CHAPTER 29: ALONE

SORCHA'S POV

"Hello, my beautiful neighbor!"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin mula sa ginagawa ko sa garden nang marinig ko ang pagtawag sa akin ni Daze. He's waving at me from the other side of the fence.

Ang alam ko ay may online meeting siya kasama ng manager niya at ng agency niya kaya mas nauna silang umuwi ni Kuya Nevan bago ako. When I got home, I knew he was still at his meeting based on the fact that he always comes out to greet me when he's home before me.

"Kinakausap mo na naman ang mga halaman mo?" tanong niya.

"That and I'm harvesting some of my vegetables."

Hindi kasi pwedeng pabayaan ko na lang ang mga bunga ng mga gulay na itinanim ko. It might get overripe or, worse, rot, and that would attract pests in my garden. It could also harm the plant in such a way that its ability to produce future crops might be reduced.

Sinipat niya ang ginagawa ko. "May bahay kubo ka na ba riyan?"

"I wish." Iginala ko ang tingin ko sa garden ko. It's large enough for some people. Pero para kasi sa akin ay kulang pa. Bukod kasi sa vegetables ay meron din akong herbs, non-flowering plants, and flowering plants. Gusto ko nga rin sana ng fruits kaso bukod sa tomato ay wala na akong pwedeng ibang itanim na prutas dahil hindi na iyon kakasya. "My garden's not big enough for that."

"Iyong bahay ko maraming pwedeng pagtaniman."

Napasimangot ako. "I noticed."

"You can plant anything you want there."

"Wow. Mag e-effort akong magtanim sa bahay mo tapos ikaw ang makikinabang?"

"Makikinabang ka rin naman." Kumurba ang pilyong ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Kasi pagdating ng panahon na 'yon, bahay mo na rin ang bahay ko katulad kung paanong apelido mo na rin ang apelido ko."

I just gave him a look that made him chuckle. Isinandal niya ang siko niya sa bakuran at nangalumbaba siya habang napapailing na pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ko. I have eggplants, okra, and ampalaya ready for harvesting. The carrots and potatoes are ready too, but I'll harvest them tomorrow.

"Can I go there?" Daze asked.

"Magpaalam ka muna kay Kuya."

Sumunod naman siya sa akin at tinawag niya ang kapatid ko mula sa nakabukas na bintana ng bahay na kaagad namang sumagot.

"Can I stay with Sorcha? I'm going to help her harvest!" malakas na tanong niya para marinig siya ng kapatid ko.

"You can! Dalin mo na rin ang pagkain pinabili mo kanina!"

Daze turned to me. "I almost forgot. Kumain ka na ba?" Nang umiling ako ay napangiti siya. "Sakto! Nevan knows someone from Highlands China Place and he ordered some food. Pinabilan din kita kasi siyempre malakas ka sa akin."

I pressed my lips together to stop myself from smiling when he even shaped hearts using his thumbs and forefinger before he ran inside the house. How can a giant look that cute?

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko. It hasn't been that long that I think of him more like a pest that only comes to ruin things. Inis na inis ako sa mga ginagawa niya at sa mga pinagsasabi niya. Samantalang ngayon ay parang normal na sa araw-araw ko ang mga pangugulit niya. At aminin, parang may kulang kapag wala siya.

Kinuha ko ang basket na ipinatong ko sa kung saan at inilagay ko sa loob niyon ang mga na-harvest ko. Kumuha na rin ako ng ilang mga herb na gagamitin ko bukas kapag nagluto ako ng breakfast.

Just as I was finishing, Daze came back holding a paper bag and a huge pack of kangkong chips. Dumaan din ba sila ng grocery store ni Kuya Nevan?

"Can you lend me a hand for a second, Red?"

Lumapit ako sa kinaroroonan ng fence at kinuha ko ang mga dala niya. May inabot din siya sa akin na iPad. Sa pagtataka ko ay pagkatapos no'n ay nagsimula siyang umatras. I was about to ask him what he was doing when, to my surprise, he suddenly bolted over the fence.

He landed gracefully on his feet, and surprisingly, he managed to avoid stepping on any of my plants. Mukhang alam niyang siya ang ibabaon ko sa lupa kapag nagkataon na may naapakan siya kahit isa sa mga alaga ko.

"Ayos ba?" tanong niya nang makalapit siya sa akin para kunin ang mga dala ko. He even took the basket from me.

"If you hurt yourself, I'm not going to help you."

"Aww. Look at that. You're concerned for me."

"Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi kong hindi kita tutulungan?"

"I know your language, Sorcha Byrne. You're just saying that pero hindi mo rin naman ako matitiis." He leaned down and brushed the tip of his nose with mine. "Malakas din ako sa'yo eh."

"Oo. Malakas ka. Malakas kang mang-inis."

Tawa lang ang naging sagot niya sa akin. Napapailing na tinalikuran ko na siya at nauna na akong pumasok ng bahay habang nakasunod siya sa akin.

Nang nasa loob na kami ay dumiretso ako sa kusina para maghugas ng kamay habang si Daze naman ay tumuloy sa sala at doon dinala ang mga bitbit niya. Kumuha ako ng plato at kutsara't tinidor at pagkatapos ay sumunod ako sa kaniya.

Naihanda na niya ang mga pagkain nang makarating ako sa sala at kasalukuyan siyang nakasalampak na sa sahig. I took a seat beside him, but before my behind could touch the carpeted floors, he quickly took a throw pillow on the sofa behind us and placed it where I was about to sit.

"Your brother's in a meeting as well. Hanggang mamayang eleven pa raw sila. Baka nga raw abutin pa ng midnight." Sinalinan niya ng kanin ang plato ko at isinunod niya ang ulam. "Mukhang naawa na sa akin kaya pinayagan muna akong tumambay dito. After my meeting, I joined your brother in his meeting. They're talking about the case and everything, and they have a few questions."

I watched his face, and even though he was smiling, I could see something behind it. "What happened?"

"Nothing. It's just... it never gets easier, does it?"

I instantly understood what he meant. Everything that happened must be weighing on him again. It's hard not to when it's clear that Vanessa Santana's death proves that someone is targeting Daze through his fans. "It does. Maybe not now. But it will get better."

He gave me a small smile, as if to thank me for what I just said. But my words weren't empty. I believe that it will get better. I know that it will. I watched it happen with the others. I saw it in the Dawsons. Time will come when the burden Daze is carrying will lighten up too.

"Eat up," Daze urged me when I continued staring at him.

Tinignan ko ang plato ko at nakita kong may ulan na rin doon. There's fish fillet sauteed in some special sauce that smells and looks so good, and there's also stirred vegetables with scallops.

Kumalam ang sikmura ko at nagsimula na akong kumain. I glanced at Daze when I felt his eyes on me, and I found him leaning on the coffee table. Nakapalumbaba siya habang pinapanood ako.

"You want?" Inaasahan kong tatanggi siya pero imbis na gawin iyon ay tumango siya. "I'll get you a plate—"

Pinigilan niya akong makatayo at pagkatapos ay inabot niya ang kutsara ko at sumubo ng pagkain.

"I could have gotten you your own spoon," I told him.

"Ngayon ka pa maiilang na mag-share tayo ng kutsara? Need I remind you that I have had my tongue inside you a couple of times now—"

Inagaw ko sa kaniya ang kutsara at sumandok ako ng malaki at basta ko na lang iyong sinalaksak sa bibig niya.

Ngumuya siya ng mabilis at pagkatapos ay ngumisi siya. "Ang Sorchie ko talaga. Naka love brutally mode na naman."

"Ewan ko sa'yo. Kumain ka na lang diyan para makalayas ka na."

Ngumuso siya. "Hindi mo man lang ako na-miss?"

"Magkasama na tayo buong araw."

"Kahit na. Nauna kaming umuwi."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. "May nakapagsabi na ba sa'yo na ang clingy mo?"

His lips curved up. "The funny thing is? Those in my past used to say that being with me felt dangerous. Because it's like any moment, I will drift away." Inabot niya ang buhok ko at inipit niya iyon sa likod ng tenga ko. "But with you, I want to cling so badly, even if you try pushing me away."

NANALO si Daze. There's no surprise in that. Pagkakain ay hindi siya bumalik muna sa bahay ni Kuya Neva hanggang ngayon kung saan parehas kaming nakahiga sa nakalatag na comforter sa sala.

He was the one who took the comforter out na para bang kabisadong kabisado niya ang bahay ko. Para ngang bahay niya 'to eh.

Daze's arms tightened around me as if they weren't tight enough. He has one of my pillows behind his head, while I'm using his wide chest as my pillow.

"I used to do this before."

Nanigas ang katawan ko sa sinabi niya. I could feel the heat starting to flare up in my blood at the same time that fire ignited in my eyes when I looked up at him.

He chuckled. "I'm not talking about lying on the floor with a woman. Calm down, Litter Red Raging Mood." Nang maramdaman niya marahil ang pagkawala ng tensyon sa katawan ko ay naiiling na hinalikan niya ang tuktok ng ulo ko. "I'm talking about lying like this on the floor. I used to sneak out of my room to go to my brother's room to sleep on his floor so that he wouldn't be alone. Now I'm here with you because I don't want to be alone."

I stiffened, and this time, it was for a different reason. Daze doesn't like opening up about his family. Lalong lalo na kung tungkol iyon sa kapatid niya.

"Our parents... they're not good to him. To any of us. But he has it worse. I hate making my parents angry, so I do everything they want. My brother was like that too at first, but something changed in him, and he started fighting back. You know that he was an actor, right?"

"Yes."

"He was good at it. He made it big. He could have made it bigger if... if he were still here. We both could have. But he didn't want me to."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa pagkagulat. "He didn't want you to be an actor? To get famous? Is it... is it because..." I couldn't find it in me to say it. I don't know how he will take it if I ever do.

"Because he was threatened? At first, I thought that was the case. Okay lang naman sa akin na magparaya. I loved acting, but I loved him more. Pero ayaw pumayag ng mga magulang ko. They're earning enough. They're famous. But they want more, and they can have more through us. They need more so they can fund their lavish lifestyle and their addictions."

He touched my cheek with the back of his hand. For a moment, he didn't speak. He just kept looking at me, and I thought that was it. I would have understood if he couldn't say more. "I don't understand him, you know? My brother is everything to me, but I admit that it hurts when it seems like he's not happy for me. Ilang beses ko siyang narinig na nakikipag-away sa mga magulang namin. The biggest fight was when I was offered a lead role on a teen sitcom. I couldn't understand why he hated it so much when that's how he started."

I patted his chest lightly. He seems to be struggling. I'm used to being rough with him, whether through my words or actions, because I know he can take it better than anyone else. But at this moment, he looks vulnerable. "Daze, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

"I want to." Hinalikan niya ang noo ko. "I want you to know."

Tahimik na nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya at naghihintay. It took awhile that he was just looking at my eyes as if he were trying to drown in them.

"I never did understand. He never let anyone in. I tried again and again to ask him, but he kept mum. When I did, I left my parents and went here to the Philippines." Pain crossed his face, and he let out a huge breath. "He was trying to protect me, Sorcha. That's why he was fighting that hard."

"Daze..."

"He... he was violated from a young age by the person my parents trusted to take care of him. The same person who wanted to cast me on that teen sitcom. My brother was a grown up, so that director has his eyes on the next target, which is me." Mapait na nagpakawala siya ng tawa. "You know what hurt me the most? My parents knew from the very start. He told them the first time it happened."

"They didn't believe him?" I whispered.

"They did. But they just said that sometimes sacrifices must be made if my brother wants to rise as a star. They said that they would talk to the director, but of course, what that fucker is doing to my brother didn't stop. That nothing good will happen if they come head-to-head with someone that big in the industry. They said it would not only ruin my brother's future but also their careers." His jaw clenched, and I could feel how erratic his heart was beneath my palm on his chest. "How fuck up to tell that to a child? To your own child? A child they watch grow, knowing that they contributed to the monsters behind his nightmares? I can't even wrap my head around it even now. Na handa rin silang mangyari iyon sa akin."

Marahang hinaplos ko ang dibdib niya. His arms around me tightened, and I didn't complain, even though they're so tight that it hurts a bit. "How did you find out?"

Daze's face grew dark. "Because the last thing he said before he shot himself in the head was to tell me to run before the same thing happened to me."

________________________________End of Chapter 29.