CHAPTER F O U R

AELARI'S POV

"You're so pretty!"

Naramdaman kong namula ang mukha ko sa sinabi ng babae na nasa harapan ko. I should be the one telling her that. With her above shoulder length hair, wide clear eyes, and small face... she looks like a fairy pixie.

"Kuya di ba? Mukha siyang prinsesa. Tapos hindi pa siya lumalabas ng bahay. Bagay na bagay sa kaniya iyong kuwento ni Rapunzel."

"Kumain ka na lang diyan. Baka hindi matunawan si Aelari sa'yo."

Pinigilan kong matawa sa sinabi ni Bryson na katabi ng babae. Nagkamali ako nang unang tingin sa kapatid niya. I thought she'll be around my age dahil na rin sa tangkad niya. Pero ngayong nakikita ko na ang mukha niya ay para bang nasa teens lang siya or kaka-twenty lang.

"Sus. Aminin. Kanina nga natulala ka-"

"Braylene Castellan," Bryson said with a warning in his tone.

"Fine, fine." Pinaikot ng babae ang mga mata niya bago nakangiting nagsimulang kumain. Halos namumualan pa ang bibig niya sa niluto ko nang nanlalaki ang mga matang tinignan niya ako sa screen. "Omg! Ang sarap!"

"Don't talk with your mouth is full."

Hindi ko na nagawang paglabanan ang ngiti na sumilay sa mga labi ko nang makita kong nagmamadaling ngumuya si Braylene. She looks like a cute fluffy bunny.

"Hindi ko alam kung anong tawag dito pero ito na ata ang pinakamasarap na nakain ko sa buong linggo na 'to. Except of course doon sa pinadala mo na chicken."

"So sinasabi mong hindi ako masarap magluto?" tanong ni Bryson.

"Parang ganoon na nga."

I put a hand on my lips when a giggle came out of them. That's another first. I never laugh... or giggle. Not even when I watch a comedy movie.

Napansin kong natigilan si Bryson na muling napatitig sa screen ng device na ginagamit nila para makapag-usap kami. He's also like that when I called them awhile ago and for the first time ay nagkita kami ng maliwanag ang paligid.

"O, Kuya, kain muna bago ikaw naman ang hindi matunawan."

Napakurap si Bryson bago binigyan ng masamang tingin ang kapatid. Nahihiyang inabot ko ang sarili kong plato na mayroong kaparehas nila na pagkain. Mas mukha nga lang maayos ang bahay nila dahil hindi pa ako nakakapagligpit ng mga kinalat ko kanina. Kaya nga nasa sala ako at nakasalampak sa sahig. And I don't have a dining table so it's better that I'm here.

"So what do you do for a living, Ate Aelari, kung hindi ka lumalabas ng bahay?"

Ate Aelari. No one ever calls me that. Not with that sense of familiarity.

"Braylene-"

"No, no. It's okay," Binigyan ko sila ng maliit na ngiti. "I'm a mobile app designer. Minsan developer din."

"Cool! Nasa tech word ka rin pala. Ganoon din si Kuya eh. Ako mas gusto ko sa creative industry. Kaya nga nag photography ako." Ngumisi siya at tinapunan ng tingin saglit ang kapatid niya bago muling tumingin sa akin. "You know I could probably use you as my subject. Parang princess theme."

"Braylene."

"Umm... that will be probably unsafe." I said carefully.

"Hindi naman ako lalapit sa iyo. Kahit nasa balcony ka nga lang eh or sa bintana. Or sa pintuan tapos malayo ako."

Hinilamos ni Bryson ang kamay niya sa mukha niya na para bang nauubos na ang pasensya niya sa kapatid niya.

"I'll think about it. Hindi... hindi kasi talaga ako pwedeng lumabas. I just... I..."

"Don't stress about it, Aelari. Mausisa lang talaga ang isang 'to at makulit."

I forced a smile and nodded, "It's okay."

It's hard to explain my situation to anyone. I can't blame her. My situation is intriguing because I'm different. Kung alam lang nila ang totoong dahilan. Kung alam lang nila na mas komplikado pa sa inaakala nila ang sitwasyon ko.

"Bakit hindi mo na lang kasi sabihin sa amin ang totoo? Na nagpapaawa ka lang para ikaw ang magmukhang biktima."

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko sa sumunod na sinabi ni Braylene. Sa tabi niya ay walang emosyon na nakatingin din sa akin si Bryson.

"Hindi ikaw ang biktima. Hindi ikaw ang natatakot," pagpapatuloy ng babae. "Kasi ikaw ang dapat katakutan. Ikaw na tinatalikuran ang lahat at hindi siya magawang tulungan."

Nabitawan ko ang hawak ko na plato habang titig na titig sa screen ng laptop ko. A static-like interruption colored the screen. Palayo rin nang palayo ang boses na naririnig ko.

Kumurap ako para lang mapatayo nang makita kong wala na ako sa bahay ko. I'm inside that room again that never stopped haunting me. Wala na si Bryson sa harapan ko at sa halip ay si Braylene na lang ang naroon.

Nakaupo siya silya habang magkasalikop ang mga kamay niya sa harapan niya. But the static remained. It kept on moving around her until at the next blink of my eyes... Braylene disappeared and she was replaced by the familiar girl in my dreams with the black smoke swirling around her as if taunting me.

Princess Ilaria.

"You don't want to free us but you can't stop it, Aelari."

Nagbaba ako nang tingin sa natuyong pulang dugo na nakapaikot sa batang babae. It's not the same. It's not a full circle like before. Para bang nababasa ang maliit na parte no'n at unti-unting nabubura.

When that happened, Diablo will be freed.

When that happened, it's the end for me.

Hinihingal na napaupo ako sa kama. Sa ikalawang pagkakataon sa linggo na ito ay balot muli ng kadiliman ang kuwarto ko habang bumubuhos ang ulan sa labas ng kuwarto. I am familiar with the way my dreams work for over the years. Laging umiikot iyon sa kuwarto na iyon, sa batang babae, at sa boses na nagsasalita.

Pero sa unang pagkakataon ay hindi basta humalo iyon sa mga nabasa, napanood, o sa trabaho ko. This time the dream was mixed with what really happened in real life... making it more realistic to me. Parts of that dream really happened. Kagabi ko lang nakausap sa Skype si Bryson at ang kapatid niya. And now this happened. This dream that I don't know why is becoming more frequent and frequent.

Napapitlag ako nang makarinig ako ng kalabog. Dumausdos ako pababa ng kama at inabot ko ang maliit na flashlight na inilagay ko na roon para kapag nangyari ulit ang power outage na naganap nitong nakaraan.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay na hinawakan ko iyon at kinuha ko ang cellphone ko bago ako lumapit sa pintuan ng kuwarto para lumabas.I entered the combination of my door before I opened the flashlight and I pointed it on a different direction so I wouldn't give away where I am.

Tahimik na bumaba ako ng hagdanan habang mahigpit ang pagkakawak sa flashlight. I can still hear the rustling outside. Hindi ko lang alam kung sa gate ba iyon o mismong sa bakuran ko.

Maybe it's just an animal. A cat or a bird. I need to be calm. Stress is not a good thing for me nor scaring myself kung wala namang dahilan para makaramdam ako noon. Paranoid lang siguro ako.

Nasa huling baitang na ako ng hagdanan nang may mapansin ako. Bahagya kong nasisilip mula sa kinatatayuan ko ang katapat na bahay. There's light coming from Bryson's house garage. Kaya paanong patay ang lahat ng ilaw sa bahay ko samantalang iniwan kong bukas ang ilan sa mga iyon? My generator should have kicked in by now if there's really a power interruption.

Kaagad na nanalaytay sa dugo ko ang takot na tila ba iyong yelo na naglalakbay sa buong katawan ko nang bigla na lang gumalabog pabukas ang pintuan ko. Impit akong napatili at mabilis na tumakbo ako paakyat ng hagdanan.

I should have trusted myself more. There's always a reason for my fears. I live with darkness for how many years of my life. The horror in my world is never just an illusion. It's real. It's always been real.

A scream tore from my throat when I felt someone grab my ankle. Nabitawan ko ang mga hawak ko at napadausdos ako sa sahig. Pain spread on the side of my head when I hit it hard on my hard wooden stairs.

But it's not the pain that frightened me but the familiar weight trying to pull me down. No. No, I'm okay. Please don't. I'm going to be safe. Just please... please let me be.

Hindi ko magawang indahin ang sakit na sumunod na lumatay sa katawan ko nang basta na lang akong hilahin nang taong pumasok sa bahay ko pababa ng hagdanan. He's not alone. I'm sure of that because I can hear someone else moving around.

"Ako na ba o ikaw na?"

"Ikaw na. Titingin muna ako ng makukuha natin."

"Malaki na ang-"

"Wala naman silang sinabi na hindi natin pwedeng dagdagan."

Napaigik ako nang basta na lang akong itulak dahilan para bumalandra ako sa kung saan. I heard glasses breaking at the same time I felt shards of it sliced my skin.

And yet... I'm beginning to drift. Through the pull it's like I can see a different place. A place that I'm familiar with because I visited it through my dreams. Pero sa pagkakataon na ito ay parang totoong-totoo ang kuwarto na iyon. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi lang basta nanggaling iyon sa panaginip ko kundi pati sa realidad ko. It felt so familiar... like I've been there before.

"J-Just take all you need. Just... just don't touch me."

"Pasensya na Miss pero sideline lang namin ang nanakawin namin sa'yo. Iba ang trabahong pinunta namin dito."

"Please... please don't."

Binuka ko ang bibig ko para sumigaw pero umalingawngaw sa paligid ang isang sampal. I felt my mind went black, nausea started to circle around me. And yet I'm not worried for my safety. Dahil mas ikinakatakot ang maaaring mangyari kapag hindi nila ako binitawan.

I choked on the next words that I was supposed to say when I felt hands went around my throat and squeezed hard.

I have more control of myself now than before but it doesn't mean that it's not difficult for me still. I don't know how long I could fight it off.

Don't touch me. Please!

I clawed the arms of the man but he didn't stopped. My eyes widened and through the gap on my curtains I can see the light coming from the moon. It was different... darker perhaps. It's a blood moon and because of the rain, it's like the sky is bleeding red tears.

My eyes begun to flutter close as the weight trying to pull me became stronger. I don't want it to happen but it's not like I can stop it.

Sometimes I wish... sometimes I wish it will be just the end. That when I close my eyes, it will be just that. A close, an end, a departure from the nightmare of my reality. But I know my life is different. Dahil sa susunod na buksan ko ang mga mata ko ay alam kong maraming mababago. Maraming bagay ang mangyayari na hindi magagawang maintindihan ng iba. And again I will see their horrified faces... the disgust in their eyes.

Muling bumukas ang mga mata ko nang sa isang iglap ay biglang nawala ang dumadagan sa akin. Nakarinig ako nang pagkakagulo pero hindi iyon malinaw. It's like my ears are ringing and that's louder than what's happening around me.

Tinakpan ko ang mga tenga ko na para bang makakatulong iyon na mawala ang naririnig ko. But it just got louder and louder while the heavy weight pulling me didn't stop to try to drag me down.

Napasinghap ako kasabay nang pagkahawak sa mga kamay ko ng kung sino. Sinubukan kong ipokus ang mga mata ko at sa nanlalabong paningin ay nagawa kong makita si Bryson na ngayon ay nasa harapan ko at nag-aalalang nakatingin sa akin.

There was gentleness with his touch and with the way his eyes travelled around me as if making sure that I'm fine.

He's holding me too.

I tried to move away from him but I stopped when I realized one thing. Tila gumagaan ang mabigat na bagay na humihila sa akin at sa halip ay napalitan iyon ng ibang klaseng bigat. This time the weight feels different. Rather the weight being an instrument to drown me... it became something to anchor me.

I stopped rapidly going through the riptides and I was left with nothing but calmness. Through that he's still holding me.

Bryson cursed under his breath and he let go of me as if remembering my condition. Pero parang may sariling buhay ang buong katawan ko na inabot ko ang kamay niya at hindi ko siya hinayaang makalayo.

Surprise colored his eyes as he looked down at me.

"Aelari, you're going to be sick."

"N-No."

Hindi niya naiintindihan.

Hindi dapat ganito ang nangyari. Hindi dapat ganito ang kinahantungan. I should be long gone but I'm still here. Because of his touch... because of his skin on mine... he stopped me from drowning. He stopped me from drifting far.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at magaang pinisil iyon. But he let go. Binitawan niya ang kamay ko para ibaba iyon.

Rejection instantly hit me but before it could do any damage, Bryson forced a smile and pulled something from the sofa. Ibinalot niya sa akin iyon bago niya ako hinawakan ulit. It was like he's trying to put a barrier between us so that he could hold me freely.

No one tried to do that for me and now the only one that gave that to me seems like the person that has the ability to touch me without triggering the expected result from someone like me.

"You're going to be safe, Aelari."

For the first time in my life... I wanted to believe that.

I really do.

HINDI KO MAGAWANG ialis ang mga mata ko ko kay Bryson na ngayon ay kunot na kunot ang noo habang abala sa ginagawa niya. Di kalayuan sa kinaroroonan namin ay ang kapatid niya na kahit halatang inaantok na ay titig na titig pa rin sa akin na para bang maglalaho ako na parang bula any moment.

"You should go to the hospital."

Bryson is currently cleaning my scrapes. Maingat niya rin na nilalagyan iyon ng gamot kahit hindi naman ako gumagalaw sa dining chair kung saan niya ako inupo kanina pagpasok namin dito sa bahay niya.

"I don't think that's necessary."

I can sense the bubbling anger from him but it's like he's trying to reign it in for my sake. Nakuha na ng mga pulis ang dalawang lalaki na pinasok ang bahay ko. Pinatawag pala ni Bryson ang kapatid niya sa mga iyon nang saklolohan niya ako. The police officers took my statement and they asked for me to go to the station but I couldn't go. I called my uncle and told him what happened and he asked me not to go either. They said they will fix it.

They always do. They won't let me tarnish our name more than I already did before.

"You hit your head, they pulled you from the stairs, and you've been strangled. You also have wounds from glass shards."

"I feel fine."

"Anong ginagawa mo noon kapag nagkakasakit ka?"

"Hindi naman ako nagkakasakit para dalin nila sa ospital. I never been that sick."

Technically I'm still telling him the truth. I never been to the doctor because I rarely got hurt or sick. Hindi iyong klase ng ospital na iyon ang kailangan ko. I've seen doctors but not the kind of doctors that he's thinking of.

"Don't you have SCID, ate?"

Napatingin ako sa kinauupuan ni Braylene. She looks so sleepy. Naka-pajama na rin siya at mukhang nagising lang talaga mula sa pagtulog.

"No," I answered with a shake of my head.

"Hypersensitivity?"

"Not exactly."

"Sabi ni Kuya wala kang trauma sa tao."

Tumingin ako kay Brayson sandali bago ko binalingan ang dalaga, "He asked if I'm afraid being around people and I'm really not. I just can't be around them."

"So do you feel pain when you're touched?"

I don't know how to answer that. It's not exactly pain. It felt more like I'm being drugged and taken away. I don't like the feeling of having no control that's why I rather not be around people than to lose myself.

"Braylene," saway ni Bryson sa kaniya.

Ngumuso ang babae. Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Kahit naman sinong tao ay magtataka rin sa sitwasyon ko. Even I are confused. Sa tagal kong nabuhay ng ganito ay ngayon lang nagkaroon ng pagkataon na imbis tuluyan akong malunod ay napigilan pa iyon na mangyari dahil lang sa paghawak ng isang tao.

For some reason Bryson is that one exception.

"I need to go home," I murmured.

"Not tonight."

"Bryson, really, I'm thankful for what you did. But I shouldn't leave the house and I shouldn't stay with you and your sister. Sa tingin ko ay hindi lang pagnanakaw talaga ang naging dahilan ng dalawang iyon. I heard them clearly. If I'm in danger, I shouldn't be around your family. It's not safe."

And you're not safe from me.

Those two men are the technicians that fixed my generator. Generator na sinira din nila para matiyak na hindi magkakaroon ng liwanag sa bahay pag ginawa na nila ang balak nila.

I don't know why would someone want to hurt me. Matagal na akong nananahimik at namumuhay na mag-isa. Wala akong maisip na kahit na anong rason para mangyari ito sa akin. But I have this feeling that this won't be the last. I rather be alone than to drag down anyone with me.

"Hindi pa maayos ang generator mo at wala kang ilaw sa bahay dahil sinira din nila iyon. Someone also need to fix your door and gate."

"Bryson-"

"At least stay for the night. We'll fix everything tomorrow." Binaba niya ang hawak na bulak at tinignan ako ng direkta sa mga mata. "Don't fight this, Aelari. Kahit kami hindi makakatulog na alam namin na malaya ang kahit na sinong pasukin ang bahay mo habang nandoon ka."

Hindi niya naiintindihan. My house is obviously not made to perfectly keep everyone from going in but it was made so no one could get out. My doors are destroyed but at least no one is around me if I'm in there.

"I could sleep here in the living room," I whispered. "Just for tonight."

"I have a guest room."

"Only if you'll sleep at the same bedroom your sister sleep in. You should also lock the door."

Kumunot ang noo ng lalaki sa sinabi ko. Sandaling nakatitig lang siya sa akin na para bang tinatantiya niya ang mga binitawan kong salita.

"That would help me sleep, Bryson. That I know you're safe with your sister."

"Do you think they would come back?"

I know they will. Sigurado akong hindi pa rito natatapos ang lahat. Kung tama ako... then this is not over. But that's not the danger I'm trying to save them from.

It's from me.

"Please," I whispered.

Pakiramdam ko ay nagririgodon ang buong sistema ko nang hindi niya ialis ang mga mata niya sa akin. There's something in his eyes that I can't understand and yet it was like an ocean that is trying to take me. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to drown and to lose air... but if someone would ask me, I will willingly surrender every breath I have just to drown in him.

"Okay, Aelari."

_______________End of Chapter 5.