this story is so sad at the moment )): here's taejeon being taejeon to cheer up:

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You know, this awful moment of realization when you're feeling even more lonely right next to someone? A person supposed to love you no matter what, to be your partner in crime, best friend and lover all at once?
Feeling like all the effort, time and strength you put into something, it's worth nothing yet it cost you so many tears? Yet you always hold on to something that didn't even exist, but you only realised that now?

When you're so sad but there are no tears? Just numbess filling up your body, turning you limp, tired. Tired of loving without ever experiencing true love.

That's how Lyza felt, sitting besides Jungkook this evening while they were watching some music award show. No word spoken to each other since they left the  mall, only for Taejeon's sake they gave each other a goodnight kiss like they always did. Then they went back to silence.

No one was actually watching the damn show. Jungkook kept staring into nothing, tears rushing down his cheeks because he was too lazy to hold them back. It was over, it fucking ended before it even began.
It took them a decade to find out sleeping with each other was exactly what they always needed, yet it stopped all of a sudden.

At first, it was meant to be nothing but a distraction.

But right now, Jungkook doubted if it was ever just that. The way his heart clenched whenever he remembered Taehyung's pretty face coming closer to please Jungkook with dozens of small kisses everywhere. It took him only a few times to find out all the weak spots of his best friend, to know exactly where to touch and kiss him to give Jungkook an amount of pleasure he couldn't deal with.

Another thing that kept repeating itself in Jungkook's mind was the face when Jungkook left his apartment. Tears glowing in Taehyung's eyes, falling down softly while his lips trembled, begging for Jungkook to just stay.

And he didn't.

"Did you sleep with him?"

Lyza's voice finally broke the them surrounding awkward silence. Even her tone was full of disappointment in Jungkook. And the boy felt that. Everyone always got so disappointed in him when he showed his emotions for once. Back when he was a kid and still now, he wasn't supposed to show off how he felt.

It wasn't right for him to do that, at least in his opinion.

He didn't answer, his mind was still so drawn to Taehyung, every single tear that fell was because of him, not because of Lyza or what he was putting her through. Actually he never even thought about her in this.

"Jungkook", Lyza said sharply. "Did you sleep with him?"

"Him?", Jungkook asked, thoughts far away so he wasn't paying attention -still.

"Taehyung. Did you have sex with Taehyung?"

Jungkook gulped, suddenly snapped out of his trance, staring at her blankly. "What-", he whispered. Someone speaking it out gave him shivers, it turned his stomach upside down and he felt like screaming on top of his lungs. No one ever-

"Jungkook! I can handle a kiss, I can handle two kisses, it's whatever", she cried out, "But please, god please tell me you didn't have sex with him."

The boy simply kept staring, not giving any response.
"Talk to me for god's sake!", she raised her voice and grabbed him by his shirt. "Jungkook I can't do this anymore, please, fuck please tell me who it is. Tell me if it's him."

Jungkook's lips trembled, so close to actually saying it. He was about to tell her the truth, the whole truth. That they had sex. And again. And they kissed. And again. And again.
Butterflies, gentle kisses and lots and lots of cuddling - he was about to slap all of that right into her face!

"It was nothing", yet his mouth let those words out.

Because, what for? Why ruin something that may be saved when he already ruined his chances with Taehyung. Jungkook couldn't think clearly, so he just sobbed out loudly.

"All those hickeys aren't nothing"

Jungkook turned his face towards her, shrugging. "It wasn't Taehyung", he said coldly.

"How can it not be him! He's always around you, it just makes sense. Who else would've come to his apartment that night and left those hickeys there?", Lyza said, trying to sound steady and confident but she failed, her eyes just kept tearing up, huge tears falling from the girl's long lashes.

Jungkook stayed silent.

"Kook. Please", she pleaded, grabbing his hands. "Just tell me. If you're gay that's okay, really. It's fine it's whatever we always knew you're a fag. At least I'd knew the reason why you won't get hard for me anymore!"

Fag. A Faggot.
That hit the boy more than it should've.

He got up from the couch, surpressing the urge to punch her in the face.

Faggot.
He was nothing but a stupid, damn faggot. He heard that so much, way too often for sure.

"I don't get hard for you because you're ugly. You're fat. And boring. If Taejeon just wouldn't have been born, I'd be so fucking grateful and free", he spit out, looking at her in disgust.

Lyza gasped.
And Jungkook would've never minded saying this, if there wasn't a certain little someone standing in the door frame, looking utterly confused.
"G-grateful?", he stuttered, not knowing what exactly the word meant but he could guess the meaning.

"Oh god", Jungkook let out, every color fading out of his face. "Oh no, no no no, Taejeon no I didn't mean that!", he rushed over to the boy, kneeled down and grabbed the kid's small hands. But Taejeon pulled back and stepped away. "Grateful", he repeated. "Happy w-without T-Taejeonie", he said to himself, shocked and eyes filling with big tears.

"I can die if you don't want to be my Dad anymore, just give me to Chucky the murder-doll-", he suggested, balling his fists.

Jungkook simply felt tears streaming when he looked at his son, still being so overly confused by everything. "Baby, no. I didn't mean that", he whispered. "You're all my happiness."

"L-liar", Taejeon whispered.

"You like Taehyungie more than me. If you wouldn't, you'd be better to Mommy."
And those words were just it, they let Jungkook's shoulders fell along with his whole balance and he just sat down on the floor, starting to sob heavily, without stopping at all. Fuck, this hurt like shit.
Taejeon was everything to him, literally his whole damn world. The small light that made going through this shit so, so worth it. His oh so bright smiles, doey eyes and sometimes just his dumbass behavior-,

he made every single day worth it.
Being a parent was hard fo sure, no doubt. But there was no other thing in the world that could fill your heart up with so much love and caring for a small human being that sometimes was quite similar to a dorky alien but still, the most adorable thing to exist.

And Jungkook just broke his little alien's heart.

"I hate you", Taejeon said, now crying as well. "You c-can't cry now! It's my time to be mad", he sighed and then just hopped into Jungkook's lap, pressing kissies on his nose while his tiny fingers wiped away the tears.
But his Dad wouldn't stop crying, everything came to his mind at once, overwhelming the 20 years old boy. He was just a kid himself.

"Daddy", Taejeon whined and pressed his head to his father's chest, trying to hug him but his short arms weren't long enough to surround Jungkook's body. So he just stayed glued to his front and made some kissie noises, thinking it'd calm Jungkook down.
Well, it made it worse.

"Daddy look I am a big boy now! Like you! Big boys don't cry!", he smiled brightly, grabbing Kook's cheeks with his babie hands and squished them like his parents always did with him. "Be a big boy now", he then demanded. "I promise I will eat all my food even when it's vegetables. I swear!!"

He was about to lose hope in being helpful so he just sat down and pooped into his pampers.

"Oh shit", Taejeon said dramatically. "Seems like Daddy has to stop crying and clean my booty~"

Jungkook sniffled, hugged the kid incredibly tight so he cried out, "Shit Daddy kills me now! Abort. mission."

Jungkook kissed the boy's cheeks and then brought him to the bathroom. "Ew, Daddy's lips are wet and disgusting. Don't kiss me", he pouted, washing over his cheek. "Did you ever had Taehyungie's ding dong in it??? The kids at kindergarten said that's what you do!!"

But his Dad wasn't responding, he just kept on crying while he changed Taejeon's pampers.
"Daddy look my dingelidoo is almost as big as yours", he giggled childishly.
Jungkook only scoffed, feeling so soft at how desperately Taejeon tried to cheer him up even after all he said before.

So he smiled sadly and kissed the boy's forehead again, "I love you so fucking much", he whispered, tears falling again.
Taejeon stuck his tongue out to taste them and then scrunched his nose.

"Salty", he stated and then sighed. "Raindrops taste better. Taejeon tried them. Loved them." The small boy clapped his hands and then hopped back into Jungkook's arms, kissing his cheek to show him some love too. "I'm the best Taejeon, right?", he then asked, eyes going all dolly and pretty.

"The bestest."

"That's not a word, Daddy! You're so very dumb!!", Taejeon slapped his Dad's shoulder while he fake laughed.
And Jungkook couldn't be more in love with being a Dad than in this very moment.

*

College.
Jungkook totally forgot about its existence. When it was Monday Morning and he saw a message from his father, asking how school was going - Jungkook got a heart attack.
So he just slammed his books into his huge bag, packed some chocolate and a bottle of coke and was about to rush out of the door.

But Taejeon shook his head disappointed, "Unhealthy. Bad rolemodel. Unbeliebubble."

Jungkook threw a banana into his bag, winked at Taejeon and then ran to the bus station to catch a bus. He was late already.

What he didn't consider was that he sat in every single subject next to Taehyung. They never left each other's sides which got just now really really problematic.
And he was even there, when Jungkook walked in class his heart dropped at the boy's sight. Broad shoulders, almost appearing a bit buffy-, wearing a loose black shirt and some ripped jeans paired with it. God, he looked effortlessly beautiful.

Kook stared for a good two minutes before the teacher coughed slightly. "Good Morning Mr Jeon. Take a seat", he grumbled, annoyed by his  delay.
"S-sorry", he whispered. When he was about to reach for his usual seat, Taehyung quickly pulled Jimin over who usually sat two seats further, at Jungkook's other side.

Now he was between them, like some sort of barrier.

"Hey", he said quietly to both of them. Only Jimin answered, giving him a weak smile. "How is Lyza and Taejeon?", he only asked.

"We're fine", Jungkook hummed.
"Actually, he didn't ask about you", Taehyung said sharply.

The younger stilled, looking down. "Sorry", he voiced but got ignored by his best friend once again.

"I'm glad you guys are okay", Jimin said with a sigh and patted Jungkook's back.
Taehyung turned his head away, trying to hide the tears that came up just by seeing the person he loved the most.

His heart shattered when he saw how Jungkook's posture fell more and more, weaking with every 'sorry' he let out in his soft, squeaky voice. A hug, that was what his breakable little babie needed right now, along with some kisses and words about how everything would be alright.
Yet Taehyung stayed still, turned his attention towards the lesson and wrote down maths stuff.

Jungkook zoomed out, crying quietly even in class. There was literally not a single cell in his body ready to fight his emotions today, sitting there, so close yet so far- too much.

"Alright. Get into groups of three and work on the novel", the teacher ordered.
Jungkook hesitated, glancing at his friends but they turned their back towards him. So he got up and walked through the room awkwardly, looking for someone to work with.
He stopped at a table with guys of his basketball team, they turned away without saying a word.

Kook understood. He tried with the cool guys who laughed a "still a fag like in elementary school", continued with the nerds who told him he's too dumb and ended up asking the girls who were friends of Lyza's. They pushed him away and snapped at him for being a horrible cheater.

So he just stood there, not knowing what to do. "Jungkook?", his teacher asked. "Where's your group?", he asked, sounding pissed.

"No one wants to work with me", Jungkook voiced, feeling so small suddenly. The world was so much bigger now, almost surpressing him. "What about your friends?", the man asked, glaring at Taehyung and Jimin.

Jungkook shook his head, "They don't want to."

"He can work with us", a voice suddenly appeared from the back of the room. Coming from the two people he didn't even tried to ask.
The teacher smiled, "Thanks Namjoon", he shoved Jungkook towards them, glad that the problem was solved.

"Oh, along with the gay ones he belongs to", a guy laughed out. Jungkook's cheeks turned red, feeling dumb. He ducked his head and walked over to Jin and Namjoon, sitting down.
"Oh boy", Namjoon sighed when Jungkook had still tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Shut up, fag", Jungkook hissed, looking away.

Jin furrowed his brows, "I hope it's clear that you're still absolutely problematic and we just wanted to be nice. We're not your friends", he explained sharply.

"Glad. Don't need fag friends", he said lowly and then focused on his book.
Namjoon and Jin ignored it effortlessly, way too used to this kind of insults. They heard them daily.

"Funny coming from one himself", Jin said quietly so no one else would hear. "You can't tell me your not head over heels for Taehyung", he laughed slightly and Jungkook suddenly felt the emptiness coming back. Anger pushed it away, the fact how everyone looked down on him again, made him feel weak and stupid again..
But with the anger, the rest of his emotions faded away as well.

"So what", Jungkook let out, almost losing his voice while saying so, stuck in his throat by feeling so heavy.

He never thought a voice could even have a weight, but actually every word spoken had a heavy weight on its surrounding as well as on its speaker. A small hello combined with a smile made the other feel welcome, while lies felt so wrong and made your heart shake in fear of being uncovered. A goodbye always hurt while one simple 'I love you' could make someone's day.

Words formed with a voice, they always held a weight and Jungkook just realised that when he tried to deny once again his feelings for Taehyung but couldn't. He needed weight lifted off his shoulders and right now those two gays were the only ones he thought would get him.

"He's cute, okay?!", he let out quietly, turning shy at the moment he said that. Jin and Namjoon smirked, "Go on."

Jungkook gulped, thinking of what else to say. In the end there was only one thing coming to his head, "He is everything that makes me happy and sad at once but at least he makes me feel things", he whispered, tears coming back up.

Namjoon smiled softly, "You're having rather loving feelings towards him, right?"
Jungkook nodded.
"Rather gay feelings?", he said, now eyeing Jungkook closely.

And the boy nodded, with the last bit of strength he bopped his head up and down, "Yeah, I love a boy and I like it", he smiled weakly, suddenly feeling so light. As if tons of weight were simply thrown away.

"Was it that hard?", Namjoon asked gently. "To come out?", he added slowly.

"I didn't come out", Jungkook replied.

"You did, to us. How did it feel?"

"It felt right", Jungkook hummed. "Now shut up, I'm not getting all soft and mushy with you. And I won't come out, I actually like my closet-"

"Mhm your style of clothes is a bit lame don't ya think?", Jin laughed.
But right when Jungkook wanted to answer, he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Sorry for being an asshole, of course you can work with us", Taehyung murmured quietly, a little shy and embarrassed for his behavior earlier.

Jungkook's eyes lightened up, immediately standing up. "Yes!", he agreed and somehow grabbed Taehyung's hand in the middle of the class to walk over to their table.
Everyone saw that.

And Taehyung pulled back, glaring at him annoyed. They sat down and the first thing he said was, "I'm still done with you. I just can't stand knowing I made you feel alone."

"Oh well", Jungkook voiced. "I think the novel was quite interesting. It's a magnificent lovestory, very endearing and beautiful in its own ways."
Taehyung lifted his brow, "They just fight and make up. Like in every damn novel from the last centuries."

"It's the characters that make it special", he hummed.

"Love is love. Characters are nothing but symbols portraying love in different ways." Taehyung crossed his arms.
"Love only appears between characters that are special to each other, so I think it's a thing of characters." Jungkook leaned back, eyeing Taehyung for a while.

"Actually it's not. Love is imagined, based on sexual attraction. There's no magically falling in love and shit like that", Taehyung grumbled.
Jungkook chuckled, "I don't agree with that. Can't you imagine looking into the eyes of your whole damn future held just within a person? That's fucking magical, Taehyung."

They were looking into each other's eyes this very moment.

And while Taehyung automatically thought of Jungkook when he talked about future-,
Jungkook had Taejeon's smile with glowing eyes pictured inside his head.

***