#DS4Unadorned #MAAAD #DaggerSeries

CHAPTER 20: FIRST

MIREIA'S POV

Hindi ko magawang salubungin ang tingin ni Belaya habang magkaharap kaming nakaupo sa patio set ng bahay ni Axel na malapit sa malawak niyang infinity pool. Kasalukuyan siyang kumakain ng kagagawa lang na Buko Pandan Salad ni Naynay.

As I grew more uncomfortable second after second, my best friend's eyes started to narrow suspiciously. "Anong ginawa mo kay Axel?"

"Bakit parang ako agad ang may kasalanan? For your information, siya ang may ginawa sa akin."

Napasinghap siya dahilan para mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya ang step-son niya na kanina lang ay halos isubsob na ang mukha sa bowl ng kinakain. Inabot ni Belaya ang table napkin ng bata at pinunasan niya ang bibig no'n. "You want some more, Arc? You can ask Ate Thena inside. Bibigyan ka no'n."

"Otay po."

Maingat ang pagkakahawak sa bowl niya na naglakad papasok ng bahay si Arctic. Makikita naman niya panigurado agad si Thena na kasalukuyang nanonood sa living room.

"Now what were you saying?" Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mga mata. "Anong ginawa niyo ni Axel?"

"Hindi mo talaga matanggap na kayang "gumawa" ni Axel mag-isa no? Kailangan ako o kami." I can't blame her though. "It was nothing."

"Anong nothing? Hindi mo nga ako matignan ng diretso kanina."

"Because you keep staring at me."

"I'm only staring because when Axel greeted me after Arctic and I arrived, he was all smiley and happy while you look like you rather be outside the planet than here." Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "So what happened?"

"Nothing like what you're thinking."

"Ano ba sa tingin mo ang iniisip ko?"

"Para namang hindi kita kilala Belaya Lawrence Dawson. Mukha ka lang mabait pero maharot ang utak mo." Itinuro ko ang sarili ko. "Mukha lang akong maharot pero mabait ako."

"Maniniwala ako kung hindi rin kita kilala."

"Axel said I'm an angel."

"Kahit tubuan ka ng sungay, anghel pa rin ang magiging tingin sa'yo ng isang iyon. He'll just think you're an angel with a new accessory."

I pressed my lips together because I know she's right. Kahit ano atang gawin ko sa akin pa rin kakampi si Axel. Kahit kapag nanood ako sa fashion channel at inookray ko ang mga model na hindi ko kasundo ay ngingitian niya lang ako at sumasang-ayon.

Pumalakpak si Belaya sa harapan ko para kunin ulit ang atensyon ko. "Sasabihin mo ba sa akin o kailangang pilitin pa kita?"

"Wala nga."

"Try again."

Malakas na bumuntong-hininga ako. "Axel's just being... more flirty than usual. He confessed about a few things this morning that threw me off a bit. Kung hindi ka nga dumating ay baka pinagtataguan ko pa rin siya." Muling nagbalik sa akin ang mga pinag-usapan namin kaninang umaga ng lalaki. "How could he just ask me that? Most men will just ask to marry you. Pero si Axel iba ang version."

Heat spread on my face when I remembered the things he said to me. Axel need to learn how to have some chill. Kasi kung hindi baka ang bata ko pang atakihin sa puso.

"Ganito ba talaga silang magkakapatid? Usually when you date a person it will start with talking, hanging out, then maybe some kissing. Actually no. Before you date a person you need to ask her out first. Did I got possessed before kaya wala akong maalala na inaya niya ako for a date? O may split personality ako at iba pala ang babaeng kasama ni Axel? Is it just me o nilagpasan talaga ni Axel lahat ng steps na dapat ginagawa ng mga tao bago mag-start ng isang relasyon?" I slouched at the chair and I turned my gaze to the sky. "One moment I'm minding my own business and the next I'm sleeping beside Axel. Before I can even get a grasp about how bizarre is that, we're suddenly kissing. Now he wants to what? Pikutin ako? What was up with that? Imbis ba na play button eh fast forward lang ang meron ang mga Dawson? Come to think of it. It might be fake pero nauna pa nga ang pamamanhikan niya."

Marahas na dumiretso ako ng upo at bahagya akong lumapit kay Belaya para bumulong. "Do you know what he said to me this morning?" Tumikhim ako at bahagya kong pinalalim ang boses ko. "When I look at this lips, I want to kiss it. When I feel your skin, I want to touch it. And when I look at you... I want to worship you." If I could scream, I would. "I could handle Axel's different personas, but Maharot Axel need to take a vacation or I'm going to self-combust."

Hinihingal na nakatingin lang ako sa kaibigan ko na ngayon ay tulalang nakatitig sa akin. If I didn't know any better, I would think that she had suddenly become catatonic.

"Hello? Earth to Belaya?"

Napapakurap na pinilig niya ang ulo niya. "Are we talking about the same Axel that I know? Axel as in my brother-in-law?"

"Yes!" I hissed.

"Are you high?"

Pinandilatan ko siya ng mga mata. "Of course not!"

She stared at me for a moment. She looks like she's at a loss. That makes the two of us. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong iisipin ko o mararamdaman. This feels too fast. I dated a lot of people, but those felt like a casual road trip. With Axel it feels like I'm inside a blazing rocket.

"So? Are they usually like this?" I pressed.

"Uhh... I guess so? Lucienne met Thorn because of her case and then they both caught feelings. The case closed and Thorn proposed to her. Kung tama ako base na rin sa nabasa ko sa librong ginawa niya hango sa kuwento nila, they went out once in what seems like a date. But he didn't exactly asked her. Pumunta lang sila rito sa Tagaytay para magkape."

"And?"

"Lia and gun had a history. They met when she was eighteen and three days later ay naging sila." She looked up as if thinking. "Pierce and I went out before but I don't think he asked me for a date."

"So none of you got asked out before anyone of you became in a relationship? You just realized you have feelings for each other and then you're suddenly getting married?"

"Well... I guess so?" Nang mapanganga ako ay napangiti siya. "Mireia, Dawsons are men of actions. They don't really rely on words that much. They won't ask you to go out on a date. You'll just find yourself going without being asked like it's the most normal thing to do. The only question they will give you is when they're popping the big question."

"The big question?"

She moved her fingers as if air quoting, "Will you marry me?" Itinukod niya ang siko niya sa lamesa. "But to be honest, I'm surprised with Axel. May balak ata siyang talunin lahat ng kapatid niya. Gun is the fastest to established a relationship, but I'm pretty sure he and Lia didn't just jumped on each others bed right away. Ikaw nagtatabi na kayo ni Axel agad."

I felt my cheeks flushed with heat again. "Hindi sa paraan na iniisip mo."

Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko."And you're even kissing. Do you know how long before Pierce and I finally kissed? Hindi niyo kayang talunin si Lia sa kategorya na iyon but I'm betting all my savings that she didn't get a proposal as fast as you did. Kahit ako at si Lucienne." Umangat ang sulok ng mga labi niya na parang naaaliw siya. "He didn't even ask you to marry him. Tinanong ka niya kung pwede ka niyang pikutin." A laugh burst out from her. "Sa lahat ng namimikot siya lang iyong magalang."

"This is not funny!"

"Oh it is. Believe me, it is. My best friend, who always embarrasses people with her confidence, is now acting like a scared bunny. The bunny that I know my brother-in-law to be turns out to have a wolf hiding inside him." Humalukipkip ako at binigyan ko na lang siya ng matalim na tingin. Mukha namang balewala lang sa kaniya iyon dahil ngiting-ngiti pa rin siya. "So you're hiding because he rattled you? Are you mad at him now? Cause I'm pretty sure he's mad for you."

I heard the double meaning behind her words. "Gusto kitang tirisin."

"Alam mo actually pwede niyong gawing love team name 'yan. I used to think Pierce and I to be the LKCouple. Lion and Kitty. You can be the "mad" ones."

"That makes us sound like we're crazy."

"For each other."

"Belaya," I groaned.

"Okay fine. Not M-A-D. What about MAAAD? Para intense?" Itinago ko ang bumalatay na gulat sa akin pero alam kong huli na nang mapataas ang kilay ni Belaya. "You've thought about it didn't you?"

"No."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying." When she just gave me a pointed look, I sighed loudly, "It used to be our thing back in college. Team MAAAD. Mireia Aguero and Axel Dawson."

Napatakip ako sa magkabila kong mga tenga nang bigla na lang siyang tumili. Akala mo ay nakakita siya ng celebrity na paborito niya o kung ano dahil sa tila pag-fa-fangirling niya.

"Oh my gosh. You need to tell me the color so I can be prepared."

"Color?" tanong ko.

"For my matron of honor gown."

"I'm not getting married!" I hissed.

"Yet."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata ulit. She looks like she's enjoying this too much. "Hello? I'm your best friend? Shouldn't you be trying to comfort me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why would I comfort you? Ang daming babae diyan na baka handang isangla ang kaluluwa nila para magpalit kayo ng kinapupwestuhan. You should be the one comforting the women population that won't get the chance to be with Axel because he's yours."

"He's not mine." But you want him to be don't you? Kaya nga ang sama ng loob mo nang malaman mo ang tungkol kay Arah no'ng akala mo ay siya ang special someone na tinutukoy ni Axel.

"Tell that to yourself. Well at least a part of yourself that still won't believe that this is happening. Because the way I see it, there's already a part of you that want this to happen."

"Paano... paano mo namang nasabi?"

"Because I know you. Kung hindi mo gusto si Axel baka ang layo na ng narating mo para makalayo sa kaniya." She gave me a look. "You're still here, aren't you?"

Hindi ko magawang sagutin si Belaya. I wouldn't know what to say anyway. Kapag hindi ko gusto ang sitwasyon na kinaroroonan ko ay binibitawan ko iyon. I always take control only of the things I know I can handle. If I don't want something, I don't waste time thinking about it. I just move on. I never compromise my own peace of mind for anyone.

I always try to live without complication. After everything that happened in my past, complicated is not a word I want to be associated with my life. Axel and I are the exact definition of complicated. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel, and I can't take control of the situation because I don't know how.

"Mireia?"

Napapitlag ako sa kinauupuan ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Axel. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita kong nakalapit na siya sa amin. "Y-Yes?"

"A friend of mine opened a restaurant na malapit dito. Soft opening nila. Gusto mong tanungin ko si Naynay mo kung gusto niyang sumama para mag-dinner mamaya?"

Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong mabilis na sumasagot sa tanong niya. "Sure."

His eyes twinkled and he gave me a smile before he turned to Belaya. "Gusto mong sumama?"

"May lakad kami ng Kuya mo at kailangan din naming ihatid si Arctic sa nanay niya." Belaya threw me a knowing look. "But you kids enjoy, and stay..."

Axel gave her a questioning look, "Hmm?"

"Stay MAAAD for each other."

Axel's confusion turned into surprise, until finally it became something that I am now getting familiar with; the look he has when he's turning into Maharot Axel.

"I'll make sure she will," he said to Belaya while his eyes never left mine. "I know I will be."

NAALIMPUNGATAN ako sa hindi ko malamang kadahilanan. I opened my eyes and I saw an empty space beside me. Still hazy from sleep, I pushed myself up and look around. Kahit sa banyo ng kuwarto ay mukhang wala rin si Axel dahil wala akong naaaninag na liwanag mula roon.

Dati hindi ako makatulog kasi katabi ko siya. Ngayon naman hindi ako makatulog ng komportable dahil wala siya.

Inabot ko ang roba ko na nasa ibabaw ng bedside table. I put it over my deep purple silk sleepwear.

Pumanaog ako ng bahay at nang hindi ko siya makita sa sala ay tumuloy ako sa kusina. Bago pa ako makapasok doon ay natanaw ko ang pintuan ng opisina ni Axel na bahagyang nakabukas. He's working this late at night?"

Nagpasiya akong pumasok muna ng kusina. I opened one of the cupboards and I grabbed a box of the Coco Pops cereal bar I saw this morning. Nang makuha iyon ay lumabas na ako at dumiretso ako sa kinaroroonan ni Axel.

I pushed the door open a bit and I popped my head inside. His eyes went up from the monitor in front of him and surprise colored his eyes when he saw me. "Why are you awake?"

"I was hungry." Hindi ko naman kayang sabihin na dahil sa kaniya kaya ako nagising. "Can I stay here for awhile?"

He searched my face for a moment but after awhile he nodded. "Of course you can."

Pumasok ako sa loob at binuksan ko ang kahon na hawak ko. Anim ang laman no'n at kinuha ko ang apat. Lumapit ako kay Axel at ibinaba ko sa lamesa niya ang mga iyon. He muttered a thanks while I quickly turn my back on him to walk to the sofa.

Binuksan ko ang isa sa dalawang cereal bar ko at kumakain na nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa opisina niya. Nalinis niya na iyon at nakadisplay na rin ang mga libro niya. Napaangat ang kilay ko nang may mapansin ako.

I went to his bookshelf and grabbed the magazine I noticed. Nang lingunin ko si Axel ay kita ko kung paanong namula ang mukha niya. Good. Looks like I'm going to have the reign this time. Or a bit of it at least. Para fair naman. Tutal buong araw na niyang ginulo ang buong sistema ko.

"Nasaan iyong ibang kopya?"

"Ipinabalik ko na sa condo."

"But you left one here." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "May balak kang tignan?"

"H-Hindi. Trace probably left it there."

"Why?"

"Because he's a brain tumor that I can't get rid of?"

Napatawa ako sa sinabi niya. Umupo ako sa sofa at inisangsubo ko ang natitirang cereal bar na hawak ko at pagkatapos ay inalis ko sa pagkakaplastic ang magazine. It's my first job. I'm not even a celebrity to be on the front cover, but they offered me the job. They're just a small company and it was a risk.

"Alam mo, ganiyan ang tawag sa akin ng mga kapatid ni Belaya. Hindi raw sapat na headache lang ako." I opened the magazine as I eat my second cereal bar. I was almost done with it when I realized that Axel was too quiet. Tumingin ako sa kaniya at nakita kong pinagmamasdan niya ako. "What?"

"Did you date one of them?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Who?"

"Isa sa mga kapatid ni Belaya?"

"Ram and Cross? Those two would rather date a non-living object than be with me."

"But you want to?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "They're good people, they're good looking, and I had a crush on them before."

The expression on his face shuttered close. Bago ko pa mapigilan ang sarili ko ay natagpuan ko na lang na nakatayo na ako at palapit sa kaniya.

Ewan ko ba. I can't stand it when he's all flirty, but I also don't want him to be close off. I should start reading Lucienne's book. Maybe there's a manual out there on how to survive the complicated process of being with a Dawson.

Napatigil ako sa gitna ng opisina niya at animong itinulos ako sa kinatatayuan. Being with a Dawson.

Damn it. Even my inner thoughts can't control itself.

"What's wrong?"

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko nang marinig ko ang pag-alala sa boses ni Axel. Pinagpatuloy ko ang paglapit sa kaniya at bago ko pa makumbinsi ang sarili kong bumalik sa kuwarto na tinutuluyan namin ay umupo ako sa office desk niya.

"I had a crush on them." He pressed his lips together. "But you're my first crush."

"You don't need to explain—"

"My greatest crush."

His eyes flashed and his cheeks turned a deep red. I poked his left one with my forefinger playfully. "I like you when you're like this," I murmured.

"So you don't like me when I'm... what do you call it again? Maharot Axel?"

I decided to go for honesty. "It's not that I don't like it. I just don't know what to do with that version of you."

"That seems fair since I don't know what to do with you most of the time."

I guess it's not just me. We're both new to whatever this is. From time to time he's finding courage to be his naughty self, while I'm getting to know the part of me that could be rattled despite the confidence that I always carry.

"You're sharpening your flirting on me, don't you?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

"I'm learning as I go, angel. I can't be an expert overnight."

"Hmm."

"Would you prefer that I'm not easily flustered because I dated a lot of women?"

"No," I said more strongly that I intended. "Would you prefer that I'm not... me? I'm not like you, Axel. I'm not—"

He didn't let me finish what I'm struggling to tell him. Sa pagkagulat ko ay hinila niya ako hanggang sa mapaupo ako sa kandungan niya. I stiffened in shock, but he just gave me a gentle smile. "I like you however you come to me."

"Y-You're... you're just saying that. But you might get tired of it. Maingay ako, maharot, at pasaway. You also know I'm not afraid of showing skin. I work in an industry where that's normal for me. Thousand of men probably ogled my pictures."

"Mireia..."

"I had relationships before." As if it has a life of its own, my hand gently went to his hair. I threaded my fingers through it as his eyes soften more. "I probably don't deserve you."

The expression on his face didn't changed. He still has a gentle look on him and a small smile on his lips. "I like you however you come to me," he repeated his words earlier. "Would it bother you if the role was reversed? Kung may nakaraan ako bago ka dumating sa buhay ko ulit?"

"No." I bit my lower lip for a moment. "I won't hate you for it, but I'll probably won't like your exes."

"It's the same with me."

"But—"

"Why would it be a problem for me if you had relationships?" He played with a lock of my hair. "It bothers me that men ogle your pictures, yes. But you have a job that you seem to enjoy and I support that. How others react to your job is their own decision, and how I deal with knowing that is my responsibility and not yours."

"Axel—"

"However, what happened during your past relationships is not my business. It's not something that bothers me. Do I like seeing your ex, just like that Galen Cuevas? No. Do I like seeing him hugging you? No. Because that happened while you're with me." Inipit niya sa likod ng tenga ko ang buhok ko. "Is that it? Is that what's troubling you?"

I want to answer him. To tell him no. It was just one nail out of the coffin of the secrets that I have. There's still a lot of them rooted deeply.

"Angel?" His eyes are bright when he met mine. "Just so you know, everything will be a first experience not just for me, but also for you."

Napalunok ako. A memory that I forgotten for a long time flashed in my brain. It was the day that I left him sleeping knowing that we won't see each other again.

"Mireia?" bulong niya.

Hindi ko iminulat ang mga mata ko. Hinihila na rin ako ng antok. "Bakit?"

"Think of another wish. This doesn't count."

Hindi ko siya sinagot niyon. When the morning breaks, I claimed my third wish... by kissing him. It was my first.

"What do you mean?" I asked Axel when I finally found my voice again.

"Everything with me would be a first for you, because you haven't known what it's like to be with a Dawson yet."