#DaggerSeries #LiaxGun #DragonCouple #DS2Unstrung

CHAPTER 23: BUTTERFLY

LIA'S POV

Seconds ticked by before anyone of us managed to move. Pero naunahan ko na si Gun. Pinindot ko ang buton na magbubukas nang gate at pagkatapos niyon ay tuloy-tuloy akong lumabas ng bahay. I ignored the rain that is becoming heavier, hitting me with the coldness that seeped right through my body.

Hindi ko iyon pinansin dahil sa kabila ng lamig ng paligid ay mainit ang apoy na nagsisimulang magningas sa kaloob-looban ko.

How dare them?

Wala akong pakielam kung anong sabihin nila sa akin. Wala akong pakielam kahit paulit-ulit nilang guluhin ang buhay ko. But they promised. They promised that they will leave Gun's family alone. Ipinangako nila na hindi sila lalapit pang muli sa kahit na sino sa magkakapatid... lalong-lalo na kay Gun.

Naramdaman kong may sumaklit sa braso ko at nalingunan ko ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Gun pero sa halip na tumigil ay pumiksi lang ako dahilan para mabitawan niya ako. I didn't mind that the rain is drenching me or that I can feel the sharpness of stones on my bare feet. Hindi ko rin pinansin ang sasakyan na akmang papasok sa loob ng bakuran ni Gun dahil kaagad kong hinarang ang sarili ko sa daraanan no'n.

I watched as the car came into a halt. Sandaling walang kilos na nagmumula roon ngunit pagkaraan ay bumukas ang pintuan niyon sa likuran. I saw a man exited the vehicle. May hawak siya na payong at nanatiling nakayuko habang tinutulungan makalabas ang isa pa na taong kilalang-kilala ko.

Satan and Satan's wife. Adelio and Dorotea Asterio. My parents.

I left them but they never fail to make their presence in my life known. Kahit pa sinigurado ko na bilang sa isang kamay ang pagkakataon na makita sila ay hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay hindi ako nakatatanggap ng tawag o mensahe mula sa kanila.

Some parents make sure that their children will always feel their support and love. Hindi gano'n sa mga magulang ko dahil sa halip ay sila ang nagpapaalala sa akin ng lahat nang nawala sa akin. My childhood, a real family, and the love that I will never find again in this life time. They made sure that I was left with nothing.

"L-Leave," I said to them. Nanginginig ang boses ko sa pinaghalong lamig na nanunuot sa akin at sa galit na nararamdaman ko.

"Ganiyan ba ang isasalubong mo sa amin pagkatapos natin na hindi nagkita ng matagal?"

Nanggaling ang tanong na iyon sa ama ko. Isinarado niya ang pintuan at iginaya niya sa tabi niya ang nanay ko na taas noong nakatingin sa amin.

I don't expect a lot from my father. Kahit noong bata pa ako ay wala na siyang amor sa akin. Lalo pa at babae ako samantalang lalaki ang gusto niya na anak. Hindi pa nakatulong doon na hindi na muling nagbuntis ang nanay ko. Thank the heavens for that.

But I expected more from my mother. She carried me for nine months. My life was connected to her all that time that I was inside her womb. Pero parang wala lang sa kaniya iyon. She never treated me like a mother should but instead she looked me as if I'm a property that other people can handle for her.

"Leave!"

My scream shattered the serenity around us, thundering above the sound of the rain. Kita ang pagkagulat sa mga mata ng mga magulang ko. I shared a lot of jarring words with them in the past but I never acted like this with them.

Not until today that they broke their promise. Not until today... that we're tainting Gun's life again.

"Adelia-"

Pinutol ko ang kung ano pa man na sasabihin ng ama ko. "You promised me!" Nararamdaman ko ang pagbaon ng mga kuko ko sa palad ko nang kuyom ang mga kamay na humakbang ako palapit sa kanila. I felt someone grabbed me on the arm at the same time that I saw my mother took a step back, a hint of surprise laced with unease coloring her feature. "Leave!"

"You're the one who broke your promise, Adelia." Hindi natitinag na sabi ng ama ko. Matalim ang tingin niya nang tapunan niya ng tingin si Gun na nasa tabi ko. "You shouldn't be here with that man."

"I was being stalked for how long and your concern is that I'm with him?"

"You have money. You can take care of that stalker," he said dismissively.

"Apparently not because I'm here."

"Adelia stop being foolish!"

"Me? I'm the one who's foolish?!" Malakas na tinapik ko ang tapat ng puso ko at muli kong hinila ang braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak ni Gun. "Ako ba ang may mali? Ako ba ang may kasalanan?"

It was my mother who speak this time. "Adelia you're being dramatic."

"I have the right to be because you fucking broke your promise!"

Muling napaatras ang ina ko kasabay nang pagsaklit ni Gun sa bewang ko nang akmang lalapitan ko na sila. Pumasag ako pero naging mahigpit ang pagkakayakap sa akin ng lalaki.

"Tama na. Parang awa niyo na... tama na." Sumabay sa pagtulo ng ulan na bumabasa sa mukha ko ang mga luha na pilit kong pinipigil. "You already took so much from me. 'Wag niyo na siyang idamay. Kasi sobra na eh. Sobra na ang mga binigay ko para sa inyo."

"You gave us nothing but disappointment," Adelio Asterio said through gritted teeth.

Akala ko wala na akong mararamdaman sa kanila kung hindi galit. Akala ko hindi na ako maaapektuhan ng mga salita nila. Pero hindi pa rin pala. Sobrang sakit pa rin pala. Because all my life all I wanted was for them to love me.

"Get out of my property," Gun said, his voice sounding dangerous.

"Get out of my daughter's life." Humiwa sa hangin ang mga mata ng ama ko nang muli niya akong balingan. "You're coming with us."

"Never," I whispered.

"Adelia-"

"If you want me to be miserable I rather be miserable alone."

"Adelia!" dumadagundong na sigaw niya. Lumapit siya sa kinaroroonan namin at sa isang iglap ay bigla na lang niya akong hinaklit sa braso. A cry escaped my lips, making Gun loosen his hold because he knew I would be hurting more if he hold on. "Susundin mo kung anong inuutos ko sa'yo!"

"No!" Hinila ko pabalik ang braso ko at sunod-sunod na umiling ako. "I will never. Not again."

"Sa tingin mo ba gugustuhin ka niyang bumalik ulit sa kaniya? Sa tingin mo matatanggap ka niya? You're fooling yourself."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko na nanginginig na sa lamig. "You convinced me that no one will ever accept me. Kasi kayo pa nga lang hindi na ako matanggap. But how fucking unfair this life is. I can't fit in your life but I also can't stay with the man I chose to be with." Umangat ang kamay ko at mahigpit kong hinawakan ang mamahalin niyang suit. "Dad, ano pa bang kulang sa akin? Bakit ba ang hirap para sa'yo na tanggapin ako? Bakit ba ayaw mo kong maging masaya?"

"Paano kita tatanggapin ngayong puro kapalpakan ang ginagawa mo?" Itinuro niya ang direksyon ni Gun. "Ito ang pinili mo? A lowly detective rather than the son of the president? And you're asking if why I can't accept you?"

Higit na mas naging taniyag ang pamilya ni Gun kesa noon. They might not be as rich as the Asterio's but they're not in any sense lacking. But it will never be enough for my father because they can't control Gun and his family. Hindi rin kayang ibigay ng pamilya ni Gun ang koneksyon na maibibigay ng pamilya ni Damian.

The Dawson will never turn a blind eye to something that is wrong but Damian's father is all about the things that my parents valued as well. Power and money.

"I'm not a pawn to your games," I whispered.

"I can do whatever I want with you because you are my daughter."

Pagak na tumawa ako at pinahid ko ang basang pisngi ko. But it was useless because the rain keeps on pouring and my tears continued to fall from my eyes.

"Leave," I said in a voice so low that I'm not even sure if he heard me. "You want me to stay away from him? I will do that. I will do that because I know he doesn't deserve me. He deserve more and you can't even see that you made sure of that. I will never be right for anyone because you damaged me. You ruined my life."

"Hindi ka makakarating sa kinatatayuan mo kung hindi dahil sa amin. We made you who you are."

"Why? Because of money? You can take all the money that I have and it wouldn't matter if you just let me be with him. I could give it all up if you will ask that from me but you didn't. Instead you took him away. Sinigurado mo na hindi ko siya magagawang balikan."

"That's one of the reason why you're a disappointment," he said with his lips curled in disdain. "You'll choose love more than everything you have? Look at us. We're unreachable. And here you are being hunted by a stalker. Why? Dahil sa peste mong pangarap. Dahil sa pagmamahal na pilit mong sinasaksak diyan sa mahina mong kukote."

"Leave my property or I swear to God, I will shoot you."

Naramdaman ko ulit ang paghawak sa akin ni Gun. Hinila niya ako pero nananatili ako sa kinatatayuan ko lalo pa at hinawakan din ako sa braso ng ama ko.

"I will take my daughter with me."

"Get out," Gun repeated.

"Not until she's inside my car and away from your vile hands." Tinignan ng ama ko si Gun mula ulo hanggang paa. "You already managed to tarnished my daughter. At least leave something that Damian Salazar can satisfy himself with-"

Narinig ko ang sigaw ng ina ko nang sa isang iglap ay saklot na ni Gun sa kuwelyo ang aking ama. Sinubukan niya na kumawala sa pagkakahawak ni Gunter pero wala iyong silbi sa lakas ng lalaki. But just like the dirty and wicked man that he is, my father kicked hard, hitting Gun's leg who grunted but didn't let go.

"Stop," I whispered as I watched my father's hand on Gun. "Stop!"

Hinila ko si Gun at pumagitna ako sa kanila. Gun didn't expect what my father did next... but I did.

Walang kahit na mailit na ingay ang umalpas mula sa mga labi ko nang maramdaman ko ang malakas na sampal ng ama ko na sinalo ko. I didn't even flinched when I met his surprised eyes. "Don't ever touch him again. Not with your filth."

Kaagad siyang nakabawi sa pagkabigla. "The same filth that created you."

Tumango-tango ako at lumuluhang nilingon ko si Gun. Inilagay ko ang kamay ko sa tapat ng dibdib niya nang makita ko ang pagdilim ng mukha niya. I can see the intent in his face while he's looking at my father who just calmly looked at us... provoking Gun more.

"Stop, Gun."

"I will kill him," he said, his body vibrating with anger.

"He's not wrong," I whispered painfully. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa akin at pilit na pinagalaw ko ang mga labi ko na gusto na lang lununin ang katotohanan. "I am made with filth."

"Don't believe him when you know who you are."

"Do you want to know why I left years ago? Kung bakit kita iniwan?"

"Lia-"

"Adelia what are you doing?"

Nanggaling ang pangalawang tanong sa ama ko. Kababakasan nang pagkagulat ang boses niya dahil hindi man niya kilala ako bilang ako... alam niya ang mga bagay na kahinaan ko. They know how hard I tried for them to become proud of me. Kaya alam nila kung paanong kaya kong talikuran si Gun na hindi ko sinasabi ang katotohanan dahil sa takot ko na maramdaman ulit ang kakulangan na iyon mula sa lalaki.

They used that reason to tightened their hold around my neck. They are using it even now. Dahil inaasahan nilang aalis na lang ulit ako basta. I will leave, yes. I will leave him again because he will want to. I will leave him again because he deserve more.

But not without telling him why. I owe that to him.

"May kinalaman ang mga magulang ko sa grupo na dahilan kung bakit nawala ang ama mo, Gun. Sila rin ang rason kung bakit bumabagsak ang Dagger noon. They wanted me to cut ties with you because it will be risky for them."

"Adelia!"

Itinuro ko ang ama ko pero binalik ko rin ang tingin ko kay Gun. "They might not be directly connected to what you're father was investigating but they have ties with them. They took your father away and my own family tried to take what's left from yours. Dahil sila ang sumasabotahe sa kompanya niyo noon."

Gun stared at me with no emotion. He wasn't shock or angry. There wasn't a semblance of pain in his eyes.

Bumukha ang mga labi ko para muling magsalita pero hindi iyon natuloy nang makarinig ako ng langitngit ng mga sasakyan. I looked at the gate and my eyes widened when I saw a couple of cars halting into a sudden stop.

Mula sa mga sasakyan na iyon ay bumaba ang mga kapatid ni Gun. Naglakad sila patungo sa kinaroronan namin pero bago pa sila tuluyang makalapit ay hinila na ako ni Gun papasok ng bahay.

"G-Gun-"

"Quiet," he barked.

Humigpit ang mga kamay niya sa braso ko at hindi niya ininda ang tumutulo naming mga katawan. He dragged me up the second floor towards his room. Nang makarating doon ay hinila niya ako sa banyo kung saan kaagad niyang binuksan ang maligamgam na tubig at inilagay ako sa tapat niyon.

"Gu...Gun..."

"You broke up with me because of your parents?"

I can hear the contained anger in his voice. Nanginig ang katawan ko nang magtama ang mga mata namin at makita ko roon ang tinatago niyang galit. "I asked you a question, Lia!"

"Yes!"

Napapitlag ako nang lumikha nang malakas na galabag ang salamin ng pintuan ng shower nang marahas na tumama roon ang kamay niya. The glass shook around us but it didn't shatter like I thought it would.

"Sabi mo hindi mo gustong magkapamilya. The moment that you said that, I knew that you were lying. Then you told me how I couldn't give you the life you wanted and I believed that because at that time I know I couldn't. Hindi ko kayang ibigay ang buhay na kinalakihan mo."

"Gun that wasn't-"

"But that's a lie too isn't it?"

"Gun..."

"And you left because of your parents? You want me to believe that?"

"I-It's one of the reasons."

"You're lying!" he shouted.

I never seen him this angry at me. Alam kong hindi niya ako sasaktan. Not in a way that it will mark my body. No... he will never do that. But the pain in his eyes clouded with anger is marking my heart. Kasi alam kong nasasaktan ko na naman siya.

"My family's tainting you," I whispered.

"And yet you gave us a tip to what to look for." Nang makita niya ang pagkatigilan ko ay nagpatuloy siya. "I know everything, Lia. I know it was you. Iyon ang hindi ko maintindihan. If you were protecting your parents you wouldn't give us a tip on how to look for that syndicate. We would never know how to start the investigation so we could neutralize that group."

"H-How... how did you..."

"Your parents got away because they're assholes and frankly, we don't want to waste our time with them. They don't even have the quarter of the operation. They were just fences for the syndicate. Not enough for us to waste resources with."

Nang malaman ko ang tungkol sa magulang ko ay isa iyon sa dahilan na nagtulak pa sa akin lalo para umalis. But I just couldn't leave without letting them know about their father. I can't do that to him and his family.

That's why I sent a letter to them anonymously. Telling them all that I know about the syndicate and about my parents. After that I saw in the news how they managed to stop the operation of the group.

"You're lying again, Lia."

"Gun it's not like that."

"Aalis ka na naman na hindi mo sa akin sinasabi ang katotohanan. Even without your parents barging in here you were planning to leave!"

"Gun..."

"I heard you this morning when you thought I was sleeping. You wanted to leave me again. And now this! You keep on lying even when you know that I deserve to know!"

Nanginginig ang mga kamay na itinaas ko iyon para hawakan siya pero hindi ko iyon tinuloy. Sa halip ay niyakap ko ang mga braso ko sa sarili ko habang nanghihina ang mga tuhod na napadausdos ako sa sahig.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Naramdaman ko ang pagyuko niya hanggang sa maging magkatapat na ang mga mukha namin. My eyes welled up more when I saw his eyes now red with his own tears.

"I deserve the truth. You know that," he whispered. "I deserve to know why you chose to walk away and break my heart."

"I'm a failure."

"Lia please."

"I was so caught with my life, with my dreams... that I didn't listen. You said that I should take it slow. Dapat magpahinga ako. Dapat alagaan ko ang sarili ko."

My heart slowly opened, letting everything go that I've hidden for a long time. Ramdam ko ang bigat no'n na tila ako dinadaganan hanggang sa wala na akong magawa kundi mapasadlak. My secret... my rock bottom.

"You're right. I lied. Wala naman akong pakielam kahit mawala lahat sa akin. I don't care about the money. If I have you and I lost all the things in this world, it will still feel like I have everything." Humigpit ang pagkakayakap ko sa sarili ko, ang mga kuko ko ay humihiwa sa sarili kong balat. "Ikaw lang ang gusto ko. Makasama ka hanggang sa huli. Makasama ka kasama ng pamilya na bubuuin natin. I wanted that, Gun, but I lied and I told you that I rather have the world."

"Why?" he whispered.

"I'm a failure to my parents. I failed Maddy. I failed you."

"Lia-"

"I-I failed our baby."

Unang beses na umalpas ang mga salitang iyon mula sa mga labi ko. I never admitted that out loud. Kasi sa lahat ng pagkakamali, lahat ng kulang... alam kong higit ang hindi ko naibigay sa anak namin na sana kasama namin ngayon.

My baby. Our baby.

I remember that night I was in that hospital alone. I was miles away from Gun even if it's the day of our anniversary. My birthday. Wala akong tulog, wala akong kain, at sagad sa buto ang pagod ko. I just finished performing when I fell from the stage. Nang pumunta ako sa dressing room ko... that's when I saw the blood.

Hindi lang ako nasasaktan kapag kaarawan ko dahil iyon ang nagpapaalala sa akin kay Gun. Ten. The roman numeral on my foot that signifies a month and date. October 10. My birthday, our anniversary... and the day that I lost our baby.

I was pregnant enough to make it possible to detect the gender. They also saw abnormalities with the pregnancy but the fall was the last straw.

"Lahat ipinagkakait sa akin ng mundo. It's like the world is telling me that I will never be right for anyone. I couldn't even protect my own baby. I was half away from my fourth month of pregnancy and I didn't even know. I'm small and the pregnancy didn't show on my body yet. Ang sabi ng doktor ay maliit din daw talaga ang... ang fetus. Hindi ko napansin kasi katulad ng sabi mo noon, nawawalan na ako ng oras sa kahit na ano maliban sa musika." I looked at my palm and I felt new wet tears trickled down my cheeks. "She was this small, Gun. She was so small."

Days after that my parents entered my life again to remind me of how I could only bring everyone around me nothing but disappointment. And then the next Gun and I were over.

A sobbed escaped my lips when Gun's hand gripped tight on my shoulders. He shook me but I didn't meet his eyes. "Karapatan kong malaman."

"I was selfish. I am selfish. I don't want to see you hate me. Not for a reason that I know I caused. That's why I lied. That's why I let my parents convinced me to let you go. Kasi mas kaya kong isipin ang kasalanan nila at ng pamilya namin... kesa ang kasalanan ko sa dapat naging pamilya natin."

"Look at me, Lia."

"I-I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Gun. I'm sorry."

"Look at me."

"I'll go. I promise I will-"

"Look at me!"

My body is shaking from my uncontrollable sobs but I tried to meet his eyes even though I'm scared of what to see. Sinalubong ko ang mga mata niya. Mga mata ng lalaking alam kong mananatili kong mamahalin kahit gaano pa katagal ang lumipas. Kahit pa na wala na siya sa tabi ko.

"Look at me."

"I-I am..."

"No. Really look at me."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at inilapat niya iyon sa pisngi niya. I felt something warm that dropped on my hand; his own tears. Tuluyan nang kumawala lahat pa ng natitirang nakatagong emosyon sa akin habang nakikita ko ang sakit na ngayon ay kumukulay sa mga mata niya.

For years I lived my life hiding away from the pain. But this is new to him.

"I love you."

Sunod-sunod na umiling ako. It's been so long since I heard those words. The three words that I treasure most in this life. "N-No."

"I love you."

"No, Gun..."

Kinulong niya ang magkabila kong pisngi sa mga kamay niya at pilit na tinignan niya ako ng direkta sa mga mata. "You're not a failure. You didn't failed... you didn't failed our baby. It's no one's fault."

"It was mine."

"Then it should be mine too. Kasi bakit hindi kita inalagaan pa? Bakit wala ako sa tabi mo? Bakit mag-isa ka lang na hinarap ang mga taon na dala-dala ang bigat ng nawala sa atin? You didn't just lose our child, Lia. Pati ako nawala sa'yo." Kita ang sakit sa mga mata niya nang sabihin iyon. "We could have saved ourselves from all these pain. Kung hindi ko lang sana pinaniwala ang sarili ko sa bagay na alam kong hindi mo magagawang piliin kapalit ako at kung sana ay hindi ka naniwalang magagawa kong sisihin ka sa bagay na hindi mo naman talagang kasalanan. We both believed our lies because we thought it's easier than to face the truth."

"I-I..."

"Kahit paulit-ulit nating isipin kung ano ba ang dapat nating ginawa para hindi mangyari ang mga nangyari... hindi na natin maibabalik lahat ng iyon. We'll just waste more time with what ifs that will never be answered. We now know what it's like to live without each other. Iyon pa rin ba ang pipiliin natin sa pagkakataon na 'to?"

Hindi na naampat ang luha ko habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya. Mga mata niya na walang bahid ng galit sa akin. I can't see the disappointment I was expecting to see in his eyes. There's nothing in there...

Except love.

"Let it go," he whispered as he took my hand again. He closed his eyes for a moment as he placed a kiss on my hand. "Let it go so I can carry the weight with you."

"Gun..."

"The tattoo on my chest says that you will always be in my heart. Hindi nabago iyon. Now you need to keep your promise." He touched my foot that has the same tattoo. "Never walk away again."

"W-Why?"

"Because I love you. Isn't that enough reason?"

It was as if the wounds from the years of the pain lashing me with its claws are now slowly healing as if being touched with magic. Ilang taon na nasayang. Ilang taon na hindi na namin maibabalik. I could drown myself with more questions... more what ifs.

But he's right. He's always right.

Siguro nga pinaniwala lang namin ang mga sarili namin sa mga kasinungalingan na akala namin ay mapoprotektahan kami sa isa't isa. Mga kasinungalingan na tinanggap namin bilang proteksyon mula sa realidad na pinaniniwalaan namin.

He believed that he won't be enough for me and I believed that he will hate me. We were protecting ourselves from each other and we were protecting our own selves from the things we convinced ourselves to be our reality.

"Hindi ang mga pagkakamali na hindi mo naman ginawa ang dapat na ihingi mo ng patawad, Lia. You need to learn how to forgive you for being too hard on yourself. That's the only thing that you can take responsibility for." Humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko. "The others are the result of the decisions of other people in your life and the result of fate itself. Hindi mo iyon magagawang kontrolin. Hindi lang ikaw ang dapat magdala no'n."

Hindi magiging madali. Kasi kung mahirap magpatawad ng iba mas mahirap iyon ibigay sa sarili. All my life all I know is that I needed to be sorry about a lot of things because I keep on failing the expectations of the people around me. Para akong nakatuntong sa alambre na anumang sandali ay magkakamali ako at mahuhulog. It will not be easy to learn how to reverse everything from what I was acclimated to see in myself.

"I'm never letting you go again. I will never let you walk away. So let me, Lia. Let me be with you."

I can feel the pain rushing out from me... out from the farthest place where I locked away everything. Pero bukod doon ay nararamdaman ko rin ang kapayapaan na alam kong hindi ko mararamdaman kung wala siya sa tabi ko. It was a harmony of pain and peace. Contradicting but possible because he's with me.

"Tell me," he whispered. "Tell me the words that you told me this morning."

I nodded as fresh tears cascaded down my cheeks. This time for a completely different reason.

"I love you, Gunter Dawson."

_____________________End of Chapter 23.