"Fuck me." I groan, looking around at my surroundings. The water at the beach is so peaceful, unlike my thoughts currently.

I have been in the same spot, sitting on my towel and looking at the water for a good 3 hours. Why am I stuck here making such a decision? Why couldn't I have just kept my feelings for Namjoon to myself and let them simmer? Why did I put myself in a situation to where I gave myself to him in the first place? I didn't expect to be in the position I'm in now because I didn't expect to have Jaebeom in my life.

Shouldn't my answer be written clear in stone? Shouldn't I have stronger feelings for one of them and tell the other that we won't work? Why am I falling in love with 2 men at once? Why can't I have them both? And it isn't just me wanting some polygamous relationship either. I want to give them both my heart, but separately. It sounds odd, but they deserve love. They have done nothing but shown me the best.

Jaebeom has openly shown me his love. He's been real with me from the jump, and has given me the love I deserve. I want to show him the same love. I want to show him that he can be loved, the same way that he loves. He deserves nothing but the absolute best.

And then there's Namjoon. The man of the hour. The one that makes me question. The one that has stolen my heart once already. Our relationship is weird, and I have myself to blame for taking it that far. But I'm not the only one to blame when there's 2 of us. I want to just give up on him and keep him at a distance and just as my employer because of my feelings for Jaebeom, but I can't. I can't when, deep down, I still feel something for him. And his kids are my life. They deserve so much in this world, and so does Namjoon.

"Why is this so hard?" I whisper to myself as I take a deep breath.

Nothing ever comes easy, but dammit, it shouldn't be this hard either. I watch as the waves crash onto the shore, trying to ease my mind but it doesn't work. These thoughts follow me home, while I'm washing my hair, while I go to the store, while I'm getting my hair done, & places where I'm physically alone like the shower. The shower is the worst. That's where I always find myself evaluating life. What will I do next? Who will I give myself to? Wouldn't it just be better if I was alone?

Alone. I let that thought ponder my mind as I plop onto my bed. If I were to remain single, wouldn't that be in all of our best interests? But what if both men see that as an opportunity to advance on me and I fall deeper for the both of them? How in the hell did I allow myself to be in this situation? I asked myself that over and over. I just want to make the best decision for me, the best decision for us.

My phone rings on the side of me, and it's Namjoon. I answer, frowning as I do so. "Hello?"

"Harly."

My heart swells in happiness as Soojin's voice comes over the phone. "Hi, sweetie. Whatever you doing? Why aren't you asleep?"

"I woke up because I had to go to the bathroom. Daddy left his phone in there and I wanted to talk to you."

I chuckle lightly, shaking my head. "Jinnie, I know it's like 10 something in the morning here, but it's almost midnight in Korea. You can call me tomorrow."

"But I miss you." She whines. "Please?"

"I can't tell you no." I sigh. I can hear her pout through the phone. "Okay, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Yay!" She cheers quietly. "Let's talk about girl stuff."

I smile, listening to the 8 year old go on about hair, nails, clothes, and her favorite singer. I add my own here and there, but I let her take the lead. 15 minutes into the conversation, I hear her yawning.

"You're tired, Jinnie. You need to go to sleep."

She yawns again, and I miss her little face as I listen. "I know. I'm going. But one more thing."

"What's up?" I wave goodbye to my dad as he leaves for work. The line is silent, and I'm almost convinced that she fell asleep on the phone. "Jin?"

"Harly, will you be with daddy?"

I choke on my own spit as she asks the question. I wasn't trying to think about her father right now. I'm still conflicted.

"Why would you ask?" I say, voice hoarse from coughing.

She speaks while yawning. "Daddy loves you. He was telling halmoni how great you are. And how you love us and take good care of us."

"Halmoni?" I asked, confused.

"His mommy." She says. "I forgot it in English."

I giggle, nodding. "Grandma."

"Yeah, grandma. But you gotta love daddy back. He loves you and we love you. Will you stay with us for a long long time?"

I can't help the tear that escapes from my eye. Namjoon is telling his mother about me. Does he really feel that strongly about me? And if so, I need him to tell me. I need to know what he really feels. I need him to be upfront if he's that serious about me.

"Jinnie, go get your daddy for me."

"He's sleeping I think."

"Tell him it's me, though." I push.

"Okay." She gives in easily.

I hear shuffling and a knock on a door. I hear her saying something to him. He takes the phone, I assume as his voice is closer. I smile as I hear him tell her that he loves her but she needs to go to bed. Then he speaks to me and my heartbeat accelerates.

"Harly, I'm so sorry. I don't know why she called you so late." He apologizes.

"It's okay." I reassure. "She said she wanted to have some girl talk. So we did. You sound like you're still awake."

"I am. I was looking for my phone." He laughs and I join. "I guess I know now where it was."

"Can I ask you something important?" I change the subject.

"Of course."

"What do you really feel for me?" I don't tell him that I know that he's told his mother about me.

The lines goes silent, but I know he's still there because I hear him breathing. "Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Honestly, I feel that you're the one for me." He admits. "I feel like if any time was good, right now is it. Harlow, I am falling in love with you, and I hate that I can't be there to say it to you directly. I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to tell you, but being all the way across the world has only made me realize that more. I want nothing more than to show you that I can love you like no one else. I just hope that you will give me the chance."

I'm stunned to silence. This is it. This is what I wanted. All these months that have passed, this is all I've wanted from Namjoon; the truth about his feelings for me. And I have my answer.

"Thank you." I say softly.

"You're welcome." He replies, catching my drift to end the conversation. "Have a good day, Harly."

"And you have a good night, Joon."

The call ends and I immediately call Jaebeom.

"Hey, Harlow."

"Hey. I know it's an odd time to call you because of work, but I need to see you. Can we meet up to talk?"

"Sure. I actually just finished a meeting. Give me an hour and I'll come pick you up and we can have lunch. Just text me where you've been staying."

∆

Is this considered a cliffhanger? I'm not sure lol but a double update! As my thank you for being so patient with me 💕 how we feel about this chapter? Are you ready for the end? It'll be ending in like 2 or 3 chapters & I could just cry. We have been on a hell of a roller coaster with Harlow in this story & I can't wait for you all to see what I have in store for the ending. I'm going to do my best to update soon, once I have homework in order & get free time. Once again, thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoyed this chapter & are ready for the end 💕

.
.
~S.xx