CHAPTER T H R E E

AELARI'S POV

I'm doing the right thing. Ganito ang ginagawa ng normal na tao pagkatapos na mang-istorbo at tulungan ng iba. Iyon nga lang hindi naman ako normal na tao. Nothing about me can be called normal or common.

Pinilig ko ang ulo ko at hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa basket na dala ko. Lumilingon-lingon na lumabas ako ng gate kahit alam ko naman na bihira ang napapagawi sa bandang ito ng subdivision. Mabuti na ang sigurado lalo pa at masyado pang maaga.

What I meant by that is that it is too early for me. Kapag nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon na nakakalabas ako ay hating-gabi na iyon o madaling-araw na. Seven o'clock pa lang ng gabi ngayon kaya masyado pa talagang maaga para sa akin.

I crossed the streets and just like always, I can feel the fear trying to crawl inside me like poisonous vines. Bago pa ako maduwag at umatras ay tinakbo ko ang distansiya ng bahay ko at ang kay Bryson. Ibinaba ko sa labas ng gate ang dala ko na basket at pagkatapos ay pinindot ko ang doorbell nang dalawang beses. I didn't give him time to see me outside his gate dahil pagkatunog na pagkatunog pa lang ng doorbell niya ay nagmamadali na akong bumalik sa bahay ko.

I ran back to my house and hurriedly lock the gate and the main door. Dumadagundong sa kaba ang dibdib na napasandal ako sa pintuan. Nasa ganoong ayos ako nang may maisip ako.

Oh no. I didn't left a note. Hindi ko rin sinabi sa kaniya na may iniwan ako sa gate niya. Baka akalain pa no'n may nantitrip lang sa kaniya at naisipang paglaruan ang doorbell niya.

Mahina kong inuntog ang ulo ko sa pader na para bang magagawa no'n na gisingin ako sa katangahan na ginawa ko. I look like a creep and he didn't deserve to be bothered by someone like me. Siya na nga itong tumulong sa akin bibigyan ko pa siya ng problema.

Kagat ang ibabang labi na pumunta ako sa kusina at hindi ko pinansin ang parang binomba ko na mga gamit doon dahil sa ginawa kong pagluluto. Inabot ko ang maliit na asul na crystal bowl sa ibabaw ng fridge at kinuha ko roon ang business card na iniwan sa akin ni Bryson noong isang araw.

Bryson Castellan of CastlePro Enterprise. My neighbor.

I'm familiar with CastlePro. They develop software, hardware, and computer programs. Bukod doon ay provider din sila ng maraming malalaking kompanya. They're a powerhouse in the technology world. Bukod doon ay kaya ako pamilyar sa kanila ay dahil ilang beses nang sumubok ang B & A Tech. para makipag-partnership sa kanila. For some reason, CastlePro always decline the offer.

I always wanted to work with them but it's Alderidge's turf when it comes to business partnership kaya hindi rin ako nakikielam.

Muli kong tinignan ang card. I can do this. I may not be used to talking to people face to face pero hindi na bago sa akin ang may kausap sa telepono o video call. I'm a strong, independent, woman. Kung sa panahon ko nabuhay ang taong nag-imbento ng salitang independent ay malamang ako ang nasa isip no'n. I've been fending for myself since I was eight. People tried to take care of me but it's not like I made it easy for them. Paano mo aalagaan ang isang bata na hindi mo maaaring hawakan?

Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga bago ko kinuha ang landline phone na nakasabit sa dingding nang kusina. I dialed Bryson's number and when I heard it ring, I walked towards my door to click on the panel so I can open the camera outside the gate.

"Hello?"

Ano kayang meron sa boses niya na parang gusto ko na lang siyang pakinggan na magsalita? No one can call his voice gentle because I'm sure that it sounds rough to anyone that can hear his voice. It sounded gravelly calm and yet commanding.

"Hello? I don't have all night."

Okay now he sounded pissed. "I-I'm... I'm your neighbor."

Sandaling hindi nagsalita ang nasa kabilang linya pero nang marinig ko ang boses niya ulit ay nawala na ang inis sa tono ng boses niya. "Aelari? May problema ba?"

"No!" Tumikhim ako sa naging pagtaas ng boses ko. Seriously. I sounded like a dork and I'm acting like one. "No. Wala namang problema. Nakalimutan ko lang kasing sabihin sa'yo na may iniwan ako sa tapat ng gate mo. Nag doorbell ako kaya lang..."

"Oh, that. Akala ko may nagkamali lang kanina ng bahay. Okay lang ba sa iyo na lumabas? You didn't felt sick or anything?"

Napakurap ako sa naging tanong niya at sandaling pinroseso ko iyon. Ano nga ba ang pinag-usapan namin noon?

He asked me if I'm afraid to be around people. Mayroon naman talagang ganoon. Everyone's trauma is different and I'm in no place to judge. Pero sa pagkakatanda ko ay tinanong niya rin ako kung hindi ko pwedeng hawakan ang ibang tao and I said yes.

Maybe he thought I have severe combined immunodeficiency or tactile sensitivity. He wouldn't be the first. Sa dami ng diagnostic sa akin ay pakiramdam ko naglalakad ako na sakit.

"I'm fine. Wala namang ibang tao. May... may iniwan ako na basket sa labas ng bahay. I made a cheesy chicken lasagna as a thank you for the help the other night."

"Hindi ka na dapat nag-abala." Narinig kong may pagkilos sa kabilang linya na nasundan ng pagtawag niya sa kung sino, "Get the basket outside the door for me."

"Sandali lang tatapusin ko lang 'to."

I felt my heart dropped when I heard a woman's voice on the other line of the phone. What do I expect? He's a handsome man that bought a huge house to live in. Malamang sa hindi ay mayroon na siyang pamilya. At saka ano bang pakielam ko roon? I'm just thanking him for the help because it's the right thing to do.

"Now, Braylene."

Narinig ko ang reklamo ng babae na mukhang sumunod naman sa utos ni Bryson. A few seconds later, I saw their gate opened from the monitor of my doorbell's camera system. Lumabas ang isang babae na mukhang bata ng ilang taon kay Bryson. She's probably my age or younger.

"Sorry for that. My sister's a pain in the ass."

Sister. I tried to ignore that relief I felt with what he said. Kailangan kong ipaalala sa sarili ko na hindi ko dapat iyon maramdaman. This is just a one time thing. After this we're probably not going to talk for a long time or maybe forever.

"Dumating na ba iyong mag-aayos ng generator mo? Wala akong napansin kasi kahapon na lumapit sa bahay mo."

"Bukas pa raw. Hindi pa kasi available iyong technician nila."

"Do you want me to talk to them kapag nakapagpadala na sila ng tao bukas? So you won't need to deal with them?"

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I'm not used to anyone caring about me and doing that in a way that is not being in my face to force me to be normal. Mas tama pa ngang sabihin na tinutulungan niya ako na hindi humarap sa mga tao.

"Sasabihin ko na lang sana sa kanila na wala ako sa bahay at bubuksan ko na lang ang gate."

"That's unsafe."

"I-"

"I'll talk to them tomorrow."

"You really don't have to."

"I want to."

Now what do I say to that? It's rude to say no and he might be offended. Siya na nga ang nagpiprisenta na tulungan ako.

"Thank you. That would be really helpful." Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko at tumingin ako sa monitor sa harapan ko. Sarado na ang gate pero natatanaw ko ang ilaw ng bahay nila. Somehow it's comforting to know that he's just there.

"Kuya, pasabi sa kapitbahay natin ang sarap ng luto niya. Sa uulitin kamo."

"Sinong may sabing kainin mo?"

"Ang damot mo. Ang dami naman nito ah?"

"Sa'yo ba binigay?" tanong ni Bryson.

"Ikaw ba ang kumuha?"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti na sumilay sa mga labi ko. It feels good to smile for real. Nakakatuwa rin silang pakinggan na magkapatid. I never had that. Iyong makipagtalo sa isang tao na para bang normal lang iyon. Iyong pagtatalo na walang halong galit o inis. The way they banter almost sounded affectionate.

Wala akong maalala na naranasan ko iyon sa kahit na sino. Affection... and warmth.

"I'll let you go," I whispered.

"Thank you for the food. Really, you didn't have to bother."

"You're welcome."

"Aelari-"

"And thank you for tomorrow."

"Are you okay?"

"Of course. I just really need to go. May kailangan pa kasi akong tawagan."

He was silent for a moment but after awhile he murmured on the other end of the receiver, "Okay. Goodnight, Aelari."

"Goodnight, Bryson."

Naglakad ako pabalik sa kusina at maingat na ikinabit ko ulit ang telepono sa cradle no'n. I looked around at the mess around me and I realize that this is a good imagery for who I am inside.

In another life maybe I'll have a life far different from this. Maybe I won't need to hide anymore from the world.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

PINAPANOOD ko ang mga kaganapan sa labas ng bahay ko mula sa screen ng laptop ko. I opened the feed of my security cameras. Hindi ko naman kasi sila pwedeng silipin lang sa camera system ng doorbell ko dahil nasa kaliwang bahagi ng bahay ang generator at hindi iyon nakatapat sa camera sa labas ng pintuan ko.

But I do have other four cameras installed around the house. Isa sa mga iyon ay kita ang dalawang lalaki na nag-aayos ng generator ko. Malapit sa kanila ay naroon si Bryson na pinapanood ang ginagawa nila.

"Don't judge me," I said to the teddy bear on top of the coffee table. Isa iyon sa natatanging dinala ko mula sa bahay ng Uncle ko papunta rito. When I moved here, I replaced everything except for that stuff toy. It's one of the things that I have that isn't just mine and I have no choice but to keep.

Napatingin ulit ako sa monitor ng laptop ko. It's like the first time I saw him. He looks like a king towering over his loyal subjects. He never acted like that with me. He's more gentle and understanding. Ang pagkakaiba lang noong una ko siyang makita bago ko pa siya makilala ay ngayon parang konti na lang magbubuga na siya ng apoy.

Para bang wala siyang tiwala sa mga taong ngayon ay nasa loob ng bakuran ko. Hindi ko siya masisisi. I have a huge trust issues and I don't like the way the men often look at my door as if they're trying to see if I'm inside.

Hindi naman ako ganito sa lahat ng gumagawa sa bahay ko. I often open my doors for people specially to couriers. Nagkaroon din ng pagkakataon na nagpaggawa ako ng bakod. Hindi naman ibig sabihin na minimum wagers sila ay kailangan na silang paghinalaan. Marangal ang mga trabaho nila. Lahat naman ng klase ng trabaho na ginagawa sa marangal na paraan ay may purpose sa mundo. We couldn't live without one another because we're all needed.

But for some reason mabigat din ang loob ko sa dalawang gumagawa ngayon sa bahay ko. No wonder Bryson is acting this way. They're a bit nosy and they work slow. Natatagalan pa tuloy si Bryson sa paghihintay sa kanila.

Napapabuntong hininga na kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at hinanap ko ang isa pang numero na nakalagay din sa business card ni Bryson. One that I admit that I added to my contact list.

I typed a text so that the men wouldn't need to hear our conversation.

To: Bryson Castellan

You really don't need to wait for them to finish.

Matatapos na rin naman siguro sila. Naiistorbo

ka pa tuloy.

I watched Bryson's forehead knotted more when he probably felt his phone vibrate. Nilabas niya ang phone at nakita kong binasa niya ang mensahe ko. After a few seconds he started typing before his sunglasses-clad eyes went straight to the camera hidden in the garden.

Napalunok ako nang para bang magkaharap kami kahit na ang layo namin sa isa't isa. He knows I'm watching. Of course he does.

From: Bryson Castellan

It's okay. You're not a bother.

Napabuntong-hininga ako sa naging sagot niya. Maybe this is normal. Neighbor helping their neighbor. Ako lang siguro ang naninibago kasi hindi ko naman naranasan na magkaroon ng kapitbahay sa matagal na panahon. The last time I've been in close contact with someone is with my Uncle and Auntie after they dropped me here. Looking back, I think they were more relieved than me that I'm finally away from everyone.

To: Bryson Castellan

I owe you another home cooked meal.

He didn't respond instantly. Kinakausap niya kasi ang isa sa dalawang lalaki at para bang siya pa ang nagtuturo sa dapat gawin ng mga iyon.

Naalala ko sinasabi niya sa akin na may bachelor's siya sa electrical engineering. Kahit mukhang sa iba naman siya nagpokus what with his company now, siguro nga ay maalam din siya sa bagay na iyon. Ayoko lang din naman siyang abalahin kaya hindi ako nagpatulong. Pero ang ending naaabala pa rin siya.

I looked at my phone when I heard its ping.

From: Bryson Castellan

You don't need to. Pero kung gusto mo hindi rin

kami tatanggi ng kapatid ko. Muntik pa namin

pagtalunan kasi inubos niya halos kalahati

no'ng pinadala mo.

They liked my food.

Pakiramdam ko ay may mainit na bagay na gumapang sa puso ko. I cook because I need to but I don't particularly enjoy my food. Normal na lang sa akin iyon. Wala rin naman kasi akong kasabay kumain kaya hindi naman ako masyadong nag e-effort sa pagkain. As long as it's healthy then I'm fine with it.

Thinking back, I think this is the first time that I ever cook for someone.

To: Bryson Castellan

Then that's great. I'll cook and leave it at your

gate later.

This time his reply was instant.

From: Bryson Castellan

Appreciated but call or text me. Ako na lang ang kukuha para

hindi ka na lumabas. You can leave it on your porch so you

won't need to walk far.

I replied okay because I know he won't take no for an answer. Isa iyon sa mga napansin ko sa kaniya. When he's firm about something, he'll do it without being asked. He's probably someone that is not used to being contradicted.

It took another half an hour before my generator was finally fixed. I already paid for their service sa admin kaya wala naman ng ibang kakailanganin pa. Bryson looked at one of my cameras again before leaving... and just like that, the day is done.

I busied myself in the kitchen. Hindi naman ako masyadong maarte sa pagluluto pero dahil hindi lang naman para sa akin ang pagkain ay pinagkaabalahan kong mag research para maghanap ng kaya kong iluto na hindi naman nakakahiyang gawing thank you gift.

Hours later, I managed to presentably plate my baked parmesan shrimp cakes and scallops into a wide glass tray pan. Tinakpan ko iyon ng foil bago ko ibinalot sa bago kong dish cloth wrapper. Na kaila Bryson pa kasi ang basket ko.

Ignoring my once again bombed kitchen, I grab my phone that I left on the coffee table and texted Bryson. Nang magawa kong ipadala iyon at nagmamadaling kinuha ko ang tray ng pagkain at binuksan ko ang pintuan ng bahay. Ipinatong ko iyon sa lamesa sa labas ng pintuan.

I went back inside and closed the door behind me. Pumindot ako sa panel na malapit sa pinto para magawa kong buksan ang gate.

Like a creep that I am, I watched on the cameras how Bryson went out of his own gate to cross the distance to mine. Sa pagtataka ko ay nakita kong dala niya ang basket na nilagyan ko ng pagkain noon. Baka binabalik lang.

He walked up the steps to my porch and I saw him placed the basket on the table. Kinuha niya ang pagkain na iniwan ko roon pero imbis na umalis ay kumatok siya sa pintuan.

Pakiramdam ko ay itinulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko sa ginawa niya. He know that I couldn't open the door and be that near to him. Ang natatanging naghihiwalay sa amin ngayon ay ang pintuan ko na nakapinid.

"You don't need to open the door. I just want to tell you that I returned your basket and there's food inside. My sister is being a pain again. I told her about your situation, which is probably my mistake. She's interested and it sounded rude just to say that out loud."

"No... no, it's okay."

"Gumawa siya ng mango pie. She's a thorn on my side but she's actually good at making desserts. She want me to ask you if you want to eat dinner with us-"

"I couldn't-"

"Yeah, she knows. You don't need to but just in case I wrote down my Skype details. She'll just probably talk your ears off and ask questions that you probably don't want to answer. But if you will join us I'll try to stop her from irritating you."

I shouldn't. I really shouldn't.

Being nice to people will lead to a connection. Connection will grow into friendship. And friendship... it means attachment. The more people that I let get to close to me, the more I expose them to danger. And when something like that happens again... I don't know if I'll have strength enough to come back.

Yet humans are naturally selfish. They always want more, they always hope for more.

I am one but also I am more.

"Okay, Bryson."

I shouldn't have. I should have stayed away.

But I didn't.

_____________________End of Chapter 3.