(I got rlly bored and lazy and wrote this. If you don't like things that are cancerous, cracky, and extremely stupid, then what are you doing here in the first place? XD)

Nagito burst through the door of his and Hajime's house

Nagito: LOOK AT MY SON!!

He held up a demon child.

Hajime spit out his orange juice, and stared at him.

Hajime: are... You... CHEATING IN MEEEEEE???!!!?  *SCREEEEEEE*

Nagito: of course not, I just found this thing in a box with a note that said "my mom wouldn't let me get an abortion"

Hajime: well fuCK, you just expecc me to be able to raise a DEMON?!?!

Nagito: don't worry, Hajimeme, I have everything tanakaen care of.

Hajimeme: well... I'm still gOing to halp, cause I don't wanna be a DESPAIR INDUCING HUMAN BEING, also I don't trust you with a demOn chiLd. You better not make him another hope villain who messes with people's minds!

Nagito: I'll take half of that request into consideration.

Hajimeme: anYwAy wHat iS le nAme???

Nagitwo: cockatrice

Hajime: wtf

Nagito: *AAAAACCCCKKKKHEEEMMMmmmmMmmMzmmMzmmnmmnmmmmmm* I mean, Kokichi.

Hajimeme: ah, alright then.

Then Kazuichi, Gundham, Sonia, Fuyuhiko, and Peko break into the house.

Kazuichi: WOT IS LOVE, BBY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!!

Sonia: *punches him*

Kazuichi: JDJDBSJOSISIDOCNDNSOQIJF

Hajimeme: wOt are YOU memers doing here?! I jOOST figured ouT I'm a FATHER.

Peko: This demon must be SLAIN!!

Nagitwo: bot why?

Fuyuhiko: bEcAUUUUUSEEE of a prophecy!!!

Hajime: I don't believe in no fookin prophecy. My child is no demon.

Gundham: but... I can feel his DARK AUUUURRRRAAA!!! Also, you said he was a demon yourself.

Hajime: you should not judge a man based on past actions.

Kazuichi: but it just happened

Hajime: everyone makes mistakes

Nagito: which is obvious considering the note I found on the bo-

Sonia: wait.... YOU'RE HAVING A CHIIILLLLLLLDDD?!  CONGRATULATIONS, MA DOOD!

Fuyuhiko: were you not here the whole time??

Peko: anyway, the prophecy states, "A cHiLd Of a HoPe VilLiAn anD a OrAnGe jUicE mEmE... WILL BECOME A PANTA THOT AND KILL SOMEONE..... IMPORTANTE!!!"

Fuyuhiko: THAT SPANISH WOULDVE BEEN USEFUL DURING CHAPTER TWO!!

Hajime: well gtfo I wanna raise mAh demon child. HE WILL NOT KILL ANYONE!!

Gundham: YOU SAID IT URSELF, he IS a demon!!!

Nagito: LLLLEEEEEEAAAAAVVVEEE MY hUsBaNdO alllOOOOONNEEEE!!

Then Fuyuhiko, Peko, Sonia, Kazuichi, and Gundham left being outdated memes and Rick rolling the two.

Nagito: ugh. This child had to grow up with such TRASH as adult role models....

Hajime: maybe he will be a murderer demon...

Nagito: or an outdated meme.

~years later~

Nagito: hooOoooOOONY I'm HOME

Hajime: w t foooook

Nagito: idk, I got bagels tho. How's Kokichi?

Kokichi: I got suspended!.-.-.-.-.

Nagito: WHHHHOOOOOYYYYY?????

Kokichi: cause... Da teach was bein rlly duMB she asked what the fat cow gives us, and I said HOMEWORK!!

Nagito: well.... You ain't wrong, son.

Hajime: NUUUU!! HE MOOST HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!

Nagito:... I mean I guess you're riTe... No panta for a week!

Kokichi: JDJDNNSKSOAOQLSLSKXMNDNSKS *SCREEEEEEEEE*  I HATE U! *goes to room like edgy teen*

Hajime:... HE REALLY IS A PANTA THOT, THO!!

~At school after Kokichi's suspension~

Ishimaru: YOU ARE NUT SAFE IN A SCCHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL ENVIRONMENT!!!!

Kokichi: Fook off.

Mondo: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT DID U SAY TO MAH BROOOOO??

Chihiro: p-please don't be violent!

Mondo: don't worry, he can't fight me anyway, he's too short!

Kokichi: say goodbye to ur kneecaps MOTHAFOOKKA!!! *pretends to kick his kneecaps but then jumps so fucking high and NECCS Mondo*

Mondo: BRRROOOOOOOOOOODHDBBDBSDJJD

Kokichi: Fook. Off.

Shuichi: oh hello Kokichi, nice to see you back from your suspension!

Kokichi: hello my beloved, For some reason, I was feeling a little off today. But when you came along, you definitely turned me on. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shuichi: I actually.... HAVE A GF!

Kaede: hullo!!!

Kokichi: NUT anyMUUURRR!! *Kicks her to the mooooooooonnn*

Shuichi: well fuck,,, she wasn't actually my girlfriend... It was actually Tsumugi!

Kokichi: JSJDBDNNSKSIDJJDXNNSJS WHAT?!?!

Shuichi: shestryingtobrainwashmeandiskeepingmecaptiveinherbasementpleasehelp

Tsumugi: woooooot was that, SWEETCHI?!?!

Shuichi: uooommmmm... Noothin..

Tsumugi: goo-

Kokichi: LEAVE MY B E L O V E D ALOOOONNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!! *Starts a th0t fight* GO MIU, BEAT HER @aS!

Miu: when the hell did I get here?! I was making a new invention!!!

Kokichi: no one needs your damN inventions, PLZ kill Tsumugi!!

Miu: dO iT uRsElF bINCH!!

Kokichi: FOINE!! *Pours panta on her*

Tsumugi: IMMMMMM MEEELLLTTTIIIINNNGGGG!!!

Everyone: high, hoE, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead!!

Shuichi: thxxxxxx Kokichi for saving me from becoming a sEx sLaVe.

Kokichi: no problem! So... How aBout a dAte????

Shuichi: I'll think about it.

*gets 21 chump street vibes but ignores it because, no, I WILL NOT DO THAT*

Kokichi: KAMAKURA KAMAKURA YAS QUEEN!!

Izuru: whoy??

Teacher Junko(aka fat cow): GET TO CLASS EVERYONE!! TIME FOR SOME MORE DESPAIR!!

Everyone: FOOK!

~After School~

Kokichi walked out of school, when Kokichi got tapped on the back.

Shuichi: well... I was thoonking about the whole going on a date thing and... I'll go on a d8 with you, m8

Kokichi: really?!

Shuichi: yus... I really like you a lot...

Kokichi:*faints from uwu ness*

Shuichi:... Guess I'll drag him to the nurses office...

~At the nurses office~

Kokichi: *COMES BACK TO LIFE*

Shuichi: AH UR AWAKE??!

Then miKAN walks in and trips on nothing. She falls in a weeeeiirrrddd pose

Mikan: I-I'm so glad your feeling better, please go home now, I'M SOOOORRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!;-;1!!! 1! 1!! 2!! 1! 1! 1! 1!! 1

Then and epic GURL rounds the corner.

Maki: IT IS I, MAKI OF THE thOt PATROL, HERE TO KILL THIS THOOOOOOOOOT!! ROON OUT OF LE SCHOOL!! *throws bomb*

Shuichi and Kokichi run out at sAnic speed. Shuichi, being the only one who cared if Maki survived, looked back to see this.

Shuichi: wUw. She just destroyed the school...

Kokichi: well... Whatever

Kokichi and Shuichi then walk home together until they have to part ways. Then Kokichi walks into his house.

Kokichi: guess what I did toooodddaaaa888aaaayyy!!!

Nagito: YOU DIDN'T BRING THE BAGEL I MADE YOU, THAT'S WHAT!!

Kokichi: not what I meant. TODAY I NECCED SOMEONE, KILLED A WITCH WITH PANTA, GOT A DATE, FIGURED OUT THE SCHOOL NURSE WAS A THOT, THEN WATCHED THE SCHOOL BURN UP IN FLAAAAMMEEESS!!

Hajime: SO THE PrOPhOcEy WAS trU, ALSO THE SCHOOL WHAT???

Nagito: YOU GOT A DAAAAATE?? *HOIGH FIVES*

Hajime: I'm literally done with life... Where are the suicide pills...

------

Kaede: how am I supposed to get down from here....