Trigger warnings: Suicide, self-harm.

Emerson and Sebastian are by the bed when Andy wakes. Emerson prods his brother to get his attention, motioning to the man who's blinking his eyes open stiffly. Sebastian leans forwards. "Hey, love," he says. Andy turns his head to look at them, followed by a groan. He puts his hands over his face. "How do you feel?"

Andy groans again. "You weren't supposed to save me," he mutters dryly.

"You think we'd let you die? You'd have to kill us before we let that happen, Andy."

"You were meant to let me die."

"Andy-"

He groans in place of words, turning over and pressing his face into the pillow. "You don't get it," he then mumbles. "I can't be here anymore. Not after..."

"You saw him with Amber," Sebastian completes, "I know. And I'm sorry he was such a rude cunt to you. I kicked him out."

"He called me a-"

"I know what he said. Please, don't make yourself say it. Don't do that to yourself."

Andy turns onto his back and looks at the ceiling. The room seems like it's been stripped of colour. "I just wanted to see him, that's all. I didn't know he was-he was with her."

Sebastian looks at him with deep sympathy. He's never known Andy to be so hopeless. "He'll come around."

"He won't. And even if he did, you think I can wait that long? I can't. I'm lost, alright? Yeah, I've got you and my band and everything, but I'm supposed to have him and now he doesn't want me, and it hurts."

"Andy, you can't just give up on it."

"Why not?" The man asks weakly. "What else is there to do? Work myself up by hoping, only to get it torn down? No, I won't do that. I won't hope anymore. I won't sit around knowing he's sucking the face off some blond girl and wait until he gets bored of her. I won't."

"This isn't the answer," Emerson tries.

Andy talks without looking at them. "No, it's not the answer," he agrees. "But it's the only way to get rid of this. Don't you see how much I need to get rid of it?"

"By getting rid of yourself?"

"Yes, by getting rid of myself. Thanks for the lecture, but I'm not magically changing my mind just because of you. No offence." He sighs. "So next time, please don't save me."

Sharing glances, the brothers collectively sigh. "Next time?" Asks the youngest with concern.

That makes Andy roll his eyes, frustrated and emotionally closed off. "Yes, next time. What's confusing about that?" He closes his eyes.

"You're-"

"Just quit it. You're not changing my mind."

"Andy-"

"Quit it."

Emerson sighs. "Seb, did you seriously kick Remington out?"

"Yes, why?"

"You kicked him out?" Andy asks.

"Why is this an issue?"

The eldest shakes his head. "Because even though he's being a fucking cunt, he's still my husband and your brother and he remembers shit about how to look after himself."

"Which side are you on?"

"Side? Sebastian, you just kicked a clueless, immature, brain damaged guy out of your house. He's gonna get hit by a car or something."

"He's not gonna get hit by a car. He isn't that stupid."

"Just fucking find him."

Sebastian sighs evidently. "Fine, I'll find him. God."

"Tell him goodbye from me while you're at it."

"No, because you're not going anywhere."

Andy groans. "Have you not been in this conversation? Yes, I am going somewhere. Fucking get over it. It's the one thing I actually have control over, let me enjoy it."

"This isn't control! Andy, this is because you've lost control! You're in an awful place and you're determined to find a way out, but please understand that overdosing on sleeping pills isn't the right way to find it! You can't just accept that it won't get better because that's not true. It will get better! Remington remembered every single Palaye song the other day, he's progressing, you just need to be patient."

"I am being patient! I've been patient for weeks! I'm done, Sebastian! I'm done! You understand that, why don't you? It's not fucking rocket science. And I know you have a track record of being a douche, but please just let me do this one thing for myself, just once! I've done so much for other people! I didn't tell anybody Remington was gay for two years because he wasn't comfortable with it! I advertised your band for months! I did everything for Remington, and for you! Everything! Why can't you just do this one thing for me? Why?"

"Because letting you kill yourself isn't a favour, Andy! It's not! You need support, not encouragement to end your life!"

"It is supportive to encourage me when it's what I want!"

"You don't want this, Andy, you don't! You think you'll feel better after? You won't! You won't feel anything! You'll just be dead! Lying in a box like all the others! You won't feel better because there won't be anything to feel!"

"Exactly! Don't you get it! That's why I want it! Because I won't feel anything! I don't want to feel anything! I want to be dead, Sebastian! That's the whole point! That's why I fucking tried to kill myself! Why else would I do that? For shits and giggles? I don't want to live anymore! Why should I be forced to if I don't want it?"

"Because you're worth more than this."

"So what? I'm done! I'm finished! Let me be finished!"

"No!"

Andy picks up the pillow and yells into it and the sleeve of his gown falls down to his elbow. The two by the bed notice at the same time the new bandage on his arm, clearly there to protect deep cuts that have been put there purposefully.

Emerson frowns at the sight. "Andy, it's okay to just ask for help, y'know? You won't be shamed for it at all."

"I don't want help. What I want is to die. I don't get what the big deal is with that."

"I think we should find a therapist," Emerson says quietly to Sebastian.

Andy growls. "No, we shouldn't! I don't want a therapist! I don't want fucking help! I want to fucking die, for fuck's sake, it's not rocket science!"

"Andy, this is serious."

"I fucking know that, genius! I wouldn't be trying to die if it wasn't fucking serious! I'm not an idiot! Just 'cause you are don't mean I am!" He pulls his sleeve down over the bandages.

"You're not well, Andy."

"No shit! I've lost my mind! How did you know?"

"I'm finding you a therapist."

Andy yells into the pillow again. "No! Don't fucking dare! I won't go!"

"You need to. Please. You need help."

"No, I need to die! And guess what, that doesn't cost a fortune! Let me fucking die, for god's sake! It's one thing! One thing that I'm asking you to do for me, then you won't have to do anything else!"