Zarlo: Hey Sasha- stop screaming, it's just me- do you know where the pickle jar is?

Sasha: I'm in the sHowER

~~~~~~~~~~

Tazi, squinting at a paper: what does "take out" mean?

Sabien: food

Sasha: dating

Zay: murder

Zarlo: all three if you want to have fun! :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sasha, to Zay: would you like to stay for dinner?

Sasha's Father, in the background: would you like to stay forever?!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Zay: my bf is too tall for me to kiss him. what should I do?

Lizzie: punch him in the stomach, then when he crouches down in pain, kiss him

Navia: tackle him

Lucia: dump him

Sasha: JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler: explain how you two got into an accident.

Zay: well we were driving and there was a deer on the road and Sasha didn't notice, so I said "Sasha, deer!"

Tyler: and?

Zay: tell Tyler your answer, Sasha

Sasha, looking away in embarrassment: yes dear?

~~~~~~~~~~

Zay: Ugh, I hardly slept last night

Navia: when you can't sleep, it means someone is thinking about you

Zay: who the heck would be thinking about me at 3am?

Zarlo: someone wasting their time

Sasha: *silently panics*

~~~~~~~~~~

Lucia: why can't dinosaurs clap?

Niko: because their arms are too shor-

Tazi: because they're all dead

~~~~~~~~

Navia: I'm craving something sweet

Sabian: *gestures to himself*

Navia: I said something sweet, not a heap of salt

Sabien: ouch

~~~~~~~~

Tazi: *gets stabbed*

Navia: are you okay? Rate your pain on a scale of 1-10

Tazi: 0/10

Lucia: what??? You were??? Literally??? Stabbed???

Tazi: 0/10 would not recommend. Not very gucci

~~~~~~~~

Navia: knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit

Sabien: wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

Sasha: philosophy is wondering whether that makes ketchup a smoothie

Zay: common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a frickin smoothie

~~~~~~~~

Lucia: you look exhausted. Sasha keeping you up huh ;))

Zay: h a ,,, yeah

[3am]

Sasha, in a gruff cowboy voice: this blanket ain't big enough for the both of us

Zay: I'm gonna give you one more chance to shut up

~~~~~~~~

Niko, internally: wait is she into me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs

Niko, to Lucia: what do you call a 100-year-old ant?

Lucia: What?

Niko: ant-ique!

Lucia: *laughs*

Niko, internally: that's not a fair test, I'm hilarious

~~~~~~~~~

Sasha: did you have to stab him??

Zay: you weren't there. You didn't hear what he said to me

Sasha: what did he say?

Zay: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

Zarlo: that's fair

~~~~~~

Zarlo: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let's go for another 12 more just in case

Zay: Zar, that's a coma

Zarlo: sounds festive

~~~~~~~~

Sabien: I guess I'm just too tough to cry

Navia: just today you were crying about snakes.

Sabien: they don't have arms!

~~~~~~~~~

Zay: to be honest, I'm not doing too well

Zay: I have this headache that comes and goes

Zarlo: *enters the room*

Zay: there it is again.

~~~~~

Zay: can you guys at least try to see see this from my perspective?

Zarlo, Sasha, Niko: *sit on the floor*

Navia, Lucia, Lizzie: *crouch*

Sabien, Tazi: *bend down*

Zay: you guys suck.

~~~~~~

Navia: I'm going to the store, do you want anything?

Sasha: my will to live :(

Navia: Zay's at therapy right now but I can get her on the way back

Sasha: ... please

~~~~~~

Sasha, to his prisoner Zarlo: if you're smart, you'll stop struggling

Zarlo: well I'm not!

Sasha:

Zarlo: going to stop

Zarlo: I am smart

~~~~~~

Niko: I've got this box, you can put everything you love in it.

Tazi: can I–

Niko: no, you can't put Lizzie in the box.

Lizzie: :)

~~~~~~

Zay: I'm ignoring you to make a point.

Sasha: the problem with that technique is that–

Zarlo: –we have no idea what point you're trying to make

~~~~~~~

Sasha: hey Zay, what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

Zay: *sighs* I don't know, what happens?

Sasha: it becomes daytrogen!

Zay: *groans* I can't with you. I'm going to bed

Sasha: good nitrogen.

Zarlo: sleep titrogen.

Zay: I hate you both

Zarlo: don't let the bed bugs bitrogen!

~~~~~~~

Navia: I mean, small creatures are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up.

Lucia: ridiculous. Give me one example of that.

Niko: baboons

Sabien: jellyfish

Zay: scorpions

Navia: wolverines

Sasha: spiders

Tazi: bees

Lizzie: fire ants

Zarlo: Zay

~~~~~~

Lucia: I have horse-like reflexes

Zarlo: don't you mean 'cat-like'?

Lucia: *kicks him in the jaw*

~~~~~~

Tazi: due to personal reasons, I will be sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box

Navia: Lizzie said "I love you" and you said "thanks", didn't you?

Tazi: the reasons are personal–

~~~~~~~

Sasha: happy birthday zay!

Sasha: how does it feel to be 9?

Zay: I'm 13...

Sasha: but... but...

Zay: really?

Sasha: you're so short!

~~~~~~

Navia: why would you give Tazi a knife?!

Zay: he felt unsafe?

Navia: well now I feel unsafe!

Zay: oh

Zay: would you like a knife?

~~~~~~

Navia: Zay stop! Violence is not the answer!

Zay: *stops* you're right

Navia: phew

Zay: it's the question

Navia: wait-

Zay: and the answer is YES!

Navia: nO-

~~~~~~

Zay: I didn't call you stupid

Sasha: yes you did

Zay: I didn't mean to, it's just—

Zay: when I asked you to spell orange, and you asked me "the fruit or the colour"

Zay: it caught me off guard

~~~~~~

Zarlo: do you want to get lunch?

Zay: oh, I already ate with Sasha, but what do you want?

Zarlo: loyalty

~~~~~~~~

Niko: did you know that kissing for one minute straight burns 2.6 calories?

Lucia:

Niko: wanna burn calories with me?

Lucia: are you calling me fat?!

~~~~~~

Sabien: I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

Sasha: I'll tell Navia

Sabien: wha-wait no

~~~~~~~

Zarlo, doing something completely and totally safe: if I die, at least I'll be doing something I love

Zay: which is?

Zarlo: dying

Zay, genuinely concerned: Zar—

~~~~~~~~~

Sabien: good morning Navia, you look gorgeous today

Navia: good morning Sab—

Sabien: hahahah April fools! You look gorgeous everyday

Navia:

~~~~~~~

some of these really hit different after the last book,,
yikes—