#DS5Unbowed #EmbRace #PuppyCouple #DaggerSeries

CHAPTER 20: ALONE

EMBER'S POV

I ignored the throbbing in my head. Pagkagising ko pa lang ay mabigat na ang pakiramdam ko pero wala akong balak indahin iyon. I already skipped breakfast to sleep more. I don't want to spend the rest of the day lying down on my bed, where I would be alone with my thoughts.

Bihira akong magkasakit pero sa mga pagkakataon na nangyayari iyon ay sanay na akong palipasin lang iyon. Kaya nga may gamot. I'll drink some later and I'll be good in no time.

Dumiretso ako sa kusina at naabutan ko ro'n si Miss Asencio na kasalukuyang nagluluto.The smell alone convinces me that it will be delicious. I wish I had the appetite to eat a lot of it. Miss Asencio's great at cooking food that I could eat. Siguro ay dahil na rin karamihan sa kinakain ko ay gulay kaya siniguro niyang matututo siya ng iba't ibang klase ng luto na maaaring magustuhan ko.

"Smells good. What's for lunch?"

Pumasok ako sa loob ng kusina at umupo ako sa high stool na naroon. Nangalumbaba ako at ipinatong ko sa kamay ko ang ulo ko na pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ng tulong para lang magawa kong iangat.

Nanatiling nakatutok ang atensyon sa ginagawa na sumagot siya, "Meditteranean Roasted Cauliflower and Portobello Mushroom Steak."

"No meat for you and the others?"

"Kumain na kami kahapon no'n kaya pwede ng gulay na lang ngayong araw. Saka alam mo naman na kung ano ang kinakain mo ay iyon din ang kalimitang gustong kainin ni Cristiano."

"Si Trace anong gusto?"

Bahagya niya akong nilingon at inangatan niya ako ng kilay. "Ikaw."

Nalukot ang mukha ko lalo pa at nakita ko ang naglalarong ngiti sa mga labi niya. Pati ata si Miss Asencio ay nahawaan ni Trace sa kakulitan niya.

"Okay na raw sa kaniya kung anuman ang plano ko para sa tanghalian. Bihira raw siya talagang magluto dahil lagi namang sa opisina siya kumakain dati," sabi niya pagkaraan.

Kasi pinagluluto sila ni Lia. Pakiramdam ko nga ay lahat silang magkakapatid ay nag-a-ambag na sa grocery ng babae tutal ay lagi silang nakikikain ng luto niya. I heard Axel talking to Mireia before about going to the grocery store for Lia, so that might be true.

"Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?"

She always seems to sense when there's something wrong with me. "Hindi naman. Napagod lang talaga ako kahapon sa paglabas namin ni Trace. Naghahabol din siguro ako ng tulog dahil hindi ako masyadong makatulog nitong mga nakaraan."

Sandaling tinapunan niya ako ng tingin bago walang salitang ibinalik niya ang atensyon niya sa niluluto. Even if she doesn't speak, it feels like she knows that my father is the reason why I've been restless these past few days.

"Miss Asencio?"

"Hmm?"

"Nakita mo na ba si Mama dati? Noong nabubuhay pa siya?"

Pinatay niya ang kalan at isinalin niya sa plato ang pagkain. Humarap siya sa akin at ibinaba ang hawak sa center island bago niya ako sinagot. "Bata pa ako nang lumipat kami sa Maynila pero nakarinig na ako ng mga kuwento tungkol sa mga Estremera noon. Lalo na kapag tungkol sa mama mo na popular sa mga kalalakihan noon na gusto siyang ligawan."

She's careful with her words, and I could see that she seemed concerned. I never asked about my mother. It feels forbidden to do so. Like the mention of her is a curse that will hurt a lot of people. Especially my father.

"What was she like?"

"Sabi nila maganda siya. Kahit hindi ko siya nakita sa personal ay natitiyak ko iyon dahil sa mga litrato pa lang ay kita namang magkamukha kayo." May maliit na ngiti sa mga labi na inabot niya ang buhok ko at marahang sinuklay iyon. "Hindi siya mahilig lumabas ng mansyon kaya sa mga pagkakataon na bumababa siya ng rancho ay nagiging usapan talaga siya. Sigurado rin ako na mabait siya na tao dahil wala akong narinig na masama sa kaniya noon."

"Until she married my father and her lost love became an affair."

Bumuntong-hininga si Miss Asencio. "Walang katiyakan ang mga usapan na iyon."

"My father didn't deny it. Wala namang panggagalingan ang mga kuwento na iyon kung hindi totoo."

"Hindi kita masasagot tungkol diyan, Ember. Wala ako sa lugar para magsalita tungkol sa namayapa lalo pa at hindi pa ako nagtatrabaho para sa inyo noon. Nang maging empleyado ako sa mansyon at naging alaga kita ay halos kakaunti na lang ang natira na nagtatrabaho sa inyo na nagtrabaho rin para sa mama mo. Sadiyang hindi lang mapigil ang bibig ng mga tao na gumawa ng kuwento kahit hindi naman nila alam ang buong katotohanan."

"Do you think she loved my father?"

And me? It was there, and I knew that she could hear the question even if I didn't voice it out.

"Ang alam ko ay ipinagkasundo sila. Naging magkaibigan ang mga magulang nila kahit pa sa Maynila ang negosyo ng papa mo. Madalas silang pumunta sa Laguna dahil naroon ang bakasyunan nila at magkakabit ang lupain nila at ang sa mga Estremera. Parehas na mayaman ang pamilya nila kaya hindi na nakakapagtakang pinili ng mga magulang nilang ipakasal sila sa isa't isa."

I know that part. Base sa mga larawan ay hindi kasing laki ng mansiyon ang dating nakatayo roon. It was huge, but it wasn't as massive as it is now. It retained its old structures, but it couldn't expand more since it could touch the land that the Calderon family owns. When my parents got married, they merged the land. Ibinigay ng grandparents ko sa side ni Papa ang lupain bilang regalo sa kasal nila ni Mama. That's when the Estremera and Calderon lands became Rancho Callista.

My father has always considered the land to be my mother's property, even if technically speaking, he has the right to a part of it. She loved that place. I don't think my father was really interested in it. Kasi kung sakali ay dapat hindi niya buong ipinasa sa akin ang karapatan doon. I guess he didn't want to change what had already been decided before I was born. He made my mother the sole owner of Rancho Callista.

Emmiliano Calderon is a very traditional man. Except when it comes to my mother. Maybe he did love her? In his own way. But did she? Did she feel the same way for him too?

"Hindi ako maaaring magsalita para sa kanila dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang relasyon nila. Pero kung nagtagal ang pagsasama nila at kalaunan ay nabuo ka, hindi ba ibig sabihin no'n ay mahal nila ang isa't isa?"

"They could have just stayed together because that's what their parents wanted. Paano kung gustong umalis talaga ni Mama? My father's parents died first, but it wasn't long before my mother's parents passed away as well. Hindi na nila kailangang magtiis na manatiling magkasama. Maybe that's why she wanted to run away that day. Kaya niya iniwan si Papa. Kaya niya ko iniwan."

Sympathy colored her eyes, and I looked away. I don't want to be pitied. Compared to the problem that exists in the world, mine's barely one.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to burden you with my sentiments," I whispered while giving her a small smile. "Pwedeng pakitawag na lang sila Trace? I'll just take a shower quickly and join you for lunch."

Hindi siya kaagad kumilos at para bang may gusto pa siyang sabihin. Pagkaraan ay bumuntong-hininga na lang siya at tumango. Magkasabay na lumabas kami ng kusina at akmang pupunta na sana ako sa kuwarto nang mamataan ko si Cristiano na papasok ng bahay.

"May problema ba?" kunot ang noo na tanong ko. Kadalasan ay sa kamalig gustong manatili ni Cristiano at hindi rin miminsan na nagdadala na lang siya ro'n ng pagkain. He's the introvert out of all the introverts in the world.

Umiling siya at umangat ang sulok ng mga labi niya. "Magpapaalam lang sana ako, Ma'am. Nanganak kasi ang kapatid ko at balak ko sana na bumisita sa kanila bukas. Babalik din ako sa gabi."

"Wala namang problema iyon sa akin. Kung gusto mong mag-stay muna sa kanila okay lang naman din sa akin."

Since we've gotten here, they've only had the chance to have their off days once. Kahit na sinasabihan ko silang mamasyal paminsan-minsan ay ayaw naman nila. Before Trace and I went to Cambodia, Cristiano went back to Laguna to meet with her sister, who lives outside of the ranch with her husband. Si Miss Asencio naman ay ayaw bumyahe ng malayo at namasyal lang siya isang beses sa Tagaytay.

"Hindi na ho. Gusto ko lang makita ang pamangkin ko pero uuwi rin ako."

Nilingon ko si Miss Asencio. "You should go with him. Ang tagal mo ng hindi nabibisita ang kapatid mo."

"Walang maiiwan dito kasama ka."

"I'll be fine. Tutal ay pupunta rin naman si Cristiano. Dalin niyo na ang sasakyan ko para hindi na kayo mahirapan sa byahe. Just make sure not to get close to the mansion. It's not yet safe." Tinaasan ko ng kilay ang mayordoma. "Alam kong miss mo na ang mansyon pero bawal ang matigas ang ulo. Just visit your family o ang future boyfriend mo na baka tinatago mo lang sa akin."

Pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata. "Sa lahat sa atin na nandito ay hindi ako ang malapit ng magkaroon ng boyfriend."

Nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko lalo pa at mukhang iisa lang sila ng iniisip ni Cristiano na nakatingin din sa akin.

"Ay baka nga," kunwari ay pagsang-ayon ko at tumango-tango pa ako. "Feeling ko si Cristiano talaga ang malapit ng magkaroon ng boyfriend."

I smiled sweetly at the man, saccharine sweet, but his usually blank expression changed into a teasing one. "Si Sir Domino na lang ang sa akin. Ayoko kay Sir Trace kasi baka magselos ka Ma'am."

Argh!

THINKING THAT I would instantly feel better the next day if I just took medicine is a big joke. Dahil nang magising ako kinabukasan ay pakiramdam ko may nakadagan sa ulo ko sa sobrang bigat niyon.

I felt cold and restless the entire night, but I tried to keep it down because I didn't want to disturb Trace. Para kasing may radar siya sa nararamdaman ko. He was concerned all day yesterday, but I dismissed it by telling him that I was probably just getting my period.

I thought it would make him feel uncomfortable. Men rarely want to talk about menstrual periods with women. Maybe never. It's not like it's a topic that they are curious about. Pero imbis na pabayaan ako dahil wala naman siyang magagawa kung sakali ngang magkakaroon ako ng dalaw ay nagpadeliver siya nang kung ano-ano na sa tingin niya ay makakatulong sa akin.

I have three different colors of hot compress, an expensive-looking heating pad, the fridge is stocked with ice cream, the cupboards are full of chips, he ordered a lot of fruits, and he bought medicines for cramps.

Tinapunan ko ng tingin ang digital clock na nasa bedside table. It's only thirty minutes before six in the morning. Siguro nakaalis na sila Cristiano.

Huminga ako ng malalim at pilit na tumayo ako kahit parang imposibleng gawin iyon. I steadied myself by putting a hand on the wall when my world started spinning the moment I got up from the bed. My body is aching. Hindi ko maituturo kung saang partikular na parte ng katawan ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay lahat masakit.

I dragged myself to the bathroom, undressed too slowly because I couldn't find the strength to do it quickly, and then I took a long, hot shower, hoping that it could help a bit. It didn't.

Nang matapos ako ay nagbihis ako at tahimik na lumabas ako ng kuwarto. Iyon nga lang ay gaya ng inaasahan ay gising na si Trace at kasalukuyan nasa kusina. He's already preparing breakfast and tea.

"Goodmorning, princess," he greeted with a smile.

Sa lahat ng tao na gumigising ng maaga ay siya itong parang masaya. Most people hate waking up this early.

"Goodmorning," I mumbled.

"Feel better?"

"Yes." I know he would be able to detect the lie so I changed the subject. "Is that our breakfast?"

"Yup. Do you want to eat this at the gazebo?"

"Puntahan na lang kita ro'n. I'll see to the babies first then I'll come to you."

"I'll help. Bumili si Miss Asencio ng food cover kaya pwede ko namang takpan 'to sa may gazebo. But I'll bring the tea on a thermos for you in the barn so you could have it warm."

I gave him a small smile and I nodded gently, afraid that it will make me dizzy again. "Thank you."

Naglakad ako papunta sa living room at naabutan ko si Potchi na gising na at mukhang gusto ng lumabas. I helped her get out, but I made sure to close the doors properly so that Bingo wouldn't follow her. He's too small, and he might get lost.

Trace and I brought him to the barn a couple of times, but he was always supervised. He's just a kitten, so we didn't want him to get himself hurt.

Potchi arrived first at the gate of the fence, and she waited for me with a patience that is slowly dwindling because it wasn't long when she started barking. Hindi ko siya masisisi. Kahit siguro pagong ay magagawa akong unahan sa sobrang bagal ko.

When we got inside, she was giving me a look that could only be translated as a doggy version of impatience because I made her wait again when I walked the distance to the barn itself.

"Sorry, Potchi. I don't feel so good."

She barked once, and I couldn't help but smile. She's a little diva, but she's cute and friendly. She seems to adopt all my animals as her own. A common trait with the Dawson family. It isn't surprising since, technically, she's a Dawson too.

Pinuntahan ko isa-isa ang mga alaga ko at nakita kong nalinis na ni Cristiano ang mga kinaroroonan nila kahit pa sinabihan ko na siyang ako na ang bahala ro'n. May pagkain na rin kaya ni-refill ko na lang ang mga lalagyanan ng tubig nila.

What little energy I had left quickly depleted. After putting water in their bowls, I found myself sitting with Turbo and Ranger inside their section. As if sensing that something was wrong with me, they both huddled around me. Mukhang maging si Potchi ay naramdaman din iyon dahil sumampa siya sa kandungan ko at siniksik ako.

Hindi nakatulong na basa pa ang buhok ko at ang lamig ng paligid. I hugged her close, needing to keep warm.

That's how Trace found us.

Pilit na iminulat ko ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang presensiya niya. Ibinaba niya sa tabi ko ang maliit na insulated thermos bottle bago siya umuklo at inangat ang kamay niya para idampi iyon sa pisngi ko.

"Who's making you blush this early without me around?" he asked softly.

I know he's joking and he's trying to make me feel better, so I gave him a small smile that felt forced even to me.

"Is this because of your period?"

This is so embarassing. Bakit ba kasi iyon ang naisip ko na idahilan sa kaniya? "I... I don't think so."

"Are you in pain?" When I nodded, he continued, "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

My answer came out as a whine, and I know it, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I really don't feel good. Bihira man akong magkasakit pero alam kong hindi lang ito sama ng pakiramdam dahil sa sipon. Pakiramdam ko ay tinatrangkaso na ako.

"My poor princess." He gently brushed my hair with his fingers. Paminsan-minsan ay nararamdaman kong magaan niyang minamasahe ang ulo ko. It felt like heaven. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You'll make me stay in my room, and I didn't want to stay there alone."

He made a humming sound, but he continued what he was doing. I leaned closer to him while still hugging his dog.

"You're right. I'll make you stay in your room to rest. But you won't be alone. I can stay with you."

"You're busy," I told him.

He was in his office a lot yesterday. I didn't want to disturb him, so I visited the barn once, knowing that he would put a stop to what he was doing just to go with me. Hindi niya ako hinahayaan na lumabas na mag-isa. It's kind of his bodyguard thing. Inside the house, he's fine with me not always being in his line of sight. Matagal na niyang ipinaalam sa akin na may mga kamera sa bahay at laging may nakabantay sa control room ng Dagger.

"Not for you," he said.

Hindi ko na nagawang sumagot. I'm too tired to argue anyway.

After awhile of him massaging my head gently, I felt him took Potchi away from me. I wanted to protest because I like her warmth, but I didn't need to when he wrapped his arms around me instead.

Pilit na nagmulat ako nang maramdaman ko na umangat ang katawan ko. "I can walk."

I could. I didn't want to, but I could.

"I got you, princess."

Hindi na ako nagpumilit pa. Who am I to complain when he's doing me a huge favor?

If my lethargy is not enough of a sign that I'm really sick, the fact that I manage to nap so quickly from the barn to his house is a good one. I feel like I'm hovering back and forth from consciousness to unconsciousness.

"Do this happen a lot?"

Naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng likod ko sa malambot na kama. I think he's talking to himself, but I decided to speak up anyway.

"Not so much. Mas madalas noong bata pa ako," mahina ang boses na sagot ko sa kaniya.

"What did you do back then?"

I curled to my side when I felt him tuck me under the warm blanket. "I get on with my day. I really hate getting holed up inside my room."

"Why?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled.

"Why do you hate it? Kailangan mo ng pahinga."

"I feel more lonely when I'm sick. It's when I feel truly alone."

I didn't hear him say anything more because that's when I fell asleep. Or maybe I passed out from exhaustion and my body is forcing me to finally get a damn rest that is much needed. I could feel something damp on my forehead and a warm touch on my face from time to time, as if someone was checking on me.

When I became conscious of my surroundings again, I could hear Trace talking to someone.

"I know it's too early. For you at least, babaeng tanghali na kung gumising." Narinig kong bumuntong-hininga si Trace. "Bakit ba ikaw ang sumagot? Nasaan si Kuya Thorn? Nevermind. Tatawag na lang ako ng doktor— No. I'm fine. Ember has a fever. Since lagi kang nagkakasakit, itatanong ko sana kay Kuya kung anong pwede pang gawin."

I fell asleep again before I could tell him that I didn't need a doctor. Fever usually resolves on its own.

At one point, I felt Trace gather me in his arms while pressing something warm on my lips. I didn't fight him, even though it was becoming difficult to swallow by then. After a few spoonfuls, he gave me medicine, which was harder to take than the broth, and then he let me rest in his arms.

Nang maalimpungatan ako ulit ay may ibang boses na akong naririnig na kausap niya. Is that Domino?

"Kami ng bahala sa mga alaga ni Ember, Kuya. May dala akong soup galing kay Lia. Pinapatanong ni Kuya Coal kung kailan niya ba raw bumili ng gamot? May madadaanan kasi siyang botika."

"Nakabili na ako ng gamot. Nagpadeliver ako kanina kasi ayoko namang iwan si Ember. She already took her medicine but she barely finished the broth," Trace said.

"Did her fever break?"

"Not yet. I keep replacing the towel on her forehead but her fever is not going down."

"A bath?"

If they ask me to shower, I'm going to shoot both of them with an arrow. Once I regained my strength. I couldn't even open my eyes. Maligo pa kaya ulit?

What felt like an hour later, I was dreaming about being in court. Potchi was present for some reason, but she was sitting on the judge's chair, with the gavel in her mouth. Potchi's a judge?

I feel something wet damping my skin, which is probably what woke me up. Sa pagkakataon na ito ay hindi lang iyon sa noo ko kundi maging sa leeg ko at mga braso.

"The legislative power shall be vested in the Congress of the Philippines which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives, except to the extent reserved to the people by the provision on initiative and referendum."

Why do I feel like he's reciting something from the Constitution again?

"Y-You might get sick too. You don't need to stay here," I croaked out.

Trace's hand halted from what he was doing when I speak, but after awhile he continued. "Let's worry about you first, princess. Hindi naman ako madaling mahawa ng sakit."

"You might get bored."

"I won't."

"You need to work."

"I have my laptop here with me." Naramdaman ko na muling dumampi ang tuwalya na hawak niya sa gilid ng mukha ko. "You should eat something."

"I'm okay. I don't want to."

"You'll have to drink medicine later."

Umiling ako. "I don't need to. I could just sleep."

"Yes you do," he cotradicted. "How about water?"

"No thank you."

"A hug?"

Yes, please. "Umm... no?"

I felt him move, and in the next second for I don't know how many times today, I found myself in his arms. "Too bad. I'm still giving you one."

Okay then.

The sleep fairy took me into its paradise once more, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I started dreaming again. I was starting to drift deeper into slumber when I heard Trace's whispered voice. I wasn't even sure if I was just imagining it or if it was real.

"You'll always have me. You will never feel alone again. I'll give you anything... everything. Don't you know? I love you so much that being without you is the only thing that I can't give you."

______________________End of Chapter 20.