#DS3Unscripted #BelayaxPierce #LKCouple #DaggerSeries

CHAPTER 32: FAREWELL

BELAYA'S POV

"You okay?"

Isinarado ko ang Jean-Michel Basquiat Crown Corkcicle tumbler ko at nilingon ko si Domino na siyang nagsalita. Sandaling nagtama lang ang mga mata namin pero pagkaraan ay bumuntong-hininga ako at sumandal akong muli sa kulay pink ko na folding chair na laging dala ni Sebastian kapag may taping ako.

"I'm good," I told him with a tone that contradicts my answer.

It's the week of the filming. To be exact it's the last day of the first week of filming. It's been two weeks since I last saw Pierce. Two weeks lang ba? Bakit pakiramdam ko two years na?

I dated a lot of people after Jackson. It wasn't really for distraction from my pain but rather I wanted the companionship. I broke up with a lot of them too for reasons that I wish didn't became the reason. Mahirap mag-isa lalo na sa mundo na ginagalawan ko.

Break ups never fazed me because I know what real pain felt like. But now I realized that it was so easy for me to move on before because I never really opened up my heart enough to get hurt. Some of them I spent time longer that I did with Pierce. Pero dalawang linggo pa lang na hindi ko siya nakikita pakiramdam ko ang dilim ng mundo ko.

Mireia used to tell me that I recharge and bounce back easily because I'm small. She used to tease me about it because unlike her madali akong maka move on sa galit ko once na pakiramdam ko nakaganti na ako. But with Pierce I don't think even thousands of volts can zap my energy back into one hundred percent.

"You look..."

"Sad?" I asked.

"Pissed."

Kumibot ang mga labi ko pero nagkibit-balikat lang ako. Alam niya rin naman ang rason kung bakit bukod sa kawalan ko ng gana sa lahat ng bagay dahil ang tagal ko ng hindi nakikita si Pierce ay nangingibabaw din sa akin ang inis na hindi ko naman magagawan ng paraan... sa ngayon.

I should just focus on my other problem which is to talk to Tristan Donovan. One step at a time.

Kung busy kasi ako ay ganoon din ang lalaki. Kapag puwede siyang makipagkita ay ako naman ang may schedule na hindi ko puwedeng iusog.

Bukod sa filming ay may three hours training session din ako every other day. Turns out my character Sariah is every bit of the warrioness that she is and I can't just use a double on every little thing that she does kasi ang mangyayari ay wala na akong iaarte masyado sa dami ng actions scenes niya.

"Good news o medyo hindi good news?" Si Sebastian ang nagsalita na kakalapit lang sa amin.

"Iyong medyo hindi good news."

"You have a ball to attend to this month."

I groan in annoyance. Kung meron akong pinakaayaw bukod sa award shows ay iyon ay mga event ball kung saan aattend ang madaming celebrities. "The good news?"

"The annual charity ball has been moved for the end of the year?"

"Mas gusto ko pa iyong charity ball kesa sa kung anong ball na naman ang naisipan nila. Hindi ba puwedeng hindi na lang ako pumunta? I'm a security hazard after all."

"You need to attend. Virago will be promoted and your first official interview for this project will also be conducted there."

I scrunched my nose at him but he just stared at me with the look that he always give me kapag ayaw niyang kontrahin ko siya.

"Whatever."

Tumingin siya kay Domino sandali bago niya muling binalik sa akin ang mga mata niya. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Domino clearly know what he meant. Bahagya siyang lumayo sa amin pero nanatiling nakatutok sa akin ang atensyon niya. Domino never left my side. He's almost literally attached to my hips.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you going to tell me why you have a different bodyguard or not?"

Hindi niya hininaan ang boses niya at hindi ko naman alintana iyon. My eyes strayed to the make shift table in front of me but I quickly turned it back to him. "The latter."

"Belaya."

"Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto mong marinig sa akin."

"You've been pestering me about him. Basta alam mo kung nasaan siya ay doon ka pumupunta. You were staying at his home. That's probably the highlight of your year so why did you stop?"

"I don't know." He clearly didn't believed me and his gaze confirmed that to me. "I need to resolve my own issues first."

"Because of the man that you hate talking about."

Sebastian is a smart person. He's more than just a manager for me. He's a friend and also a big brother. Alam kong sa tagal niya akong nakasama ay may mga bagay siyang napapansin sa akin na pinipili niya na lang na hindi itanong sa'kin. He never tried to stop me from my shenanigans when it comes to dating and the trouble that I always bring after someone betrays me.

"Why the sudden interest? You never cared about my dating life."

"I cared I just don't like talking about it because it pisses you off."

"I'm about to get pissed off," I said.

"No. What you are right now is a sad little munchkin."

Umakto akong ibabato sa kaniya ang hawak ko na tumbler sa sinabi niya na alam niyang lagi sa akin na pang-asar ni Mireia. "Ilang beses na akong nakipag-break sa kung sino pero wala ka namang pakielam."

"You don't like those people in the first place," he returned.

"I liked them."

"Okay. I should rephrase that. You like their company you just don't like them enough to let them stay in your life." Inilagay niya sa bulsa niya ang cellphone niya at humalukipkip siya. "You broke up with them because they showed you how much of an asshole they can be."

"And?"

"I don't think Pierce Dawson is an asshole."

"He isn't." Nanatiling nakatingin lang siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay niya ang susunod ko na sasabihin. I sighed. "I already told you. I need to resolve my issues first."

"Because of Jackson."

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa mga kamay ko at sa pagkakataon na ito ay siya naman ang narinig ko na napabuntong-hininga. "Isn't he always the reason? Kung bakit pinipili mong mapalapit sa'yo iyong mga taong alam mo naman na hindi magtatagal sa buhay mo?"

"Lagi naman siyang kasama sa rason. He's important to me," I quietly said.

"There's nothing wrong with that." Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya ay may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Walang masamang magmahal ka. But he's not here anymore Belaya. You also need to live your life and be happy."

Hindi na ako muling nagsalita pa. He didn't forced me to and instead he sighed again before he sat beside me.

We stayed like that for awhile. Nag-angat lang ako ng tingin nang maramdaman ko ang paglapit sa amin ng kung sino. Bumungad sa akin si Jhonas na kinuha ang mga gamit sa table na nasa harapan ko. He didn't even meet my glance and instead he just turned away.

"Cedric and Joe warned him off," Sebastian said as if hearing my thoughts.

"I gather that. Ilang araw niya na akong iniiwasan. Did they threatened to pull him off this project?"

"They did."

Napaangat ang kilay ko. "That's a surprise. He might be an ass but he's good when it comes to his job. Masyado lang talagang oportunista. He always thought about becoming more and he made sure to be exactly that. Hindi na ako nagtataka na kadikit niya lagi si Cedric at Joe. Those two are well known in the creative industry."

"You worked with Jhonas a couple of times right?"

"Yeah. The last one was a movie."

"And the first?"

"A theater play."

Kumunot ang noo niya na para bang may iniisip siya. "I'm familiar with him for some reason."

"You should be. Your sister was in that same play too."

KINUYOM ko ang mga kamay ko habang nilalaro ko sa isa ang straw ng iniinom ko na lychee iced tea. Fortunately, walang masyadong tao sa coffee shop na kinaroroonan ko at tago rin ang kinapupuwestuhan ko kaya walang nakakapansin sa akin.

Tinignan ko ang cellphone ko. I arrived too early. Napapabuntong-hininga na binuksan ko na lang ang browser ko at nag research na lang ako ng kung ano-anong maisipan ko. When I got bored at the recent celebrity news that appears to be more fallacious rather than being "real" news like those sites promised to be, nag-browse na lang ako ng gaming articles para sa paborito kong computer games para matignan kung may bagong mga sikat na hero at builds. I haven't played for awhile and I know my team misses me.

"You play AOC?"

Napapitlag ako nang marinig kong may nagsalita malapit sa akin. A gentle smile and kind eyes greeted me. "I'm sorry. Am I late?"

Mabilis na umiling ako at binigyan ko siya ng pilit na ngiti. "H-Hindi. Masyado lang talaga akong maaga."

Tumingin ako sa kinaroroonan ni Domino ilang lamesa mula sa kinaroroonan ko. I nodded my head at him and he relaxed his stance. Nang muli kong binalik ang atensyon ko kay Tristan ay nakita kong nakatingin din siya kay Domino.

"Sorry. I can't go anywhere without him but he's giving us privacy right now," I told him.

I waited for him to ask me why. Most people did. Pero imbis na tanungin ako ay binigyan niya lang ako ng ngiti bago tumango. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa cellphone ko at lalong lumawak ang ngiti niya. "That's my favorite game too. What's your username." Bumuka ang mga labi ko pero kasabay ng pamumula ng mukha niya ay napakamot siya sa ulo niya. "You don't need to tell me. I'm just nervous right now and a little bit dazzled that my favorite actress is playing my favorite game."

Despite everything, I can't help but smile at his words. "Why don't you tell me your username? I'll add you."

"Mousai." Sunod-sunod na napakurap ako. Nanatiling nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya. It lasted for ten seconds, followed by another ten, then another... and another. He was starting to get uncomfortable. "Umm... may problema ba?"

"Are you a mage player?"

"Yeah. Iyon kasi ang tinuro sa akin ng kapatid ko no'ng inintroduce niya ako sa Abyss of Chaos. I'm actually using her account. Hindi na siya naglalaro kaya hiningi ko na sa kaniya dahil mas marami siyang hero. Mousai is actually a girl's name. Hindi ko na pinalitan. It's kind of cool saka doon na siya kakilala ng mga ka-team niya."

What a small word. "So that's why the title of your book is Virago."

"Not really-" Natigilan siya at kumunot ang noo niya na parang may kung ano siya na naisip. "Wait... how?"

Tinuro ko ang sarili ko. "I'm Virago."

Laglag ang mga panga niya habang nakatingin sa akin. The smile on my lips began to form. Who would have thought? I always envision Mousai to be a teenage boy with big rim glasses and a lanky body. Voices can be deceiving so it haven't changed how I imagine him kahit ilang beses ko na siyang narinig sa audio ng AOC.

"I-I'm..." Pinilig niya ang ulo niya bago siya ngumiti. "I can't believe it."

We didn't speak for awhile. We just keep on smiling at each other as if we just heard the most exciting news of our lives. I mean... how many hours have I spent playing that game with him and the others?

The spell was broken when I heard a familiar sound of a camera. Napatingin ako sa direksyon ni Domino nang makarinig ako ng komosyon sa kinaroroonan niya at nakita kong natataranta niyang binaba ang cellphone niya. Sandaling pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata bago ako huminga ng malalim at muli kong ibinalik ang atensyon ko kay Tristan.

"I'm really glad you agreed to meet me," I told him.

"Nahihiya na nga ako sa'yo. Ako pa iyong hindi makahanap ng oras ikaw na nga ang gustong makipagkita sa akin. A lot of people would drop whatever they're doing to meet you."

I rolled my eyes at that. He's so much like Lucienne. Parang hindi pa rin niya matanggap na maraming nakakakilala sa kaniya at hindi na lang siya basta ordinaryong tao. Both of them made an impact to the industry they are in.

I guess that's the difference with my industry to theirs. Sa amin kasi hayagan ang payabangan ng mga tao.

"You need to get use to it. You're books are already famous. Now it will make more noise because of the TV series."

"You think?"

"I know." Nginitian ko siya at inangat ko ang isa kong kilay. "Kasi nandoon ako."

His laugh echoed around us and only a blind person wouldn't stare. He's a good looking guy and when he smile it's like a field of flowers during spring. It's refreshing to see. He's so much like him in so many ways.

"I should apologize to you," I said after awhile.

"For?"

"The way we first met. Kumalat sa social media iyong video natin sa bar. I hoped no one recognized you."

"Oh that." Umiling siya. "Pinagmamalaki ko nga sa kapatid ko na kapapanganak pa lang no'n ang video na iyon. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin niya ako pinapaniwalaan na ako 'yon."

"I... It just took me by surprise to see you there."

"You know me?"

"I know I shouldn't have. Hindi ko dapat inalam kung sino ang transplant recipient ni Jackson. But I needed to know at that time. I promised I wouldn't look for you and I didn't."

"You should have." Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya pero binigyan niya lang ako ng maliit na ngiti. "Para nakapagpasalamat ako sa inyo."

"I-"

"My mom needed me. Ako ang panganay. She was working two jobs for us. Ako dapat ang tutulong sa tatlo ko pang mga kapatid lalo na kay Nina. Nina and I both have the same condition." He hesitated for a moment before he patted my hand gently. "This heart changed my life. I will be forever grateful for that."

"Is she okay?" I whispered.

"She is. My paycheck for my first book helped for her transplant."

I didn't speak for a moment while he patiently waited. I guess somehow he understood that this is not easy for me. I held it in for years. I carried it alone because that's the only way I know that the only person that will be hurting is me. Kasi ayoko ng masaktan ang pamilya ko at ang mga taong mahalaga sa akin habang pinapanood ako na nahihirapan.

"He was important to me," I whispered, the anguish in my tone is evident. "He was the love of my life. He was everything. I never thought of what it's like without him because I didn't think it would be that fast. Akala ko marami pang oras... marami pang panahon na magkakasama kami. I didn't have the chance to do a lot of things... to say a lot that I should have."

"You need closure."

Binigyan ko siya ng maliit na ngiti sa kabila ng panlalabo ng mga mata ko. "I didn't want to before. Kasi may parte sa akin na pinapanghawakan pa rin ang meron kami. May parte sa akin na ayaw pa rin siyang pakawalan. But this time... I need to let him go. I want to be happy again... I want to... I want to love freely again."

Understanding crossed his eyes and he reached for my hand again. He looked at me for a moment as if asking for permission and when I didn't moved away, I felt him took my hand. Inangat niya iyon at napahugot ako ng hininga nang ilapat niya iyon sa tapat ng dibdib niya... sa tapat ng puso niya.

"It's okay, Belaya," he whispered as if urging me to speak.

Not to him... but to the heart that once belong to someone else.

Wet started to form in my eyes and it didn't took long for it to drop and glide down my cheeks. I can feel his heartbeat beneath my palm... strong and steady. Heart that seems so week the night of the accident. Heart that stopped beating as I cried for one name at that hospital that witnessed his end.

It was hard to think of the things I wanted to say. But now the words formed as my voice carried it out as if my mind finally let my own heart decide for me.

"I'm sorry. You were probably scared too, right? You didn't want to leave. You didn't want what happened. Alam mong masasaktan ako... alam mong mahihirapan ako kapag wala ka na. I know you didn't want to hurt me." Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko nang magsimulang mangatal iyon. I took a huge breath but I know it wouldn't stop the shake in my voice. "I-I love you. You told me that but I didn't answered you. I was so scared that I didn't even give you that... even for the last time. I love you so much. You made me so happy. You were everything... you gave me everything. I will always always love you. No matter what."

I can feel all the pain and hurt starting to dissolve, joining the wind for it to be carried to the box it should lay to rest now. I can only take hope with me... and with it the trace of memories... of his light will remain. The love I had for Jackson will always be with me but this time I could remember his love without the agony of his lost. This time I can give him the farewell I couldn't before.

"I will be okay now, Jackson. I can finally be okay."