CHAPTER 16: PILLOW

SORCHA'S POV

If I don't stop myself, Daze is going to unlock another achievement. One that is about me bursting out laughing.

Nalukot ang mukha ng lalaki nang mapatingin sa akin. "People either love or hate me at first sight, and here you are looking at me like you heard the best joke on the planet."

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at itinutok ko na lang ang atensyon ko sa bowl ng leftover soup na nasa harapan ko. Mayroon ding iba pang putahe. Ininit ko na lang kasi ang mga pagkain na nasa ref dahil tinatamad na akong magluto at baka anong oras na akong makapagluto kung sakali dahil nagdilig pa ako ng mga halaman.

Hindi siya tinitignan na itinuro ko ang mga pagkain. "Kumain ka na."

I felt him move to sit in front of me. Walang pag-aalinlangan na inabot niya ang mga kubyertos at excited na sumandok siya ng mga pagkain. Parang laging ginugutom ang isang 'to.

Napapansin ko na iyon sa kaniya noon pa. Siguro dahil sa klase ng schedule na meron ang trabaho niya ay bihira siyang makakain ng lutong-bahay. Saka kung sakali man na libre ang mga araw niya ay wala namang ibang magluluto para sa kaniya kundi siya lang din. Iba pa rin kasi sa feeling kapag pinagluluto ka talaga. It's the kind of feeling I'm familiar with whenever I visit my parents or they come over to visit me and my brother.

"Woah," namumualan ang bibig na bulalas ni Daze. "This is so good!"

Nagkamaling napatingin ako sa kaniya. I couldn't help the snort that came out of me.

Napasimangot ang lalaki na nasa aktong susubo ulit. "Sige na. Huwag mo ng pigilan. Tumawa ka na."

I pressed my lips together, still trying to reign everything in. But as seconds passed that I'm looking at him, I could feel myself losing the battle.

Paano ba naman kasi ay hindi talaga bagay sa kaniya ang suot niyang damit. He's wearing my father's blue pajama bottoms and my mother's frilly white oversize night dress. The night gown looks like a long shirt to him since he's taller than my mother, but there's mistaking what it was.

Iyon lang kasi ang mga naiwan ng mga magulang ko rito sa bahay noong last na pumunta sila. Kung sa bahay kasi ni kuya tumuloy si Daze ay walang problema ang susuotin niya. Pero dahil humaharot ang kapatid ko, wala akong choice kundi hanapan si Daze ng susuotin niya dahil alangan namang paghubarin ko na lang siya? Though he'd probably have no problems with that if that's the case.

"Picturan kaya kita? Tapos ibebenta ko sa mga fan mo." Pinasadahan ko siya ulit ng tingin at tuluyan na akong napahagikhik. Mukha siyang galing sa 18th century.

Eksaheradong nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga. "Sige lang. Pagtawanan mo lang ako. Kung ang role ko pala ay magmukhang ganito para makita ka lang na tumawa kaya kong magsakripisyo."

Ibinaba ko ang kutsara ko dahil nanlalambot na ang mga kamay ko. Tinakpan ko ng kamay ang mukha ko habang tumatawa pa rin. I don't think I ever laughed so hard that tears formed in my eyes until today.

I felt Daze tug on my hand. Hinila niya pababa iyon. "Don't hide from me. Pinagtatawanan mo na nga ako pagdadamutan mo pa akong makita kang tumatawa? 'Yan na nga lang ang talent fee ko mula sa'yo."

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at itinapat ko iyon sa kaniya. Bagay na hindi naging madali dahil talagang walang lakas ang mga kamay ko. Knowing my intention, Daze pouted at the camera.

"Ayusin mo," utos ko sa kaniya. "Para yumaman ako sa mga picture mo."

"May pera ka naman ah."

"There's no such thing as too much when it comes to money."

Ilang sandaling nakanguso lang siya na parang pinag-iisipan niya kung pagbibigyan niya ang gusto ko. Pero siyempre iyong parte ng pagkatao niya na golden retriever na kulang sa pansin ang nanaig.

He started posing for the camera like an 18th-century model. Merong inilagay niya ang kamay niya sa likod ng tenga niya na parang mahinhing binibini na iniipit ang buhok niya, merong kumuha pa siya ng baso bilang props at nakapilantik ang mga daliri na umiinom siya, at ang pinakapaborito ko ay ang kuha niya na magkasalikop ang mga kamay at parang in love na in love na nakatanaw sa kawalan.

"Nice," I chuckled as I scrolled through the photos.

"Pwede mong gawing wallpaper ng cellphone mo kung gusto mo," pag-aalok niya.

"No thanks."

He pursed his lips at that but didn't say anything more. Tahimik na kaming kumain na dalawa habang paminsan-minsan ay napapangiti ako kapag napapatingin ako sa itsura niya.

When we were done, he offered to clean up, though I insisted that he didn't need to. Pero dahil nagpumilit siya ay nag-decide na lang ako na maligo na para makapaghanda na sa pagtulog.

Nang lumabas ako ng banyo ay naabutan si Daze na nakasalampak sa carpeted na sahig imbis na sa sofa. Nasa sahig din ang mga unan na ibinigay ko sa kaniya kanina.

"Anong ginagawa mo?"

Napakamot siya sa ulo niya. "Well... umm. I was about to ask if you want to sleep with me—" Nanlalaki ang mga matang sunod-sunod siyang umiling nang umangat ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. "Not like that! Promise!" Kumislap ang mga mata niya. "Pero kung gusto mo, sino ba naman ako para tumanggi?"

I rolled my eyes before turning around to walk to my room, but he stopped me.

"I'm kidding!" Nagpakawala siya ng malakas na buntong-hininga. "I know you're tired, but can't you stay here for awhile?"

"Ano? Ipaghehele pa kita?" Itinuro ko ang sofa. "Sleep on the sofa, Daze. O kaya sa guest room. Sabi ko naman sa'yo kanina na pwede mo namang gamitin 'yon."

"Mahihirapan ka pang ihanda 'yon."

"Bakit ko naman pahihirapan ang sarili ko? Siyempre bibigyan lang kita ng sheets. Ikaw na ang magkakabit."

He chuckled as if he already expected me to say that. He patted the sofa. "Can't you just sleep here? Malaki naman ang sofa at maliit ka naman kaya siguradong kasya ka."

I narrowed my eyes on him. "Sleep with your eyes wide open, Henderson."

Niyakap niya ang sarili niya at para bang sindak na sindak na tinignan ako. "Or what? You're going to take advantage of me?"

I have never met someone who can make me want to laugh nonstop and then make me want to stab him the next second.

"Okay. I'm going to behave now." Pinagsalikop niya ang mga kamay niya sa harapan niya at nagpapaawang pinalungkot niya ang mukha niya. "Stay with me, please?"

"Bakit ba? Ang laki-laki mo na gusto mo pang may kasamang matulog."

Sandaling nag-alangan siyang sagutin ang tanong ko. He looked away as if he's ashamed to admit it.

That's the thing with Daze. It's like he's always trying to hide his true self behind his jokes and flirtings. Not that I'm saying that he's being fake. I think he's genuine with people around him. It's just that I could sense that he's not fully opening himself up.

We're different in that way. I appear close-off because I don't share much. But it's not because I'm afraid of people knowing things about me but it's more because I choose who to open up to.

Daze, on the other hand, will make you feel like he's giving you everything. He makes people feel appreciated, and people naturally gravitate around him because he seems fun to be around. But the truth is, he's not really giving anything.

Sigurado ako na kahit ang pinaka-close at lagi niyang nakakasama na tao ay walang alam tungkol sa kaniya maliban sa mga bagay na nakalatag na sa harapan nila. Kahit maging ako ay ganoon din. Alam ko lang kung ano ang mga nakalagay sa file na ibinigay ng Dagger.

"If you're not going to answer matutulog na ako sa kuwarto ko—"

"I don't want to be alone," he hurriedly whispered. "I just... with everything that happened, I don't want to be alone right now."

I just stared at him for a few seconds, the room slowly becoming enveloped with the stillness of the silence. And yet Daze's desperation feels loud. He really didn't want to be left alone, and I'm sure it's not because he's afraid of someone coming to hurt him. Looking at him, it feels more like he doesn't want to be alone with his own thoughts.

Kumilos ako para maglakad papuntasa kuwarto ko. His shoulders dropped as disappointment spread across his face.

Not being able to say no to this man is dangerous with a capital D. "Wait here. May kukunin lang ako."

I went to my room and grabbed a pillow and my blanket. May kinuha rin ako sa ilalim ng kama ko at hinila ko iyon. Before leaving the room, I took a fresh sheet from my cabinet.

Daze looked in my direction when he heard me. Napatayo siya nang makita na ang dami kong dala at kaagad na tinulungan niya ako sa mga iyon.

I tipped my chin towards the folded foam that I dragged out of the room. "Use that. Meron ding bed sheet." Inilagay ko ang unan ko sa sofa at mabilis na nagkumot ako hanggang sa natatakpan na hanggang kalahati ng mukha ko. "Ikaw na ang magpatay ng ilaw. I'm tired, and I need to sleep."

The smile that spread on his lips made him look like a boy who had been told that Christmas came early.

Mabilis niyang naayos ang higaan niya at nang matapos siya ay katulad ng sinabi ko ay pinatay niya na ang mga ilaw. Sa kabila niyon ay may liwanag pa rin na pumapasok mula sa labas ng bahay na pumapasok sa clerestory window dahil hindi naman natatakpan ng kurtina iyon.

Humiga ang lalaki sa foam at tumagilid siya para humarap sa akin. "This is better than the floor."

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kisame. I'm used to sleeping on my back. Kapag hindi naman ay natutulog ako sa kaliwa ko. Sleeping on the left is safer than on the right when it comes to acid reflux, which my doctor always likes to remind me of. Minsan na kasi akong nadala sa emergency room dahil sa tindi ng acid ko.

But I don't want to sleep on my left right now when that means I'll be facing Daze's direction directly.

Papikit na ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang mga pagkilos ni Daze. Naririnig ko ang kaluskos ng kumot niya sa bawat galaw niya. I should have given him a different blanket.

"If you don't stop, I'm going to make you sleep outside the house."

"Sorry," he said with a chuckle. "I keep getting caught in the frills of this shirt."

I swallowed down my laughter when I thought about what he was wearing again. "It's a night gown." Tinapunan ko siya ng tingin. "Kapag nasira 'yan isusumbong kita sa nanay ko."

"Close na kami ni Tita."

"Tita ka diyan."

"Buti nga iyon lang ang tawag ko sa kaniya. She said I can call her Mama if I want to."

I really need to talk to her soon. "Ewan ko sa'yo." Hinila ko ang kumot para mas lalong itaas iyon. "Stop moving around. Hindi ako makakatulog sa likot mo."

"Sorry po," pabirong sagot niya. "Wala bang pa-goodnight kiss diyan?"

"Goodnight sapak gusto mo?"

"Napakabrutal mo talaga sa akin, Sorchie. Pero sige lang. Okay lang naman sa akin. Kung may love me tender, love me sweet, love me true, ang sa atin naman love me brutally."

Love. He says the word so easily, as if it's just that. Just a word. "I'm going to gag you and tie you up if you don't stop, Henderson."

"I didn't know that you're into kink, Red."

I knife up from the sofa, and I'm seconds away from stomping my way into my room, but he stops me and gently pushes me back down to the sofa. I could see his smile even in the dark as he pulled the blanket up to cover me again.

He put an elbow on the side of the sofa, and he rested his head on it as he started combing my hair with his fingers. I would have stopped him, but it felt too good. I find myself slowly getting lulled to sleep. I had a long day, and I wasn't kidding when I said that I'm tired.

"Sleep, my Little Red Raging Mood. Sleep and dream of me."

"Asa," I murmured.

I heard him laugh, but it sounded quiet to my ears as I began to sink deeper into the fog of sleep.

I didn't know Daze that long. We can't really call ourselves friends. And yet I don't feel unsafe letting my guard down around him. In the comfort of his hands, I succumb to the depths of slumber.

DAZE'S POV

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na. Naalimpungatan lang ako nang maramdaman ko na sumabit ang suot kong pang-itaas ng umikot ako para umiba ng puwesto. The nightgown has so many frills that I'm surprised that it's even for sleeping.

I glanced at Sorcha, and I saw that she was still asleep. I carefully took off my top before I lied down again. Susuotin ko na lang ulit iyon bago magising ang babae.

I couldn't help but smile when I remembered her laughing because of the clothes she made me wear. I'll even wear the thing in the middle of a crowded place if it means hearing her laughter and seeing her smile. It would be totally worth it.

Sorcha's the most beautiful person I've ever met, and I don't just mean her looks. I've met a lot of attractive people in my life, and I doubt that anyone can hold a candle against Sorcha. Sometimes... she doesn't even feel real. That's why I keep finding myself staring at her. Pakiramdam ko kasi kapag kumarap ako ay mawawala siya.

But that's not all. That's not the only thing that makes her beautiful. It's the way she has the sweetest heart even though she doesn't like showing it.

I expected a lot when I opened my door yesterday, but she wasn't one of those. Then she kicked my ass like she's not a foot smaller than me. Puro sermon and inabot ko sa kaniya pero sa kabila niyon ay gumaan ang loob ko. It's because I know that despite it all... she's worried.

May ngiti sa mga labi na inilagay ko ang mga kamay ko sa likod ng ulo ko at umanan doon at pagkatapos ay ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko para sana bumalik na sa pagtulog. I was nearly asleep again when something landed on top of me, almost knocking the breath out of me.

Nang magmulat ako ng mga mata ay ang mukha ni Sorcha na sobrang lapit sa akin ang nabungaran ko. She made a soft sound, almost a mewl, that sent blood rushing to a place where I would rather not make an appearance right now.

"Sorch—"

My words caught in my throat when she moved to her left, and then she plastered herself on my side. Napahugot ako ng hininga nang sinubsob niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko habang ang braso niya ay yumakap sa bewang ko.

"She's going to kill me," I whispered to myself.

Pero hindi ko naman kasalanan di ba? It's a different story kung ako ang tumabi sa kaniya. Right?

No. She'll still kill me. She's Sorcha. Kapag ginising ko siya siguradong magbubuga siya ng apoy. Kapag hindi ko siya ginising at nakita niya ang ayos namin ay ganoon pa rin ang mangyayari.

I covered my face with my hand when she made that small sound again, and my body responded in a way that I couldn't control. Damn it! "Soft serve ice cream, cotton candy, cloud, sponge, teddy bear, marshmallow, bed— No. No bed!" I hissed quietly to myself.

Pakiramdam ko ay mabibiyak na ang utak ko. I need to think about something soft. Something to combat the part of me that is becoming very hard. "I'm a pillow. I'm not a human. I'm not Daze Henderson. I'm a soft pillow. Very very soft. I'm Darien Zeon Pillow Henderson."

I don't think I'm getting any more sleep tonight.

______________________________End of Chapter 16.