CHAPTER 37: PROOF

SORCHA'S POV

"Are they dating?"

"I would have said no easily before. Pero parang..."

Parehas na natigilan si Misae at si Khione at napatingin sa direksyon ko nang lumabas ako sa laboratory. There's a guilty look on both their faces, and they quickly hide whatever they're looking at on the monitor in front of them.

Tahimik na kinuha ko ang wallet ko. Balak kong pumunta sa cafeteria para bumili ng pagkain ko sandali para makakain na ako at makabalik na agad sa trabaho.

"Sorcha?"

Nilingon ko si Misae. "Yes?"

"There's a new famous bar in Silang and we're going to surprise Torryn for her birthday. Alam mo namang kalahati ng pagkatao no'n work work lang pero may kalahating nakatago na party girl." Naging alanganin ang ngiti niya nang may maisip siya. "But we know you're not into places like that, so it's okay if you can't go."

She's right. I don't like crowded and noisy places where there's a lot of drunk people since I don't like to drink myself. Madali kong matatanggihan ang pag-aaya niya dahil alam ko namang naiintindihan nila. Just like before, when they invite me, I could just send a gift or my share for the party they're going to give the celebrant.

"Anong oras?" natagpuan ko ang sarili kong tanong sa kanila.

Dumaan ang pagkagulat sa mukha nila. That makes both of us, because I even surprised myself as well.

I just wanted a different scenery. Kahit saan ako pumunta ay naaalala ko ang isang taong dalawang linggo ko ng hindi nakikita. Not only was Daze busy with his parents' case, which is now already in court, he's also busy with his work schedule, which is now catching up to him since the news about his family and how he is helping the victims family only made him more famous than he already is.

He's busy, but he always makes sure that there's not even a day that he doesn't message me. Nagpapadala rin siya noong una ng mga pagkain pero sinabihan ko ang manager niya na pigilan si Daze.

Daze didn't stop reaching out to me. I did.

Of course, I didn't do it entirely. I check on him through his manager and through my brother, who's still in contact with him. I read all his messages that don't seem to be ending soon, even though I rarely reply.

I know that what's happening with his family will never be easy for him, but I'm glad that despite everything, he's slowly going back to the life he had before all of this happened.

"Around nine pa siya." Alanganin napakamot sa ulo niya si Misae. "Umm... Daze was invited too."

Hindi ko ipinakita ang totoong reaksyon ko sa sinabi niya at sa halip ay nagkibit-balikat lang ako. "Daze became everyone's friend when he was here. There's nothing wrong with inviting him."

"But he probably wouldn't come," mabilis na sabi ni Khione. "Ang alam ko may official script reading sila na naka-schedule hanggang mamayang gabi. I heard from Pike that Daze also has an event in the morning. Hindi na siguro siya makakapunta talaga."

"It's fine even if he goes." The lie sounded better than I thought it would come out of my lips.

"Really?" Khione glanced at Misae and they shared a look. "Walang bad blood or anything between the two of you?"

"Bakit naman magkakaroon?" tanong ko pabalik kay Khione.Hindi naman si Daze ang umiiwas sa akin. Ako ang umiiwas sa kaniya at hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Well, that's not exactly true. I do know why I'm putting distance between us. Wala nga lang akong balak harapin ang mga isipin na iyon ngayon.

"Wala naman. We just thought you're dating and everything."

"We weren't."

Nagkatinginan sila ulit ni Misae bago ako binigyan ng maliit na ngiti ni Khione. "That's good. At least you're still on good terms. Ready na sana kaming magalit kay Daze at sa babaeng 'yon."

"Sinong babae?"

"The woman he was seen with in a hotel—aray!" Nilingon ni Khione si Misae na pinanlalakihan siya ng mga mata pagkatapos siyang kurutin sa braso. Misae tipped her chin toward me.

I don't know what expression they're seeing on my face, but I forced myself to keep it blank, even though it wasn't easy to do.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanila at nagsimula na akong maglakad palabas ng opisina. "I'll be at the party."

Hotel? That was pretty fast. I guess when there was nothing in the first place, moving on isn't that hard.

This is what you want, Sorcha, right? You want everything to go back to the way it was. He's back in his old life. You should too.

THERE'S A REASON why I find drinking unnecessary. Mag-aaksaya ka ng pera para ikonsumo ang isang bagay na gugustuhin mo rin namang ilabas dahil sa epektong dala niyon sa katawan mo. And yet here I am now at the Rust and Dust, a cozy al fresco rustic bar here in Silang, sipping another glass of alcohol.

I stopped keeping count when I reached my fourth glass. O baka sadiyang hindi na lang ako makapagbilang dahil nawalan na ako ng abilidad na gawin iyon. Hindi naman kasi ako talaga palainom dahil masyado akong busy para maghanap ng oras kung saan ko isisingit iyon.

"Parang problema ka ngayon Sorchie ah." Sumulpot sa tabi ko ang mukhang kararating lang na si Arcane. Sinenyasan niya ang bartender at may sinabi siya roon bago siya umupo sa bakanteng upuan sa tabi ko rito sa bar counter. "Balita ko pang-anim mo na 'yan. May balak ka bang paiyakin ang mga nakaimbento ng alak kasi gusto mong sirain ang reputasyon nila kapag hindi ka nila napatumba?"

"They won't cry."

"Paano mo nalaman?"

"They're all dead. Paano silang iiyak?" balik kong tanong sa kaniya. Bago siya makasagot ay muli akong nagsalita. "And this is a party. Hindi lang ako ang umiinom."

"Party pero hindi ka nakiki-party sa kanila."

Nilingon ko ang mga katrabaho namin na nagkakasiyahan. I was with them earlier, but I don't want to bring down their mood, so I excuse myself and pretend that I need to go to the powder room. Imbis nga lang na bumalik sa kanila ay pumunta ako rito sa bar kung saan wala masyadong tao.

"So?" Arcane took a sip of his drink when the bartender placed it in front of him. "Anong problema at nakikipagtuos ka sa alak ngayon na hindi mo naman normal na ginagawa?"

"Wala."

Naiiling na sinundot niya ang pisngi ko. "Sorchie, you might put Elsa to shame with how frosty you could be, but you're not a good liar. Ayaw mo lang talaga na pag-usapan pero hindi ibig sabihin ay wala kang problema."

"Alam mo naman pala nagtatanong ka pa."

Ngumisi lang siya sa kasupladahan ko na parang balewala lang iyon sa kaniya. "People deal with their problems differently. If a person wishes to face it alone until it's resolved, there's nothing wrong with that." I gave him a pointed look, but his grin just widened. "You're not facing it, Sorcha. You're here trying to drown out your thoughts by literally drowning yourself. The only reason you're not on the floor right now is because you're just sitting here and barely moving, so the alcohol is not being absorbed into your system as fast as it would be if you're moving around."

I turned away from his prying gaze. Muli ko na lang itinutok ang mga mata ko sa baso na nasa harapan ko. "There's nothing to face because we weren't anything."

"Have you convinced yourself enough to believe that? O kinukumbinsi mo pa rin ang sarili mo hanggang ngayon."

"I—"

"Only the blind wouldn't see how much that man is into you and how much you are into him. The last time I checked, 50/50 pa naman ang vision mo." He poked my cheek again, making me glare at him. "Are you scared? Because you're feeling things you don't understand? Gusto mo na lang bumalik sa dati lahat kasi mas madali iyon pero hindi naman madaling gawin iyon kasi kahit saan ka tumingin parang lagi siyang nandoon? You don't want your life to change, yet it already has. And even though you're scared and you just want your old life back, it feels impossible to do it now without hurting yourself."

My lips parted, but no words came out. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng sinabi niya ay tumama sa akin. With the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, he could see how his words were resonating with me.

"You know what's funny, Sorchie? In our job, we're hell-bent on keeping every piece of evidence intact. We do everything just to preserve it. And yet, traces of love are things that don't go away easily. Hindi madaling burahin, hindi madaling alisin. Even if a storm passes through it or it's put into a blazing fire, it stays unchanging. Pero sa lahat ng ebidensiya, ang pag-ibig ang isang bagay na hirap na hirap tayong paniwalaan." He tapped the tip of my nose like he found me adorable. "You have a great job, you have money, you're one of the smartest people I have ever known, your heart is pure even if you keep insisting that you have a cold heart, and you're beautiful. Daze is a lucky man. Not the other way around. So why are you stopping yourself from grabbing the hand that was already offered and holding on to it?"

"Because I have never been hurt so much that it feels like my heart is splitting into pieces until I realize what it would have been like if all the things he's making me feel were taken away from me. If one day he decides that he no longer wants to share those things with me because he has a world where he could be with anyone he wishes to be with."

"You're hurting yourself by something that hasn't happened yet." Kinuha niya mula sa akin ang baso ko nang tangkain kong diretsuhing inumin ang natitirang laman niyon. "Sorcha, love by nature is overwhelming. When that person is happy, you feel happy. When that person is in pain, you also feel how excruciating it could be. One moment, you have control of your own heart, and the next, it's like it's not just beating for you anymore. And that could be scary. Lalo na para sa taong katulad natin. We rely on the certainty of facts, logical reasoning, and the power of rationality." He tapped his temple. "We rely on this. Lagi tayong nakadepende sa utak natin. But then suddenly, the heart is making its presence known. It ignores the facts, all the reasoning, and every bit of rationality we have. Our mind, something we're used to listening to, wants us prepared. Gusto natin iyong mga bagay na madaling ipaliwanag at madaling paghandaan. At sa pag-ibig, mahirap gawin iyon. There's no assurance. The heart will say fuck to preparation, it just wants to love. It's a giant leap of risk from the safety net we're used to."

"More reason not to do it," I whispered.

"More reason that you have to."

"Why?"

"You don't want the time to come that the chance you had already passed because the person you like already fell for someone else. You don't want to be sitting with that person at a bar, trying to tell her to follow her feelings so she wouldn't have to experience what it's like to be too late."

Pakiramdam ko ay nahulas sandali lahat ng alkohol sa sistema ko nang magawa kong maintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin. "Arcane..."

He didn't let me stray from what he wanted me to understand. It was as if he wanted me to focus on my feelings and not what he just shared. "You want to understand your own heart? You want proof that he's the one you want and that there could be no one else?" Sunod-sunod ang naging pagtanong niya pero hindi pa siya roon natatapos. "You want to know if the rumor about that woman was true? That he had really moved on? Do you want to know that even if he could be with anyone if he wants to that he will still choose you?"

"I—"

Whatever I wanted to say was silenced by lips that suddenly claimed mine in a kiss. It wasn't just a touch, but rather it was a kiss that, if I look at it impartially, could be a good kiss.

And yet it was like every part of my system was rejecting the idea of being kissed by him. It's like everything that is of me wants another pair of lips and another pair of arms around me. It's screaming louder and louder, telling me what I already know, but only now that I'm starting to accept.

I am in love with Daze

It doesn't matter if we have a different life. It doesn't matter if we're different from each other. It doesn't matter if there's no assurance of the future.

I'm in love with him, and my heart has already decided that it just wants him and no one else.

I was about to push Arcane away when, at the next second, his arms loosened around me and he was suddenly on the floor clutching his jaw. Despite that, there was a small smile on his lips when our eyes met.

Hindi pa man nagtatagal na magkahugpong ang mga mata namin ay may katawan na humarang sa harapan ko. I slowly raise my head, which is beginning to get heavy because of all the alcohol I consumed, until I meet a pair of eyes that are blazing with anger.

"You're done here," Daze said through gritted teeth.

"W-What?"

"You're coming home with me."

________________________End of chapter 37.