DS4Unadorned #MAAAD #DaggerSeries

CHAPTER 35: LAST

MIREIA'S POV

I closed the file I'm holding. I was finally done reading it. Inilipat ko ang atensyon ko sa magandang tanawin na nasa harapan ko. From the balcony of my condominium, I could see what is considered the most visited monument in the world; the Eiffel tower.

The first time I went to Paris, it was like love at first sight. I always thought that it was just overly hyped, but it lives up to its reputation. It's like looking at a living art.

Axel and I went here a few months ago after our first wedding anniversary and Naynay's first death anniversary. Pinalipas lang namin ang Pasko at pagkatapos no'n ay dito na kami nagbagong taon. Axel enjoyed this city as much as I do, so it wasn't a surprise that he didn't decline when I asked him to go with me for the Paris Fashion Week.

I guess it's not exactly the city he enjoys so much, but more of the feeling of having a vacation where there's just the two of us. Kaya nga kahit ngayong September pa ang fashion week ay July pa lang nandito na kami. We visited Palais de la vie and my husband tried his best to convince Guillaume to buy my photograph from the gallery to no avail, we took a tour that ended up as a gastronomic adventure dahil imbis na mga tourist spot ang pinuntahan namin ay puro kainan ang binisita naming dalawa, he went shopping with me with a patience that I haven't seen in any man that I have met, and of course we did the other best thing in the City of Love... which is to make love. A lot.

I feel rested, and I am happy. That didn't change despite what I read.

Axel found my father. He's not just my father, because apparently, he's used to being called that by a lot of people. Izan Fonseca, my mother's one-night stand, was a priest. He didn't marry and have a family, and instead he committed his life to the church. Seven years ago, he died from a virus while doing missionary work in southern Guinea.

It was a bit disappointing not to meet him personally and to let him know that he has a daughter, but it wasn't that painful knowing that I wouldn't get that chance. It's enough to finally put a face on a person that has always been a mystery to me. It's enough that I get to know that he was a good person who spent his years at the service of the poor and was well-known for his dedication to teaching the youth.

Naagaw ng tunog mula sa cellphone ko ang atensyon ko. Kinuha ko iyon at napakunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na notification alert iyon tungkol kay Belaya.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at muntik akong napatayo sa kinauupuan ko nang makita ko ang laman ng balita. Bumuka ang mga labi ko para sana tawagin si Axel pero napatigil ako ng maalala ko na nasa gym nga pala siya.

"Ang galing talaga ng timing ng kuting na 'to," bulong ko sa sarili ko habang binabasa ko ang article.

She received the Best Actress award, and during her speech, she announced that she's having twins; a boy and a girl. It's not just a baby gender announcement, because apparently, she's literally having them at that moment.

Napatawa ako nang makita ko ang litrato kung saan nasa stage si Belaya kasama si Pierce at ang dalawang katambalan ng babae na sina Caleb at Samuel. They all look like as if they were doing a breathing exercise. The other image was Caleb carrying an ashen face Pierce out of the place while Belaya was on a stretcher.

Hindi ko pa natatapos ang pagbababasa nang tumunog ang cellphone ko . Nakangiting sinagot ko ang tawag nang makita ko ang pangalan na nandoon.

"Kung nasa delivery room ka, please lang, si Pierce ang tawagin mo at huwag ako. You called me that first day when you thought you were pregnant and you were freaking out. I can't handle your brand of crazy now you're about to pop out a child— well children," bungad ko sa kaniya.

Imbis kasi na pumunta sa ospital noon ay ako ang tinawagan niya. She was alternating from laughing and crying, and it took awhile before I convinced her to go to the hospital. Nang mga panahon na iyon kasi ay nasa Palawan ako para sa isang shoot. She and Pierce weren't really trying for a baby, but she missed a couple of pills after she got sick.

"They're already out of the oven, witch." She looked tired, but there's a huge smile on her face.

Itinapat niya ang camera sa dalawang sanggol na nakalagay sa bassinet nila. My heart instantly warmed looking at their cute sleeping faces. "Say hi to your niece and nephew. Astraea and Orion."

Nangilid ang mga luha ko sa sinabi niya. I know what she said was not just because I'm married to her brother-in-law. She's like a sister I never had, and I know she feels the same way even though she has a lot of siblings already.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" lukot ang ilong na tanong ni Belaya na muling lumabas sa screen. "They came out of me. I should be the one crying."

"I'm just happy, bitch."

Pinakatitigan niya ako ng ilang sandali bago siya nagsalita. Her stare turned suspicious when I struggled to keep my composure. "Show me the table in front of you." Nagtataka man ay sinunod ko siya. Nasa harapan ko pa rin kasi ang meryenda ko na hindi ko pa tapos kainin. "Hmm."

"Anong meron?" tanong ko nang muli kong itapat ang phone ko sa mukha ko.

"Ibaba mo 'yung camera." When I did exactly that, she motioned with her finger, "Lower."

I was about to do what she asked, but I laughed when I realized where she wanted me to point the lens at. "Why are you interested in my bumper, munchkin?" Tanging roba lang ang suot ko kaya litaw sa suot ko ang cleavage ko.

She looked around before she whispered, "You floozy." Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mga mata. "Alam na ba ni Axel 'yan?"

I plastered an innocent look on my face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're not drinking anything alcoholic."

"Anong akala mo sa akin? Sabik sa alak?"

"You love drinking wine on that balcony kapag ganitong oras!" she hissed. "Tell me! Wala si Pierce dito at bumibili iyon ng pagkain." Nang hindi pa rin ako nagsalita ay pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata. "I'm betting my entire fortune that your already humongous breasts are bigger now."

"I doubt that."

"Liar—"

"They need a few months more before I need help carrying them. Ilang buwan pa rin bago kakailanganin ni Trace na tawagan iyong dati niyang hinaharot na nagtatrabaho sa farm ng mga prutas."

"Nagbagong buhay na 'yon. Wala na raw siyang balak balikan ang mga kaharutan niya noon kaya hindi na tayo makaka-discount—" Makabasag tenga na tili ang pinakawalan niya nang mapagtanto niya ang sinabi ko. I heard soft cries from the background, and she moved to reach for her babies that she probably woke up. "Shh, shh. Sorry babies. Kasalanan ng Tita niyo." She skewered me with a look. "I can't believe you! Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin agad? And how? I thought you two weren't planning for one yet dahil sa trabaho mo?"

"I just found out I'm two months pregnant a few days ago, wench. Naka-schedule ako for a contraceptive shot no'ng July pero nandito na kami no'n. Ayoko ritong magpalagay, and I hate taking pills, so we opted for condoms."

"The condoms broke?" she asked with wide eyes. "How rough were you two going at it?"

"Those times that we weren't fast enough to get one was the problem, not the condoms. I don't care what other people say, but the pull-out method is not an ideal option."

Sandaling tulala na nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Hindi ko siya masisisi. It took me awhile when she called me before to digest what she was telling me too. Kung hindi nga lang siya parang sinasapian nang tumawag siya ay baka hindi ako nahimasmasan agad.

"How do you feel?" she asked after awhile.

"Hungry and horny. I think I'm draining Axel's life force. Kung hindi ko napagtitripan na agawin lahat ng kinakain niya ay siya naman ang ginagawa kong dessert—"

"Oh my God, Mireia. That's not what I'm asking!" she shouted. "Omg. I need to bleach my ears... and my brain."

"You've talked about Pierce before," I said through a laugh.

"That's different! Si Axel ang pinag-uusapan natin. Axel... the soft and gentle baby..."

"He's not even the youngest Dawson. He's not a baby. And he's definitely not soft and gentle when we made..." Itinuro ko ang tiyan ko. "—this baby."

"I'm ending the call. Right now."

"Huwag muna. I-she-share ko pa sa'yo ang kagandahan ng procreation."

"Nope." Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan sa kinaroroonan niya kasabay nang pagtingin niya sa isang direksyon. When she looked back at me, she gave me a pointed look, "I'm really ending this. Pierce's here."

"We'll talk later."

She hesitated for a moment before she nodded. "I'm really happy for you."

"I am happy for you too, munchkin."

Saktong pagkababa ko ng tawag ay pabalabag na bumukas ang sliding door sa likod ko. Napataas ang kilay ko nang makita ko si Axel na tila hinihingal pa. My eyes travelled down his sweaty body and a different kind of hunger sparked inside me.

"Have you heard? Belaya gave birth to twins," he said with eyes shining from happiness.

"Katatawag niya lang sa akin." Tumayo ako para lumapit sa lalaki. Hindi ko pinansin ang pawisan niya na kabuuan at sa halip ay mas lalo ko pang idinikit ang katawan ko sa kaniya . "We should celebrate."

The corner of his lips tipped up when my hand snaked down his gym pants. "We should."

THE REFLECTION in the mirror staring back at me looks like a warrior ready for battle. I'm dressed in a gold drape gown made of metallic fabric, with a pauldron on my shoulders giving me a knightly vibe.

I couldn't help but think of all the times I looked in the mirror, readying myself to put on my own kind of armor. Something that I needed to face the day, and one that I needed to remove at the end of it. As I learned to let go of the past, I also learned how to stop putting on a front. The last time I felt the shield that's been with me for years was when I broke free from the chain that was binding me.

Now I'm wearing one that literally looks like something that is perfect for a battle, and at the end of the night, when the time comes that I need to take it off... it would be the last time too.

"Are you sure about this?"

Nakangiting nag-angat ako ng mukha kay Rie. "Are they okay with it?"

"They are more than happy. A lot of people will surely talk about it."

"Then I'm sure." Nagtama ang mga mata namin at inabot ko ang kamay niya para pisilin iyon. "Thank you for everything, Rie. For taking care of me."

Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata niya. "Huwag mo 'kong paiyakin, please lang!" Pinisil niya ang kamay ko pabalik. "Thank you din. You are one of the best people I ever handled. Kahit masakit ka sa ulo minsan."

Narinig ko ang pagtawag sa pangalan ko at tumayo na ako. I gave Rie a hug before I walked towards the floor director. I've been on the catwalk a couple of times tonight, and what I'm wearing now is my and the show's final haute couture.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko 'tong ginawa sa loob ng ilang taon ko na pagiging modelo. There's always a weight to the fact that you're carrying someone else's creation. But tonight feels different. I'm not only walking for the people or for the artists. This time I'm also doing this for myself.

I looked down at my hands and to my surprise I found them shaking. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at mariin na ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. I drowned out everything except for the floor director's voice that started counting.

"Three... two... one... go!"

My eyes snapped open, and I straightened my back before I started putting one foot in front of the other. The lights momentarily blinded me, but my steps were sure. I memorized the catwalk like I knew the back of my hand.

Rinig ko ang palakpakan ng mga tao. Ramdam ko ang mga tingin na nakapukol sa akin. From every turn, there's flashes coming from cameras. My gaze, however, was fixed on the man at the end of the runway.

Axel was ignoring the stares of everyone around him. Habang nakaupo kasi ang lahat ay siya ang bukod tanging nakatayo at pumapalakpak habang ngiting-ngiti na nakatingin sa akin. He acts as if it's the first time he's ever seen me tonight.

Nang makarating ako sa kalahati ng entablado ay huminto ako katulad ng ilang beses ko nang ginawa ngayong gabi. Sa pagkakataon nga lang na ito ay may binago kami.

I felt the difference the moment it happened. All eyes went to the huge two LCD screens on my back, and I knew what they were seeing; a montage of my past walks through the years, and bold letters with "Mireia Aguero's final walk" written on them.

Bumaba ang mga mata ni Axel sa akin mula sa pagtingin sa screen. There was surprise in his eyes, but there was also confusion.

We talked about this before. He told me that he wouldn't stop me from continuing my job. I remember asking him if he wanted me to retire when we decided it's time to start a family, and he just said, "If that's what you want, but if you don't want to stop working, then I will support you."

He said that a lot of people in the industry have families and are still working as models. Kaya wala naman daw na problema kung ipagpapatuloy ko ang trabaho ko kahit na magkaroon na kami ng anak. But that's not what I wanted. I told him that I will quit when we decide to expand our family.

This baby might be a surprise, but I don't feel like I'm being forced to give up my job. I just think that it's the right time.

Sa buhay na pinagdaanan ko, na-realize ko na hindi posibleng maging planado lahat. That's not always a bad thing. There are a lot of possibilities out there, and just because one didn't happen doesn't mean something great won't happen too. Hindi rin ibig sabihin na magtatapos ang isang bahagi ng buhay mo ay wala ng magiging kasunod pa. Life is an adventure worth taking. The road never stops with just one destination.

This one is ending, but I know that there are a lot of surprises out there that are still waiting for me. Starting something new could be scary, but I have a lot of people with me that will never let me be alone in my journeys.

I broke the usual emotionless face that exudes personality that I carry on these kinds of runways, and I smiled at the audience, which earned me huge applause from them. This time, it wasn't just Axel that was standing, and instead everyone was joining him.

I blame the hormones when my eyes immediately clouded with tears. Sa kabila niyon ay pinagpatuloy ko ang paglalakad papunta sa dulo ng kinarooonan ko. Nang marating iyon ay muli akong huminto kasabay nang pagkislapan ng mga camera.

I was supposed to walk back, but when it was the moment for me to do so, I extended a hand towards the man that I know will always catch me.

Malalaki ang mga hakbang na lumapit sa akin si Axel. I felt his hand take mine, and when he did, I let all my weight lean into him.

Maingat na sinalo niya ako at ibinaba. Nang nakaapak na sa sahig ang mga paa ko ay hinapit niya ako palapit sa kaniya. The flashes of the cameras continued, and they are still pointed at us.

"What's happening?" he whispered.

"I'm retiring," I whispered back.

He searched my face for a moment. "Do you... do you want a baby? Is that what this means?"

A single tear fell from my cheek. Umiling ako at inilapat ko ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya. "We already have one."

His lips parted, but no words came out of his mouth. Ilang beses na nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa mukha ko at sa tiyan ko na hindi pa kakikitaan ng umbok. Nang tila hindi na makatiis ay inilapat niya ang nanginginig niya na kamay doon.

When his eyes returned to me and I saw them mist over, I couldn't reign in my tears anymore.

"You've graced these people with your beauty for years, but they don't know that they can only see a small part of what you can give. I've seen it the moment you berate that guy from our school when you were in line to have your assignment printed, every time that you have your head buried in your books, when you're stressing about exams, when I saw you again after years of not being able to, you drenched with rain, your hair on the pillow in that motel, when you danced for that photo shoot, when you patiently helped your cousin with her thesis, you beside me sleeping every time that the day ends, when you curl into my lap whenever you want to, you taking care of Naynay, when you walk towards me on our wedding day, when you're with my family, every time that I hear you say "Bun bun" with your sweet smile or even your "Hun" when you're annoyed, when I come home and I see you waiting for me, and every moment that I hear you say I love you. You've already given me so much, and yet you still make life more perfect.... more beautiful than it already was."

Ikinulong niya ang mukha ko sa mga kamay niya at inilapat niya ang mga labi niya sa noo ko. Then he kissed the tip of my nose... until finally, he reached my lips.

My feet left the catwalk that has been my world for years, one that taught me how to stand strong and walk alone. I landed in the world that I will now be in from this day on. A place where I no longer need to face everything by myself. A place where I could break if that is what's needed.

A world where Axel will always be by my side, walking with me on a path that is destined for the both of us.