what if I'd release a oneshot book with every possible ship in bangtan and some of them might turn into full stories 👉👈😔 would anyone read it? 😔😔

oh eh trigger warning btw!!; slight mention of selfharm

***

"Hey do you know where Jungkook is?", Taehyung asked awkwardly two days later when he met Lyza in the hallways, she was on her way to class.
"No idea", she brushed him off. "And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to my boyfriend", she added sharply.

"I just want to make sure he's okay, I swear", Taehyung said in a small voice, cheeks heating up.

"Well I don't know and I kinda don't care", with that the girl ran off, leaving Taehyung standing. "God Taehyung there you are", Jimin groaned, running after him. "Class is about to start!"

"Jungkook didn't show up for the first four periods, Jimin I have to go and see if he's alright", Taehyung grumbled, already packing his bag. "What the fuck? Would you stop caring so much for this idiot finally?", Jimin hissed, getting annoyed easily just by hearing his name.

"No, I would never."

"Dude he left you, get over it."

"Jimin, he just found out I slept with his girlfriend. He has no one to talk to, and he's not showing up to class, sorry that I won't stop caring about him just because he hurt me. Love doesn't work like this, man. I have to-", Taehyung stopped and gulped dryly when he saw Jimin's confused look getting angered bit by bit.

"He chose to leave you, when will you choose to leave him too?"

"I won't", Taehyung said firmly.
"And I won't let you take away the way I care for him, he's been by my side all my life I can't just stop. It's all I have left."

Jimin wanted to answer, he really wanted to but something else draw his attention to it. It was when the main door opened and Jungkook walked in, when it gave Jimin as well as Taehyung shivers down their spines. The boy looked drained out, face blank and his eyes so damn tired as if he had no sleep in weeks.

He was wearing a big pink hoodie and some tight pants even though it wasn't that cold outside today, hair in a mess and his skin colorless. Everything about him looked numb and his eyes were the only thing that still held color in it. Red-, because he didn't stop crying for once.

"There you go", Jimin whispered as he saw Taehyung literally running across the hall towards the younger. "Kookie!", he breathed out, stopping in front of him.
Jungkook eyed him quietly, not saying anything. Expressionless still.

"Kook where were you? You missed half the day I was worried and we really need to talk about what happened-"

Jungkook listened to him attentively, eyes burning in pain from too much tears in a too short span of time.

"I was about to go look for you", Taehyung's voice was almost stuck to his throat with every word he said, feeling like some pathetic idiot right now.
"I had a doctor's appointment", Jungkook said really quietly, voice all soft and calm. Something about it was reassuring, relaxing to Taehyung as he heard the quite squeaky voice being so firm and put together.

"Why? Are you okay? Are you sick? If yes, then you need rest! Is it something b-bad?", Taehyung immediately asked, reaching for Jungkook's hand but the younger stepped back, hands going behind his back.
"No, I'm okay", he said softly.

"You don't look okay", Taehyung let out weakly.

"Then stop looking, Taehyung. No one asked you to." Jungkook shrugged, looking into his bag to see if he had all his books with him, trying to avoid the older's piercing gaze that made him extremely uncomfortable.

"Someone has to look after you", Taehyung mumbled. "Look if there's something I can do to make it better, let me know even when you just need to talk-"

"It's fine, Tae. I talked about it already", Jungkook hummed, turning shy the minute he spoke it out. "You did? With Lyza?", Taehyung's eyes went wide but Jungkook simply smiled weakly.

"No, with my doctor", he shrugged.

"You went to your doctor to talk? About me and Lyza?", Taehyung asked, feeling guilty knowing it got that far that Jungkook needed a doctor.
"Yeah", he said, shoulders dropping.

"I know I'm a loser", he chuckled sadly, "But I have no friends so what am I supposed to do? And doctors are there to help, right?"

"K-kookie", Taehyung grabbed his hand. "God I'm so fucking sorry."

"I told you so many times already that it's alright." He once again pulled his hand out of the older's grip. "Please don't touch me, it's doing things to my heart and I can't take that right now", he said firmly.
"Look, I gotta go to class my exam is coming up in two days", he gave Taehyung another smile.

"No", Taehyung said, "No Kook, you should be mad at me you should yell at me and tell me how horrible it is what I did, honestly my behavior was disgusting and I need you to be mad at me-", he stepped closer just to see Jungkook going on distance again, always keeping himself out of touch.

"But you already know it wasn't okay what you did, so there's no need. You were drunk a-and I get why you did it. I do nothing but hurt you, sometime you just had to pay me back. It's okay, Tae, it really is-"

Jungkook was looking so powerless while saying all of this, words leaving his mouth so slowly while Taehyung's heart was beating so fast, it was the complete opposite. Somehow Jungkook just seemed done. With everything, and this scared the older so much that he didn't want to let him walk away.
Ever felt like you just had no energy left anymore to even try and fight the sadness? Like-, being so fucking empty that you feel nothing but pain anymore?

But you're used to it, so it's just fine?

Jungkook looked like that.

"I blacked out, I don't remember what I did that night, Kookie, I'm so sorry I would never do that to you when I'm in the right state in mind", Taehyung let it all out, feeling like he just had to justify himself. Maybe more for himself than for anyone else, but this was really getting to him.

Since they were really young, he always swore to himself to never let Jungkook get hurt and now he, himself, crushed him in a way no one else ever did.

"I know you wouldn't", Jungkook smiled and gave Taehyung a small nod. "You would never hurt me on purpose Tae you're too good to do that."
His eyes glanced up to the clock, "You're not me", he added and then just walked off to head to maths class.

Taehyung left behind, feeling irritated and more confused than ever.

*

The following days passed by all the same. Taehyung got up, bought coffee and dropped it off at Jungkook's house, putting a 'I'm sorry'- quote to it. Honestly, he just wanted to make sure he was alright. And still there.
The fact he was seeing a doctor wouldn't let Taehyung sleep at nights.

But Jungkook opened the door every morning, said thank you really firmly, gave him a smile and then closed the door once again.
He looked worse day by day, and after his exam was done he didn't show up to college anymore.

Taehyung was too shy to ask if he passed or not, instead he always just asked how Jungkook was, got a 'I'm fine' as answer and a nod.

Jungkook wasn't fine.
He spent all his time looking for wedding stuff with Lyza, they even prepared the invitations already and the preparations got more and more. Only thing missing was a specific day. They never talked about what happened ever again, Jungkook just kept it to himself, trying not to think about it.

If only there wasn't the nights.

Every single night he sat up straight in his bed, around 3, sometimes 4am when he saw Lyza beneath Taehyung, moaning his name so sweetly. And everytime his heart broke over and over again.

At the beginning he only stepped by the doctor's office once a week but after some time he went there at least three times a week. It was the only time he found comfort in something, his doctor became his friend even though he always told him the same things.
It was a rather old man who already went through life, now being in peace with himself. It was a really small building he worked in, only one assistant which happened to be a pretty blonde haired girl that knew Jungkook by his name after a while, always handing him chocolate when he walked in.

Actually, Jungkook lied. This guy wasn't a usual doctor, he was indeed a psychologist but he was too ashamed to actually admit he was seeing someone like that.
It's not like he chose to go there, but after he dropped off Taejeon at Hobi's house that one day, he went out and sat down in a park. He was there the whole day until the old man passed by, holding his groceries full of fruits and vegetables.

Distracted from his way by a small boy crying heavily while everyone just passed by. So he offered him to just talk. They ended up talking for three hours.

That's how he ended up going to his office everyday, getting all the appointments for free after the man knew about his money issues.

"Jungkookie!", the girl cheered this morning, it was Monday and she was quite surprised to see Jungkook walking in that early. "How was your weekend?", she handed him the daily chocolate and a glass of water as she sat with him, waiting for the doc to get ready.

"Great, actually. Lyza went out to look for a dress, she got really excited over it. Taejeon talked to her again too."
The girl smiled, "That's great. Seems like wedding preparations are on point! How's things going with Tae?"

"Still dropping by coffee every morning", Jungkook said in a small voice.
"Shit he's doing that for a month now-", she laughed softly.

"Yes, he's so sweet", Jungkook said as he got up when the door opened and the doctor looked out.
"Bye Lisa", Kook smiled and waved her goodbye as he got up and walked in to meet his favorite person lately.

"Jungkook", the doctor smiled as they sat down and started drinking tea together, like they always did. "How's things with your wife going?", Jungkook asked, tilting his head. "Is the baby alright?"

"Yes, it's a boy, Kook!", he smiled so bright which made Jungkook's heart skip happily. "Oh! Congratulations that's great!", he said, thinking of his own little one that was currently at Hobi's house. He prefered sleeping there, so it was okay.

"You need to share baby tips with me", the older winked and patted Jungkook's shoulder. "God boy, haven't you eaten? You're skinny as hell!"

"I-I don't feel like eating lately", Jungkook shrugged, looking down when he nervously fiddled around with his fingers. "Why? Is it-, happening again?", the doctor quietly asked, eyes glaring down to Jungkook's arms worriedly but Jungkook smiled and shook his head.

"No, I'm okay. I'm nervous for the wedding-"

"I know you always smile when it hurts, Jungkook", the man sighed as he tilted his head, eyeing the boy for a while. "Look, I'm always here for you, you just give me a call if it gets worse again, yeah?"

Jungkook nodded, "Yeah but I'm fine. I'm better", he said with a fake smile.

"I thought we agreed on no lying here?", the older lifted his eyebrows, "Show me your arms Jungkook."
"N-no-", Kook looked away. "I'm good."

The doctor sighed but didn't push it any further. He knew that if he'd pressure Jungkook in the slightest way he'd shut down and since he wasn't a regular patient he wasn't forced to pressure him.
He was more of a friend to the kid who felt so lonely after losing his best friend.

"Alright", he hummed, taking a sip of his tea.

Jungkook breathed out in relief, pulling his sleeves even more over his hands as he fiddled on it, not wanting to see anything of them.
He looked up and blushed a little, "I didn't pass my exam, they kicked me out. I'm left with nothing", he finally said.

"I don't know what to do, my Dad doesn't know yet, he'll be so disappointed."

The doctor smiled to himself internally, it always worked. If he stepped back, Jungkook would always follow. He never kept quiet, he always wanted to let it out and speak himself. But only if he felt safe and comfortable.

"We can tell him together", the man offered warmheartedly.
His father was the only one who knew Jungkook was seeing a therapist. And he was nothing but proud of his son that he started letting people close to help.

But at some point, Jungkook just broke a little too much.

Crying for help was the only thing he had left, and so he did. He wasn't ready to give up on himself or life in general, he had a child. He needed to be a father for him until he was grown-up.

"I really want to talk to Tae about it", Jungkook admitted quietly. "But I think Lyza will be mad if she finds out I talked to him again."

"We said no more lies, Jungkook. Ask her if it's alright if you talk to him, then you go and tell him. No one will be mad if you need to talk to your best friend, if it's just talking."
The boy nodded, "I hope she won't yell at me", he let out in a small voice.

"She didn't yell at you once since she-"

"Don't", Jungkook immediately said and got up from his seat, mind going off instantly along with his heartbeat that started rising together with the panic inside of him.

"I'm sorry", the doctor said quickly, internally slapping himself for it.

"I'm not ready to think about it yet", Jungkook headed towards the door. "Thanks for talking to me, I'll see you on Wednesday", he rushed out as fast as he could, practically running away from his mind.

"You lost him once again?", Lisa asked the doctor as he stepped out and let out a sigh.
"I don't get him", he blurted out. "He went through so many horrible things and he talks to me about it all but if I just slightly talk about Taehyung and Lyza's one-night stand he backs out and shuts down completely."

"Sometimes it's the smallest things that hurt the most, doc", Lisa hummed, biting her lips worriedly.

"Especially if they come from the one person that means the most."

*

"Coffee?", Jungkook tilted his head as he stood in front of Taehyung's car at the parking lot at college, he just finished class when he walked out and saw Jungkook standing there, holding two cups of coffee.
One of them wasn't actual coffee, Taehyung didn't like it but he always acted as if.

Jungkook brought him a hot chocolate instead.

"Kookie", Taehyung smiled, quickly packing the books away he was holding, along with the nerd glasses he had on. Ruffled through his hair and then looked at the younger softly. "It's good to see you."

Jungkook smiled but as fast as his smile came it dropped again. "Tae I didn't pass my exam, I can't go to college anymore", he said in a small voice. "I'm so ashamed", as he bit his lips he looked away.

"Oh no", Taehyung whispered, reaching forwards to hug him tightly. But as usually, Jungkook stepped back, "Sorry I'm not over you, please don't touch me."

Taehyung nodded hurriedly, not wanting to shy him away. "Okay okay. Any ideas what you could do now instead of college?", he switched back to the topic.

Jungkook shrugged, "No and I don't want to talk about it either. But I felt like telling you, so I did", he explained and then turned around to walk away again.

"I'm not over you either"

"I guess the tragedy about us is, that we won't ever be", Jungkook glanced over his shoulders, giving Taehyung a weak smile.
"No, that's the beautiful thing about us, Kook."

"I guess so", Jungkook said distantly, sighing to himself.

"Star-crossed lovers", Taehyung whispered, "Maybe that's all we'll ever be."

Jungkook felt like crying, knowing exactly what Taehyung said was completely true.
"You once said we're meant to be" Jungkook said, "Seems like you lost hope in us."

"No I still think we'll find our way to each other", Taehyung lied.

"Yeah, me too", Jungkook agreed, even though he didn't.

Somehow this felt like an ending.
This whole conversation was off. And it seemed odd to both of them, so much distance now where nothing but love and trust was before. There was a calmness surrounding them, peace as well.

Like a puzzle back together, forming a new picture finally.

"I think I know the wedding date", Jungkook suddenly said. "I want to marry her on the first day of January" He smiled a little and Taehyung did too.

"This is over, isn't it?", Taehyung questioned after a while, tilting his head slowly.

"It feels like it."

***