." Rowan blinked twice, "What's wrong, sweetheart? It's late."

"There is a boogieman in ma room. I'm sch-ared." She walked further into the room, towards our bed, "Can I cheep with you?"

Then she noticed me in the bed. Oh God. Talk about awkward situation, I was thankful to be wearing Rowan's old shirt, she pointed a finger at me, "Did Alana haf a boogieman in her room too? Daddy?"

It took a while to understand what she was trying to imply. I doubled over, followed by Rowan who was close to tumbling down on the floor but we just pretended she hadn't cracked the joke of the millennium.

"Yeah, there was this big Boogieman in my closet like the one in Monsters Inc. I hope you don't mind me sleeping with your daddy."

Did that sound vulgar?

She nodded as she hopped onto the bed and took over the space between me and Rowan, snuggling close to me, wrapping her little arms around me. God. She smelled soap and baby.

"Don't leave me alone on the side, you guys." Rowan snuggled closer to us, wrapping his arm around the both of us.

A dream began to unfold in front of me, where Rowan and I goofed around in front of a large house with a white picket fence and Minnie chased after the large Saint Bernard.

Some candy pink dream.

But wasn't this what I'd longed for?

A nice little family of my own.

And Rowan was offering all that to me, all those things I'd wanted for so long. All those things my parents failed to give me. My crazy tear ducts betrayed me in the end; a drop fell from the corner of my eye. The route to my happy ending looked so clear, but I knew there were large sized thorns on the way that were likely to tear us apart and make me bleed. Make us bleed. But as much as I wanted to reach that castle, I wanted to take Rowan along with me. The million dollar question was. How?

*****

My eye opened at the crack of dawn, the sunlight that poured from the window probably woke me up. I noticed the large muscular hand around me, keeping me from moving any limp. I appreciate the affection but it was going to choke the remaining life out of me. I tried to lift Rowan's arm off me, "Rowan."

That only had him strangle me even more, mumbling in some other worldly language, "Baby, your strangling me with your hulky arms."

Where the hell was Minnie? I managed to pull my torso upward and noticed Minnie sleeping on the other side of bed with her mouth open. Was that drool on the pillow?

I stretched my arms behind me and caught something ruffle below the cushion. I reached under the cushion and felt a soft square box graze my fingers. I pulled it out to find a velvet blue box. I pulled it open and my eyes twinkled as the sparking object stared back at me.

"Rowan."

He was already propped on his elbows, smiling gleefully at me, those dimples doing more magic.

"What's this?"

Rowan thumbed the ring which was a beautiful platinum studded with delicate little diamonds, looking out of place in Rowan's large palm.

"May I?" he asked for my hand, I willingly slipped mine in his. Rowan pushed the sparking ring in my ring finger. "I want this to remind you of me."

"I know I'm quite old school." he continued, "Well you can't expect anything better from an old man."

I snorted, "You make it sound like you're eighty." My eyes traveled back to the ring. I was totally awe-struck, "It's lovely, Rowan, Thank you so much, you've already given me enough. Why did you have to go so far as to get this?"

"Because it's important that you know, you are mine." he grinned, "I don't want to lose my ticket to the Happily Ever After Land."

If I were a painter, I'd want to draw him all day.

I grinned back. I liked the sound of it, but he wasn't finished yet, "I want a future together with you, Alana, I want to share what I have with you. You're the only one who loves me for what I'm and..whether you agree with me or not, you're kind enough to be still sticking around with me, because you need guts to deal with my crap. I'm an alcoholic, and I have a baggage of issues, and I tried to you push you away, but god help me, I can't. I love you. I used to be your teacher and I should've stopped having these feelings for you, but I can't help it." He paused to wipe that silly tear off my face, "So I dream of spending my life with this wonderful and amazing person that's you. Is that so wrong?"

"Oh God, Rowan, baby, please don't keep saying that." I went into his arms, "You're worth all the love. You deserve much more than I can give you."

I fit so perfectly in his arms, like we were a missing piece that was yet to attach. He caressed my back, softly, drawing slow circles, "If you ever even think about leaving me, I'll come back and find you because I'm a selfish man. And I want you all for myself."

"I'm not going anywhere." I promised, pressing my face harder into his neck, smelling his sweet musk scent.

Rowan began playing with my hair, his fingers doing and undoing my curls, "I want to be the kind of man; my daughter can date with and clearly I'm far from that right now."

It was the melt-my-heart lines again that made me hug him even harder.

"Rowan Benjamin Masters, I'm lucky to be standing by your side and you have a heart of gold."

"And that heart is yours."

I can forget anything else but not the sparkle of admiration and the confidence that glimmered in his mocha eyes. The Hope again, that maybe I was all he'd ever want.

****

The usual Masters family gathered around the table for breakfast, excluding Gary Masters who was running ahead of schedule and Rowan who had 'grabbed for a toast before bolting out the door' for his daily gym routine (his mom's words, not mine) and Dwight was in his room doing god knows what which left me with only Claire, Mrs. Masters and Kyo on the large family sized dining table eating away hot pancakes with maple syrup, the fork and spoon clanking, being the only noise filling the silence, definitely did not constitute as a fun breakfast. I had a feeling the men in the family were avoiding each other for a reason.

"Does Dwight live in this house?" I didn't know why that question popped in my mouth.

"Well, Dwight moved out three years ago, said he couldn't live off of my father's income though he works for him. I have no idea if that makes sense to you but anyway, one fine lucky day, he grabbed his baggage full of nuisance and said, 'I'm gonna go live alone, far from you guys' and I remember throwing a big party that night but then my happiness was short lived after he buzzed the following evening, telling us he lived just one mile from our house. That's as far as he goes." Claire said, pouring herself another cup of coffee, "That's bad karma for me."

I had small talk with Mrs. Masters about my parents, my grades and other not so important stuff and then she excused herself when she was done with her breakfast. That left me with Claire and the sushi guy, who didn't give a hay about my parents or my grades and seemed too busy hatching a plan on how he could grab the last piece of croissant. His face turned sour when Claire took it.

I eyed my own, "Kyo, I'm kinda full. Do you want this one?"

He grabbed it off my plate, "Aarigato Gozaimasu."

He beamed at me, like I'd offered him the other half of my property share, "You're welcome."

"I was expecting some screaming yesterday, y'know, but then I heard some entirely different noises from your room. Wall-banging." she winked at me, her lips pulled back in a coy smile, "I went back upstairs to bed with large sized cotton balls ear plug-ins."

I flushed. God. She had just put it bluntly there. I might as well tease her back, "Yeah, couldn't help it. Rowan is that good."

I lied. We never even had sex. Well, there were things that could lead to an orgasm, but it wasn't the ultimate. I was still a virgin.

Claire began shooing her hands at me with mock disgust, "Gross. You're killing my appetite."

"I want to know more about Rowan."

"Alana, as much as I'd love to answer your questions, I wouldn't be much help when it comes to understanding Rowan on a personal level, so if you're looking for some deep conversations over him, then I suggest you seek the Dwight information center because while Rowan spent most of his time lighting the house on fire, I used to lock myself in my room and the duo, Dwight and Drew ran after him with a fire extinguisher." Claire forked another pancake, "I know Dwight is a real asshole but he can help you with whatever's running through your mind."

"Thanks Claire, I'll make sure I do that the minute I've cleared my plate." I took a sip of my hot turned cold coffee. It tasted like shit.

"You're supposed to see him right now because if Rowan saw you speak with Dwight, he might blow a major gasket, not to mention, we would need to find cover. He would be here within an hour, so you'll have to make it quick." She snapped her fingers for emphasis.

It's like she attached a freakin' time bomb on my butt, I left my seat and my unfinished breakfast, "So which way is Dwight's room?"

"First floor, the door on your right." She pointed in the general direction of the staircase, "And if I see Romeo coming, I'll text you right away."

"You got my back"