#DS6Unwavering #CirCoal #SharkFamily #DaggerSeries

CHAPTER SIX: HOLD

CIRCE'S POV

Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa likod ng sofa at nagpakawala ako ng hininga habang nakatulala sa kisame. Bakit pakiramdam ko nagbakasyon bigla ang kaluluwa ko?

It was an exhausting day. Mas nakakapagod pa ata ang araw na ito kesa iyong mga pagkakataon na tumutulong ako ng rush hour sa Sand Dollar. Buong maghapon ay wala kaming ginawa kundi makipaghabulan sa mga bata. It was fun though. Coal's nephews and nieces are all well-behaved and smart children. Hindi pa mga iyakin at mabilis sumunod kapag pinagsasabihin ng mga magulang nila. And the older babies are all gentle with Kaise.

I learned that Kaise wasn't even the youngest. Mireia's Paris Milaciel and Ember's Kairos Lucian are younger than my daughter.

Lumingon ako sa tabi ko nang maramdaman ko ang paglundo ng espasyo roon. I was greeted by Coal's smile and that particular gentle look in his eyes.

How can a person be this attractive? His eyes have a shade of brown that softens his strong features, his lips have a natural pinkish color, he has an aristocratic nose, and a sharp bone structure. His hard angles gave him this vibe that he's not to be messed around with. Except when he smiles, it lights up his whole face, and you just know that under all that mysteriousness that you'll first see on him, there's also gentleness underneath it.

"You haven't eaten yet," he said before gesturing to the wooden circular coffee table in front of us. May paper bag doon na may logo ng Sand Dollar. "I was watching you." Nang mapatawa ako ay napangiwi siya. "I sounded like a stalker, didn't I?"

"Konti lang," natatawa pa rin na sabi ko. Inabot ko ang lalagyanan ng pagkain at binuksan ko iyon. Gutom na rin talaga ako kaya lang ay abala pa kasi kaming lahat kanina. Saka kapag may bata talaga sa bahay masasanay ka na walang schedule ang pagkain mo. "Ikaw? Hindi ka rin masyadong nakakain kanina ah."

His eyes smiled before his lips did. I realized the implication of my words far too late. I sounded like I was watching him too. Which is true. I just didn't want him to know that.

"Mamaya na lang siguro pagbalik sa hotel," sabi niya.

Pinunit ko ang takip ng papel na container na hawak ko at inilagay ko roon ang kalahati ng burrito at fries, at pagkatapos no'n ay binigay ko iyon sa kaniya.

He looked like he wanted to refuse, but when he saw my raised eyebrow, he took it from me without complaint.

"Success."

Napatingin kami ni Coal kay Tala na nag-thumbs up pa sa amin. Siya na kasi ang nag-volunteer na magpatulog kay Kaise na nagsisimula nang mag-ingit pero ayaw pang matulog. Mukha kasing nag-enjoy talaga ang bata dahil ang dami niyang kalaro ngayong araw na 'to.

"Bukas na lang natin buksan ang mga regalo kay Kaise para may energy na siya," sabi ng babae na inginuso ang pagkaraming regalo na nasa isang tabi ng living room. "Maiwan ko na kayo rito. I have a zoom meeting coming."

Ngumunguyang nag-thumbs up din ako sa kaniya. "Thanks, Ninang."

"Thank you, Tala. For everything."

Nilingon ko si Coal at nakita kong direktang na kay Tala ang mga mata niya. Something tells me that what he said is not just for today.

"Ayoko ng thank you. Ang gusto ko reimbursement."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Tala!"

"What?" she pouted. "They own one of the most famous security and investigation agencies in the country. Connections like that are like gold."

"Aanhin mo naman?" tanong ko.

"Hindi ko rin alam. Maybe when I want to be fancy, when you start competing again. Sosyalin ka no'n kapag may kasama kang bodyguard."

Coal chuckled. "If it's for Circe then it's free."

"Gusto ko 'yan." Nasisiyahang pumalakpak si Tala. "Pwede rin bang magpa-imbestiga ng future jowa?"

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Coal. "Para kay Circe?"

"No. Para sa akin."

As if he had an on and off switch, the man's face brightened again. "That could be arranged."

Napailing na lang ako sa kanilang dalawa. Mukhang nagkasundo pa sila. I hope Coal's ready for Tala's brand of crazy. Kapag may sinabi siyang gagawin niya ay talagang tototohanin niya iyon.

"Cee, why don't you show him Sese's videos? I'm sure he would love to see them." Kinuha niya ang cellphone niya na nakapatong sa center island ng kusina at kinawayan kami. "Mauna na ako sa inyo. See you tomorrow, guys."

Binalingan ko si Coal nang makaalis na siya. "Do you want to watch it now or are you too tired? Pwede namang bukas na— Wait. Hanggang kailan ba ang pamilya mo rito?"

"Until the day after tomorrow."

Is he leaving too, then? What will happen next? What are his plans when it comes to our daughter? Ask him, or you'll never know.

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko. That's right. Walang mangyayari kung hindi ako magtatanong at kung hindi namin kaklaruhin ang lahat. What am I hesitating too much for anyway? It's not like me to dwell too much on things that could be resolved easily. "Are you going with them?"

"I'm staying here for two weeks."

"And then?"

"I will need to go back to report to the office. I'm planning to take on more research jobs so that I can do it here."

Walang panghihinayang sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya. Kung umakto siya ay para bang hindi niya kailan lang nalaman ang tungkol kay Kaise. It was as if he was already used to the idea that his life would need to change.

Looking at him, I have a feeling that a certain change he's making is a major one. The first time I met him, he gave me this vibe that reminded me of myself. Iyong gusto mo lang mag-enjoy at harapin ang buhay na hindi ginagawang komplikado ang lahat. But now he's different.

"What?" Coal asked when he noticed that I was looking at him intently.

"You don't look like an eight-to-five person who's always strapped in front of a screen working a desk job."

His lips quirked. "That's because I'm not. I'm usually out in the field."

"Pero babaguhin mo para kay Kaise?"

"That only seems like the fair thing to do."

"No, it's not." Inignora ko ang pagkagulat na dumaan sa mga mata niya. "I admit, I stopped competing for her. I was even in Australia for a surfing competition when I found out I was pregnant, and I needed to drop out because of it. When I started training again, I felt guilty for leaving her. Kahit na tatlo o apat na oras lang sa isang araw."

"Circe—"

"But if there's one thing I learned when I had her, it's that I can't lose me. Hindi porke magulang na ako ay mawawala na rin ang ako bago siya dumating sa buhay ko. I love surfing. It's part of my identity. I want her to grow up knowing that I didn't stop doing what I loved even though I got more priorities than before. I want her to understand one day that when she became part of my life, she didn't take anything away from me but rather added something more for me to love. So when the time comes, she knows to also not compromise the things she loves just because her life is going through major changes." Binigyan ko siya ng maliit na ngiti. "Kaya sana gano'n ka rin. I hope you don't stop doing what you're good at because you have her in your life now."

He couldn't speak for a few moments. When he finally did, he had this soft look on his face again that I would rather not see because it was making me feel things that I shouldn't. "I'll do research for the company for awhile. But when I'm needed, I would need to go."

"That's okay."

"I want you to trust me that I will come back."

He held my eyes in such a way that it would be hard to escape his gaze, even if I wanted to.

I nodded. "I trust you."

"You do?"

"You have a great family, and the way they care for you is obvious. I don't think you're the kind of man who will intentionally hurt Kaise. So, yes. I trust you when you say that you will come back for her, because I trust you not to hurt her. She's your family too."

He looks like he wants to say something more. Pero sa halip na sabihin iyon ay nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa akin na para bang kinakabisado niya ang mukha ko.

"Ang sabi mo dati gusto mong bumili ng bahay sa Batangas," pag-iiba niya ng usapan pagkaraan.

"Yes. I did say that."

Napakamot siya sa ulo niya. "I was wondering... if you and Kaise would like to visit my house in Batangas? Kahit two weeks lang din or if you want kahit isang buwan."

Sooner or later, we will need to talk about this. For now, she's still a baby, and I'm not comfortable being away from her that long, but Kaise will eventually grow up having two homes. Sa kung saan man ako naroon at sa poder ng ama niya. It would be better to start early so that she would have time to adjust. Time will come when Coal and I need to decide on a co-parenting setup. Like the basics of how long Kaise will stay with him and how long she will be with me.

"How about we do it monthly? Isang buwan dito sa Siargao at isang buwan sa Batangas? I'm still training, so I would need to be here from time to time, but it's not like there's not a decent wave anywhere in the country that I could practice at. Isa pa ay luluwas naman talaga kami ni Kaise dahil sa La Union ang kompetisyon na sasalihan ko."

I want to start competing in my country first before I try international competition again. Not because I'm not confident, but because I want to take it slow. Wala rin naman kasi akong balak sundin ulit ang klase ng higpit ng schedule na meron ako noon.

"Really?"

Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti nang makita ko ang kinang sa mga mata niya. He looks like an innocent boy who you can read easily because he's too transparent. Except I know he's not innocent.

I cleared my throat, trying to distract myself from the images that felt indecent to remember at this moment. "Yeah. Why not? I'm used to traveling from place to place, so it's fine with me, and Kaise would thrive as long as there's an ocean nearby. " Nangingiting napailing ako. "She got that from me. I guess that's only fair, don't you think? Ikaw ang kamukha eh."

His face could have been the sun, with how bright it had become. "You think so?"

"She looks a lot like you."

Watching her grow every day reminds me of a man who frequents my dreams. I didn't know if I would ever see him again, and sometimes it feels like he's just a figment of my imagination, but our daughter is my reminder that he exists.

"It would get easier, Coal," I told him with a small smile. "It's just a matter of time before Kaise and I move. Since sa Batangas ko rin balak na tumira, then Kaise wouldn't be far from the both of us. Nandito kami kay Tala kasi hindi na kami iba sa kaniya at ayaw niya rin na magdesisyon ako basta ng hindi ako sigurado. But she knew that we would leave someday." Inilibot ko ang paningin ko sa paligid. "I would miss this place though, and the people here have been great. Ayokong makalimutan iyon ni Kaise. Kaya nagpaplano talaga akong bumili ng vacation house dito."

"Do that and I will never buy cookies for you again." Napalingon kami ni Coal kay Tala na muling nakatayo malapit sa amin. "You have keys to this place. I'll give one to pretty boy over there too. Kung gusto niyong magbakasyon dito, pumunta kayo. Bakit kailangan pang bumili ng panibago?" Tumuloy siya sa kusina at kumuha ng tubig at dalawang malaking pack ng potato chips. "Videos, Cee? Remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said, standing up. "Akala ko may meeting ka? Bakit mukhang mag-i-i-stress eating ka?"

"Both. May meeting ako at gusto kong mag-stress eating." She rolled her eyes, and sighed loudly. "Why are people so complicated? Ang sasakit sa ulo."

"Because easy is boring."

"Because easy is boring."

Napatingin ako kay Coal dahil hindi lang ako ang nagsalita kundi maging siya. I couldn't help the wide smile that spread on my lips and mirrored his own, which was already plastered on his face.

Tala just narrowed her eyes at us before she left us while shaking her head.

Nilapitan ko ang malaking TV at may kinuha ako na USB na nasa maliit na jewelry dish na nasa ibabaw no'n. Ikinabit ko iyon sa slot ng TV bago ako naglakad pabalik sa kinauupuan ko kanina. When the screen opened, I started browsing through the numbered videos.

"Wait. Why did you skip the other ones?" tanong ni Coal.

"Oh, that was before Kaise was born. Noong pinagbubuntis ko pa lang siya."

"Can we watch them first?"

"Uhh... we can, but are you sure?"

"I want to see everything," he said softly. "If that's okay."

Imbis na sagutin siya ay bantulot na tumango na lang ako. I played the first video that was taken when I was nearly in my fourth month of pregnancy. Tala could be heard laughing behind the camera while I was sitting red-faced in the same spot I'm sitting right now while holding a plate of pancake.

"Why are you crying, Cee?"

"It's perfect."

"Ang alin?"

"The pancake is a perfect circle! It's so beautiful!"

Hinilot ko ang sentido ko habang pinapanood ko ang sarili ko. I was straight out bawling just because the pancake was a perfect circle. It will only get worse after this.

"Why are you pointing a camera to my face," I asked Tala. "Where's my cookie?"

"I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"Birthday ng isang customer nila Levi at binili lahat ng cookies nila. They have none left for the day."

I looked like someone told me that surfing was banned forever. Kita ang pamamasa ng mga mata ko habang nakatingin kay Tala na hawak ang kamera. "Why... why would they do something like that to me?"

"I don't think it's meant to be personal," natatawang sabi ni Tala.

"It feels personal!" Sinundalan ako ni Tala na vinivideo pa rin ako nang pumunta ako sa kuwarto para kunin ang cellphone ko. "Cakes are for birthdays and cookies are for me!"

"What are you doing?"

"Tatawagan ko si Levi. I'm going to complain. How could they do this to me? Ang tagal kong hinintay makakain ng cookie."

"You had one yesterday."

"That was hours ago!"

Nilingon ko si Coal. I was expecting him to laugh by this point but he looks so transfixed at the television. Para bang sobrang importante para sa kaniya ng pinapanood kahit na puro lang naman videos iyon ng mga panahon na nilulunod ako ng pregnancy hormones ko.

"How do you feel, Mommy?"

It was my doctor who asked. I'm currently lying down on a gurney while she uses a device on my huge pregnant stomach.

"Excited and nervous," I answered.

"Any preference? Boy? Girl?"

"Kahit ano." Nginitian ko ang direksyon ni Tala na siyang kumukuha ng video. "I would love whatever he or she would be."

"Do you want to know now?"

"I-I do."

Ilang sandali na naging abala ang doktor habang paminsan-minsan ay tumitingin sa screen. After awhile she turned to me and smiled. "Looks like you're having a baby girl. Congratulations."

Napangiti ako habang pinapanood ko ang sarili ko sa telebisyon. I was crying, but there was no mistaking the happiness I felt that day. I would have been happy if Kaise turned out to be a boy. I really didn't care about that. But at that time, it felt so real. It felt like I was getting to know more about this tiny thing growing inside me that I already loved before she was even born.

Coal and I watched in silence as video after video played. Hanggang sa finally makarating na sa parte kung saan ay pinanganak ko na si Kaise. I looked so exhausted as my doctor placed Kaise on my chest, who's cries immediately quieted down when her skin touched mine.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Napatingin ako kay Coal at hindi ko kailangan mabasa ang iniisip niya para maintindihan ang pagsisisi na nararamdaman niya. "I wish I was there. I really do."

I hesitated for a few second before I patted his knee. "You're here now."

Akmang aalisin ko na ang kamay ko sa pagkakahawak sa kaniya nang maramdaman ko na abutin niya iyon. I opened my mouth to say something, but I felt Coal's hand squeez mine gently. So despite the warning signals in my brain telling me to move away, the alarms shouting at me to put a distance... I couldn't do anything but let him hold my hand.

It was as if, at that moment... that's what we both needed.

_________________________End of Chapter 6.